[Luna's reaction to the announcement and Haruka's subsequent death hadn't escaped Akira's notice, even if he had been. . . somewhat preoccupied (WITH STUPID AKECHI) beforehand. when he finally manages to pry himself away from the detective and calm the anger he feels boiling in his gut (reducing it to a mere simmer), he seeks her out]
[and finds her slumped in a chair in one of the hallways, looking oh-so worse for the wear]
[. . .]
Luna-san. . .?
[he approaches surprisingly slowly in a movement that is allllmost a limp, but not quite. despite the simmering anger, he keeps his voice even and calm]
[Her head is buzzing, buzzing, buzzingbuzzingbuzz--
She doesn't respond to his voice, only noting that he's even nearby by chance, catching a glimpse of him in her peripheral, seeing his lips move but nothing past the buzzingbuzzingscreeching--]
[she definitely seems so, so out of it, and on instinct Akira reaches out to rest his hand against her shoulder. it's a gesture meant to be comforting, because he doesn't know what else he can do]
[he wasn't able to stop anyone from being hurt. he wasn't even given the chance, what with the way the mysterious midnight sleep had clenched a hold of his consciousness, squeezed it out of him until he had slumped up against the pool table pocket, passed out just like a light]
[the lines of the pool table pocket are still visible on his cheek]
Me? I--
[his intent is to respond to her question, but. what winds up coming out instead is. . .]
[Two or three syllables of the whole mess of noise but she still sees his mouth move, and then his perplexed expression. Did... she say something wrong?]
Akira... I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about. Whatever you're saying, I... [can't do anythimg can't do anything you could have done something but you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING]
[ah. . . that's right. lost senses, and it seemed like Luna had lost her sense of hearing. Akira perks up a bit, before fishing out his HANDY DANDY NOTEBOOK from his pocket along with the aegean crayon]
[he places the tip of the crayon against the first sheet of lined paper and writes--]
[it takes a while for Akira to write his next response because it looks like he is. . . literally fighting with his hand, trying to make it write certain letters when all it wants to do is write THESE OTHER ONES that he DOESN'T WANT!!! he even grabs his wrist with his free hand, like he's going to force it to do what he wants, but--]
[fortunately, he nods his head easily at her request-- yes!! his name is Akira. and in the same motion he breathes out a sigh of relief and scribbles a new message on his notebook]
Sorry. I don't know what's happening, and I don't mean to be confusing.
That's really kind of you. I... think that might be a good idea for now.
...As for Haruka... [She swallows, her hands bunching into her skirt.] I don't know what any of us could have done. Even those of us with medical training would have had very little time to react, and we have very few supplies to assist with rescucitation in that sort of, um... emergency.
...
I don't know how Galo is taking it. I know he was trying to chase them down. I... imagine he's very angry.
[there's a long pause before Akira's next response, but that's because he's having a difficult time consolidating that hypothesis with what he knows about Peach and Plum and Pumpkin so far. they were scattered and secretive, sure. . . but he thought they were good people]
[he had gotten the impression they didn't want to be here. so. . .?]
I can't see any of the staff doing this themselves. But... perhaps they didn't have a choice but to, um... participate. [It's said matter-of-factly, but her whole demeanour shrinks in on itself at that idea.]
If that were the case, then I wonder if they would even let us ask any questions.
[Akira isn't sure what to think about that. part of him wants to give the girls the benefit of the doubt, especially since they've been kind (if sassy) to him]
[but the other part of him. . .]
[. . .]
I tried calling for them after they took Haruka-san away. None of them would answer.
Edited (HE DID NOT STOP WRITING I JUST SUCK) 2020-02-22 15:46 (UTC)
[he gives her a little bit of time to decompress-- to come to terms with the everything that had happened throughout the course of the day. but once Akira has soaked himself in the shower long enough to feel semi-clean again (it was not five hours but it was definitely at least an hour) he makes his way to Luna's room]
[and knocks gently]
[. . .]
[and then realizes she can't hear and slips a note under the door that just says:]
[ah. . . it's good enough, honestly. Akira can be content with this. he sits down next to the door and scrawls a response, before slipping the note back underneath the crack]
I think that's my question. Is there anything I can do for you?
One person has died, and another is going to die. From how things have been laid out, it sounds like this is going to continue. More people are going to be killed. And we will have to choose another life to emptily take in their place.
[he takes several long moments to read her message, to consider his reply, to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing he can say or do to make this better for her. all he can do is keep his chin up, keep his eyes facing forward, and wear his determination on his sleeve]
[if he keeps pushing-- if they keep pushing and fighting-- then perhaps. . .]
[. . . eventually, he slides his reply underneath the door]
If you can't bear it, then please understand there are people here you can lean on to help carry that weight with you.
This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this.
To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it.
I don't know if this is anything close to the same situation. But I don't want to see you be hurt or killed for breaking the rules of this place. Even if it's the right thing to do, if it gets you killed, then what good does it do for everyone else left behind?
I want to hope there's another way. I think, maybe, in an ideal situation, we could all work together.
I wanted to hope that the last time, too. I tried so hard.
[luna. . . every word he reads on her notes tugs at his heartstrings and sends his blood boiling at the same time. he wants to tell her everything will be okay. he wants to make everything okay. for her, and for everyone else in this stupid house]
I won't do anything reckless. I can only help if I'm alive, after all. If I died rebelling for the sake of rebelling, then my death wouldn't mean anything.
But I'm also going to do what I think is right and just.
And I think if we keep trying-- keep FIGHTING-- then maybe we CAN overcome this. All of us. Together.
[he's trying to be optimistic-- both for her sake and his-- but it probably sounds pretty flat when said to someone who saw the worst end of her first murder game]
No. You have nothing to apologize for. I understand how you're feeling. It's OKAY to feel that way.
You've done so much for everyone here already in just the short week we've been here. So in the moments where you're caught up in yourself and your own fears, that's when the people you've befriended will be there to help you.
[yanks at his heartstrings. possibly because he understands how that feels all too well. not because he was shy, but because making friends quickly was not something he usually did when he had never really had a place to belong until recently]
[he knows she can't hear him, but he calls out her name anyway, pressing his forehead against her door like he could somehow faze right through it to give her a much-deserved hug :(]
It's a thought experiment. I'll see if I can simplify it.
A group of five explorers sets off into an unknown cave. While exploring, the cave collapses, and they are completely unable to escape. They do have a radio, so while they are trapped, they learn that a rescue team has been established, but that the chances they will be rescued before they all starve to death is very, very slim.
They can either do nothing with an extremely high chance of death for at least one, if not all five, or they can eat one of their own and spare the other four lives.
They decide to do the latter, and toss die to determine who will be killed and eaten. The person who dies - let's call them H - is killed and eaten, and the other four are rescued several days after the incident. They are then immediately arrested when they are found to have committed cannibalism, and thus, face the death penalty for murder.
The experiment, therefore, proposes the following issue:
Are the four deserving of death for taking the life of H? Or does natural circumstance excuse them of their actions and allow them clemency?
[Akira takes time with his response, but once he slips it under the door, it is well thought out]
No. They don't deserve to die for taking H's life. They did what they had to do in order to survive; how can anyone blame them for that? And presumably, if they all rolled the dice, then H also agreed to those terms knowing full well that the could have been the one chosen to die.
But. . . that said, it's a complicated situation.
You didn't ask this, but let's say H left his family behind. Would they have the right to be upset about what had happened? Would they have the right to seek out justice for what happened?
I think the answer to that is "yes," too.
The world doesn't exist in a vacuum. Every action taken affects someone. And while those actions may seem "right" for the sake of survival, and while we can't blame anyone for taking actions to ensure their survival. . . we can still hold them responsible for understanding the gravity of what they've done. And I still think it's okay to strive to make decisions that DON'T hurt someone else, even if it lessens or lowers the chance of survival.
If we knew more details, then yes, it becomes more nuanced. But the experiment exists with that limited knowledge for a reason.
It's normally used to argue the different effects between personal law and natural law in regards to the normal regulations of a judicial system. But I think it's something that reminds me of our current situation, I suppose.
If we knew more details about Haruka, or about Nikki, or about what circumstances led one to kill the other, would that have made the decisions we made more difficult? I think so, yes. But with the limited information we had available, we had to sort out what was right with what we knew, and only what we knew.
Does Nikki deserve death for taking the like of Haruka? Or does natural circumstance excuse her of her actions and allow her mercy?
[again, his reply takes some time. mostly because he isn't sure he likes simplifying the issue to natural law versus personal law. in his experience. . . nothing is ever that simple. justice is a mult-faceted monster, and even if you do what you believe in-- fight for what you believe is right-- you still have to consider your actions from all angles]
[that's how he took responsibility as a phantom thief. that was how he kept himself from going too far while he and his team played with the hearts of the wicked]
I don't think the situation with Haruka-san and Nikki-san can be broken down to something that simple. There's just too much going on in all direcitons. But personally?
I believe Nikki-san deserved mercy.
[it's actually why he held his hand out to her once they figured out she was the culprit]
But considering the state she was in by the end of the trial, what counts as mercy? Keeping her alive but imprisoned as she slowly loses her mind, her sense of self? Or. . .
How you've answered my questions has been more than enough proof for me.
Yes.
Perhaps it's not the most logical answer, or the one that would make the most sense in the line of what we've talked about. But she's still a human, isn't she?
I don't know why she did what she did. I don't know if she was even herself anymore. But I still don't want her to die.
[and he means that. despite him questioning what "mercy" is. . . he means that with every inch of him]
Haruka-san's death was already bad enough.
[and while he had voted for Nikki knowing that he had no other choice. . . he wish that things had been different. that they had the option to save her, to cure her, to give her back her mind and stop her from killing again without having to execute her to accomplish this]
[. . . that doesn't surprise him. he doubts she was the only one, too. especially considering how Galo and Lio and Isaac were reacting. but there's no judgment in his next question]
I'm sorry to be talking to you like this. Slipping notes under a door when I know you're sitting right there. I just don't think it's wise for me to try and speak right now. I'll be okay. Give me some time to stabilize myself, okay? I just need to be alone for a little while.
Have a good evening and please, try to get some rest.
[with that. . . he waits a few minutes more to see if she replies. and if she doesn't, or only sends him another note saying good bye, he pushes himself to his feet and gently presses his hand against her door. he lingers for a few seconds, before pulling away and heading back to his room]
[it turns out, once you sleep for. . . say, eight hours??? you really, really don't feel like sleeping anymore]
[Akira meanders throughout the mansion after the trial, drifting from room to room idly and almost on autopilot, like he isn't really paying attention to where his feet are taking him. nothing about what happened at that trial felt right. . . and he can't shake the sinking sensation he feels in the pits of his stomach]
[by chance (or subconscious desire??) he finds himself outside, wandering towards the garden. and when he gets there?]
Luna--
[he sees her, and he lets out an exhale of relief before approaching]
[there's a pause, and then. . . he continues forward until he's at her side, crouched in the dirt, hand extended but not yet reaching out to touch her]
[Give her another minute because wow she still isn't responding look at that.
Now that he's closer, it's obvious to see there's tears streaming down her face as she chokes, her hands curled up tight against her face. But her eyes are dull from behind her fingers, an almost tinny quality that hurts the ears whenever her breath catches, like the scrape of a nail echoing through a can.]
[he hears those noises, he recalls the questions others had during the trial when they had checked people's mouths, but. . . none of that is important right now. the only thing that is important is that his friend is mourning, and he feels like crying a little himself just by watching her]
[his hand comes to rest against her upper arm gently. the touch is light enough that she could shrug him off if she wanted to]
There's an acknowledgement, a shift in her breathing, the slight tilt of her head, to let him know that she feels that touch.
But the tears don't stop. They don't stop, and she's practically doubled over on herself, to the point when she finally opens her mouth to speak, it's as if she might have lost her voice.
She doesn't dare look up. With a swallow, she chokes, tries to catch her breath...
...]
A-Aķ̵͇͎͕̘͎̠̟͚̯͕͒̊̉͠ͅi̸̇͛̎͘͠ra...
[It's barely a whisper, rough and stuttering and heartbroken, the noise cracking like a record skipping off the track.]
[with that permission, he rocks forward to wrap his arms tightly around her shoulders. it's a bit of an awkward hug, what with the angle being what it is, but he leans into it nevertheless, clinging to her as tightly as he can]
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
[another squeeze, and the way her voice cracks and skips is very telling but also doesn't matter, because regardless of what Luna might be she is still Luna and the details of her existence are so unimportant when she's still and always will be Luna]
I'm so sorry. I wish I could have. . . I wish--
[he wishes he wouldn't have slept for eight hours. he wishes he had been able to find the real person responsible. he wishes. . .]
[he wishes Asch hadn't taken the fall, and that there was some way to make things better]
[He hugs her, the warmth of his body against her back, and somehow it just makes everything hurt worse. But she leans back into the awkward embrace, letting her body language crumple as she tries to take back control of her voice.]
I c... I c̷̦̣̞̀̑͐an't see more people die, Akira... I-I don't know what to do... I... [Another sharp intake of breath.]
[She just shakes her head, back and forth and back again, pressing her arms tight to her chest and gripping at her clothes.
Guess we're gonna sit here and CRY and be a stuttering mess between the two of us for another couple minutes.
...
Eventually, her volume will lower, her crying reduced to the shuddering in and out of her breath. Only then will she try to turn her weight to face Akira properly.
[he shifts to hug her properly when she turns into him, hand running up and down her back in what he hopes are soothing gestures. he feels like he has so much to say and yet nothing to say at all, and the awkward jumble of words and not-words renders him silent]
[he won't pull away, won't speak, won't do anything but crouch here and cling until Luna is finished letting it all out]
[It takes a couple minutes. At one point, Akira might swear she's gone limp under his hands, her breathing shuddering to a halt with her body just complete dead weight for just a few seconds. But she'll start violently as though she's trying to keep herself awake, shaking her head and pressing a hand to her eyes.
At least now, her voice is back its normal self.]
I-I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to see me like this...
[for the brief moment she goes limp in his arms, Akira feels his heart rate spike with panic. but she's moving again seconds later, and he exhales a deep breath of relief as his grip on her tightens]
What? No, no. Luna, it's okay.
If you need to let it out. . . then you need to let it out.
Don't hold back because you think yourself a burden.
N-no... no, it's not that. Please don't misunderstand.
I...
...
I wish I could explain in a way that made sense. I... everything. This place, the trials, everything that's happened with Asch, and now this, I...
[She doesn't know what to do. She's never, ever been so overwhelmed with choices that are impossible to make, and she feels parts of her just barely straining to hold themselves together.]
[a few blinks, and Akira pulls away, hands still resting on Luna's shoulders as he stares at her like he has no idea what she means]
[(because he doesn't)]
Punishment?
[the word is uttered equal parts bewildered and aghast, as though the idea of this entire experience being a punishment for some perceived sin is offensive in and of itself]
[he practically hisses the word between clenched teeth, his gaze narrowing. that sure does hit on a bunch of his buttons about loss of agency and freedom]
Disobedience. . . from who? You're not being punished, Luna. You don't deserve this. . .!
[She takes in another breath, fully expecting him to argue back. But there's a sudden stillness to her voice, as though something has internally switched to match his flare of temper.]
Do you remember what my profile said, out in the ballroom?
[he feels his gut boiling, anger running through his veins like fire. he wants to scream and yell and shake her until she understands-- you don't deserve this. he wants to yank out the heart of whoever made her believe that she does. . . tear them down into pieces, and step on each shard with his heel as he grinds them into the ground]
Does it matter? Those profiles exist to make fun of us. To paint us in the worst light possible, without any regard for who we really are.
. . . I don't care who you disobeyed. I don't care what they might think about what you deserve. I don't-- [a shaky breath, and he just. . . comes out and says it, without even really knowing the full meaning of his words]
I don't care if you're not even human, Luna.
[that's what everything has been pointing to, right? the oddities with her mouth, the strange noises she makes, the way her voice skips and jumps and cracks. he doesn't know what she might be, but he thinks. . . he suspects. . . that she has never been human at all]
[There's an emotional break, a twisting inside her that hurts. But it's as she suspected. Either he doesn't understand... or he refuses to understand.
That stillness in her voice goes even further, a sharp and almost horrific contrast to how she had been minutes ago, almost a mockery of how her face is still stained with the wet trail of tears.]
"This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this.
To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it."
...
Akira. The last time I was awake, before arriving here, ten participants had been trapped in a building together. They were forced to solve puzzles and then vote against one another in an attempt to escape their circumstances.
By the end... only two had escaped, and only one of them was conscious. One participant had been left behind.
No. I wasn't. I suppose I could have been, if things had been different, but...
[She shakes her head before finishing that statement. That was getting a little off topic.]
When some of the participants started dying, a handful of people had done investigations on their own. By the end of the game, there was a large amount of evidence to conclude that six of the ten people had been murdered... not by the game, but by another person. The people who came to that conclusion were the conscious escapee and the one participant who was left behind.
[Time for math with Luna, because figuring things out for yourself is important.]
There were ten participants. By the end of the game, seven of them died, two escaped, and one was left behind.
Per evidence found before the escape, six of the dead participants were dead due to murder. The seventh participant was the unconscious escapee. The eighth was the conscious escapee. The ninth was the participant who was left behind.
What happened to the tenth participant, according to the information I have given you?
[something is missing. it takes him a while to figure it out, a few moments of silence where he goes over the numbers again. ten participants, seven dead, six murdered, two escaped, one left behind--]
[-- it comes to him in a flash of lightning, but even so, thinking it doesn't feel right. not when compared to the Luna he knows. he opens his mouth. . . shuts it again. takes a moment to search for his words]
[. . .]
Are. . . are you trying to tell me that you were responsible for the deaths of those six?
According to all of the evidence... I was the guilty party, yes.
Whether that was true or not wasn't debated. It was the only option they had, and I wasn't in a position where I could deny my guilt. So I was abandoned in the facility with the one remaining participant... and shortly afterwards, I was killed by the facilitator as a result of my decisions.
[. . . he still doesn't pull away from her, his fingers tightening around her shoulders. not painfully so, but it's absolutely a slightly uncomfortable grip]
"According to all of the evidence" doesn't mean it was true.
[There's a quiet tone, a touched but broken flutter in what had otherwise turned into a mechanical rambling.
...]
I knew about the game.
I wasn't the orchestrator, of course. But I worked alongside them. I was specific given orders to participate. I was to pretend to be one of the players, to help them choose the correct path of decison making, and to do or act a specific way, should... different circumstances arise.
I... I just sat and... watched all six people die. And the worst thing is... I could have stopped them. All of them. But I...
[he's gone from grasping her shoulders to holding her hand now, his grip just as tight, though he's doing his best not to hurt her in the process. as she tells him about what happened, no part of him is judgmental about her story. and when he finally speaks. . . he's more curious than upset or angry or disappointed]
It's a set of fictional rules created by Isaac Asimov that he used in many of his science fiction stories through the mid 1900's and turn of the millenium. It's since become a foundation for reliable, safe forms of advanced artificial intelligence.
A robot without the Three Laws is just a bunch of metal and plastic. Like a toaster or an automobile. To behave erratically makes a machine more likely to be dangerous.
. . . [he isn't sure he likes where this is going]
You are.
[but the rules are fictional, he thinks. so why would you bring them up? these thoughts he doesn't yet say aloud, but depending on what she says next. . . he might]
[. . . his gaze narrows when she discusses the second law, because!! don't like that!! she can read it on his features, his distaste at the idea of someone else having so much control over her agency]
. . . are you saying that you have to follow those rules, Luna? Or that someone told you that you do?
[she doesn't even need to say the word "I am a robot." he has already figured it out. and it still doesn't change his opinion on her]
[Mm, yeah, she figures he's realized it by now. It's so casual in how he addresses it, that... he reminds her of a very young Sigma, in a way. It's nostalgic in a way that makes her ache deep down.
...]
Both, I suppose. The former is the more thorough answer, though. It's an inherent part of modern AI programming, just like any other type of code of the past.
...Well, um... "modern" in my case, anyway. You said on our first day here that it was only within the first decade of the 21st century in your last memory, correct?
You asked why it was that I could allow so many people to die, right? I was under orders not to intervene. On top of that, I was not the only AI in the facility. There were only a few of us active during the game, and we shared the same computer, but... how should I put this...
I had less authority over what I could do and see. Part of this was to make me seem, um, believable. But part of it was to make sure the most prominent AI could facilitate the entire project properly, without other prograns interfering. So... if he wanted to turn my body off, or shut down a part of my memory... well, I didn't really have a choice.
[he gives her hand a squeeze in return. is it okay, Luna!! is it!!]
. . . you make it sound like you were practically blackmailed. Forced into it, without any option to refuse.
[how else was he supposed to interpret her being an AI programmed to follow certain rules, with the threat of being shut down hanging over her head if she didn't cooperate?]
It wasn't what I enjoyed or thought was wise. But... it wasn't blackmail.
[She's gettin there!!!]
Originally, my job called for me to be dead. Not, um... not actually dead, of course. But another player had attacked me in a way that any normal human could not survive. The main AI turned my body off completely at that point. All I was supposed to do was... watch whatever else might happen.
[There's an odd turn to her voice, breathy and hard to make out the emotion.]
I disobeyed my orders. I found the mainframe where the main AI, Zero Junior, was kept... and I hacked it.
I turned my body back on by myself and disabled Zero Junior's processes temporarily, just so I could try to save the only ones who were left. I... I knew I wasn't supposed to... and that disobedience would mean I... would be deactivated.
But... I was faulty.
...
The worst part is, that... if I had wanted to... I could have done that at any time. I could have said no from the very beginning... [She hasn't realized that she's started crying again, the tears flowing against her will.] I... I could have saved all of them. But I-I was so scared...
[there's a slight crack in his voice when he says her name this time. and maybe it's the tears, or the entire story itself, and the way it kills him to know that she went through so much only to be brought to this god-forsaken mansion, but he does feel something break inside]
[but he hugs her again, this embrace just as tight as the last. he doesn't know what to say about all of that. he told her before his thoughts on those who act to protect themselves-- that it was understandable and something that could not be punished. those thoughts remain true right now, even though he can already tell the guilt of her not acting sooner is something that weighs on her shoulders]
[. . .]
[what a shitty world this is, when good people like her are forced to make horrible, painful choices]
[There's a broken sob as Akira wraps his arms back around her. No, no, it's so familiar, so much like her final memory of Sigma in the garden as her entire body fell apart...]
I... I broke the First Law... Six innocent people died, and I did nothing...
I... I deserve this.
[To be stuck somewhere where all she can do is watch while more innocents die...
[. . . despite everything, he believes that. he, who also believes in doing everything possible to help other people, regardless of the cost or consequences, finds that he's unable and unwilling to judge her for the actions she took. he can only imagine how complicated Luna's feelings had been at the time. how painful it had been to watch, to want to help, while all the while fearing death. maybe. . . maybe it would've been better overall for her to act earlier, but--]
[she still acted. right? in some capacity. . . she still acted]
[and here, she acts. she doesn't just sit around and watch. she rushes to the aid of others as soon as they call her. those aren't the actions of someone who deserves to live through this hell]
I still believe that. I really do. You don't deserve this-- no matter what happened back then, you just. . . you don't.
[She doesn't try to argue any further. The fact that she's said all she can, and that he still is determined to tell her that she doesn't deserve to be punished... despite now knowing what she is, what she's done... It's her last memory all over again, fresh and raw and sorrowful, a name choking out onto her fingers.]
Sigma...
[Except this time, she isn't fading into nothing. She's still here, still aware, still weeping into the arms of a young man she barely has started to know... and still completely, utterly powerless to stop her circumstances.
She'll lean into Akira's hold, silent outside her shuddering sobs. She doesn't know what else to do.]
[he doesn't know who Sigma is, but that isn't a question for now. he can tell that she still has so many pent up emotions, so much she needs to let out, especially in the wake of her sorrow over Asch. he can ask that later, once she's managed to pull herself together again]
[. . .]
[he wishes there was something he could do]
[he wishes he could take all of her pain and make it go away]
[he wishes he could stop Asch from dying tomorrow]
[he wishes he could stop people from turning into monsters and killing each othe]r
[he wishes. . .]
[he wishes he weren't so helpless]
Hey. . . it's okay.
[as he holds onto her, he makes sure to run his hand up and down her back, a gesture meant to be soothing]
It's okay. I'm still here. And I always will be.
[Akira may not be one to make friends so easily, to open up to others when his boundaries are usually so closed off, but he can't deny that how he feels for Luna is similar to how quickly he had bonded with his Phantom Thieves]
YOU BETTER NOT JINX THIS BC IF HE DIES NOW WOW BOY BAD BAD BAD BAD
[he guides her away from the ballroom and up the stairwell, until they're in the music room. it's soothing in here, he thinks. . . a good place to discuss the things that happened on Tuesday evening]
[and the first thing he does when they get there? he turns around to face her, unwinds the cloth from around his arm, and shows her. . . nothing]
[his arm is fine. there's nothing visibly wrong with it??? no injures. . . nothing]
Have you been having weird emotional connections with people this week, Luna?
A creeping dread grabs at your bones. You know what's coming. You fear it. You can feel the sparks on the edges of your mind, like the grinding of metal on stone. It doesn't hurt. But it doesn't belong. It's hard to think. It's hard to breathe.
And then the names are read.
And everything goes R̴̢̡̗̥̖͉͙͚͎̲̦̒̓͛̍͐́͗̒̄̉͠Ȩ̷̧̫̪͚͕͉̲͖̣͕͙͒̍ͅD̷̨̧̘͕̭̱̣̻̙̪̗̞̗̈́̅̈͑́͝
[. . . there is only one person he knows who has feelings that echo so painfully, whose feelings are so raw and distorted and almost unintelligible. he would know; he felt them the other day, when he stumbled upon Luna and Akechi passed out in Akechi's room]
[he gives it some time. but eventually? he makes his way to Luna's room. . . and gently knocks on the door]
[he tries for a while!! but when it's clear no one is going to answer, he will just. . . wander the mansion until he can find her, probably. first place to check?]
[and by delicious I mean. . . it's filled with the scent of hot, simmering curry spice! and that's because someone has decided to calm himself down by making himself some afternoon comfort curry, the coffee isn't a surprise; he's been downing that all week, thanks to the no-sleep motive effects. but curry? this is the first time he's made it since coming to his mansion. he hopes Peach's supply of spices will suffice]
[and that's where Luna will find Akira, should she be searching for him! standing over the kitchen stove, stirring a stainless steel pot full of curry. a bit absentmindedly, but hey. can she blame him?]
[She's been absent since the failed execution, mostly to give those close to Hunter some space. But once she's had the space to recollect herself, she pulls her hair back up in its original braided state, finally taking the time to change.
She has a few people she needs to find... and Akira is one of them. She can't detect the smells, unfortunately, but she knows the feeling of a hot kitchen, enough to give her pause through the dining room. A detour, then.
...
Her voice stays soft as she approaches, not wanting to distract him.]
[her voice is enough to startle him out of his thoughts, though gentle enough not to make him jump. with a thoughtful noise he looks up from the pot, immediately straightening when he sees it's her]
Oh, Luna--
[right. . . he hadn't had the chance to speak with her since that incident with Akechi, had he? or the incident on Friday morning. and she had looked pretty rough at the trial, too]
[quickly, he taps his spoon against the side of the pot, before puling away to approach her, gaze flickering across her form]
... I'm as okay as I can be, I think. Very, very relieved. Though... I, um... I suppose I have far more questions than I should.
[There's a pause, as though she's hesitant to add to her statement. But she shakes her head, instead letting her eyes look at the huge pot of whatever the world that is on the stove, then back to him, her brows slightly furrowed.]
...Is everything okay? I might have gotten the wrong idea, but... that the situation with Hunter was really hard for you, wasn't it?
[. . . ah. she isn't the first person to point this out to him. was it that obvious? was it that obvious how difficult it was for him to vote for and potentially condemn a close friend-- someone he has relied upon since day one-- to death?]
It-- [a breath, and he pulls up a lopsided, tired smile] -- I did what needed to be done.
[Her smile is apologetic as she shakes her head, moving to pull the chair over to better watch what he is doing.]
I'm battery operated, so... it's not necessary, I'm afraid. I wouldn't really be able to taste or consume it, regardless.
... I like the way a busy kitchen gets so... warm, though. Like a cloud of sunlight blossoming in a room. I like to imagine that the smells and tastes are like that warm feeling. That it's something comforting.
[she might not be able to smell the food or taste the curry, but her description of the kitchen resonates with Akira anyway. he finds himself smiling, albeit softly, as he returns to his pot of curry. some part of him suddenly feels extremely homesick]
The curry I'm making. . . it's a family recipe.
[ah. . .?]
The man I lived with-- my guardian-- he taught it to me. It was something he cooked because it was his daughter's favorite recipe. Her mother was the one who created it.
[a breath]
Every time I smell it, or taste it, or make it myself, it reminds me of home.
[being the first to discover that Akira was living in a cafe attic with a guardian also meant that Luna was the first in the mansion to ask Akira about his parents. it takes him off guard, evident by the way that he pauses in stirring his curry. evident in the way his expression falls, a barely notable downward tilt of his lips]
[. . .]
[his tone is even. nonchalant, almost. like it's not a big deal]
They're alive.
[that's not saying much, though]
They sent me to live with Sojiro for a year. I haven't heard from them since I moved to Tokyo, but--
Whatever she thought he might say, that... wasn't exactly what she was picturing? This is the first time she's really seen his demeanour fall outside the topic of a death, oddly vulnerable and walled off at the same time.
...
She knows it's not a wise idea to press too hard. Not with that shift in his mood. But... wouldn't it be better than leaving something unspoken?]
...
Can I ask what happened?
It... sounds like you almost didn't have a choice. Why?
[it's not exactly something he's eager to talk about, but he isn't actively trying to hide it, either. well. . . at least, not from her. not from someone who has already shared so much about her own past with him]
[it's his turn, isn't it?]
That's because I didn't. A court of law made the choice for me.
[his back is still towards her as he speaks, gaze focused on the curry]
I was sent to live with Sojiro as part of my probation for my aggravated assault conviction.
[stares at this curry forever?? what if he never looks up???]
[also his profile says professional thief, plz]
I tried to stop a drunk man from harassing a woman on the streets at night. I touched his shoulder. . . he fell and injured himself.
He turned out to be a powerful politician, and he threatened the woman to lie to the police about what had happened. She said I had attacked him for no reason, and I was arrested on the spot.
After that. . . he used his connections to have me convicted of assault.
[Luna is deep in thought when she wanders into the museum in the late morning, her notebook in hand. Though she takes a glance up at the artifacts from time to time, it's clear it's not what's on her mind, carefully flipping through the pages with a look of tired concentration.
[Akira spent most of his day here yesterday what he is doing back in the museum. . . but anyway, he is too busy focusing on the ouija board (STILL) that he doesn't notice Luna when she enters!]
[and so she bumps into him pretty solidly, sending him stumbling forward a few steps with a surprised yelp. he spins on his heel to face her, an apology ready on his tongue--]
Her breath catches with a startled little choke as she runs right into him. Her notebook hits the floor and slides who knows where goodbye her poor notebook]
Akira...! I-I'm so sorry, I... I wasn't paying enough attention... Are you okay--
[he starts once, gaze flickering back up to her face (he was staring at her dress), very light color appearing on his cheeks. but it's gone in an instant as he catches himself, and he holds both hands up, palms forward in an apologetic gesture]
[W...what was he staring at? Was there something wrong? Why was he blushing???? Aaaaaaaa...
Her eyes fall to the floor with a shy and flustered exhale of breath, a little more self conscious than she'd like to be, a hand shakily brushing stray hair out of her face.]
N-no, I... it's okay. I was so caught up anyway, I... I don't have any room to argue.
...
You're usually so observant... what in the world are you looking at that took all your attention?
[ah. . . well, now that she mentions it. Akira lowers his hands, gaze flickering towards the ouija board]
This whole place sort of gives me the creeps. [he can't shake the feeling that the objects in this museum feel like trophies] But I was looking at this ouija board.
[by now he has figured out that it can contact dead people, so. of course he is standing near it, considering which dead people to attempt to reach out to]
[unfortunately Akira would tell her RIGHT HERE AND NOW what it's for, so in order to avoid retcons we have a convenient memory to share!!]
[Akira nods, then turns towards Luna, opening his mouth to respond. but before he can, he feels a memory creeping its way to the front of his mind, dancing on the tip of his brain, suddenly appearing in his vision like a movie]
[Luna sees it, too. from 5:34 to 14:44. it begins with something exciting; a thief racing through a lavish casino to escape the authorities]
[and it ends with Akira's arrest and his mistreatment at the hands of the detectives who took him in]
[and when it ends, Akira jerks back quite suddenly, hand pressed against his temple and eyes wide as he tries to make sense of what just happened]
It's like watching a car crash in slow motion. First it's confusing, almost fantastical in the shift rome reality to the view another, fleeing the authorities, mind racing with emotions that are not hers. He's caught. He's cuffed. He's beaten. Why doesn't he defend himself...? What... what did he DO? Why doesn't he know??
She stumbles against one of the artifact cases, a hand to her mouth as glassy eyes look right towards Akira, imagining him bruised and drugged and struggling for breath and doing nothing to stop it.]
[and just like that, the memory is gone again, and reality resurfaces around him. . . and all it takes is one look at Luna bracing herself against one of the cases, staring at him with a distant and confused expression, for him to know what happened]
Shit--
[but his first thought isn't about himself, nevermind that the house has decided to share this memory with literally everyone he's spoken to. it's for her, because nobody should have to relive the hell he went through on November 20]
Sorry, I'm-- sorry, I didn't mean to. . . are you okay?
[he reaches out to her, hand extended towards her shoulder, as though trying to steady her or comfort her or something]
[Her normal reaction, to try and tell him she was ok, to calmly talk - it's muted, drowned out by the memory of being hurt, of HIM being hurt...
There's a break in her expression, torn apart, reaching her hand out to brush against his face with shaking fingers, where she knew had once been bruises and blood, as though it might help her remember that he's whole and fine where he stands.]
Why... [She hurts... but it's clearly for him, in a fog of confusion that screams at how wrong that memory is, even as it burns into her mind, her voice choking quietly.] W-why didn't you say anything...
[Akira freezes the moment her fingers touch his cheeks, as though such gentle care and affection was foreign to him. he neither leans into her nor pulls away, caught frozen in stasis, unsure of how he should react. his uncertainty is clear in his expression-- in the way he stares at her, wide-eyed and a bit bewildered, a bit confused. it's certainly not unwelcome, the way she frets over him, the way her fingers ghost over bruises that had long since healed, but it's not. . . typical]
[. . . it's a little warm, actually. warm in a way he can't describe. kind of like. . . the warmth he felt when he had found his home with the Phantom Thieves]
[when he speaks, his voice is weak and a little breathless]
. . . what would I have even said?
[like, really!!]
All that would've done is give them more of a reason to lash out at me.
[Akira doesn't like staying quiet, but even his defiant self knows better than to make things worse for himself in an already shitty situation]
[Except she knows it's likely not that simple. It shows in the utter lack of bite in her tone, not a blame but an unspoken question, her fingers curling against his skin to loosly rest the knuckles against his jawline, face a flurry of conflicting emotions.]
All those things they blamed you for... they couldn't be what you... y-you...
...
Plesse tell me you had a reason. Anything.
[She had seen how he moved, how he ran through the window as though he never wanted to get caught. But... ]
[his face twists at that, brows furrowed and gaze narrowed unpleasantly, a bitter edge to the curl of his lips. she should understand why. . . based solely on their conversation from Sunday]
People like that don't care about the truth.
[it somehow comes out both bland and bitter all at once, a brief resurfacing of the feelings he tended to keep buried underneath layers of collected calm. of lighthearted teasing]
They only care about their own selfishness. About stepping on those who get in their way.
They already knew the truth. They just didn't give a shit about it.
[he'll answer her other question in a moment, he just. . . has to address that part, first]
Ah. That tone is a little familiar. Her touch warily lowers from his face, instead moving to take the hand that he had rested against her shoulder, coaxing the grip off enough to, instead, rest in her palm.]
You... really have been hurt deeply by that part of the world, haven't you?
...
I'm sorry. It seems so unlike you to simply let something like that go with someone else... so I... I'm surprised.
[that gets his expression to soften, gaze flickering down to her hand and the way it is pressed against his own. on instinct. . . his fingers curl around hers, grip loose. when he looks up. . . he has calmed down]
I have.
[god, hasn't he. and it's the reason he tries so hard to make the world better, isn't it?]
And I wasn't letting it go. [even if it seemed like he was] . . . when I got arrested that time, it was on purpose. I needed to be arrested in order to draw out my enemies.
I needed to figure out who owned those cops so I could go after them directly.
Ill give akira another tag or so and then u can suffer
You played stubborn so that you could get to a point of possible escalation, for... the sake of a lead? For personal justice?
[There's a hint of something unpleasant in the implication. To pursue another with a just intent was one thing, but... how easily that could turn into a harmful or murderous intent, an antithesis of her entire being.]
[there's no hesitation in his response, and it's delivered firmly and honestly]
It was.
[fortunately for Luna? Akira's ideals were so fixed that his desire for justice never dipped into something murderous, something unpleasant or opposed to his own entire being. but it isn't as though she would know that. . . after all, he still has yet to tell her about his exploits as a phantom thief]
[. . .]
[maybe it's about time he did]
I can tell you the whole story. It's-- long.
But it'll explain everything.
[including why Akechi had tried to kill him oh-so long ago]
Your interrogator mentioned stealing hearts, correct? I imagine that isn't a, um, literal sense.
...
Could it be that you--
[She suddenly cuts off, an odd loss for words as her mind suddenly turns elsewhere of its own accord, taking Akira's internal view with it. A memory crawls up from 19:16 - 23:28, obedience fighting with an unignorable desire to help instead of harm... and feeling the horrible grip of shame, of helplessness, of fear, all while you do precisely as you are expected. As you are programmed.
...
Luna's gaze instantly falls to the floor, withdrawing her touch as though she thinks she might hurt him with the contact. At least, of all people to see this memory... it was someone that already knew her side of it. But Akane's words so fresh in her mind stings, and it shows on her face.]
[he doesn't know what she's trying to ask. he doesn't learn, either. . . because before she can finish her question, his mind is yanked out of the present and into a world far, far away from his own]
[. . .]
[this memory would be more shocking if Akira wasn't already aware of what Luna was, of what she had been doing before being dragged into the mansion. the struggle between Luna's true desires and the old woman's orders is so crisp and clear that Akira feels Luna's pain, her loss of agency, her inability to do what she wanted to do and help as though it were his own]
[. . .]
[she draws her hand back. . . and he reaches for it immediately, grip tight]
Shit.
[that curse is not at all directed at Luna. and the way his eyes flash underneath his glasses, fire dancing in his irises, says everything that needs to be said about his opinions on the elderly Akane]
[The profanity isn't for her. Logically, she can parse it out. But she still flinches bodily, her body language practically crumpling between Akira and the fixture behind her.
She doesn't pull her hand back... but it shakes noticeably under Akira's fingers.]
...
Please don't.
This is just how things are.
[Her voice is distant and small. How she wishes it were not the case.]
[. . . in this moment, she reminds him so, so much of himself. of how he was immediately preceding his unfair arrest and rigged conviction. she reminds him of every reason he stepped into Joker's persona, leather jacket and red gloves and white mask his only weapons against an unfair world]
. . .
At one point in my life, I had said that, too.
[he says quietly, wrangling the anger in his gut to a more manageable level. he doesn't wish to startle her again]
[so long as she doesn't pull away, his grip on her hand remains]
[. . . oh no. are there tears? because they wrench at Akira's heart violently, forming a lump in his throat and a certain tightness in his chest that makes him want to yank out the heart of every nasty person who has made Luna's life miserable up until now]
[carefully (and with some hesitation), he reaches up to brush his thumb against her cheek to wipe away any tears. he doesn't guide her to look at him, though. . . not yet]
You are a person, Luna.
[he says that quietly, but with a sort of affirmation that makes it clear he believes what he's saying. that makes it clear he'd fight anyone who disagreed]
You think and feel and heart and mourn just like the rest of us. It doesn't matter what your body does, or what your programming says or tells you to do. You're a person.
And people who take advantage of your biological makeup to make you feel and treat you as otherwise-- [or non-biological, as it is] -- are nothing but scum.
[Her face twists, a deep and wrenching hurt. But she doesn't shake his touch away, starting slightly when she feels his fingers against her face. What... what is he...
...
She can't help it. She leans hesitantly into the touch, the comfort needed even as her tears keep coming, an unravelling in her that's hard to contain. Had... had anyone ever treated her like a person? Sigma had tried. But the distance was always still there, vast and unignorable.]
I'm a machine... H-how could you think that about a machine? Why would you...
[stop stop, don't look at him like that, he doesn't know what to do or say or anything to make her understand that he doesn't care about what she's made of, about her origins, about how she came to be.]
[he just cares that she is, and the fact that she is means she deserves. isn't that enough. . .?]
You've worked harder than anyone else here to make sure that everyone is healthy and well-taken care of. And I could feel it in that memory-- your desire to protect, to follow your own path, to be yourself.
If I can't trust someone like that, then who can I trust?
[That feeling only twists harder. It doesn't make any logical sense. And yet...
...
Her tears don't stop. But she's nodding, a hesitant motion at first, then repeated as she screws her eyes shut, pressing her free hand to her eyes.
She shudders for breath... but there's a smile on her face, fighting against the tears, even as she nods once more. He trusts her. He trusts her. Even if it should matter for her... for him, it doesn't. And her heart feels full to bursting trying to accept it.]
[better, he thinks. her smile is so much brighter than her tears]
[there isn't really much else he can say. Akira has never been great with words, although he always tries. and when he doesn't have the words, he has always been the type to allow his actions to speak for him]
[and so. . . with that, he drops his hand from her cheek, leans forward, and draws her into a warm, encompassing hug]
[She won't hug back, considering both her hands are working on trying to clean off her face, quietly apologizing for the mess. But she easily leans into his hold once she realizes what he's doing. There's a nervous sort of laugh as she accepts the embrace, a sigh on the release of breath.]
T-that... that was such horrible timing during something so important... I... [She swallows, wiping her eyes once more.]
M-maybe I... I can hope you won't steal my heart for the oversight...
[It's weak, but still an attempt at a segue, the corners of her mouth tired but still lifted, an apology in its delicacy.]
[. . . the timing was bad, yeah. and it was a heavy conversation, one that still leaves some lingering discontent in Akira's gut every time he thinks about that woman and how she had treated Luna as less than a person. but her commentary lightens his heart a bit, and he can't help but let out a breathless laugh, body shaking slightly with each chortle]
[his response is light, and he isn't yet pulling away from the hug]
[Mmm. This feels... nice. She wouldn't mind this for a little longer. But she doesn't want to keep him from what he was trying to explain, especially over something so important.]
...Could... you tell me more about what happened? About the hearts?
I... I would like to understand why you did what you did.
[he lets out a breathless noise, something that almost sounds like a laugh]
It is metaphorical. Sort of.
[SORT OF]
Where I come from, there's a world that runs parallel to our own. We call that world the "Metaverse," and it's built from the cognitions and perceptions of society at large.
[he stops there to let her absorb that information, because it's the basis for everything he is about to say next]
[Luna is better at quickly understanding strange concepts than Akira is!1]
Ah. . . yeah, that's exactly right.
[he's getting serious Makoto vibes here]
Let's say that someone in the real world had extremely distorted desires, like they believe they were the king of a castle, with the castle being the school at which they taught. They treated everyone within the school like their personal slaves and were all around an extremely shitty person.
["hypothetically speaking"]
In the Metaverse, the school building would instead appear as a castle because the entire location would be distorted by the real world person's perceptions.
I think so. Would it only be certain people whose perceptions changed an entire building like that? A school contains so many people... in that example, would the, um... "king" have been someone in notable standing in the real world?
[. . . dang, she's really good at this. but hey, she is a doctor! so that's fair]
That's right. He was a highly respected and well-known teacher at the school. And that was probably the source of his distorted desires in the first place.
[fame goes to people's heads. . . and all that jazz]
[She's doing her rounds, given the sheer amount of people that have been hurt. Even with the healing item from Brilith taking care of what remained of Akira's leg, Luna still checks up on him several times during the day, monitoring his pain and hoping against hopes he doesn't develop an infection over everything that had happened.
It's when she slides into the infirmary later in the day that she seems a little more... serious in tone. She's checking him as usual, but something obviously weighs on her mind.
She unloops the infirmary stethoscope from her neck as she finishes up her examination, lips pursed in thought.]
[Akira spends the entire day resting in the infirmary, relying on other people to bring him blankets and food and water. don't get him wrong; he doesn't want to stay cooped up in here forever!1 but 24 hours of immobility in order to recuperate is probably a wise idea. he can force himself to walk (with a crutch, of course) tomorrow]
[. . .]
[tomorrow. . . when someone will likely still be killed, regardless of the progress they've been making on solving the mansion's mysteries]
[maybe he shouldn't think about that]
[for now. . . people are fussing, and Akira isn't going to stop them from fussing, even if a part of it makes him feel strange. he is so used to being on the other side of things]
Hn?
[when Luna finishes her examination, Akira draws a blanket loosely around his shoulders and gives her a curious look]
[that comes out a bit more bewildered than he intended— no. actually, it sounds just as incredulous as he intended for it to be. he's studying her expression carefully, noting how closed off it seems, and not in her usual doctor-patient kind of way]
[it isn't that he doesn't trust her; he does, and deeply so, and perhaps that's the reason why he doesn't immediately turn her down. but he opens his mouth to say something, features cut with a deep, concerned frown, before he shuts it again and furrows his brows even more]
[. . .]
[what is she planning. . .? and why can't she tell him what it is. . .?]
. . . is it safe?
[???]
I mean, I-- [his gaze flickers down to the missing portion of his leg, features twisting as he remembers the circumstances around its loss] I lost a lot of blood today. How much do you need?
[oh no. . . he hadn't meant to make her feel guilty, or to even turn her down. even if her request is suspicious, even if it gives him cause for concern. . .]
[She'll move to a side cabinet, where a small collection of syringes and glass vials have been set aside, apart from their regular storage.
BLOODWORK PREP AHOY i sure hope you liked tourniquet because you are getting another one.]
I promise, I'll explain when I can. Just...
...
Remember that anyone, including myself, might be something they're not right now. Even if they change... I want to believe their memories are still there. They're still themselves.
I... I would rather be suspicious of me than for this idea to go wasted due to my own foolishness.
[okay. . . well. with that response in mind? he twists a bit to face her, reaching out to her with his free arm, hand resting on her shoulder. sorry for interrupting that bloodwork prepping but THIS IS IMPORTANT]
[and then, with one hand braced on her shoulder. . . he pushes himself up, arm sliding behind her neck to draw her towards him in the most awkward hug that still somehow manages to be extremely tender and gentle]
[As caught up in her task as she is, him reaching out to touch her is an odd surprise, even more so when he pushes up and...
...
Oh. This is...
...]
...Akira? I...
[...
It's almost frightening, how comfortable his embrace already feels to her, and yet still carry an odd sort of fear, an uncertain emotion that knots her throat and makes processes run so fast that she can hardly think.
...
Her tension under his arm slowly unravels, the needle put aside so that she can slip her arms around him, forehead resting against his shoulder.]
[he can only hug her with one arm, since the other is no effectively pinned at his side, but. . . this is enough. it says for him what words cannot, conveys emotions that can't yet be described]
[he gives her a gentle squeeze, and doesn't yet pull away, even as he mumbles]
. . . I want to believe that they're still themselves, too.
That underneath everything, they're still the people we know and trust. [. . .] So whatever you're doing, whatever experiment you're trying-- I hope it works.
[because he does believe that whatever plan she's concocted that requires the usage of his blood will be for the good of everyone here. in some form or fashion]
[...She'll give a nod against his shoulder, humming softly, the weight of her head a little heaver against the crook of his neck as she relaxes.]
I don't doubt it at all. When Hunter was caught... I spoke with Beau for a little while. She said that she was still able to feel Hunter, the real Hunter, even after he turned... he was still scared and guilty and unable to fight.
They're still people. Just... not in control of themselves as a whole anymore.
...
I don't know if what I have planned will be anything like what happened with Hunter. I... I can't promise that. I'm sorry. I wish I could. But...
At... at the very least... it might keep one less innocent person from having to die.
[Akira draws back from the hug, though he doesn't go far and his hand remains resting against her shoulder]
Maybe it isn't the same as what happened with Hunter.
[although Akira would kill for another antidote. well. . . not literally kill, but it would suck to have to properly execute someone for killing as a monster this week when they managed to save someone last week]
But every little thing helps. No matter how small.
[Luna's quick to vanish with Zenitsu in tow, and for at least a little while, she'll keep the infirmary door closed to give them privacy as they fix the poor boy's arm. But once that's over, she'll take some time to look for Akira. If he's still with Chuuya... then she'll give them their privacy. But otherwise, she at least wants to broach the topic of all that had happened the last couple of days.]
[it's okay, Akira vanishes to Room 11 with Chuuya in tow almost immediately after the trial. it's a struggle for him to hobble up the stairwell on his crutches, but he manages!! and that's where he can be found once he's done trying to comfort his roommate through his loss]
[and incidentally, Akira just so happens to be opening his bedroom door, ready to search for Luna himself, when she passes by]
Oh... yes. I was just coming to look for you, actually.
Though... [She'll take a glance at the door, knowing very well who else was probably in there. She wants to ask if Chuuya's okay, but she knows that answer is probably going to be a no. So she swallows, folding her hands carefully in front of her.]
[She'll give a nod, slightly uncertain, but... she trusts Akira's judgement at this point.]
You're welcome.
How is your leg feeling? If you're not too tired... would you mind talking a walk to the garden for a little bit? I've been in the infirmary for most of the evening, so... I think the fresh air might feel nice.
[he immediately perks up at the mention of the garden, because surprise!! that's his favorite place to be when outside. it's the part of him that worked at the flower shop]
I'd like that. And don't worry; I'm not hurting right now.
[he clearly hasn't made use of the prosthesis Hunter has given him just yet, but that's only because he's giving himself some time to rest first]
And I promise I can wobble down the stairs on my own.
[he limps after her, crutches assisting in his movements. and when he reaches the stairwell, he leans his weight against his good leg and braces himself against the wall with one hand, caaaarefully guiding his injured leg and the crutch along each step]
[and on instinct, he reaches to grasp her hand with his own when he runs out of wall, using that support to help him the rest of the way down. oof. he made it!!]
Proud of me for figuring out how to manipulate a crutch?
[he seems a bit bewildered she'd say that over something that he feels is so mild]
[and walk he does! he's figured out how to evenly distribute his weight between the crutch and his real leg, so. . . he is moving at a decent pace, albeit slower than one may normally walk]
Mm. . . well.
[he gives his head a small shake]
I can't let it keep me down. All I can do is stand up and learn how to live with it, you know. . .?
[another nod]
So that's what I'm doing. It happened, but life keeps going.
That you've accepted that in such an incredibly short time... it's really admirable of you. But please, don't push yourself. Even if the mind is ready to fight, the body needs time to adjust.
Ah... Here. I'll get the door.
[Chivalry schmivalry, only one of us has two working hands. Out we go, soldier.]
[It's the garden! Even with how late it's getting, Luna still seems to shed away a layer of her normal, distant melancholy the moment she steps outside into fresh air. She looks... oddly content.]
It's always so nice and quiet out here. I keep meaning to thank Pumpkin for all her hard work... I don't think this place would be bearable at all without a part of the great outdoors.
. . . yeah. That first week we were here was torture.
[his cabin fever was SO BAD that week. . . he needed the fresh air like a fish needed water]
[and even with one leg, Akira manages to crouch down to the flower's level, bracing himself upright with one hand clutching the crutch as he reaches out with the other]
The flowers are here are really beautiful. [. . .] Just looking at them brightens my mood.
It was, wasn't it... I kept hoping that they might open the windows of the conservatory. But... just being out on the balcony was okay for me, at least to start. Even just the trees outside the manor were enough.
[She'll stay on her feet, perfectly fine with looking out over all of the colors in the light of oncoming twilight. There's something charming in looking down to see the soft expression on his face, simply enjoying the plant life in front of him...]
Is this something you're used to, Akira? I always imagined Tokyo as a more urban type of landscape.
O-oh, oh, that's right... I knew you moved there, but... I-I'm so sorry. [Aaaaaaaaaaa.......]
I always thought it would be nice to work somewhere like a greenhouse. Helping people choose things to make their homes look nice, or to cheer up someone they care about... and you'd get to spend time taking care of a whole world of living things.
It depends on your definition of far, I suppose. Considering your age and the year you remember... with a good life, I'm sure you might be around to see it.
... I suppose it would depend on when you would consider a robot to be themselves, by definition. Is it when their body is made, or when their mind is programmed?
I have logs going back all the way to the time of my initial construction. But the AI, particularly the, um.... part of my brain that controls how I think and act and process... that's much newer.
So... I suppose I wouldn't be able to give a firm answer.
[wow, this is getting complicated. Akira lifts a hand to rub the back of his neck, slightly sheepish. . . and here he is, asking her these personal questions. one isn't supposed to ask a lady her age!1]
Sorry, sorry. . . I guess that is kind of a personal question, right?
I don't mind giving it to you, regardless. I just... I'm not really sure which one to pick.
Hephaestus GAULEM GTF-DM-L-016 as a unit has existed since the year 2032 - that's when I was initially shipped to the person who would inevitably put me into service. But my AI wasn't complete in its full capacity of operations as "Luna" until 2057.
So... I guess you could say that my body, for all purposes of the word, is technically forty-two, but my mind is, um... seventeen, I think? Something like that.
I-I really don't have a preference... I've... never had anyone really ask.
But...
I guess I would say the latter, if I had to. I can remember bits and pieces from further back then that, and I have plenty of logs of things like tests and troubleshooting, but... I... I feel like I wasn't really recognized as me until around then. That's when I think I was finally aware that I was no longer a work in progress, but a completed intelligence.
[Congrats, I guess???? She has no idea what's going on anymore but it's fine.]
Um... anyway... we got a little sidetracked. Can I continue?
Mmm. I wouldn't call it a story so much as a history lesson.
[So, uh. Strap in.]
In 2028, there was a pandemic. A virus called Radical-6. Many believed it to be biological warfare, but no one could prove it - only that it originated in Nevada in the United States and spread like wildfire. Over two million people died. Containing it became close to impossible, and society quickly started to collapse. People started to starve to death, or grow ill from the bodies that piled the streets.
In a desperate attempt to eradicate the pathogen and save what they could of humanity, in April of 2029, the remaining world leaders set off eighteen antimatter reactors across the world. I... can't really explain it right now, or we might be here forever, but... that's an equivalent explosive force over 180,000 times what was contained in the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima, Japan during World War 2.
The resulting radiation wiped out the virus... and many, many people. Between the initial pandemic, the collapse of society, and the explosions... 6 billion people were killed.
[Akira's interested expression quickly morphs into horror as Luna continues. as though a pandemic itself wasn't enough, learning that her world's leaders were okay with killing billions of people in an attempt to eradicate the virus is absolutely and utterly horrifying]
Do... you know what nuclear winter is, Akira? It's the ecological result of air pollution, either from manmade waste, fire, or extremely large explosions, like that of an atom bomb or a large volcano. Debris is knocked into the atmosphere, and can block out the effects of the sun.
In Earth's case... there was no direct sunlight for over seven years. I've heard there's been some regrowth, now that a few decades have passed, but... most plant and animal life went extinct.
While some survived, and there is some form of civilization still operating, the world has become a... a wasteland. There's so much ash that... the sky is no longer blue. Light can't reach that far anymore. So... it's red.
[his expression twists. all of this is. . . very difficult to imagine. it's something that only happens in fictional books, right? not. . . in real life, right?]
[except it happened on Luna's world, and that's just. . . difficult to comprehend]
...It is. The stories I hear are... are always so horrible. I wasn't constructed until after all of the fallout, though, and I... um... I never got to visit Earth. So all I know is from stories and history logs.
[To imagine an Earth with green continents, blue ocean, white clouds... it sounds ridiculous.]
Many people have established colonies on the moon for purposes of research. That was the case for the project that purchased me. That's all I've known.
The one we saw during trial. The one involving the older man-- [to whom she felt feelings of warmth, even while her body moved on automatic, forced to do so by an unseen hand. he tries not to frown]
[Her eyes flicker, a hurt that barely registers at the surface, but aches deep down.]
He's... um... a very busy man. We don't talk much, outside what he requires of me. But I understand. I just... really know what a kind person he is. He's done so much for everyone and for his work, and he's intelligent... I can't help but admire him.
[a hurt that he can still see, if only because he's studying her expression so carefully, trying to read every little emotion that crosses her features]
["admire" is one way to put it. . . and it gives those warm feelings he felt from her in that memory just a little more of a shape]
Is he the one who gave you that necklace you're always reaching for?
...Yes. [Though she unfortuntely doesn't have it in this thread so RIP.]
The old woman and Doctor Klim both kept very, very busy. I was tasked to help as needed, of course, and I helped take care of Kyle when he would allow it, but... most of the time, I was just... alone. Due to the limited range of my body, I wasn't allowed outside the facility.
...It was really hard. To be lonely... I feel it must be what it feels like to slowly suffocate... like I would fall apart.
That's when the Doctor gave me that. It's... actully a music box. He said it belonged to someone he once deeply cared for. I thought about it for a while, and I took it as a way of him saying... "Luna, happiness is closer than you think."
[he hates thinking about her trapped in that facility, though. hates thinking that people used her as nothing but a tool for their own convenience. it shows in his features, in the way he frowns, brows furrowed]
[. . .]
Happiness is closer than you think. . . [. . .] Was it?
It's a complicated statement, isn't it? I... found I had to think about it a lot.
[That's not really an answer, of course... but she would feel a little empty if she didn't try to explain herself.]
Do you know about Maeterlink's "The Blue Bird? It's a famous play about two children who covet for the items of the rich. They catch sight of a bluebird, and go on an adventure through a mysterious land. When it is all over, they arrive at home to realize the bluebird had been there the entire time, and they come to be grateful for what they have.
That was what I had thought of, when the doctor gave me this. That maybe... maybe he'd meant sonething like that. But one day, I realized... the original story ends a little differently.
The children do come home to find the bluebird. But when they open the cage to feed the bird, it escapes and flies away. And then the story ends.
I... struggled with that for a little while, I think. The idea that just when you find happiness, you might very well lose it again.... it was hard.
But it the end, it didn't really change how I felt. I... decided how I was going to look at it. Not that it would always be there, or that you would always be destined to lose it... though I don't know if that's what the Doctor had ever meant, but...
I... I think that happiness is something you should always be looking out for, because it's the act of pursuing that happiness that will make you truly happy.
[you should really ask about it at some point you numbskull]
I wouldn't really say that. I just... know what it is that's important to me, I suppose. Even if there's things I would rather have different... I think it's better for me to look at what I have, and find what I can there, than... than ache for something else.
I guess it's why I've been so torn about being in this place. It's... it's horrible. Part of me still thinks that it has to be a punishment. But...
I remember looking out the window, and seeing a blue sky... and thinking about how wonderful it might be to see a blue sky the next day, and the day after that... to feel a breeze or sit in a field of grass or listen to birds sing.
It's... almost cruel, in how nice it all is. I don't really know how I feel.
I-I... we're nearly sixty years apart in history... I won't even exist until you're well into your thirties... Of course it would need something like that...
But... [The thought of waking up to that blue sky, to fresh air, to a world where billions of people still lived...]
I... I think if I could, I... I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.
[he's looking for her specifically on Thursday morning, first checking her room and then the chapel and then the infirmary below. it's his third try that finds him successful, and he knocks gently on the infirmary door frame when he sees her]
Hey, Luna-- [and then he sees that she's wrapping her arm, and he quickly hobbles into the room]
I'm... [Her eyes stay trained on her arm, the metal and circuits exposed and sticky with white.] ...I don't know. I have a lot to think about, I suppose. Um...
[Her free hand moves to fidget with the birdcage pendant at her collarbone, a motion of comfort.]
[he never got the full story from Ayabe, did he. . . Akira's frown deepens as he leans his crutch against the wall (keeping himself upright by evenly distributing his weight between his good leg and his prosthetic) and reaches for Luna's arm. his fingers gently brush up against the "skin" on the other side of said arm, where there are no exposed circuits]
I want to hear your side of the story when I'm done talking about Master Blue, if you don't mind telling me.
[but. . . for now? he is gonna try to bandage her arm while he speaks]
[Akira nods as he carefully begins to wrap the bandages around Luna's arm again]
They are.
[he keeps his gaze focused on his work, but he does look up to her from time to time as he speaks]
Akechi had a crystal ball that allowed him to see the future. When he used it, he received a date and a time. And at that date and time, he received a letter from Master Blue telling him to ring the second bell.
Akechi obliged, and was granted an audience with Blue themselves.
[an exhale]
I managed to meet with Blue face-to-face this morning, too.
They're definitely person-shaped. Akechi said they were a god, and I'd believe it, too.
[a pause]
And if they're a god, then this house is a god as well. Because the entire crux of this dispute is a battle between Master Blue-- who is on our side-- and the house.
[he fastens the bandage around her wrist, running his fingers across the length of her arm one last time to make sure they're firmly affixed, before he pulls back]
Someone received one of Blue's memories, you know? The memory of when they first arrived at the house.
The house invited them here first. And I think. . . Master Blue is as much of a captive here as we are.
[. . . a breath out. Akira fetches his crutch and moves to sit on the edge of the infirmary bed]
Beau believes the house is feeding upon our misery, and. . . I think she might be right. And as long as Blue keeps inviting guests to the house, then the house won't invade our worlds. So these "games," these "dinner parties," those invitations we received. . .
It's to keep the house satisfied so it doesn't completely destroy the universe.
[well, that may be a bit of a jump, but if Blue inviting guests here keeps their home worlds from being invaded it seems like a logical one to Akira!]
Blue told me the house is trying to prove a point, but is doing so badly. I don't know what that point is, but what I do know is. . .
Blue wants all of this to stop. They want this vicious cycle to end.
We're at least the tenth round of people Blue has invited to the mansion. The antidote. . . I know that was created by Blue, too. Peach has been trying to replicate it, but it's-- difficult.
Because the house keeps sabotaging Blue's attempts to help.
I think you should try. I made sure to ask first, before I rang the bell on the fifth floor.
[another pause]
Blue told me how to stop the house. Not directly, but. . . they said if we can find the "source" for the house and everything that it does, then we can put an end to this.
[he closes his eyes and echoes what Blue told him]
"Access to the source is available for those who seek it out."
"The source is much closer than you may think."
"The heart of the matter is what's most important."
There's a significant pause. But she'll eventually nod, glancing towards the door as though she needs to make sure no one else is around.]
...
Reito didn't find me like that on Tuesday.
I intentionally went looking for him after lunch. I... I had wanted to see if I could speak with him, to convince him that his thinking wouldn't save anyone.
But he was, um... very set on what he thought he had to do. So I...
I gave him an option. I brought a scalpel with me, and I... I asked him to turn it on me.
[Akira feels something inside his chest tighten, ice suddenly coursing through his veins. his fingers still against her hand, eyes growing wide, expression slack and mouth falling open]
What?
[he had surmised that Ayabe had attacked her, but. . .]
Luna-- what?! Why would you. . .
[he had no idea that Luna had asked him to do so in the first place]
...I have directives, Akira. I... couldn't just walk out of the room knowing that Reito could murder another person.
But... he refused. He said that he wouldn't take the life of someone he cared about. That, even if I had to suffer.... he had to keep me alive, so I could be here for the ones he didn't take.
And I...
...
Akira... do you remember when you knocked over the machine in the theatre? You... you said something about anger.
[boy he does not like where this is going. the rage he felt when he upended the popcorn machine had been so strong, so overwhelming. he thinks back to Luna shattering that glass back during their second week here, and his jaw tightens]
I... I was so angry when he told me he was going to kill others and just... just leave me behind for selfish reasons... I couldn't think. All I knew was that I had to do something.
...
A robot must protect its own existence... except when such action would conflict with the First or Second Law. To bear witness to someone willing to take a life, openly so, and to do nothing to sucessfully intervene... that is a conflict of the First Law.
I had brought the scalpel specifically in hopes that, if he would attack me, he would be able to... to get it out of his system without doing any real damage. I... just turned it on myself.
He said I mattered too much. So I...
I mutilated myself to force him to change his mind.
[so he had been. . . completely wrong about what had happened. he had made some assumptions, and not followed up with Ayabe on them at all, hoping that Ayabe would try to work things out with Luna after the fact. but now that Luna remembered--]
[. . .]
[his grip on her hand tightens, and he feels it beginning to bubble to the surface of his own stomach. something heated and unpleasant and angry, and he isn't-- he isn't sure where to direct it. at her, for doing something so stupid? . . . at the woman who programmed her to follow those stupid directives in the first place?]
[at this mansion, for making their anger worse. . .?]
[he swallows thickly, and doesn't let go of her hand]
. . . how much of it was you, and how much of it was the laws you were programmed with?
[the moment she answers is the moment he realizes how unfair of a question it was. and perhaps he is just now realizing how intrinsically linked Luna's programming and herself are, and that. . . that fact helps him direct his anger. it moves away from her and towards the old woman he remembered from Luna's memories, though it still remains, simmering in his gut, unpleasantly heavy]
[he still doesn't let go of her hand]
I--
[he cuts himself off, struggling to find his next words. and throughout it all, he still doesn't let go of her hand]
I. . . don't. . .
[mrrrrrgh]
[the whole situation is unfair. Luna hurting herself in front of Ayabe, scarring him and traumatizing him to prevent him from hurting others. the laws with which she was programmed and the way the house amplified her anger, causing her to lash out in such an extreme manner in the first place]
[. . .]
[his voice is very, very quiet when he next speaks]
. . . I don't want anything to happen to you, either.
She'll reach out with her good hand, hesitantly placing it on top of his own desperate grasp.]
I know. I'm sorry. I... I don't want anything to happen to me, either.
But, if I have no option other than to choose between myself and a human... there is nothing more important to me, more important than me, than a human life.
[it's tough to say what he's so emphatically denying. that someone else's human life is more important than hers, or that he would ever come to resent her for any reason at all. even now, what he's feeling isn't resentment. it's. . .]
[. . .]
[is he. . . afraid?]
[his gaze snaps up, eyes flashing. not with anger, but with-- something else]
Don't say that. That's not true. It's never been true!
[his voice is rising slightly, strained with desperation]
Your life is just as important as anyone else's here! And if it's selfish of me to want you to choose yourself so nothing bad happens to you, then--
[then. . .?]
Then I'm just as selfish as Ayabe, and I'm not ashamed of it!
There's something painfully familiar in his insistence, in the anger and fear, the way his eyes burn with an emotion she can't quite place, the way he clutches her hand like he expects her to vanish.
She knows, knows without a doubt, that she has to follow her convictions. That she would gladly give herself to save anyone and everyone left who walked and breathed, no matter how much the fear of death might make her hesitate.
But now, it's like she's back in the garden. Back with Sigma, holding her tight on the bench as she waited for death, pleading with her that it wasn't her fault, that she deserved to be alive... There's a tightness in her chest, a strange warmth in her throat, one that she'd only felt with one other person. She's... touched? No, no, this is... different.
She opens her mouth, closes, her breathing suddenly shallow as though something heavy had been placed on her chest. While her words fail her, the colors against her mask betray the sudden chaos in her mind; of dark blue, of green, of so much yellow... and, slowly, of a soft shade of pink.
She's frozen, her eyes softening, torn by the agony on his face but almost unsure of what to do, what to say. Her words sit in her throat, thick and heavy.]
A...Akira, I...
[Her eyes flicker down. The shade of pink brightens.]
[he's noticed, throughout the week, the colors of her mask changing, though he has yet to ascribe any rhyme nor reason to it. and even now, as her mask blossoms into a bright, brilliant shade of pink, he's more focused on her. on what's underneath the mask]
[without thinking, he finally releases her hand, but that's only so he can frame her cheeks with his palms. so he can surge forward to press his forehead against hers, ignoring the way both of their masks get in the way, two cumbersome blockades that prevent him from really being able to show her what he means]
[. . . for the first time since the week began, he wishes his mask would disappear]
Of course I mean it.
[he isn't the type of person to say things so strongly without meaning them]
I know you want to help people, and that's. . . that's admirable. You're admirable. But I don't--
[and here he stops, a hitch in his words, because he can't think of a better way to say it then. . .]
I don't. . . want anything to happen to you.
[he's quiet again, and although he doesn't say it, the subtext of his words is clear: if anything did happen to you, I don't know what I'd do]
Her head feels hot, like she could simultaneously float through the celing and sink through the floor. Though the color behind her face is subtle, there's a noticeable rush of heat as she strains to process. No one, not even Sigma, has ever been this close to her, touched her like this, said things like this to her... not until the very end... and even then...
...what... what was this? Why did she both feel so overwhelmed, and yet... somehow, couldn't bear to have the moment stop?
Her eyes screw shut, if only to give herself a moment to lean into the warm touch of his hands, to lift her own fingers with a trembling touch against his wrist. What... what does she do? What is she supposed to say?]
I...
I don't want to see you suffer. You're...
You're one of the kindest people I've ever met... and even now, when you should be upset, you... you still...
...
[Her fingers curl against Akira's palm, her expression tightening, voice wavering.]
[seems to strike. . . something within him. something without a name. . . something that he's never really touched before this very moment. it's warm, though. it's warm, it's soothing, it's comforting, and his heart flutters against his ribs like a butterfly, each beat loud enough for him to hear in his ears. she reaches up to touch his wrist, her fingers against his skin suddenly burning hot, and he--]
[he doesn't flinch, but a part of him feels a jolt course through his wrist, through his arm, something that makes his breath suddenly catch in his throat]
[and he--]
[and he is suddenly acutely aware of how close she's standing, of how pressed into her personal space he is]
[he pulls back rather suddenly, fingers lifting from her cheeks, though he doesn't yet pull his hands away from her face. not because of her, but because of the heat that's suddenly rushing to his head and coloring what little skin can be seen from under his mask]
There's a flighty, breathless sound of confusion as his touch retreats, Luna blinking. Her hand hovers uselessly, unsure of whether he meant to back away entirely, watching him fluster and fumble for an apology...
...
The heat doesn't ease up in the slightest. But there's a fondness that settles over her eyes, slipping her hand away to instead lift to brush his bangs away from where the mask frames his eyes, tracing her touch to the side of his face, cautious and careful with the barest of gestures with curled fingers.
Her voice is nervous and quiet, but that fondness leaks through like warmth on a winter day.]
...I-It's okay... it's okay...
I... u-um...
...
[Ah. Trying to keep eye contact only makes her head swim. She bites at her lip, unsure of where to let her gaze rest, flustering herself even further before she just shuts her eyes again like that's going to somehow help, her face now noticeably warm to the touch.
[and once again, he feels his lungs arrest in his chest as she brushes his bangs aside, as her fingers curl against the edges of his face. he's frozen in place, feet (. . . foot?) glued to the ground, limbs completely and utterly petrified. he doesn't look away from her, as though doing so will break the moment. the. . . whatever this moment is. something that makes his stomach curl and his heart race at the same time, like he both wants to flee and lean into her all at once]
[. . .]
[and then she closes her eyes, and he lets out the breath he had been holding]
[what's wrong with him. . .?]
I-- a. . . anyway.
[he lifts a hand, pressing his knuckles against his mouth as he clears his throat, as the tries to regain the thread of their conversation. as he tries to remember what point he was attempting to drive home before he got. . . distracted]
. . . please take care of yourself. Okay? Don't. . . don't do anything to hurt yourself. Even if it is to save someone else.
[it's a quiet, gentle request, made even though he knows her programming had something to do with the latest incident]
There's something subtle, something guilty that slips into how she looks at him. She looks like she wants to say something so desperately, something that weighs at her like nothing else...
...but she swallows it back.
She's reminded painfully of Ayabe, as if she were in his position, as if Akira were herself, pleading. It... it aches. Is this how Ayabe felt? Like... maybe, no matter how much he could promise, there were some things that... that just couldn't...
...
There's a quiet resolve that settles over her, as though she's finally made a decision that's been on her mind for ages. Her head still swims, but her posture slowly starts to relax.]
[and that promise, that tiny, verbal confirmation is enough to bring forth a wave of relief. Akira finds himself relaxing, his shoulders slumping and his expression evening out, his features now soft]
Okay.
[his hands feel idle when they're not holding hers, and he isn't really sure what else he should be doing with them. but instead of reaching out again, he slips his fingers into his pockets, even though they feel a bit awkward tucked away like this]
. . . okay.
I-- . . . I'm glad.
[he knows that it would be too selfish to ask her not to help others. he knows that if he were her, he'd likely make the decision to sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else's life, too. but so long as she looks after herself, takes care of herself, even if it's for his sake and not her own--]
[There's a mild look of disappointment as he withdraws his hands, but it passes, her own hand fideting with her hair, her necklace, suddenly aware of how quiet the room had become in the moment.]
..I'm sorry. I never meant to worry you so badly.
I... I still think I shouldn't be around Reito right now. I don't think he'll be very stable until he has some sort of proof that his family is okay. But... I promise I'll stay with someone tonight. Even if it's just Horikawa.
Could... could you take care of them for me? All those boys have had such a horrible time... so I...
[There's hesitation, before she nods, her pendant clutched in her hand.]
I... don't want to think I would do that to myself again without a very, very good reason. Otherwise... I think I know who I can ask to keep watch over me.
[She is RUNNING TO HELP THAT STUPID GROUP IN THE ROOM UPSTAIRS but she will find Akira and GRAB him by the arm and pull him to the side with such a look of panic, you think someone might be dead.]
[Akira opens his mouth, then closes it again, his expression hardening. and he knows. . . he knows without her saying it]
. . . it's Nick, isn't it?
[not that he doesn't share that pain. . . he absolutely does. it's sharp and makes it difficult to breathe, difficult to even think. Phoenix was an important person, and Akira is going to mourn his loss]
[but later]
Stay here; I'll go find him. Just. . . give me a bit, okay?
[and with that!! he backpedals away from Luna, limping on his prosthetic leg, and begins the search]
...Oh, thank goodness. Did you find him? I... I got pulled away...
[W...why is she cleaning tools? WHO KNOWS????? WHAT HAPPENED???? But she puts aside what she's doing, hesitating a moment before nodding towards the entryway.]
[flashes her a lopsided smile as he pulls the door closed behind him, before he limps forward. still using his crutch btw, though he does seem to be getting better at putting weight against his prosthetic]
I found him. He was in the lounge. He's. . . okay.
[yeah. . . it was kind of a stupid question, wasn't it? and the way she doesn't answer; that's very telling. Akira swallows thickly and limps his way towards the bed, taking a seat so they can talk]
Do you remember what you told me the last time we spoke? About how the house has been sabotaging Blue's attempts to stop it? Do you remember what happened to Peach?
...
I... I really think Phoenix knew more than he let on. And I think Akechi was aware. Whether he figured it out on his own or Phoenix told him, I don't know. I don't have any proof, of course. It could be horrible coincidence. But...
If Phoenix found out something important - really, really important - then I'm worried he might have been targeted by the house's monsters to... to hold his tongue.
[She'll give a gentle nod, her hands wringing together.]
It makes sense, I suppose. If Blue's intent is to help us find a way out of this place, then having someone to act in their stead is... um... sneaky, but understandable. I imagine Blue can only do so much.
That might put them under the same rules as the rest of the staff, as well. The house might allow it to an extent, but... perhaps if the notetaker crossed a line with their attempts, they were punished.
I don't know. I... I feel horrible speculating when he's... [Gone. He's gone. A knot forms in Luna's throat, one she has to forcefully swallow down, a hand raised to try and guard the change in her expression as she wrestles with her composure.]
[Akira's expression flickers ever-so-slightly when Luna's breath hitches, and his own gaze turns downward, lips pressed into a thin line. focus, Kurusu. focus]
[a deep breath, and he composes himself again]
They probably do. We can't ask them privately until Sunday, though.
. . . unless you think we should ask at trial?
[and out Phoenix if he was, in fact, the mysterious note sender? though. . . he supposes there is no harm in in doing that now]
I think asking at trial might help alleviate any doubts people might have had, if the staff themselves are allowed to speak about it at all. But... I'm sure there was a very good reason he kept it a secret.
So if they don't answer, I... I don't think we should be upset at them for it.
If he really was one of Blue's helpers and the author of those notes, then it really was imperative of him to keep it a secret. Telling even one person could've been his downfall.
[ah? he hates to put it like that, but. . .]
Because if he really was targeted by the house directly, then the house could have turned someone who knew Nick was Blue's helper into a monster. And. . .
[he trails off. he thinks the rest is self-explanatory]
[She pauses again. There's a seriousness to her expression that she's never held before, an urgent whirring of the mind underneath the sorrow and fatigue.]
...
Akira... have you been able to look through the stone that Ash has?
What have you looked at with it? I know you mentioned a couple of things during one of the trials, but... I'd like to hear it again. [Is... she going somewhere with this?]
[aha. if she is. . . he might have an idea of what she's getting at, here. it shows in the way he straightens]
The portraits were the first thing Ash and I looked at. After that, it was the new rooms that people broke into on the third floor-- the morgue and the infirmary.
Ash has looked at everything else-- the room we broke into on the fourth floor, the fake "Blue" we saw in that room, the entire room itself-- among other things.
Some things, like the portraits, don't light up at all. Some things light up blue, like the morgue and the infirmary.
We might want to, just to make sure, but... I think that's enough to explain.
Phoenix told me something this week. I don't know how he knew - maybe Ash spoke to him at some point - but he said that the only real colors that ever show up, regardless of location, are blue and red. Locked doors, I believe, are red, but turn blue once they are opened.
He... he mentioned a conversation with Blue himself, like the one you told me about. I don't know the details, and I... I wish I would have asked. But from what Phoenix had figured out... the house and Blue might be so interwoven now that they're hard to distinguish from one another. We... we might have to find a way to separate them before we can do anything else.
[She definitely looks like she wants to say more, but she holds her tongue, waiting for him to digest what she's already said.]
[he doesn't seem surprised by anything she's saying, but he listens very carefully, expression pensive. when she's finished, he corrects]
They aren't red when they're locked. The morgue, the infirmary, and the two new doors on the fifth floor were all blue before they were unlocked.
[so it's something strange about the Room of Requ-- itself, he thinks]
. . . Nick mentions the possibility of separating them to me, too. And he wondered if maybe that had something to do with the "source" Blue mentioned, when Blue was telling me how to stop the house.
[Ah, she concedes the error with a flustered look to the floor, but the moment passes easily enough.]
Blue has a center location, so... the house having one would make sense, especially if they are that interwoven. We've found Blue's, correct? And... I think we've found that of the house.
Akira... The Red Room allows for all sorts of things, as far as I've heard. All sorts of things. I doubt it would be as easy as asking for an exit, or wishing for the source or the heart or whatever it is to be there, but...
Blue could only be summoned in a specific way. So... I would like to try that in the Red Room.
I'd like to wish for a Red Bell, so that I can speak to the house itself.
[Akira is quiet for a moment as he mulls this over. truthfully, it's not too terribly far from what he was thinking, especially knowing that the room he and Ash and Ken and Missile broke into is one of the only ones flashing red, while the others are flashing blue. perhaps it's not exactly the same-- he wanted to send a calling card and seek out the source itself first-- but. close enough]
[quietly, he mutters something under his breath, audible but only barely so]
"Access to the source is available for those who seek it out."
[another pause]
. . . what do you think we'd gain from talking to the house directly, instead of wishing for the source itself?
...I'd like to not be forceful until we know we have to do so.
I feel once we go that route... there won't be any turning back. The house will know what we're after, and I... I doubt it will let us walk in without interference.
[...
Her expression falls a little, hurt and more than a little lost. It's... it's a lot to think about, and she's never had to be the one trying to come to a decision like this.]
Akechi would probably call me an idiot for saying as much, but I... I'd rather take the chance to learn why... rather than put everyone, everything at a possibly unnecessary risk.
Screw what Akechi thinks. To him, the most direct and violent method is always the right answer, even when it's unnecessary.
[and he says that firmly, because as much as he and Akechi have been able to (sort of) mend bridges since arriving here. . . Akira still knows how Akechi works. still knows that Akechi's solutions are not always the best solutions]
[but even so. . .?]
I don't necessarily know if I agree, though. Asking for the red bell to talk to the house might just put it on notice of what we're planning even more than asking for the source directly will.
[if they ask for the source, at least they'd get it, right. . .? even if the house would attempt to sabotage their efforts]
But--
[a breath out]
. . . I can't blame you for wanting to know "why." I do, too.
[Her expression, oddly enough, goes a little blank on the remarks about Akechi, as though she's not quite sure what to make of them. Her brow furrows, staying quiet until Akira moves on.]
I know. It's just a guessing game, so I... I guess it comes down to differences in approach, but...
It's why I originally intended to go alone. Before... before all of this happened, anyway, I thought it might not consider a single person as a threat. Now, though, I... I think that would be horribly unwise.
[There's a withdrawal in her body language, an expectation, like a child waiting to be slapped across the face.]
[Akira's brows raise when her expression goes blank, but she moves on quickly enough that he can't ask about it right away. he files it away, reminding himself to ask about it as soon as they're done talking about the house]
I'd like to go with you.
[she isn't asking him, but. . . Akira is making the request anyway]
[he has no reason to be upset!1 because while what Luna wants to do is dangerous. . . it's something that Akira was thinking about doing himself. and she also talked iwth him about it first, instead of diving headfirst into it all by herself. he'd be a hypocrite for getting upset over something like that, when he-- out of the two of them-- is the one who lost his leg]
[. . . he offers her a smile, chin tilted up, eyes bright]
Yeah.
[she did promise, didn't she? and it warms him from head to toe to hear her remembering it]
It'll be dangerous, but it's danger we have to face. It'll just be easier if we face it together.
A shy sort of delight takes over from underneath, a contentment that tries to lift the corners of her mouth, subtle and delicate. There's an awkwardness to it, as though she doesn't quite know what to do with whatever she's feeling, instead choosing to let her gaze fall back to her hands even as her smile only strengthens.]
I...
I'd like that, then.
If I had to put my trust in someone, and know that... I would be okay as long as they were by my side, then I... [There's a twist to her smile, an emotion that feels odd and new and out of place, that crinkles her eyes and makes that rush of pink flicker against her mask.]
[something about her saying that touches emotions that Akira still hasn't had time to think about yet. he sucks in a small inhale of breath, sharp and barely notable, before he lets it out slowly. it's fine. it'll be fine. so long as they tackle the danger together, they will be fine. right. . .?]
I won't.
[he made that mistake once! he won't do it again, if they intend to try and speak with the house]
[that's something Akira had assumed from the beginning. of course there will be consequences. of course the house is deceptive. of course it wouldn't be easy or smart.]
But if it helps us even the littlest bit, then. . . isn't it worth it?
Yes. I... I want to keep believing that. I just don't want it to affect the others negatively if we were to fail.
I do want to speak to Akechi about this as well. I... I know he will be frank about flaws, even if he's not necessarily kind about it. But I... I would really like his opinion.
He will be, but that kind of honesty isn't a bad thing.
[despite everything, Akira trusts Akechi's opinion. that blunt honesty is often correct, because Akechi is unsurprisingly sharp and perceptive]
It might be better for us to go in a group of three anyway, rather than just two of us. The more people we have to lean on if the house tries anything funny, the better.
[It's late on Saturday when she finally, finally takes a moment to walk back to Room 1. Her hair's a mess, tied up in a bun that's barely hanging together as she fumbles for her key with a shaking hand, leaving the room. Her dress is still spattered with blood all over the skirt. She really should have looked for something else from the closet, but... it's not really on her mind. Not much is on her mind at all, other than pulling what she needs from her belongings, and going somewhere else for the night.
It's as she's slipping something into her pocket and turning around that she sees Akira on the stairwell. She perks up, just for a moment, before letting her body language settle back with a fatigued exhale, her gaze tired and soft and more than a little worried.
If he's too tired to talk, she doesn't want to bother him. But she will try to give him a forlorn smile if he ever looks her way.]
[actually. . . Luna is just the person Akira wanted to see right now, and he finds himself instinctively perking up, his expression softening when he catches her in the hallway. the blood on her dress doesn't go unnoticed, but. . . he saw what happened to Nic after the trial. he doesn't need to ask]
Luna?
[he's been so busy, reading Nick's notes and copying them down, ever since the trial ended]
[he needs. . . some time to relax. and Luna. . . she's good at that, isn't she?]
[It will take her a hot second to slip into the room and change with her uno hand but it's fine! She'll step back out with something simple, her hair untied and still a little wild with how the waves sit around her shoulders.]
T-thank you. Um... is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go? I know it's a little late, but...
[when Luna returns, she'll find Akira leaning his shoulder against the wall, one hand lifted to tug idly at his bangs as he waits for her. he straightens when she steps out, offering her a lopsided, tired-but-sincere smile]
My answer to that is always going to be the garden. I guess I'm predictable.
Maybe, but... I don't know if I'd say that's a bad thing. If you know what it is that you can pursue that makes your heart happier, then that's the more important thing, right?
I don't think I'd ever say no, even if that wasn't the case.
[Ah. She... wants to reach out for his hand, but he still has the crutch, and they're going to have to climb stairs. So she refrains, her hand instead habitually fussing with her necklace for a moment.]
[he feels much the same, but. . . yeah. he also refrains because he is going to need both hands to get down the stairwell. also now that Luna can see him up close, she may notice a fresh bruise on his forehead and his chin. weeps]
[his response. . . is wry]
Yeah. That's an understatement.
But somehow, I don't feel like I'm going to be able to sleep anytime soon.
I don't blame you, but... especially right now, it's important to try...
[aaand her eyes drift straight to that discoloration. Her brows furrow, carefully taking another step forward and reaching up to gently touch his face because UHHHH
Her voice stays calm, even if her eyes betray her fussing.]
What happened...? Someone didn't... hit you, did they...?
[he jerks a little bit when she reaches out, a small hint of color blossoming to his cheeks as her fingertips brush up against the fresh injuries. but that surprise only lasts a moment before his expression pinches together, tight and unhappy]
. . . Akechi and I got into another fight.
[BECAUSE. OF COURSE. THEY DID]
It's fine. It'll heal. [. . .] I don't really want to think about it right now.
Her eyes narrow a bit as she lets out a frustrated breath through the nose. GUESS WHO'S LOOKING VERY CROSSLY AT YOU AKIRA. Not in a bad way, just... Akechi.......... sure is a topic........
But after a moment, the mothering tension to her expression settles, instead reaching up to brush the bangs away from his mask and take a better look at his forehead. Her voice stays quiet.]
[AKECHI. . . SURE IS A TOPIC. . . it isn't a very serious bruise, a small round circle right in between and above his eyes. it'll heal in a few days the most.]
[. . .]
[he tilts his head a little into her fingertips, though]
Nah. Just punched and then headbutted me. As he does.
[W. WRY]
It's not the first time we've fought. Probably won't be the last.
He's not exactly the easiest person to speak to. Even to people close to him, he... [he is just like this. like whoever akechi is. a big dramatic mess.
Satisfied with what she sees there, she'll take a moment to stroke his bangs back into place. Does his jaw look any better, worse?]
...I wish there was more we could do for him without him pushing people away.
[about the same! maybe the bruise is a bit smaller? but it's definitely no worse]
Nobody really knows him. Not even me.
[and he means that truthfully, his gaze growing a bit distant as he says it. but Luna's fingers are warm and soft on his forehead, smoothing away his curly and tousled bangs as they are, and. . .]
[he really doesn't want to think about Akechi right now. he really doesn't]
[so as they reach the stairwell, he reaches up to take her hand in his own, to gently move it away from his forehead and down between him, his fingers tight around hers]
But anyway-- [time to change the subject!!] Help me down the stairs? I'm getting pretty good at it, but it's still a bit clunky.
[handtouch... The strength of his grip is a surprise, but not one that she pulls away from.]
Of course. I'll do what I can. [It's a little harder, now that she's down to one hand. But she'll still carefully move to the railing side of the stairs, a repeat of the previous week in how she advances just enough to reach out if needed, to catch him if he stumbles. This means she will have to let go of his hand for a moment, but she wants him to have the wall to balance.]
Hypothetically. The staff said they can provide supplies, but... I'm not a mechanic. I don't think anyone here is.
I can tell my arm is still there, at least, so it's not beyond saving, but... from the errors I still see, I would probably need some circuitry repairs, cable replacements, and a reintegration of the ABT I've lost.
[A beat. She makes a nervous flutter of a sound off her exhale, almost a laugh, catching a strand of her hair between her thumb and forefinger and twisting it gently.]
S-sorry. I suppose some of that might not have made sense.
[he isn't completely sure he can help, but. . . she's done so much for him, hasn't she? she treated his leg injuries, fusses over something as simple as a few bruises, so. . .]
[he'd like to pay her back. somehow, some way]
I'm sure
So long as you are.
[it all really depends on if she trusts him to try]
...I... So long as I can power off my arm, I... I think it might be okay?
[The gears are turning in her mind, trying to think over what little she knows and how much of a risk it would be if he did something wrong... not to her, but to him. She's a high-voltage machine, after all...
...
Slowly, her hand raises to tighten against her chest, as though a feeling sits under her fingers that she can't quite reach, can't quite understand. A breathy gratitude that takes over her tone.]
[it isn't himself he worries about, possibly because he isn't fully aware of the risks to his person. it's her, of course. what if he did something wrong? what if he ruined her arm forever? what if he--]
[. . .]
[but. . . if she's willing to take the risk, then. . . he's just happy she trusts him enough to try]
Ah-- I am?
[he seems genuinely surprised to hear that]
I guess. . . nobody here really trusts themselves to tinker around with electronics.
[which is fair, he thinks. Luna is a complicated machine (but still a person, deep down on the inside) and it's likely nobody feels confident enough to try without fucking up royally]
It's, um... been a mix, to be perfectly honest. Either those that ask don't know I'm a machine, or they, um... defer to myself in the hopes that I can instruct them on what to do. Many have either given up temporarily or gone to the staff to see if they are able to assist, but... unfortunately, all they can provide is materials, not the actual repair.
I don't blame them, though. Maybe I'm overthinking a little, but I feel that most around here still don't really know what to do with me, once they know the truth.
[She pauses for a moment, considering something.]
I'm not sure if 45 is in a similar situation or not in regards to self-diagnosis and repair capabilities, but... we're very, very different pieces of machinery. So I deferred on the side of caution.
[. . . ah. well, Akira doesn't know much about 45, so. . . he also can't blame Luna for being cautious. nevertheless? he frowns, lifts his chin up, shoulders squared with a small hint of determination]
I'd rather try and fail then not try at all. So.
[his lips quirk upwards, a confident smile meant to soothe any worries she might have]
[It definitely soothes her worries, but now she has no idea how to respond to that???? The confident flare, the reassuring smile...
There's a blossom of bright pink once more on her mask as she turns her eyes right back to the ground, stuttering for a moment and unable to look at him without feeling like some part of her might just instantly stop working, like the smile on her face might be out of place at what he had just said.
Her hand presses to her mouth for a moment.]
Y-you... you don't need to say it like that, really. I...
[the pink of that mask. . . it's the first time he's seen it, he knows that much. but when was the last time it flashed that brilliant? it's on the tip of his brain, but he can't quite remember--]
[. . .]
[ah. . . well. they're just masks created by the mansion, aren't they? it's probably not important]
Mmm.
[he makes a content, affirming noise in response to what she says. he'd say I trust you, too in return, but. . . she knows that already, doesn't she? so instead, as he hobbles away from the bottom of the stairwell, he extends his hand towards her once again. no more stairs!! now all they have to do is slip outside]
[She'll gladly take his hand, her hold gentle as she guides him off to the garden, only letting go to open the door leading to the outside. It's not unlike the last time they had been out here! Just... minus a few more people in their midst. It seems a little emptier.
For now, Luna is content to keep at a slow stroll, letting Akira set the pace and musing to herself quietly. She doesn't let go of his hand.]
...I hope Babo Kim was telling the truth about what he was going to do with the notes left behind from the trial. I haven't had the chance to look, but... I imagine they were extensive.
[it does seem a little emptier. . . weird how that works, when someone you really care about is no longer around]
[this time? Akira doesn't seek out a bench to sit upon. he seems content to walk, albeit at an extremely slow pace, taking in the view of the flowers and the sky above]
He was. I read through them after the trial. Ah. . . that actually reminds me.
[he stops, and digs through his jacket to produce the notebook they were all given]
I copied them, too. And. . . I think there's something in here you should see.
[he doesn't answer verbally. what he does do is flip through the pages of Phoenix's notes (all of them were copied in his aegean blue crayon) until he reaches the entry Nick wrote about her]
[quietly, he turns the notebook around so she can read it]
[LUNA AGE: 25? Basically the only reason all of us are alive now. She works so hard and isn’t well-rewarded for her efforts. I worry about her… a lot. I don’t think she trusts me…. I understand. She reminds me of But I hope she leans on someone. She’s so kind, she deserves some of that back. Peach said she could be saved…. I’ll fight for that, too. She deserves it. Even if she doesn’t think so.
...
Luna's composure slowly, gingerly begins to crumple as she starts to read, like a flower wilting under far too much rain. She doesn't say anything. She just looks horribly, sorrowfully pained, very close to tears.
After a long moment, her eyes drift to the ground, her good arm now wrapped against herself. All she can do is nod, a shallow motion.]
[yeah. he expected a reaction kind of like that. his own had been similar, when he had read his entry. he closes the notebook with a quick snap, before he reaches out to rest his hand against her upper arm]
The simple reassurance cracks what fine walls she had been trying to put up, all of the tight, horrible feelings in her throat and chest bubbling up all at once. She'll give another shallow nod as her face twists up, before covering the unmasked portion with her hand, barely stifling a sob under her fingers.
[it isn't fair. and Akira feels that tightness in his chest that he had been fighting down since Friday morning clench at his heart all over again. both at the way she crumbles, and at the reminder that Nick won't be there to pester him anymore]
[he strides forward, closing the distance between them, sliding his arms around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. with one hand pressed at the back of her head. . . he tries to guide her face into his shoulder, so she can use it as support as she lets out whatever feelings she had been holding in all weekend]
It's not the horrible, uncontrolled weeping that he had seen from her when Asch had been sentenced, where she could barely keep a hold of herself and her processes out of sheer shock. No, this is hollow, exhausted, weeks and weeks of hard work and confusion and existential dread and what feels like barely anything to show for it, all crumpling into a horrific crescendo with one man's valiant efforts for everyone, for HER.... wiped away in an evening.
It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, worse than the constant screaming pain from her arm. And how badly, how strongly she wishes again that it should have been her in his place. Why wasn't it her?
...
There aren't many tears, only a dry shuddering for breath against Akira's shoulder. It's only when she feels she has any control of her voice that she speaks up, quiet and trembling.]
[it's a heavy weight, and Akira can almost feel the pressure of those weeks of exhaustion bearing down upon him as she leans against him. he holds her as tightly as she'll allow, one arm firm around her shoulders while the other hand caresses her back in what is supposed to be a soothing gesture. he wishes he could do something to fix this. he wishes he could do anything to fix it]
[something more immediate, more potent, more tangible than just. . . poking around and hoping he stumbles across the answer]
[his reply is quiet, void barely above a whisper. his words are almost raw with feeling]
[The motion of his arms slowly guides her to rest her weight against him, a steady crumble of her composure, her arm slipping away from her face to curl fingers loosely in the space between them, resting against the rise and fall of his chest.]
Phoenix... h-he cared about all of you so much, and he was trying so hard... and he still--
[Her shoulders draw up, throat catching and voice so very, very small.]
...I don't know what else to do. He... he says I'm keeping everyone alive, but... almost half of us are dead... he's still dead... and I... I-I'm...
[She's still here. She doesn't voice it. She knows how Akira feels about the subject. But it doesn't change that this is utter agony.
Would the house just drag this on and keep her alive out of some sort of demented mercy? Could it even be called that, when every death felt like a nail to her heart?]
All I want is to keep the people here working together... to keep them safe... [Her fingers tighten against his clothing.] ...To keep you safe.
But I'm... I'm so scared. I've never, ever had dreams before. But I.... all I can see when I'm asleep, all I can worry about, is that when I wake up... this house is going to have taken everything.
I... even with everything he said... I feel so useless...
[it hurts, to hear her talking about herself like that. to hear her express her fears and insecurities and sorrow. it hurts to know that there isn't anything he can do to make it better, no matter how much he may want to. Nick is still dead, and right now. . . he can't do anything to bring him back]
[. . .]
[will they even be able to bring them back in the end. . .? he's heard hints of its possibility, but he has no guidance on how to achieve it. he knows he has to keep trying, no matter what, but even someone as strong and determined and ferocious as him has moments of doubt]
[moments where everything seems like so much. where the weight of his mansion bears down upon him like the pressure of the deep ocean. where everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. where he's holding someone he has come to care for very deeply in his arms while she cries and cries and cries over something neither of them had been able to prevent]
[. . .]
[he doesn't crumble. but he does bury his face against the top of her head, his eyes slipping shut as his grip on her tightens and her hair tickles his nose]
[She feels that tightening of his embrace, and for about the millionth time, she wishes her arm could be magically fixed, just so she could properly embrace the person holding her so close, trying his best to keep her from collapsing. Here he was, bearing all this weight once again... how many people did he support like this? How...
This compassionate, stubborn, tenacious spark of a human being in front of her... how exhausted must he really be right now? Even of his own admission?
Slowly, her arm moves once more, around his waist and up to grip at his shoulder, as though pressing herself to him might keep them whole for a little longer, speaking her words against his neck and not caring for anything, other than to escape the desperation that eats at her.]
I... don't want to burn out before I can see this all through.
I don't want to see it happen to you, either... I... I only hope I can give you anywhere near what you've given me...
[it's probably a good thing his face is pressed against the top of her head right now, because the movement of her lips against his neck draws a nice, scarlet blush to his features. his fingers curl into the fabric of her outfit, knuckles white]
You won't.
[he says that firmly, words slightly hoarse, like he's holding himself back from cracking]
You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Luna.
[It's probably for the best, considering her own mask is going all over the place with colors. Not that it matters. That desperation turns from their situation outwardly to their situation currently, to how safe she feels in this moment, to how much she wanted to protect this... She can feel her head growing hot, tense under the emotion of his voice and how he clings to her.]
...Please... please let me take care of you until then.
I...
Just thinking about you not being here, not doing everything you do... it makes it feel like the whole world might become so horribly cold without you.
[Her head shakes back and forth, the feel of that messy black hair just barely brushing her skin, feeling the beat of his pulse hammering under her grip on his back. He was here, still so wonderully alive, and...]
I don't want to be here at the end without you there as well. I don't.
[she might notice that his pulse beats unusually fast, thrumming through his veins at the pace of a butterflies wings. he feels a lump form in his throat as she continues to speak, to ask him to let her take care of him, to tell him how cold the world would be if he were gone. and he can't help but think. . .]
[it'd be awfully cold without you, too. wouldn't it?]
[. . . he knows what his feelings are doing. he isn't so stupid as to miss the signs, he isn't so stupid as to misinterpret his rapid heartbeat, or the way his stomach drops with the thrill of the moment, like he's plunging down a roller coaster's incline]
[. . .]
[can he. . .? is it fair? in a place like this? especially considering how earlier in the evening he--]
[. . .]
[he pulls back from the hug, albeit only slightly, and he thinks-- you make everything so much warmer, so much brighter, so much more worth it]
[he thinks that as he presses his hands to her cheeks and meets her gaze steadily, not an ounce of apprehension on his features despite the way nerves are fluttering]
I'm not going anywhere. Okay? I'll be here until the very end.
That's a promise.
[. . .]
[and he seals that with an affectionate smooch against the top of her head]
It happens so quickly, and yet seems to slow time completely, him touching her face with the same dark eyes filled with fire that she has seen earlier this week, promising to her that he'll be there... Her mask quickly washed over with pink, an unfamiliar rush in her chest that feels so frightening and new, all of her extremities suddenly tingling.
And then he leans in, pressing his lips against her hairline... and it's like her heart completely stops. What... was this...?
What WAS this?
She stays almost completely frozen as he backs away from the affectionate gesture, her mask a deep, deep pink as her entire face starts to flush, eyes staring at an unfocused part of his shirt near his collarbone.]
...I... I-I...
[It's new. It swells her throat, clenches her stomach, making processes she didn't even know she possessed start lighting up like fireworks. To feel such intense fondness, admiration, a need to be close and connected, a need to protect and defend, a need to trust and to comfort... to be comforted... to be... affectionate...
To be...]
...A...Akira...
[It's breathy and distant, her body stone still and mask not showing any signs of turning blue again for how much pink dominates, different shades now blossoming like a fire.
Her voice is barely above a whisper.]
You... I-I... I don't... [Her blush only deepens, mind screaming in a way that isn't entirely unpleasant.
She swallows, her grip on his back trembling.]
I don't... want this to go away. [This, this, whatever this was, familiar but not, bubbling over, frightening and warm...] I...
Is... is that wrong of me?
Edited (Wow now that its not 1am LETS FIX THIS A LITTLE BIT) 2020-03-26 11:29 (UTC)
[she doesn't have to define what this means for him; Akira picks up on the subtext easily. his hands move from her cheeks to her fingers, his own clutching at hers tightly, both hands enveloped warmly in his own. they're soft. . . he thinks, and he wonders why he hadn't noticed before, despite this not being the first time he's held them]
No.
. . . it isn't.
[because the truth was. . . he didn't want it to go away, either]
There's a slow, pained exhale at that, her eyes drifting shut. She lets her hands be guided into his own, the palm of her left still completely limp, still bandaged up to the knuckles, the wrist, the forearm. It aches, how she can't feel the warmth of his touch, how she can't lift her own fingers to gestures as she wants due to her own foolish, foolish mistake.
Her mind fights, the process against the emotion, unable to define it and drowning her in an unfamiliar sea. What... what should she be feeling right now? The girl in the Chinese room, flinging books off of shelves, seeing those unfamiliar words on a page - his feelings in a voice, in a look, in the way he holds her hands, in the way her own chest feels so full that it hurts - it's just familiar enough that she believes she MUST know it, somewhere, but no part of her extensive database can put a definition to it.
Her good hand trembles in his hold, mouth opening, then closing, then opening again, struggling to even form the words she wants to say. In the end, she nearly says nothing, leaning in to rest her forehead against his chest with her shoulders hunched tight, feeling as though, if she were to look at him right now, her mind might crash entirely.]
I... [A shaking exhale. A swallow. The weight of his hands and the strength of his grip is so comforting...]
I'm... I-I-I'm so sorry. I... don't really know what's happening to me.
[There's an odd bashfulness to the words she stutters out, but it isn't unhappy.]
[there is no should in a situation like this, Akira thinks. emotions are often fickle and volatile and easily misunderstood, prone to swinging one way and then the next, impossible to grasp despite how thoroughly they move people. he thinks he can answer her question, but. . . he knows it wouldn't be fair. he knows that he shouldn't]
[he knows this is something that she has to grapple with on her own, just as he has to grapple with--]
[. . .]
[he lets out a small huff, giving both of her hands a squeeze, gentle pressure applied even to the one that is loose and lifeless in his grasp]
That's okay.
[even people who are purely human don't know what they're feeling half of the time. and as long as she isn't unhappy, then. . . it's fine]
You don't have to.
[she can approach this however she wants, and regardless of how she comes out at the end of it all. . . he'll be there. and the fact that he can't give her an answer is, perhaps, why he mildly changes the subject]
It's not bad that you don't know. Sometimes, emotions are just. . . like that.
[LIKE THAT, because he doesn't know how else to explain it]
Don't worry about explaining it, either. Just focus on recovering, okay?
[getting a good night's rest so she can be awake and. . . well, maybe not better, but a little more willing to move forward despite the pain of Phoenix's death]
[...Mmm. There's a comfort that comes with his words, a little bit of room to forgive herself for how much this confuses her. But... part of her wonders if maybe... maybe she's looking too far into this? With how he words it... she can't tell if he's just being gentle or just... doesn't understand.
Maybe whatever she was feeling... wasn't entirely shared...? Even though...
...
That, somberly, settles her into something far more familiar. Unrequited affection was an old friend, even if it ached a little, even if she had no proof one way or another. It... felt easier this way.
...]
I'm... I'm not the one who has to worry about that. Really, I... as long as I can make sure people like you and Nic and Toi are all still... still okay...
That's what matters more to me.
Um... [She'll gently nod towards the garden, adjusting her grip of her good hand to try and lace her fingers with his.] I... I'm okay with... with just this. Just some quiet. [With him.]
[ah-- he feels a little heat rise to his cheeks as their fingers intertwine, but the contact. . . it's not bad at all, and he gives her hand a little squeeze as though to say so. and her request. . . honestly, after the pain of the entire weekend, he could use some peace and quiet, too]
[something to soothe the anxieties he keeps shoved so far down. the worries and fears he pretends don't exist, so he isn't bogged down by them]
I think I'd like that.
Just. . . some quiet.
[and with that. . . he tugs against her hand and begins to walk again]
[well, that sure was one exciting execution. er. . . "execution," he supposes. he imagines Luna is exhausted afterwards, so he gives her a bit of time to tend to Galo and Lio and recover. but he doesn't wait too long, because sometime on Sunday evening--]
[he seeks her out, a bag of tools from Peach clutched in his good hand. because a promise is a promise, and he intends to keep his, even if his attempts end in failure]
[She's in the astronomy tower, gazing up at the setting sun and the start of the stars peeking out of the sky. An unfamiliar coat rests on her shoulders, one far too big for her that she holds around her shoulders with her good hand like a blanket.]
[MORE STEPS FOR AKIRA. . . but considering the mansion is not ADA compliant, he is learning how to maneuver them more quickly each and every day. when he makes it to the top of the tower and finds Luna staring at the sky, he approaches quietly, not wanting to interrupt her solitude]
[instead of speaking to announce his presence, he reaches out to place his hand on her shoulder]
[There's a jump, though it's slight, her gaze jolting to the side. But her expression melts into something content and slightly enbarrassed when she recognizes who is behind her.]
Akira... [There's a pleased hum, almost a giggle under her breath.] I-I can't believe you climbed all those stairs again... You're going to wear yourself out.
[She looks like she wants to chide back at him for that. But her eyes fall on the bag, then back to him, like that somehow would clarify that what she was seeing is, in fact, correct.]
[Ahhhh putting her on the spot...! She takes a moment to struggle to her feet without dropping the coat to the floor.]
Um... we might want to move it to one of the laboratories first, but... y-yes, I found something. It's very, very technical, but I... I could try to explain it to you as best as possible...?
It doesn't matter how technical it is as long as you're there to put it into layman's terms for me.
[he will, of course, do his best, but. . . he will need to rely on her guidance at certain points in the process. after all, he's a normal, average teenager. with maxed out proficiency and knowledge, sure, but he's no Futaba]
O-okay. I'll... I'll go get a couple things from the infirmary, and the manual.
Could I meet you in the lab? That will give you some time to look through what Peach gave you. We might cover more ground that way. [And she is NOT making you walk up and down all those stairs, thank you.]
[he senses that ulterior motive to asking him to meet her in the lab, but you know what? stairs. are hard. so he'll take the out she's giving him and nod]
Sure thing. And hopefully by the end of tonight, we'll have your arm up and running, good as new.
[maybe not. . . perfectly good as new, but close enough]
[it's a busy day for one Kurusu Akira, who spends a lot of it exchanging information and trying to find one (1) missing Agni. and as the day comes to a close, he realizes there's still one person he hasn't checked on yet. someone who is probably just as affected-- if not more affected-- by these two deaths than Akira]
[he finds her in the graveyard, the evidence of his and Hunter's efforts from earlier in the day still visible. there are various mounds of freshly disturbed dirt scattered across the graveyard, like someone was digging there, looking for something else! haha. it's fine. it's totally fine]
[He will probably hear something before she ever hears him, the quiet sounds echoing off the graves. Her wings give her away, even folded up as they are where she sits, huddled on her knees in the grass, a necklace in one hand and something else gripped tightly in the other.
She'll turn her head slightly when she hears him.]
...Akira... [Mmm. She turns to look back at her lap, wings shifting.] Sorry. I... I needed a place to think...
[it's a quiet, slow, and slightly haunting melody. . . it gives him pause as he approaches, almost as though the moment is too raw for him to interrupt. but then she turns to address him, and there's no going back now]
I was looking for you.
[his smile is lopsided and apologetic]
I'm sorry if I interrupted anything.
im just using this icon cause god knows i will be spamming the robot enough tomorrow
[She'll nod, her posture slumping. Knowing that one of the most affected people in the house had been found was, in itself, a relief... even if it wasn't an entirely happy one to speak about.]
I'm... I'm just glad someone found him...
I feel so horrible... he was so close to Dazai, and he went out of his way to kill for Ayabe, and now...
[She trails off, the birdcage necklace in her hands slowly turning to a halt.]
Beau as well... I-I wasn't able to find her all day, and I know she was so close to Isaac...
[gently, Akira rocks to the side to brush his shoulder against Luna's. she's talking about other people, but. . . what about her pain?]
Mm. I know.
She asked me to look after Isaac if she ever died. I guess. . . she never thought someone would target a kid like him.
[he never called Isaac a kid to his face. he knew the younger boy would have hated that. but to Luna. . . ? he isn't about to beat around the bush of Isaac's age]
[it's hard to say, when they don't know the circumstances around either Ayabe or Isaac's deaths. he leans into her as well, sinking a little bit into the contact, even if it isn't entirely comfortable to press up against a metal robot skeleton i'm so sorry luna]
But we'll find out who is responsible tomorrow. Just like we do every week.
[It's fine, she knows she's not very cozy right now]
We know what's responsible. I...
I'm so tired of having to find a culprit when that's not the case at all. I... I hate that we're becoming... accustomed to this...
We can only lose three more. If someone is convicted, and they are killed... that brings us to two. And if someone is murdered and, likewise, their murderer convicted next week...
[She'll nod, but otherwise stay silent for a long few moments. She knows he's right. She knows that to look for a more immediate option, at this point, might not even be feasible. But after what happened with the red bell, with the eyes and the grin and the hunger that couldn't be satiated, it's hard not to be frightened of what's to come.]
I... I hope people are willing to speak towards Akechi's ideas, if they're able. I know emotions will be raw, but... if we really do have everything we need to make a decision about this place, we... we need to figure it out.
[It's hard to think about right this second, if only for how badly the loss of Ayabe and Isaac hurts her deep inside. But there's nothing she can do about those feelings right now, except stow them away.]
I think. . . we're at the point where everyone is. Honestly.
[or. well. he hopes they are. they need to be]
I'm going to make the announcement about his meeting first thing at trial tomorrow morning. Just to make sure everyone knows, and that no one gets too distracted from--
Mmm. No, there's no need. I... I spoke to him about it already.
[...]
Akira... I... I know the most important thing right now is to be honest with each other. It's... it's what I want more than anything else. But... I... [The words falter, as though she can't finish the thought.]
She, instead, wordlessly holds out her clenched grip - the one not holding the necklace. There's a flicker of color, but it's small enough that he won't be able to see without accepting whatever the hell she's holding.]
[but. Akira extends both of his hands, palms cupped together, to accept whatever it is Luna is giving him. he doesn't ask, because whatever it is will become clear in a few seconds, he's sure]
[. . . . . . . . . . . honestly, for a moment, he just kind of. . . blinks down at the phone, his thumbs tracing the edges, eyes wide with clear bewilderment.]
[but then it sinks in]
[and he lets out a laugh, breathless but not at all upset or offended or anything. he understands]
[because when she says that, all he can think about is that memory with Akane, and how that had stoked the flames of anger all the way down to his core]
[he's gotten used to staring at her mechanical face over the past week, and gently, he reaches out to press his hand against her cheek. or. . . where her cheek would be. it's strange, to have his fingertips pressed against cool metal instead of warm skin, but. .. ]
[. . .]
I don't know what you can or can't say. I have a lot of questions, but if it hurts too much, then. . . I won't ask.
[he thinks back to Luna theorizing that Nick had been killed for his special privileges, and he thinks. . . maybe, way back then, she had been trying to give him a hint]
If you mean not telling anyone what I found out here, of course I'd keep that to myself. Of course I would.
[but. . .?]
But the rest. . . we need to collaborate to some effect. Peach said so herself.
Peach is correct. Having everyone together has to be done, or... or we'll never find our solution. Akechi's meeting is still essential. There's just...
[Her empty hand lifts to touch the one resting against her face, his skin warm under the metal and plastic of her fingertips.]
There's just some things that might have to be left unsaid.
[he draws his hand away, but the movement is reluctant, and he aborts it after pulling back a few centimeters. and then he reaches for her hand, drawing it forward so he can place the phone against her palm]
One thing I learned from Peach's punishment the week she went too far in helping us is. . .
. . . we can't rely on the sisters, on Blue, on you guys to do everything for us. At some point. . . we have to stand on our own two feet.
[he curls her fingers around the phone gently, holding her hand now enveloped in both of his]
Thank you, Luna. For everything you've done.
god these tags are hard to write when i have no facial expressions to work with
[She just. Shakes her head in return, over and over. How she wishes she could explain herself. God, how she wishes she could just cry.
But she can't.
She just lifts her hand with both of his, lowering her forehead to it, just shaking her head back and forth insistently, repeatedly declining that what he says is true.
It's the closest thing to shedding tears that she can manage.]
[. . . he doesn't know what else he can do for her in this moment. everything he said about continuing on, standing on his own two feet, about taking things from here and solving the mysteries of this mansion without a crutch. . . he had meant it]
[he doesn't know what secrets she's holding back. doesn't know the things she isn't allowed to say. but he ducks his head forward, presses his forehead against the top of hers, and stays like this until she feels as though she can pull herself back together again]
[Thankfully, it's the barrage of questions she can't answer and emotions she can't field that are what locks her up. So as soon as he's gone quiet for a little bit, she seems to calm down in due fashion, her wings shifting to stretch open as she gently tries to straighten herself up with a shuddering exhale.]
...If three more people die... I think we're going to be in horrible, horrible danger. More than we are now.
What people have or haven't done... it won't matter if we can't finish what we've started.
We have to stop this. We... we're going to stop this.
She sets the phone aside, only to reach her own hand to take up his touch again, a little awkward with the lack of skin.]
It's why I came out here, you know. Whenever I come here and think of why this place is here, and what these tombstones might mean, especially given the stories we receive... I can't help but think of the people we're going to leave behind. Fifteen of our own... and nine other parties worth of those who failed to know what we've had time to learn about.
It's... a lot. I don't like the feeling of it at all. But...
I made a promise to Reito, that I would always be here to take care of him. That he would be able to see his family, and that he wouldn't have to feel alone. Even after everything that happened between us, I... I didn't ever want him to feel like he might be in danger.
[And now he's a statistic. A soul waiting to be eaten alive by the house in an arena they cannot touch, his life taken from him. Just like all the other spirits.]
[he says that so confidently. . . with everything coming to a head as it is, it's amazing how he still manages to sound so firm. how he manages to keep a hold of his courage and faith and determination, even when things could go oh-so horribly wrong with just one slight mistake]
[but hey. . . that's how he had always been, right? even when there is doubt churning in the pits of his stomach, crawling up his spine and sending shivers through his body. he shoves it aside to believe in himself, because he has to]
[because if he didn't, then he would fail. at least. . . that's what he believes]
...Right. Despite my worries... if we approach this any other way than head-on, then we'll more than likely seal our fate on hesitance alone. That's too big of a risk.
[...]
Your bravery is admirable. Has... anyone told you that before?
[here is where i would put my expressions IF I HAD SOME]
I think they go hand-in-hand sometimes. To hold onto an idea that's important, regardless of fears, regardless of what other people might say... it can be reckless, yes, but... I think it's still brave.
[he can't stick around while Brilith is working. if he did, then all he would be doing is pacing and waiting and stagnating and worrying. so he leaves Luna to Brilith, meanders the mansion to talk to people to exchange information, checking in on Brilith every so often to see if she needs help. and when the evening finally winds down, he falls asleep in the lab, slumped up against one wall with one knee drawn up to his torso and his head resting against it]
[. . .]
[he is asleep when Luna finally returns to full consciousness, whenever that might be. but he's a light sleeper, so he'll be able to hear it]
[She drifts in and out of low power mode as Brilith tirelessly works on her, trying to keep her sessions as short as possible. It's a lot. Errors flood her mind. It hurts. It hurts. But she lets Brilith work, noting how every waking moment seems to slowly get a little less overwhelming. She's being repaired. Perhaps not completely, but... enough.
It's near the end, when Brilith has finally, finally stabilized her enough to leave the lab and take a goddamn nap, that they now find themselves alone, both Akira and Luna essentially asleep. It's very, very, VERY early in the morning when Luna finally, carefully allows herself to come back online.
It's nothing, at first. Just the soft whir of her mechanisms as her body tries to sort itself out. She keeps herself perfectly still as the flooding of errors starts to pile up, acknowledging which ones were minor, which ones might be major, and which ones were impossible to ignore at all. She attempts to move an arm. Ten more errors fly up. It hurts.
Brilith isn't around... and Luna can't hear anyone else, nor has she turned her eyes back on to take a look around. She carefully puts her arm back down... and lets out a long, pained exhale.]
[it's a very quiet noise, but to Akira, it feels like an echo in a cavern]
[his groggy, drowsy mind immediately snaps awake, gaze flickering up, expression slack as he blinks away the excess sleep in his eyes. Brilith isn't around, and he and Luna are the only ones in the room, so that means. . .]
Lu-- Luna?
[brb time to scramble to his feet (sans crutch) to stumble towards her side]
i'm so done with the robot icon it can fucking jump off a cliff
Along with those errors comes a flood of emotion, of surprise, of confusion, of fear, on hearing such a familiar voice off in the background. How... how long had he been there? What time was it? She hears his stumbling steps, carefully turning her head towards the sound.]
...Akira...? [Most of the tinny quality has been repaired, leaving her voice, instead, raw and exhausted.]
[She feels that touch, the movement of her hand and arm sending errors of their own. She can't hide the full body flinch. But she does weakly curl her fingers underneath his.]
...Yes. Thanks to Brilith.
[She'll take in a shaking breath, turning on her eyes on her exhale. The light flickers more than it should, her body shuddering slightly. The feed still warps at first, colors and light not coming through correctly. But she gives it a moment, not looking at anything in particular. All she can do is tiredly lifting her shaking fingers under his grasp, letting him know she's awake, she's aware.]
[his fingers curl around hers as tightly as he can manage, although still not tightly enough to hurt her should her touch and pain receptors be sensitive. he dips his head down, resting his forehead against their conjoined hands, and just. . .]
[breathes]
[because it's true. she did break that promise, didn't she? but somehow, he can't bring himself to be angry with her at all. he's just. . . so relieved, so happy, that she's okay]
I'm-- [there's a choked note in his voice, but he swallows it quickly]
I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so glad you're alive.
[Her head turns, just enough that her adjusting eyes can try to see what he's doing. She hears that break in his voice, and it makes her chest twist with a tightened breath of a sound out of her mouth.
She lets her own fingers grip against his own, though there isn't much strength behind the action. She wants to lift her arm and place it in his hair, to touch his face, to see those dark eyes full of fire and let him know that she's still here. But she's drained, emotionally and physically, and the mere sight of him curled up next to where she's been sitting for hours is enough to wrench at her spirits. He's... worried for her.
...
It hurts. But she slowly lets some of her more human processes turn on, lets her chest rise and fall with the inhale and exhale of breath. The pain colors her voice noticeably, to be doing this... but she has no other way to subtly let him know that she's okay, awake, alive...]
I... I know you tried to help. I didn't want you to get hurt.
[the sight and feel of her shaking off his hand as she bolted towards Nic, towards Zenitsu, is still enough to make his entire chest clench with fear. is breath hitches in his throat, but he actively tries to smooth those feelings out. it's okay, he thinks. Brilith saved her.s he's okay]
[so why does he still feel like he's about to crumble into a thousand pieces. . .?]
I know. . . I couldn't have stopped you. No matter what I tried.
[To hear him exhaustedly concede like this is so unusual, a moment that feels oddly vulnerable, only reminding her of the conversations she's had in the limited times she has been awake, of how many concerned voices crept into her awareness, filled with dread or anger or exhausted relief.]
I... I won't ask you to forgive me. But I...
Even though I thought I was making the best decision... the decision I had to make to keep someone else from being harmed... I...
[Her voice cracks, the sound of her next breath flooded with emotion.]
I-I still... I still hurt a lot of people... didn't I...
[he shakes his head at that, though he still refuses to lift it from their linked hands]
There's nothing to forgive.
[because it hurts, but it was still her choice. her agency. her decision. something she wanted, and considering how much this house has taken from her and everyone within it. . . that means something]
Wordlessly, Luna shifts her body, just enough to bring her other arm over and place her free hand against Akira's hair.]
I... would have been so scared, if our positions had been switched. I don't... I don't know if I would know what to do. Even if I could try to help, I... I would still be horrified. Not just for what had happened, but...
The thought of truly losing someone I... I-I care so much about... I think it would paralyze me.
[and finally, with her fingers-- cool and hard as they are-- pressed against his hair. . . Akira looks up]
[he isn't crying, per se, but there is a certain glassy look in his eyes as he meets her gaze (or what passes for a gaze while she is like this) as firmly as he can. his grip on her fingers tightens, and he ignores the way the metal of her bones digs into the soft skin of his palm]
Yeah. It's terrifying.
[god is it terrifying. and they've both gone through it so many more times than what is fair during their time in this house]
And it's not. . . fair. That either of us are being put in that position. Is it. . .?
[and when he says that, it's clear he's referring to the house, to this game, to the circumstances surrounding their capture. not Luna's decision itself]
We should be. . . I don't know. Drinking coffee, or going out to see a movie, or shopping, or hanging out and playing video games, or-- or something. [a slight note of frustration seeps into his words] Something-- anything-- but this.
[She doesn't have the energy to fully sit up, to embrace him the way she wants when she sees that look in his eyes, a strong and stubborn and unfortunately overworked personality finally cracking at the seams.
She carefully brushes the bangs from his face, knuckles against his skin, her voice quiet as she repeats to him what he'd told her the week prior.]
[almost surreal, hearing those words echoed back to him nearly a week later, spoken from Luna like they're her own. he finds himself forgetting how to breath, even as his own eyes screw shut, even as he tilts his head into that touch which is somehow laden with warmth despite her current appearance]
[something snaps. something familiar and yet not, all in one]
Why. . .
[he breathes out that word, his features twisted and pinched together, and presses their joined hands against his face to try and hide his expression. he is trembling]
W-- why would I? There's nothing to c-cry about. . . you're okay, right? So it's. . . f-fine.
[Her touch stays as gentle as it has always been, stroking his hair, curling her fingers against his own and feeling herself ache even further at how Akira trembles under her hands.]
...You and I both know that nothing about this is fine, or fair, or normal. It's cruel. It's... it's exhausting. It's exhausting to... to be the one everyone else relies on.
If you could let someone like me, who doesn't even think of my emotions as completely real, still have a moment to mourn... then please. Please. Don't let this place convince you of anything else, other than its horror.
This place only takes, Akira. Even if all it takes in the moment is normalcy, or stability, or the comfort of knowing someone might be alive the next morning... it's okay to mourn what is being lost.
[he doesn't know what does it. he doesn't know, at what point, the part of him that was holding back finally decides to burst. all he knows is that the cracking grows louder, the tightness in his chest increases, his entire face feels hot and gross and--]
[and. . .]
[he pitches forward to bury his face against the table on which Luna rests, her hand still resting underneath him. he doesn't make any sounds-- each and every one is stifled before it can tumble from his lips-- but. . . the trembling increases]
[and it's so strange, so weirdly cathartic, to finally let go after six weeks of holding himself back]
[She won't interrupt. But Akira may hear her weight shift, her free hand moving to rest gently at the nape of his neck as she leans her head to rest against his, her face partially buried in the curly dark locks of his hair. It would be a kiss, were she in any other form but this.
[it might not be a kiss as Akira has come to know them, but the intent is there. . . and in these circumstances, it's enough]
[. . .]
[he tilts his head into it, lifting his face slightly so she can see the red of his eyes, even though he almost instantly lifts a hand to cover them, to wipe away whatever moisture was accumulating at the edges. he had his moment. he needs to focus now. . . doesn't he?]
[he is only allowed so long to break and crack and crumble. he needs to pull himself back together]
Sorry.
[he shouldn't be apologizing. Luna invited this, after all]
. . . I'm sorry.
[but he is not used to being this open, to being this vulnerable in front of others]
[She'll see that look in his eyes, noting it, but carefully turning her view from it, giving him the privacy he wants, instead resting her temple against his head as she speaks.]
I worry about you. You take on so much... and you try so hard to help everyone cooperate. But... I never see anyone do the same for you. And I... I worry. Even for the strongest people, or those with the bravest types of generosity... there's only so much hurt a heart can hold without collapsing.
[Her own hand stays steady in the grip of his trembling fingers, her thumb tracing a gentle circle against the flesh.]
I'm glad to see you let yourself be perfectly human. It... it lets me know that you're going to be okay.
[he huffs a small noise, something between a laugh and a sigh, and tilts his head into her temple as his eyes slip shut again. out of her view, he lifts a hand to wipe at his face, to rub away any lingering moisture on his cheeks]
I've been relying on other people. . . don't worry.
[leaning on others, allowing himself to be pep-talked when needed. but it's true he hasn't crumbled so thoroughly on any of them except for her, and he knows that says a lot about how much he trusts her]
It's easier to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. It's easier to remind myself to keep fighting, rather than to let myself mourn.
[There's a hint of amusement in her voice, though it's very, very gentle.]
The people who care about you want to listen, regardless of whether things are good or bad. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to save it for a private moment, but... you have to be able to talk about things that weigh on you at some point, or it will damage how you can help others.
[it's strange, to be reminded that people are relying on him. because as flawlessly as he had fallen into the role of Leader back home, with his Phantom Thieves, he had never been the most popular guy among his peers. he had never expected anyone else beyond his thieves to care about him so much]
[. . .]
[it's strange, but it's. . . nice. and it's nice to finally let some of this out to someone he knows will hold his hand until the moment passes]
[he shifts to pull away from her, though he doesn't go far, his forehead still close enough to be pressed against her cool, metallic one. his eyes are closed again, and his smile is wry and lopsided]
. . . thanks.
[for reminding him that he can break, too. for reminding him that breaking isn't the end, but rather the start of a new beginning]
[The hand at his neck gently slides up to rest right back in his hair, her touch light. She's not here to keep him from leaving, after all... only to let him know she's there.]
...You're welcome.
[It's genuine, warm and pleasant, even with the pained tone in every other syllable. She trusts him deeply, after all. To be trusted in return, and by someone she cares so much for... it makes her heart feel so full.
Her eyes flicker to the side as she catches sight of his crutch on the floor, abandoned.]
You... haven't been on the floor this whole time, have you? D-Did you get any sleep at all?
[please, as though he'd pull away and completely ruin a moment like this one. not even when she asks that question, concern lacing every word of her voice]
[he huffs a little, a small expression of amusement]
[and finally, he draws back, though only to search her. . . well. she doesn't have much of an expression right now, does she? he watches the way the red of her eyes flickers, the light dim but strong, and lets out a small breath]
Are you sure. . .?
[she probably needs the rest too, now that he's thinking about it]
[there is a brief moment where he looks like he's going to argue, but. . . her bony fingers touch his jawline, and he inhales a sharp breath that catches in his throat]
[. . .]
[he dips forward to press his lips against the cool dome of her skull, eyes slipping shut as he lingers far longer than he did the first time he kissed her forehead. and while there, he mutters]
[She tilts her head up to meet his affection, her whole body feeling warm and light at the touch of his kiss. It's still embarrassing, still difficult to wrap her mind around. But... there's something so soothing, something that brings to mind what she'd had to talk about to others, to herself, that new and confusing and wonderful feeling that she only seemed to come across around him and him alone.]
I will be at Akechi's meeting, as best I can be. Right after... right after whatever happens outside.
[for now, that will have to suffice. he isn't exactly ready to pull away when he does, but he forces himself to stand up anyway, fingers trailing from hers]
You get some rest too, then. I promise I'll sleep as much as I can.
[and maybe now that he knows she's okay, he'll be able to sleep just fine]
I will. I don't think I will be of much use tomorrow if I can't even walk down the stairs. [There's that tinge of amusement again, subtle, if only to try and help him relax.
[The mood around the mansion is so... odd today. Not quite sad, but... not quite happy, either. There's elation, but there's anticipation, a fear of the unknown fighting the comfort of seeing those that had been lost. It's why Luna doesn't try to look for him right away. She knows that catching up will do some good. But.. there's still something that sits in her mind, moreso now that she's spoken to Reito again.
So once the day has had some time to move along, she goes looking for Akira. If she finds him in the company of another, she politely leaves them be. But eventually, she'll find him alone, rummaging around the kitchen.]
[the feeling blanketing the mansion is a bit strange. . . the melancholic presence of their deceased friends, along with the announcement by the sisters, layers everything in a sort of tense anxiety that only the unexpected could bring. but Akira decides to focus on the positives for now, because despite everything that's happening, he wants to go into the week with a courageous mind]
[Luna will find Akira blessedly alone as he rummages through the kitchen for some curry ingredients! looks like he's about to start cooking, though he stops when Luna approaches]
[she looks nice, he thinks to himself, because after a week of her being nothing but a metal skeleton with bright, red eyes, it's. . . very nice, to see her looking like her old self. very nice to be able to see her smile, and her gentle expression, again]
Oh, no. I'm just making lunch.
[gestures to the ingredients he's grabbed so far]
You can stick around if you'd like; you won't bother me at all.
[at that, his expression flickers, but it's in the same moment that he ducks his head. despite his display of vulnerability and honesty the day before, it seems like some habits are just. . . to difficult to break]
. . . of course I did. What else was she going to use?
[it's a bit hypocritical, he thinks, to say what he's about to say next. especially considering what he told Brilith after she attempted to deflect his gratitude]
You don't have to thank me.
[his voice is quiet, and he lifts his gaze towards her again]
I don't have to, no. But... I think it's important that you still hear it. I... I was very frightened the entire time, even with Brilith's confidence. But when I saw what she was using for guidance, it... it made me feel as though you had in a hand in everything as well, even if she wouldn't let anyone else inside while she was working.
[Guess who doesn't know Akira was ever in the room until the end, there. Hahah. Funny.]
Anyway. I... actually wanted to find you to properly apologize for our conversation on Saturday.
I think you understood the basics of what I wanted to say, even if I couldn't say it at the time. It just... hurt not to be able to be honest with you, even though I wanted to.
I... wanted you to know that our services are no longer required by the staff, as of this morning.
It was a message sent by Blue to those of us who were asked to help. I believe that the roles we played will no longer be necessary.
But... yes, I'm able to speak about it freely now. If Akechi was able to tell you things, then I don't know if I can be more thorough than him. He was a backbone for us after Phoenix left. But... I can talk about it, if there was anything that didn't make much sense.
[which isn't surprising, after the announcement the girls made around noon. for a moment, Akira looks pensive, before he gestures to a seat near the counter. suddenly, lunch seems oh-so unimportant]
I was actually allowed to pick two people, not just one. One from a monster, and one from the acts of a human being, like Chuuya or Nie Huaisang. If I were to get either of them right, then yes, I would swap places with them. I would be notified in advance so that I could defend myself if needed.
When Goro and Phoenix found that out, they were the ones who demanded a compromise from the staff. Theoretically, we could have planned an intervention.
...It never happened, though. None of my guesses were correct when they needed to be.
When Asch was sentenced as an innocent party, I... I went to the staff and begged them to let me use my abilities to take his place. They refused.
That's... why I was in such horrible shape when you came to find me later. I... I couldn't process it. It's the second time that I have had the ability to intervene to save human life, and I...
[She inhales, then exhales, her fingers tightening into her skirt. No. This was different from Rhizome-9. This was different than what Akane had asked her to do.
...]
I just wasn't lucky enough to be able to act. So I... I logically know that it's not my fault.
I just... still feel like I was ultimately useless in what Blue had asked of me. That's all.
[he knew what her answer was going to be long before he had asked the question, so his expression is soft, edged only by a gentle smile. he extends a hand across the counter, palm facing the ceiling, fingers slightly curled]
[because he also knows exactly what to say to this]
[he takes her hand in his own for the umpteenth time she's he's known her, carefully cradling it in one hand while the fingers of his other trace idle patterns against her knuckles]
[. . .]
[his hands are slightly calloused compared to hers, from months of wielding a weapon and fighting against the negative aspects of humanity's subconscious]
I've always like holding our hands. They're warm, you know? Warm and soft and solid and grounding.
[. . .]
Have you ever stopped to think about how many people you've been able to help with them?
[Her expression twists, a noticeable change as she struggles not to argue, her eyes never leaving where her hand meets his. No, no one dying where she could have easily died is every the right option. It should never be the right option. But, at the same time... she thinks back to what Phoenix had written, of what others had said. She thinks back to Asch, and to Nic, and to Toi, and even to the young man in from of her now, who would have easily passed on from their injuries without medical assistance. She thinks of how often she was woken up in the middle of the night to attend to a wound, or to check up on someone, or to watch over an unconscious body.
...
Maybe... maybe they really did have a point.
She can't form her conflict into words. She can barely form it into thoughts.
[he knows that his speech won't soothe all of her wounds, all of her guilt, but at the very least. . . he hopes he can help her see things in a different perspective. a perspective that helps her pull her chin up and move forward, to keep fighting, despite the pain]
[his smile widens, and he gives her hand a squeeze with both of his own]
Thank you for everything you have done for us, Luna.
[There's still that slight, uncertain edge to her smile, when it finally comes. But it's still a smile, still genuine enough to reach her eyes as she returns the grip on her hand, looking up at him with eyes that are so, so tired, but frank and grateful.]
You're welcome.
I... feel I should be telling you, that, though. You're part of the reason we've even come so far in the first place.
All of us that were in line with Blue... we all knew we could rely on you to trust us and try to lead people in the right path. The week that we decided to make sure you weren't a monster, I... I'm pretty sure we all nearly fainted out of relief when we found out you were going to be okay.
I don't know where we would be if you hadn't believed in our cause as thoroughly and passionately as you did.
It's okay. Even those of us that were technically working for him didn't know what to think for a long time.
[Mmm, but that mention of Akechi...]
Goro is... complicated. But I think his heart is in the right place. Just... hurting.
I hope someday he can find a way to something better, where he doesn't have to lash out or belittle others or torture himself. But that's... that's something that he has to work towards on his own. So I think if he's lucky enough to have a friend like you at his side... he might be okay someday.
[Her lips thin as she thinks through something else, leaning over to put her other hand on top of both of Akira's. Hand pile.]
If... if there's any way we can give him a second chance, Akira, I... I would really like to find it. I think he deserves it more than he would ever want to admit.
He didn't tell me. I... I found out on accident, unfortunately. But...
I know there's good in his heart. Despite everything that's happened to him, and everything he may have done to fill... whatever hole his life has left behind.
[There's a heavy pause after that, because really, Goro Akechi is such a horrible, complex string bean of a human. But it hurts to think of him leaving this place completely unchanged. She hopes, at the very least, he doesn't feel so alone in the world.]
...A-anyway.
You wanted to know who it was that I chose. Could I ask why?
[Akira likes to think he has changed. . . like to think that he has observed those changes first hand during their time in the mansion. but that is a horribly complex subject, isn't it? so. . .]
[when Luna moves on, he does as well]
Oh-- right. It was mostly curiosity, and because I thought you might have felt guilty over not choosing correctly.
[he shakes his head]
I don't need a list or anything. So long as you take what I said to heart. . . then it's okay.
[There's an odd sort of relief, in not having to share her choices. It's not that they mattered anymore, of course, but her sense of priorities is far different than a person's.
Well... she would like to think so, anyway.]
I... I do feel guilty, in a way, but... mostly because more than once, I chose the correct person, and the correct type of attack... but the timing was wrong. That... that was hard. It felt really, really unfair.
We don't have to talk about it anymore. [not if it still stirs in her feelings of guilt and helplessness] From here on out, we can focus on what we can both do to send everyone home alive.
[It's more an apology of habit than anything else, since she doesn't shrink away afterwards. Her hands curl against his, taking in the warmth they bring, fingertips resting against skin far more worn and real, hands that tell a story in a single touch.]
I think that might be the only thing specific to me, I'm afraid. Certain items I was able to negotiate from the staff due to my position, such as the epipen of sedative and the luminol. But that's about all I was able to do. Anything else, I think Akechi would probably have covered.
That's... one of the other things I wanted to talk about, actually. N-not Akechi, but, um... going home.
[Even if she were to go home in one piece... she's locked in a building forever. And if she wasn't lucky enough to be able to go home alive... well... then maybe this really was hell after all, albeit a much nicer one than she imagined in the end.]
[oh. . . that's right, isn't it? Luna's future at her own home was--]
[. . .]
My offer still stands, you know.
[he says that so simply, so easily, without an ounce of hesitation. he had offered for Luna to accompany him back to his world should she choose to do so. and he wasn't about to retract that offer now]
[There's a broken happiness to how his name falls from her lips, one of her hands moving to press over her mouth for a moment.]
I'm... I'm so scared to, but I... I-I want...
[A pause. She swallows hard, her feelings all swarming inside her like a live circuit, overwhelming but not entirely unpleasant.]
N-no. No, I... I talked to Galo about this. That... that sometimes you have to face your fear, and that if you push through it, whatever happens, a-at... at least you can be proud of yourself for giving it your all...
[Her eyes settle on his as best they can, fearful but wanting.]
I don't want to have regrets. I... don't want any more regrets... I don't want to die.
[Her jaw sets, eyes flashing with determination. Where the FUCK DID THIS COME FROM. Letting go of Akira's hands, she spins on her heel and whips around the island counter to stand face-to face with him, as though she has something extremely urgent that's come to mind. And yet she hesitates with a face blossoming an amusing shade of pink, blue eyes still fearful, wanting, trying--
No regrets. No regrets. Come on, Luna, what would Galo do....]
Akira! I-I...
I...
I-I'm going to kiss you, and it's Blue's fault, and I-I'm very, very, very sorry--!
[She doesn't wait for a response, taking two strides forward, cupping his face in his hands, and lifting herself up just enough to press her lips to his.]
[he waits patiently for her to puzzle out what she wants on her own, ready and willing to accept whatever conclusions she comes to. whatever choices she makes, by her own will, her own power, and her own freedom. he watches her quietly, fondly, fingers still playing with hers as much as she'll let him, growing used to and enjoying their weight against his hands]
[before he can do anything, she's on her feet, whipping around the table with speeds he has only seen from her one the scene of someone else's injury. his expression speaks his bewilderment plainly for him, features slack and eyes wide and mouth falling partially open until she's right into his personal space and there is no helping the rush of heat that blossoms onto his cheeks]
W-- wait, you're going to-- what--
[is. . . about all he has time to say, all he has time to comprehend (WHAT DOES BLUE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING????) before her hands are on his cheeks and she leans in so close he can see the deep blue depths of her eyes, wide and open like the sky, like something he could fall into and lose himself in oh-so happily, and--]
[and then his hand lifts up, fingers curling into the collar of her shirt to prevent her from pulling away, just. . . just so she doesn't misunderstand what he does next]
[because. . . half of his brain wants him to kiss her back]
[and the other half wants him to laugh]
[GUESS WHICH HALF IS WINNING]
[hint: it's the laughter]
Edited 2020-03-31 02:39 (UTC)
this is the stupidest thing we've ever done and im so happy
[I'M SO SORRY!1 but he is absolutely laughing, a breathless, extremely charmed noise as his grip on her collar tightens. and somewhere amidst the chortles, he manages to speak--]
[nothing but fondness in his tone as he lets go of her collar to hook his hands behind her head, to draw her forward so their foreheads are touching. his smile is bright and brilliant, stretched all the way across his features, lighting up the room with every curve of his lips]
[but he finds that he likes this. this kind of proximity, having her pressed so close, flushing furiously over his lighthearted teasing. he laughs again, though it's a short, breathless noise, and draws one hand from the back of her head across her cheek, down her chin, fingers curling underneath to tilt her head up ever so slightly]
[and in this moment. . . in this perfect, warm, and happy moment. . . he knows what his heart wants]
[he breathes her name, and there's almost an apologetic tone in his voice as his fingers dance across her chin, up her jaw so he can tuck a strand of bright red hair behind her ear]
I want to-- [kiss you back, he thinks. and in this moment, he has never wanted anything more in the entire world. but. . .]
I want to, but I need. . . can you-- [oh god how does he explain this. the way he ducks his head ]
It's selfish, but can you wait for me? Just until this is all over. Because there's-- [. . . ] . . . there's someone else I need to resolve things with first.
The flush doesn't leave her face. But there's a horrible sting to the heat as she struggles to respond, her heart sinking straight into her stomach. She... she thought...
...
She doesn't answer. But her embarrassment is rapidly turning to shame, everything suddenly feeling very, very cold.
So she just nods, eyes dropping to the floor, backing away from the touch at her ear as her posture starts to deflate.]
[and just like that. . . the moment is gone, fragile enough to be blown away by a gust of sharp wind. Akira feels his heart wrench, and his back stiffens, because he doesn't--]
[he doesn't want her to go yet]
[she pulls away from his touch and he lets her, though not before dropping his hands to grab hers, grip tight]
No, no. It's not what you're thinking. It never could be. It never would be. I don't-- I don't have those kinds of feelings for them. I never did, and I never will. I couldn't.
And I never wanted from them what I want. . . [a pause, and a breath] From you.
[there's emphasis on the word you, a breathless quality to his voice that he doesn't bother to hide. but even so. . . he knows how hallow the excuse sounds to his own ears, and his grip on her hands becomes just a little more tight, fingers trembling]
I just need some time to clear the air between us, so you don't get hurt. That's. . . all.
[another pause, and he ducks his head]
. . . but if you don't want to wait, that's okay. But I-- [. . .] I really. . .
[In a better moment, she might listen to the words out of his mouth with a little more care. But her heart feelings like its slowly being peeled into pieces, and what little courage she had mustered up has only been replaced by the same fear that kept her silent at home, a choking, tight pain that locks up her throat.
She wants to believe him. She flinches every time something he says truly, truly hurts.
Her hands don't grip back, the shame on her face only deepening.]
...
Why didn't you... [Tell her? Say something? Ask her to stop???]
...
...
I'm... I'm sorry. I guess this wasn't what I...
...
I... I think it would be better if I just... go. [He'd have his space. His time. His people that he cared for. And she....
she would...
...
not.
With a weak grip, she pulls her hands back, immediately withdrawing from him.]
Excuse me.
LIES DOWN ON THE FLOOR............. I REGRET AKIRA'S STUPID MISTAKES
[. . . he's such an idiot, letting his impulsiveness get away from him like this, and before he can stop himself--]
[his fingers curl around her wrist, grip almost desperate, even though he realizes that it isn't his place to ask her to stay when he's the reason her heart is shattering]
[he blurts out the words quickly, sharply, a desperate quality to them]
-- I don't want you to go.
Please don't. . . go.
[does he really deserve to ask her to stay like this. . .]
You're the one I want-- I want-- to stay the most.
[The words hit just as hard as a physical blow, Luna bodily flinching.
It hurts. She tried, she tried for her happiness, she tried to be brave, and it just burns like an open wound, raw and horrible.
...
He reaches out, grips her wrist with a painful tightness, anchoring her in place. She stops, too tired to rip herself free again. But she doesn't bother to look up, or to answer, desperately wishing that she hadn't even bothered with what she had so foolishly decided to do mere minutes ago.
If he wanted anything, then why... why did he trick her like this?
It stirs up something sour and hurt, shamed and angered tears watering her eyes. But she doesn't cry. She doesn't do anything.
She just stands, stone still, either waiting for him to speak, or to let her go.]
[. . . she still doesn't speak, but she also doesn't pull back. his grip on her wrist loosens a bit, but he doesn't let go. not yet. if she's sticking around, then. . . that means she's listening. that means he has a chance to make her understand something that he still barely does]
[that means he has to explain. it hurts to see her like this, so despondent, so ready to flee and give up, like all of this is her fault when Akira is really the one to blame]
. . . you've dealt with Akechi. You know what he's like. And our relationship is. . . complicated.
[putting it mildly]
After Nick died, he was so-- so angry. He almost destroyed his page in Nick's notebook, and I thought. . . that was just an insult to everything Nick had tried to do, you know?
We got into a fight. He punched me, and I punched him. I kept trying to make him understand that people like Nick-- like me-- cared about him, but it's hard to get anything through that thick skull of his.
[. . .]
So I kissed him. To calm him down, and to make him understand that people do care about him. Me included.
[a sharp exhale. a small, helpless shrug. his body goes limp, fingers on her wrist loosening even more. but still. . . he doesn't let go]
. . . I don't think it was the right way to convey what I was trying to convey, though.
[She remembers that night. She remembers Akira coming to find her, covered in bruises... showing her Phoenix's notebook... kissing her chastely the exact same night.
...
...
Was it just the same thing, then? Was all of this, just...
...
Miscommunication has her wires crossed and her emotions completely upended, bubbling up inside her. How badly she just wants to scream.
But she doesn't. He... was just trying. Like he tried with her. Maybe like he tried with... who knows what else in this place. Maybe this was just... how he was.
...
Her voice is quiet, almost dull, though it leaks the hurt that bleeds from her chest into every crack of her body.]
...You're really important to him, you know.
I... think that might be a more... a more worthwhile thing to focus on than...
[Her.]
...
[Slowly, with her free hand, she lifts her hand up to slip her necklace over her head. She can't quite meet his eyes. But she does hold it out to him.]
...
Just... promise me you'll come out of this alive. That's... that's all I...
[That's a lie, it's a lie, she wants happiness she wants freedom she wants--
[she isn't. . . fully listening, is she? is she blaming herself? is she thinking herself not worthy. . .? he doesn't know what's going through her mind at the moment, but her body language is so closed off, so restricted, so hurt that it aches. he really is an idiot. isn't he?]
[but she pulls off her necklace and holds it out to him, the pendant resting in her palm, the chain dangling from the edge of her hand. and he wants--]
[-- he wants her to ask more of him. he wants to give her more, and he doesn't. . . know how to make her understand]
[. . .]
. . . I don't want that. I don't want to focus on. . . that.
[he doesn't. he knew that even when he did kiss Akechi, despite the well of messy and complicated feelings the action drew forth. he reaches up with his free hand to take the pendant from her, fingers brushing against her palm, curling around the item tightly. he allows his hand to linger there, resting against her own]
. . .
I want--
[I want what we had earlier]
I want. . .
[. . . I want more of that in the future]
[he draws his hand back, but only so he can pluck off his glasses, folding the ears across the lenses as he places them back into the palm of her hand, curling her fingers around same tightly]
. . . I want you to come back alive, too. I want you to do what makes you happy. I want you to keep chasing a life that's worth living.
[all he has ever wanted for her was her own happiness and agency]
And selfishly. . . [as though he hasn't been selfish enough] I want you to give me a chance.
I know you don't want to focus on it. You keep saying that like it... like it means something. But... in admitting that it weighs on you this much... aren't you also admitting that your focus is already trying to direct you somewhere important?
...
[She slips her hands away fully, although she does not give him back the glasses. Instead, she wordlessly moves to the other side of the kitchen, pulling out some cooking twine and ripping off a piece just large enough to tie around her neck, knotting the glasses to it as well before slipping them to rest under her shirt.]
...
I... I really don't think you do know what you want, Akira. This... wouldn't be an issue if you did.
I'm... sorry if I just made it worse with everything I've done. But...
If... if you do figure out your answer, I... I hope it's one you feel confident in. I just... want it to be yours.
[this time. . . he lets her pull away, a sudden rush of cold replacing the warmth where her hands used to be. he swallows thickly, watching as she grabs the kitchen twine, as she ties them around his glasses and then loops the creation around her neck]
[there's a lot he wants to say, but there's one thing that stands out amidst it all--]
You didn't make anything worse, Luna. If anything. . . you made it better.
[and that. . . is firm. because none of this is her fault, and he refuses to let her take the blame for his own misdeeds]
[She stays quiet, nonreactive to the firmness of his statement. Perhaps because it just sounds a little too empty within the context of their conversation. But... she doesn't quite believe it. If he didn't understand his feelings, then what made that statement any different?
She doesn't give him a nod or shake, a yes or no. She just looks up at him, her eyes heavy and glassy and extremely difficult to read.]
It's not something for me. I... I would prefer you take the time you need to sort it out, rather than someone else's emotions cloud your judgement.
...
Please... Don't rush an answer just because I chose a poor time to make a... a silly mistake. I... I trust you. I know you can consider all possibilities, even if they are the hard ones. So I would rather you do that. Whether I can hear it or not... that isn't important.
I just want to believe you can find it someday.
...
[She lets out an exhale, pressing the back of one hand against her eyes for a moment. The chance that this could be their last conversation makes her want to vomit up every part of her, machine or otherwise. But he had more important things in life than a robot with a crush. Much, much more important things.]
I... think I've taken enough of your time. I need to speak to Brilith, regardless.
You really should eat something, okay? I'll leave you to it.
[And just like that, she's headed towards the kitchen entryway.]
[out of everything she's said so far, it's a silly mistake that hurts the most. like someone gripped his heart and twisted, squeezing it tightly enough to stop it's rhythmic beating. for a moment, his heart does stop, breath catching in his throat]
[and for the first time, she'll see a flicker of pain, of hurt, in his expression. but what else can he do. . .? what else can he say? is it a matter of her just not believing him, or. . .]
[. . .]
Lu--
[he wants to stop her again, but perhaps. . . she needs some time alone to sort out how she feels. and perhaps all he says now is just making things worse]
[. . .]
[maybe he. . . really does need some time to figure out his own answer. . . to figure out a way to give it to her so that she believes him]
. . . okay.
[he lifts a hand, scrubbing a bit as his features]
[he doesn't get much sleep Monday night, if he's being completely honest. there's too much on his mind, too much riding on the days to come, and an uncomfortable anxiety settling in the pit of his stomach, heavy and debilitating]
[. . .]
[so he spends Monday night doing something else. he spends Tuesday morning gathering up his thoughts and trying to put them together in a coherent, understandable way]
[and he finds her in the infirmary about an hour before she leaves. he leans his shoulder against the door frame and knocks gently to announce his presence before her name falls from his lips, tentative and somewhat uncertain]
[She's off in the corner next to one of the cabinets, gathering supplies with a slow, cold efficiency. She doesn't want to do this. She's frightened. She's tired. She's... hurt. But she knows what's likely to be ahead, and she knows she has some sort of responsibilty to the ones she had decided to go with.
At the sound of her name, the sound of his voice - HIS voice, both the one thing she wanted to hear and the very last thing she wanted to deal with - Luna freezes. Just for a moment, letting out a rough, pained exhale through the nose... before quietly continuing what she was doing.]
[he doesn't expect her to turn around to face him, so for now. . . the cold, distant acknowledgement is enough, even if it stings. he manages to keep his expression even despite his urge to flinch, and with a sharp exhale of his own. . . he steps into the room]
I--
[in his hand he holds a small, letter-sized envelope, flat except for a tiny bulge in the middle that ruins its shape. he doesn't stop walking until he has crossed the room to where she is, standing a few feet away to give her space]
. . .
[and then, with the envelope clutched in both hands, fingers digging into the paper so tightly it crinkles. . . he dips forward in a very, very formal and deep bow, entire body bent at his waist]
Luna, I am so, so, so sorry. For your courage, for your bravery, you deserved a much better response from me than-- that.
[he doesn't budge from where he stands bent over apologetically, either. he doesn't lift his head-- won't lift it-- until he is finished]
Every time I held your hand, or kissed your forehead, or laughed with you or smiled at you or spent time with you or cried with you. I was. . . asking.
[even if not verbally. but to Akira, actions had always spoken so much more loudly than words, anyway. his grip on the envelope tightens so much that he fears he may tear it]
. . . so I'm sorry. For asking, and then having the gall to react the way that I did, even knowing what it is I've wanted all along.
She shudders despite herself, needing to press a hand to her face until she can pull herself back together. Once she has, Luna sighs tiredly, her voice a little weaker.]
Didn't I ask you not to rush through your answer for this?
You've only known me for six weeks, Akira. Just six weeks. After today, that... [It might be over, though she can't bear to say it.]
You've been kind, compassionate, friendly, but... you're like that with everyone. I...
I... don't think I know what it is you've been asking at all.
[. . . he allows himself to straighten, but only slightly, only so he can lift his head to watch her movements, to read what little body language she allows to seep through]
This isn't rushed at all. I've known my answer. If I asked for time yesterday, it wasn't because I didn't. It was just because I wanted to make sure I wasn't. . . hurting anyone's feelings.
[hers, or Akechi's. but that plan backfired a whole lot]
. . . but I wound up hurting them, anyway. And that's why I'm apologizing, because. . .
[a shaky breath]
There are so many things I should've done different. And I want. . . to try again.
[but that, of course, depends on her. on her and what she has the strength to do when her heart is still reeling. he's prepared for her to say no, at the very least. but it doesn't hurt to ask]
Slowly, she turns, her expression flat as her eyes follow the line of his body, bent over in solemn apology. He's saying words without explaining, leaving her to guess at his intention, his meaning, what in the world his answer even was.... which stings her heart.]
[he sees her turn around, and only then does he straighten completely, lifting both hands that are clutching the envelope up to his chest]
Because I like you.
[the words come out with an exhale of breath, a confirmation of something he had danced around but never fully. . . said]
Or. . . maybe that's not a strong enough of a word for it. But I like you. So much that it hurts, but not in a bad way.
[ah--]
[he swallows thickly, and holds the envelope out to her]
I want. . . you to come home to Tokyo with me. I want to take you to Leblanc and have coffee together, even if you can't drink it. I want to show you around my home city, and introduce you to my friends and my family, and take you to the top of the Sky Tower so you can see what the whole city looks like illuminated at night. It's-- it's beautiful, you know? I want six weeks to be more than six weeks. So much more.
[. . .]
I want to take you to an amusement park, and go on a roller coaster together, and laugh at the stupid picture they take of us as we're dropping down the incline. I want to wear one of those stupid animal-ear headbands together and watch people roll their eyes at us when we're sappy on the subway ride home. I want all of that, and--
A. . . anyway. [with the envelope still held out, he ducks his head again] . . . you don't have to do anything now, if you don't want to.
[. . .]
I want you to have this. You don't have to open it yet, but if you ever feel like you can forgive me for being a jerk, or that you still want all of that too, then--
[Her expression doesn't change, despite the horrific mix of emotions his words being. It's calming. It's cruel. It's wonderful. But it isn't hers to have. She wants. But... she wants someone else to be happier. He hasn't even mentioned Akechi. She thinks it might very well be intentional.
Her mouth twists with effort as blue eyes trace down to the envelope, crinkled and torn from his nervous grip. She can't tell what is, and she doesn't feel like she can commit to what he'd asked right now by opening it. Her chest still hurts to listen to him, to see him...
...
She'll extend a hand, delicately taking the envelope, before silently slipping it into the pockets of her dress. Her eyes fill with pain.]
I'm.... I'm sorry. That's not...
I can't answer this. Right now of all times is... bad.
[a tiny sense of relief floods through his veins when she takes the envelope, his hands falling away. but. . . it's only a small flicker. the pain in her expression is still evident, and until it's gone--]
[. . . ]
I know.
[he knows his timing isn't great. but he couldn't just let her go without saying something. without doing something. he knows he'll see her again on the other side-- has to believe that he will, lest his heart ache all the more with the thought that their separation is like this-- but it's still. . . terrifying]
[Her hands wring together, gaze to the side. She chews over her words for a long moment looking extremely uncomfortable.]
Having things hidden away... it... it really, really hurts to find those things, Akira. But...
It hurts even worse to... to just have to guess.
[She doesn't know what to think. She's still so upset, the feeling that he's just apologizing to calm her down prominent on her mind. Was he just leading her along for fun up until now? Would he end up treating her, talking about her, viewing her in the same way? She... she doesn't know anymore. She doesn't know if she wants to find out.]
[a shaky breath out, and although part of him wants to look away, he doesn't. he keeps his gaze affixed on her, watching her every move, her every facial expression]
[. . . what had she been about to say?]
[. . .]
Yeah. I should've said it all a lot sooner.
[last night, maybe. . .? the only reason he didn't back then was because he wasn't sure she'd believe him. does she believe him now?]
[. . .]
[a tiny huff, and his eyes finally flicker to the side]
But everything I just told you. . . that's how I really feel.
[. . .]
And whatever you decide to do with that. . . I'll respect your choice.
She doesn't believe him. She wants to, desperately. But she can't.
...]
...
I should go. Brilith and the others will be wondering w-where I am. [She hoists the bag of supplies up and over head, though she doesn't move to leave just yet, hands buried against the strap of the bag she carries.]
...
Akira...
If... if you really kissed Akechi that night to try and calm him down when he was upset...
Then I... I don't want to know why you tried to do the same with me.
[The same night, over the same issue, when she was also upset. It haunts her, a shuddering weight in her stomach even voicing it out loud.]
I'm sorry. I...
...
Goodbye.
[If he responds, she will not listen. She'll simply take her supplies and immediately beeline for the door, before her words betray her any further.]
[he gaze snaps back towards her, yanked back into focus by those words. his mouth falls open for a moment, expression slack, the words dangling on the tip of his tongue. by the time he has the presence of mind to speak, she's already at the door]
W-- wait, you think that I--
[a bit breathless as it all suddenly clicks into one horrible and painful place]
You think it was the same? Luna-- it wasn't--
[he takes a step towards her, trying to stop her from leaving, but considering his delayed response. . . she is probably out and gone before he can]
[She's gone WELL before he can try. It's questionable that she even heard what he said. All she does is move, cold and upset and tired and frightened and trying her best to think of what she has to do, to the task at hand... rather than dwell on the words of Kurusu Akira.
but even as the group steps through the room of req
even as she forces everything down to try and think of saving humanity, of saving those trapped in this place
[she's gone, and he isn't even sure she heard him, and his throat feels tight and his face burns and--]
[. . .]
[. . . he slumps against the wall, furiously scrubbing at his face, a string of barely audible curses whispered upon his lips. and before he pulls himself upright. . .]
[he lowers his hand, curls his fingers into a fist, and brings same down against the wall as hard as he can]
[She's tired. She's so, so tired. With so many people back in the shared space, it's hard to find anywhere private, and the bedrooms have changed drastically enough that she knows she can't retreat there anymore. So she tries for the lounge, hoping she might be able to find one of the couches free.
Instead, she opens the door... and finds Akira.
...
Her gaze drifts to the floor as she closes the door behind her.]
[their new and tightly packed living area is why Akira is in the lounge in the first place, to be perfectly frank. his room was never quiet, what with Chuuya staying there with him, but it was at least a little. . . peaceful. now? finding peace is almost impossible, and Akira was lucky enough to claim one of the lounge couches for himself without any competition]
[but he only maintains the quiet, sprawled out on one of the couches in deep exhaustion, for a few minutes before Luna enters]
[. . . not that he minds her presence, of course. not that he ever has. as she shuts the door behind her, Akira pushes himself upright, drawing his limbs in on himself to instinctively make more room on the couch for her. should she choose to sit]
[if her refusal to take a seat stings (which. . . it does) Akira doesn't give any indication of same. instead, he folds his hands into his lap, expression even]
Mmm. . . you mean when I went in with Akechi, Nick and Ken?
[and not when he broke in with Ken, Ash and Missile. he assumes the answer to that is "yes," and his expression twists into an annoyed scowl]
Stupid things happened. But I can start from the beginning, if you'd like.
[idly. . . he lifts a hand to touch his chest, right above his heart. to reach for the charm that rests underneath his shirt, safe and sound, something that has become a symbol of him asking for strength ever since he was given it. his expression falls a bit more]
. . . it was-- [. . .] It wasn't easy. But. . . we persevered. We pushed through.
[. . .]
I'm. . . [a breath out, and his hand drops away to his lap] I'm okay. In the end, we were able to work things out.
[and he steels his expression, lifting his gaze to look up at her next]
Are you okay?
[he was so distracted earlier he never got to ask her what horrors she went through]
[She isn't returning the glance. The floor is very interesting. Moreso, she just looks completely drained, more than she's ever been since their arrival.
...
It takes her... much longer than it should to give him an answer, which in itself should answer his question much more than the words that do slip out of her mouth.]
I'm unharmed, yes. Our team was... very lucky, all things considered.
[. . . yeah. the pause between his question and her response says so, so much more than her actual words do. his expression shifts from something tired and frustrated to something concerned. and since she wouldn't sit with him on the couch. . .]
[carefully, he pushes himself up on his one good foot, using the arm of the couch to keep himself upright]
Hey. . .
[his voice is soft and gentle]
. . . why don't you sit down? You look exhausted, Luna.
[he doesn't approach, but neither does he move to sit down again, hip resting against the arm of the couch]
[. . .]
. . . can you tell me what happened?
[because something clearly did. he didn't know what it was, but. . . whatever she went through in the red room had been just as bad as what Akira and his group had experienced]
[he thinks back to the final conversation they had before she left on her journey through the red door-- Then I. . . I don't want to know why you tried to do the same with me]
[. . .]
[he links his fingers together, gripping his hands tightly, knuckles white]
Then I'll tell you what happened. But first--
[. . .]
Do you really think everything I've ever said to you-- everything I've ever done-- was just. . . me trying to "pat your head," or placate you?
Her voice stays quiet, hesitant, as though she expects him to interrupt at any second.]
I thought a lot of things, until recently.
You... never really say anything. You ask without understanding sometimes. You just... act. And I wanted to take your actions at face value for the longest time. But after you said what happened with Goro, I... I realized that that was a foolish mistake, to think that way.
Now I just... [Her hands tremble in her lap as her eyes start to gloss over with moisture, her face hot.]
I feel your heart told me I was a person. I don't think that was ever meant as a lie. But your actions, your decisions, the... the way you chose to speak... all you were showing me was that I was just something to be... shielded. A child. A... A thing.
You... you cared. But you still just used me to... to make yourself feel better. Just like you did to Goro.
[That cold rush of shame returns, making her want to leave the room immediately. She cares so much for him. But...
[cuts so much more deeply than literally anything she has said up until now, and that is saying something. any warmth or happiness that might've lingered from when she asked him to kiss her earlier suddenly feels cold, like ice in his veins]
[it comes out in a defensive rush, his voice pleading, begging her not to misinterpret everything he had done within the past few weeks]
I never thought or felt that way. I wasn't. . . [he doesn't know how to fix this. he doesn't know how much of this is her own insecurities peeking through, purposefully coloring all of his actions in a negative light in the wake of his mistakes. . . or how much of it was really him completely fucking up. maybe it was both? his stomach twists in his gut, chest tightening, something prickling the corners of his eyes as he lifts a hand to scrub at them furiously] I wasn't using you, Luna. I wouldn't-- I wouldn't.
You are a person. You're a strong person, someone who has done so. . . so much for everyone here-- including me. You're not a child to be shielded, or a thing to be used by anyone.
[he says all of that as emphatically as he can]
Nothing I ever said or did was me trying to. . . coddle you, or calm you down, or shield you, or use you to make myself feel better. I was just. . .
[he looks down, hands curling into fists at his thighs, fingers wrapping against the fabric]
It hurts to hear, only because she knows it isn't a lie. But...
...]
How much do you know about what I think, Akira? Do you know what makes me different and why it's impossible for me to accept the things you sometimes say? Do you know why it's so hard not to go home to my fate? Do you know who or what I care about? How do I feel about the old woman? How about Doctor Klim? Or Blue, or Akechi, or...
...Or you?
...
Have... you ever bothered to ask? Or are your assumptions and your need to act greater than your need to... to actually know what it is that you care about...?
[. . . a deep breath. another one. then a third. it's. . . shaky, his hands trembling at his thighs, like he's trying to fight something back. it hurts, it stings, it cuts so so deep to have everything he's done called into question. for her doubt him so openly, or accuse him of not really knowing her, not really asking when he tried oh-so hard to understand. he thinks. . . it's probably deserved]
[but it being deserved doesn't mean it doesn't. . .]
[. . .]
[it takes him a moment to be able to look up at her again. a long moment to steel his expression, because no. he doesn't deserve to fall to pieces here]
. . . what assumptions do you think I'm making, Luna?
[Seeing him crumple does not make her feel better in any sense. But she stays where she is, brow tightening at his question. Thaaaaat is a dangerous topic, one that she knows better than to start on right now. Assumptions were dangerous no matter who was making them. But, at the very least... she has something clearer to use.]
Your... your apology to me on Tuesday is a good example.
Why was I upset, Akira?
[Because while his apology for her shame was touching, it felt like a bandage plastered over a gaping wound.]
[he pulled himself together again, at least!! even though he lets out another shaky breath, his back stiff, shoulders pulled taut]
. . . I thought there were a lot of reasons for it. Because I didn't tell you what happened between Akechi and I earlier. Because my timing was shitty, and I told you right after you had mustered up the courage to do something so brave, to. . . to selfishly chase that happiness you told me about before.
[. . .]
But after that conversation, I thought it might've been a little deeper than that. I thought. . . maybe you were upset because I did something that cast doubt on everything I've said or done with you the past six weeks. That's. . . kind of what I'm getting from this conversation. [. . .] It hurts a little bit, actually.
[he swallows thickly, and a bit of the harshness of his own demeanor softens]
. . . I thought asking you why you were upset would've just made things worse. It seems kind of shitty to ask someone you really hurt "hey, can you tell me exactly why you're upset with me," you know?
[he looks down again, then up, fingers fidgeting against his thighs]
[She doesn't respond. Instead, she wearily lifts herself from her seat against the chair, quietly crossing over to him, taking those tense hands up into her own.]
...I've never had anyone try to understand me to the extent you do. I... know you're only human. I try not to let that cloud my judgement.
If I didn't care so much about you... I don't think I could bear to say that I was hurting. Because I want you to understand. And it... it was hard to think that maybe, after all that time, it had been my fault for seeing things that just weren't true.
Maybe what was my fault was that I was expecting the world from you, though, when I... I just wanted Kurusu Akira.
[he stiffens a little when he feels her hands on his own, gaze snapping up again. since he's slumped half-seated on the arm of the chair. . . he's left looking up at her, gray eyes a little glassy despite his calm demeanor. he isn't wearing his glasses, or Rise's. . . and while his expressions had always been easy to read before, there's something so open, so raw, so earnest about it now that nothing sits between them]
[. . .]
[gently. . . he curls his fingers against hers, grip loose but still somehow a little needy]
I'd steal the entire world for you if I could. [AKIRA. . .] The moon, the stars, and the entire universe along with it. I'd steal it all for you.
[THOUGH. . . THAT'S PROBABLY NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS AT THE MOMENT, IS IT? he lets out a small huff, lips twitching]
Though. . . at the very least, I can give you. . . me.
Her mouth quirks up into that same sad smile she had worn in the morning, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to his forehead, letting her words echo in his skin.]
You... already stole my heart. You even warned me.
I... just want you to ask me more. Ask me, even if it hurts, until you can build something that you recognize around the heart you've taken.
[it's affection he's been craving, warmth that he's wanted-- no, needed-- ever since he fucked things up earlier this week. he leans into that kiss, breath hitching in his throat, grip on her hands tightening]
The foundation is already there. . . you know?
[his words are extremely shaky, but he fights against that unsteadiness, trying his hardest to even out his tone]
Love and relationships aren't built in a day, or even in six weeks. They take time and effort and hard work. . . I know that. I know that there's still a long way to go.
[more questions to ask, more to learn more to discover]
. . . if you'll let me, then I want to keep going. I want to keep trying to understand. I want to keep building. [. . .] I already recognize what's there, but. . .
[her words stay calm against the timbre of his own, thumbs tracing against the warmth of his skin]
I can't pretend that the mistakes you've made haven't hurt. I'm sorry. I... I would be lying if I said my perception hasn't been altered.
But... I forgive you.
[One of her hands releases, only to press against his face with a gentle curl of her knuckles, guiding him to look at her, at blue eyes that hold warmth even with the hurt and fatigue and distress that she still has yet to address.]
May I have permission to kiss you, phantom thief of hearts?
[it's rather easy to guide his face upwards; he doesn't resist her at all, and while the glassy quality of his eyes as leaked out a little bit, moisture collecting at the edges, he is. . . well]
[he's smiling. it's gentle and and contrite and, perhaps, a little relieved]
[. . . he lifts the hand she released, resting it against her shoulder, fingers curling into the collar of her shirt]
Y-- yeah.
[he stumbles over that response, not because he's hesitating, but because he might be trying his best not to cry]
Of course. From now on, you don't-- you don't even need to ask.
[. . . but he'll let her ultimately close the distance between them, even though his chin is tilted up and ready]
[Mmm. Something in that crack of his composure tugs at her heart. Her hand moves gently, lifting just enough to brush against where those tears have started to collect.]
...It's okay, Akira.
It's only me.
["It's okay to cry."
She will give him a moment, squeezing at his hand, before leaning into to carefully press her lips to his.]
[ah. fuck. damn it. every time she says that. . .]
[he shakes his head, screwing his eyes shut just in time to allow a small trickle of moisture to cascade down his cheek. he always feels so stupid when he cries. . . even though he knows, logically, that it's okay to do so]
[even though he encourages others-- has encouraged her-- to let it out]
[he doesn't have time to argue the point though, because a moment later she leans in to catch his mouth with hers. she'll taste the slightest bit of salt from where the tear gathered at the corners of his lips (if she can taste???), but there isn't any hesitation or uncertainty in the way he kisses her back]
[just as gentle as the first. . . well. the second time]
[Unlike before, where they had been in the view of others... now, they have privacy. Now she can let herself linger on every motion, let him catch his breath as he needs to, let him guide her when she inevitably hesitates. It's a warm, curious process, her hand slipping to support his head, caught up in the gentle curls of his hair.]
[it's warm, curious, and fully exploratory. . . as before, he's experienced but doesn't take it too deeply or too far for her to catch up with. it's a process of getting to know each other, of memorizing and learning how their lips feel pressed together. of memorizing her taste and her scent and everything that makes her so wonderful]
[his hand slips from the collar of her shirt, fingers brushing up against her neck, before it comes to rest at her cheek]
i can't believe this was supposed to be serious but now they're making out
[There's a pleased sound at the contact against her skin, a breathless noise against his mouth, trying her best to parrot his actions and listen to the sound of his breathing.
After a moment, her free hand moves to his shoulder, breaking off the kiss just long enough to try and urge him down to the couch, only staying a breath's distance away.]
P-please... I don't want you to fall over... [This way, this way, please :(]
[she pulls away before he's quite ready for her to go, which is evident in the sharp exhale of breath that follows. his eyes flutter open, lidded and clouded with the same daze she saw from him earlier. he doesn't move his hand from her cheek]
. . . hn?
[it. . . has not occurred to him that they could fall over]
Oh-- right. . . I should--
[he pushes against the couch arm so he can just kind of. . . slide across it until it ends. and when it does, he is just going to flop uselessly backwards onto the couch cushions, landing on his back with a small oof]
[She'll let out a tired little laugh, sliding to kind of half-sit on the couch because she is not bold enough to just crawl on top of him that's rude and forward.]
Sorry, I... I would feel bad if you ended up on the floor again because of me...
[She will gently lean back over him, though, slightly embarrassed at her own eagerness.]
[it's okay he is politely sitting up so she isn't forced to crawl on top of him!! but only a little bit, so she can still lean over him, so he's still looking up at her and is able to see the brilliant shine of her smile]
O-- of course it is.
[he cradles both of her cheeks in his palms, thumb brushing across the lines of her features, his touch affectionate and gentle]
She'll take up his lips again, a hand resting against the nape of his neck while the other plays against his hair, her touch gentle. This time, the kiss is far slower, trying to enjoy every second of it, etching the memory of his touch and warmth into her mind, feeling his heartbeat drumming under her fingertips and wishing she could stay like this forever.
...
She can't, though. Not just yet. It's why she is far more hesitant to lean away from this kiss, her eyes clouded with an apologetic warmth.]
...I... I think I've gotten my point across. [She forgives him. She wants... something, though she isn't sure what. But to ask for it now, when she's still hurting and still... still wondering so much about what had just happened to her...
...]
...Akira... Could you tell me what happened?
Please?
w6 - SATURDAY bc that last one was friday and i just have no concept of time
Because when it starts to get late, Luna is going to come find Akira, take him by the hand, and wordlessly lead him to one of the bedrooms. Which one? Take your pick.]
[hopefully an empty one??? AKIRA SURE DON'T CARE, he is too tired to even ask what she's doing. he follows without any commentary of his own, hobbling after her on his crutch, entire body slack with exhaustion]
[The bedroom space here is a little weird but it's fine. She guides him with a gentle hand to one of the Actual beds, gesturing for him to sit before she proceeds to climb up onto the bed herself???
[for once, Akira Kurusu-- who is not so easily flustered-- turns deep red from his cheeks right down to his collarbone. he lifts up both hands, palms facing forward, and waves them a bit frantically]
N-no, it's okay, I wasn't thinking about it like--!
I just wasn't--
Uh. . .
[hELP]
I-if you're okay with it, I'll stay. . .! I don't mind!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 0, friday post-body announcement
[and finds her slumped in a chair in one of the hallways, looking oh-so worse for the wear]
[. . .]
Luna-san. . .?
[he approaches surprisingly slowly in a movement that is allllmost a limp, but not quite. despite the simmering anger, he keeps his voice even and calm]
Are you all right?
no subject
She doesn't respond to his voice, only noting that he's even nearby by chance, catching a glimpse of him in her peripheral, seeing his lips move but nothing past the buzzingbuzzingscreeching--]
Oh. Akira.
[Her voice, though clear, is numb in tone.]
I'm sorry, did.... did you need something?
1/2
[he wasn't able to stop anyone from being hurt. he wasn't even given the chance, what with the way the mysterious midnight sleep had clenched a hold of his consciousness, squeezed it out of him until he had slumped up against the pool table pocket, passed out just like a light]
[the lines of the pool table pocket are still visible on his cheek]
Me? I--
[his intent is to respond to her question, but. what winds up coming out instead is. . .]
Concentrate and ask again.
no subject
no subject
[Two or three syllables of the whole mess of noise but she still sees his mouth move, and then his perplexed expression. Did... she say something wrong?]
Akira... I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about. Whatever you're saying, I... [can't do anythimg can't do anything you could have done something but you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING]
...I can't really hear you.
Could you write down your, um... request?
no subject
[he places the tip of the crayon against the first sheet of lined paper and writes--]
Outlook is not so good.
[. . .]
[THUNKS HIS FOREHEAD AGAINST HIS PALM]
no subject
Um...
Akira, are... you aware this doesn't make sense?
[She has a HIGH SUSPICION THAT IS A YES.]
no subject
[it takes a while for Akira to write his next response because it looks like he is. . . literally fighting with his hand, trying to make it write certain letters when all it wants to do is write THESE OTHER ONES that he DOESN'T WANT!!! he even grabs his wrist with his free hand, like he's going to force it to do what he wants, but--]
[in the end]
[the only words he writes are. . .]
Better not tell you now.
[heaves a sigh]
no subject
She looks at her hands, wringing her fingers together, before glancing back up at Akira.]
...I want you to try something, okay?
Nod your head if your name is Akira.
no subject
[fortunately, he nods his head easily at her request-- yes!! his name is Akira. and in the same motion he breathes out a sigh of relief and scribbles a new message on his notebook]
Sorry. I don't know what's happening, and I don't mean to be confusing.
no subject
I take it you haven't been having this issue all week. You seem, um... very confused by it.
no subject
[he looks a little relieved as the compulsion doesn't return for his next response, either]
I think it just started this morning? I was answering questions just fine last night.
[as for why it began this morning. . . well. beats him]
no subject
[...
Wait.
Oops.]
no subject
[he's struggling again as he writes and in the end, as though to confirm her suspicions]
Reply hazy, try again.
no subject
Okay... okay! Um... Nod your head if my assumption was correct.
no subject
[oh thank god it's a command not a question. HE NODS VIGOROUSLY]
no subject
[She offers him a smile, quiet and apologetic.]
Please, write down what you were trying to tell me earlier.
no subject
I don't need anything. You looked really shaken up by what happened earlier, so. . . I wanted to check on you.
Can I get you anything?
no subject
Oh.
...
Her fingers tighten against the paper, looking down at her lap.]
I... [A sigh, her shoulders drooping.] I don't know. I wouldn't really know what to ask for.
I'm sorry for making you worry. It was... really, really hard to watch.
no subject
[reaches out to place a hand against her lower arm. it's supposed to be a comforting gesture, because he is at a loss for what else he can do for her]
It is.
[there was nothing any of them could have done. they don't even know why Haruka died in the first place. had she gotten sick. . .? and if so, how?]
I feel a little. . . helpless. I couldn't do anything for her, so that's why I want to try doing something for everyone else. If I can.
no subject
...As for Haruka... [She swallows, her hands bunching into her skirt.] I don't know what any of us could have done. Even those of us with medical training would have had very little time to react, and we have very few supplies to assist with rescucitation in that sort of, um... emergency.
...
I don't know how Galo is taking it. I know he was trying to chase them down. I... imagine he's very angry.
no subject
[(well, that and his injured back)]
I'm angry, too.
[so. he gets it]
They just took her body away without SAYING anything to us.
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[They had a story ready and everything, perfectly timed. There's no way it was an accident...]
...Maybe they knew this would happen.
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[he had gotten the impression they didn't want to be here. so. . .?]
I. . . I think they did.
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If that were the case, then I wonder if they would even let us ask any questions.
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[Akira isn't sure what to think about that. part of him wants to give the girls the benefit of the doubt, especially since they've been kind (if sassy) to him]
[but the other part of him. . .]
[. . .]
I tried calling for them after they took Haruka-san away. None of them would answer.
week 0, saturday post-trial
[and knocks gently]
[. . .]
[and then realizes she can't hear and slips a note under the door that just says:]
Is Luna there? It's Akira.
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There's no response. But there is the sound of movement towards the door, and the sound of paper being picked up.
...
A few minutes later, the same note is slipped under the door, Luna's mechanically neat handwriting underneath his own.]
I'm here.
What can I do for you, Akira?
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I think that's my question. Is there anything I can do for you?
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Why are you asking that?
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I know there's nothing I can do to fix what happened, but if there is anything I can do to make it easier to bear. . . I want to help.
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One person has died, and another is going to die. From how things have been laid out, it sounds like this is going to continue. More people are going to be killed. And we will have to choose another life to emptily take in their place.
I can't. I can't bear it, Akira.
It makes me feel like I'm being ripped apart.
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[if he keeps pushing-- if they keep pushing and fighting-- then perhaps. . .]
[. . . eventually, he slides his reply underneath the door]
If you can't bear it, then please understand there are people here you can lean on to help carry that weight with you.
It's too early to give up.
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The pause is long enough that Akira might reasonably think she's gotten up somehow and left the doorway. But, eventually:]
This isn't the first time I've had to do this.
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What do you mean?
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To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it.
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[Akira clenches his hand into a fist so tight that his knuckles turn white]
That's horrible. That's awful. You don't deserve to go through something like this once, let alone TWICE.
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It was my signature on the RSVP. I checked with Plum.
I can't say I expected to ever be in this kind of scenario again. But I suppose I deserve it. I wouldn't be here otherwise.
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Those signatures could be forgeries. Nobody here remembers signing the RSVP. There's no way any of us would have agreed to come here.
And you don't deserve this. You don't deserve THIS, or whatever happened to you last time. NOBODY deserves this.
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It's the only logical thing that makes sense to me, anyway. I don't have a choice. I just wish the rest of you didn't have to get involved.
I don't want any more of you to die.
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I don't want anyone else to die, either.
I want to do something to stop it before it happens again.
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I don't know if this is anything close to the same situation. But I don't want to see you be hurt or killed for breaking the rules of this place. Even if it's the right thing to do, if it gets you killed, then what good does it do for everyone else left behind?
I want to hope there's another way. I think, maybe, in an ideal situation, we could all work together.
I wanted to hope that the last time, too. I tried so hard.
But so many people died.
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I won't do anything reckless. I can only help if I'm alive, after all. If I died rebelling for the sake of rebelling, then my death wouldn't mean anything.
But I'm also going to do what I think is right and just.
And I think if we keep trying-- keep FIGHTING-- then maybe we CAN overcome this. All of us. Together.
[he's trying to be optimistic-- both for her sake and his-- but it probably sounds pretty flat when said to someone who saw the worst end of her first murder game]
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I'm sorry. You're out there trying to do your best despite everything, and I'm sitting in here wrapped up in my own errors.
I suppose that's a little hypocritical of me. To be so caught up in myself when I know others are hurt. I shouldn't.
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You've done so much for everyone here already in just the short week we've been here. So in the moments where you're caught up in yourself and your own fears, that's when the people you've befriended will be there to help you.
People like me.
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]
You consider me a friend?
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Is that a surprise?
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Maybe it's because I'm shy, but I don't really make acquaintances. So I'm just used to being alone.
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[yanks at his heartstrings. possibly because he understands how that feels all too well. not because he was shy, but because making friends quickly was not something he usually did when he had never really had a place to belong until recently]
[gosh]
[AKIRA WILL NOW DIE FOR LUNA]
Well. . .
I hope you don't mind having one now.
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From the other side of the door can be heard the very, very soft sounds of someone crying.]
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-- Luna?
[he knows she can't hear him, but he calls out her name anyway, pressing his forehead against her door like he could somehow faze right through it to give her a much-deserved hug :(]
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Anyway he, of course, gets no response! But the note will slip back out in a minute.]
Thank you.
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Any time, Luna.
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But
Akira, have you ever heard of the case of the Speluncean Explorers?
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I haven't. Can you tell me about it?
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A group of five explorers sets off into an unknown cave. While exploring, the cave collapses, and they are completely unable to escape. They do have a radio, so while they are trapped, they learn that a rescue team has been established, but that the chances they will be rescued before they all starve to death is very, very slim.
They can either do nothing with an extremely high chance of death for at least one, if not all five, or they can eat one of their own and spare the other four lives.
They decide to do the latter, and toss die to determine who will be killed and eaten. The person who dies - let's call them H - is killed and eaten, and the other four are rescued several days after the incident. They are then immediately arrested when they are found to have committed cannibalism, and thus, face the death penalty for murder.
The experiment, therefore, proposes the following issue:
Are the four deserving of death for taking the life of H? Or does natural circumstance excuse them of their actions and allow them clemency?
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[Akira takes time with his response, but once he slips it under the door, it is well thought out]
No. They don't deserve to die for taking H's life. They did what they had to do in order to survive; how can anyone blame them for that? And presumably, if they all rolled the dice, then H also agreed to those terms knowing full well that the could have been the one chosen to die.
But. . . that said, it's a complicated situation.
You didn't ask this, but let's say H left his family behind. Would they have the right to be upset about what had happened? Would they have the right to seek out justice for what happened?
I think the answer to that is "yes," too.
The world doesn't exist in a vacuum. Every action taken affects someone. And while those actions may seem "right" for the sake of survival, and while we can't blame anyone for taking actions to ensure their survival. . . we can still hold them responsible for understanding the gravity of what they've done. And I still think it's okay to strive to make decisions that DON'T hurt someone else, even if it lessens or lowers the chance of survival.
Does that make sense?
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It's normally used to argue the different effects between personal law and natural law in regards to the normal regulations of a judicial system. But I think it's something that reminds me of our current situation, I suppose.
If we knew more details about Haruka, or about Nikki, or about what circumstances led one to kill the other, would that have made the decisions we made more difficult? I think so, yes. But with the limited information we had available, we had to sort out what was right with what we knew, and only what we knew.
Does Nikki deserve death for taking the like of Haruka? Or does natural circumstance excuse her of her actions and allow her mercy?
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[that's how he took responsibility as a phantom thief. that was how he kept himself from going too far while he and his team played with the hearts of the wicked]
I don't think the situation with Haruka-san and Nikki-san can be broken down to something that simple. There's just too much going on in all direcitons. But personally?
I believe Nikki-san deserved mercy.
[it's actually why he held his hand out to her once they figured out she was the culprit]
But considering the state she was in by the end of the trial, what counts as mercy? Keeping her alive but imprisoned as she slowly loses her mind, her sense of self? Or. . .
[and there, the writing trails off]
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You're really a very kind person, Akira.
I mean that.
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I don't think of myself as kind. People like you are kind.
[. . .]
What about you? Do you also think that Nikki-san deserved mercy?
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Yes.
Perhaps it's not the most logical answer, or the one that would make the most sense in the line of what we've talked about. But she's still a human, isn't she?
I don't know why she did what she did. I don't know if she was even herself anymore. But I still don't want her to die.
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[and he means that. despite him questioning what "mercy" is. . . he means that with every inch of him]
Haruka-san's death was already bad enough.
[and while he had voted for Nikki knowing that he had no other choice. . . he wish that things had been different. that they had the option to save her, to cure her, to give her back her mind and stop her from killing again without having to execute her to accomplish this]
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I don't think killing someone else will make anything better. Even if some sense of justice is served, it feels empty and useless.
Could I tell you something in confidence, Akira?
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But it wasn't "just."
And you can. I promise I won't tell anyone else.
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Who did you vote for?
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It wasn't because they were guilty, though. Or that they deserved to die.
It was just the only option I could pick.
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Some other people here might, though. So your secret is safe with me.
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I'm sorry to be talking to you like this. Slipping notes under a door when I know you're sitting right there. I just don't think it's wise for me to try and speak right now. I'll be okay. Give me some time to stabilize myself, okay? I just need to be alone for a little while.
This was nice, though. Really, really nice.
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I'll leave you alone, but come find me if you need anything. My door is always open.
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Well, maybe not right this second in the literal sense. But I hope you get the idea.
Please stay safe.
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Have a good evening and please, try to get some rest.
[with that. . . he waits a few minutes more to see if she replies. and if she doesn't, or only sends him another note saying good bye, he pushes himself to his feet and gently presses his hand against her door. he lingers for a few seconds, before pulling away and heading back to his room]
w1, saturday post-trial
[Akira meanders throughout the mansion after the trial, drifting from room to room idly and almost on autopilot, like he isn't really paying attention to where his feet are taking him. nothing about what happened at that trial felt right. . . and he can't shake the sinking sensation he feels in the pits of his stomach]
[by chance (or subconscious desire??) he finds himself outside, wandering towards the garden. and when he gets there?]
Luna--
[he sees her, and he lets out an exhale of relief before approaching]
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is
on the ground
weeping
so
hi, give her a minute.]
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[there's a pause, and then. . . he continues forward until he's at her side, crouched in the dirt, hand extended but not yet reaching out to touch her]
Luna. . .
[he whispers her name quietly, but still audibly]
. . . I'm so sorry.
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Now that he's closer, it's obvious to see there's tears streaming down her face as she chokes, her hands curled up tight against her face. But her eyes are dull from behind her fingers, an almost tinny quality that hurts the ears whenever her breath catches, like the scrape of a nail echoing through a can.]
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[his hand comes to rest against her upper arm gently. the touch is light enough that she could shrug him off if she wanted to]
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There's an acknowledgement, a shift in her breathing, the slight tilt of her head, to let him know that she feels that touch.
But the tears don't stop. They don't stop, and she's practically doubled over on herself, to the point when she finally opens her mouth to speak, it's as if she might have lost her voice.
She doesn't dare look up. With a swallow, she chokes, tries to catch her breath...
...]
A-Aķ̵͇͎͕̘͎̠̟͚̯͕͒̊̉͠ͅi̸̇͛̎͘͠ra...
[It's barely a whisper, rough and stuttering and heartbroken, the noise cracking like a record skipping off the track.]
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[with that permission, he rocks forward to wrap his arms tightly around her shoulders. it's a bit of an awkward hug, what with the angle being what it is, but he leans into it nevertheless, clinging to her as tightly as he can]
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
[another squeeze, and the way her voice cracks and skips is very telling but also doesn't matter, because regardless of what Luna might be she is still Luna and the details of her existence are so unimportant when she's still and always will be Luna]
I'm so sorry. I wish I could have. . . I wish--
[he wishes he wouldn't have slept for eight hours. he wishes he had been able to find the real person responsible. he wishes. . .]
[he wishes Asch hadn't taken the fall, and that there was some way to make things better]
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I c... I c̷̦̣̞̀̑͐an't see more people die, Akira... I-I don't know what to do... I... [Another sharp intake of breath.]
He's j-j̵̦̣̈ủ̷̬͉̳̠̙̜͋̅̈̉st a child...
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[regardless of what he might have asked for, he didn't deserve it. not one bit. not at all. it wasn't fair, it wasn't right]
Nobody does. We should have-- I should have. . .
[done better?]
[was there anything they could have done better. . .?]
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Guess we're gonna sit here and CRY and be a stuttering mess between the two of us for another couple minutes.
...
Eventually, her volume will lower, her crying reduced to the shuddering in and out of her breath. Only then will she try to turn her weight to face Akira properly.
Hi, can she have a proper hug.... :(]
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[he shifts to hug her properly when she turns into him, hand running up and down her back in what he hopes are soothing gestures. he feels like he has so much to say and yet nothing to say at all, and the awkward jumble of words and not-words renders him silent]
[he won't pull away, won't speak, won't do anything but crouch here and cling until Luna is finished letting it all out]
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At least now, her voice is back its normal self.]
I-I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to see me like this...
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What? No, no. Luna, it's okay.
If you need to let it out. . . then you need to let it out.
Don't hold back because you think yourself a burden.
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N-no... no, it's not that. Please don't misunderstand.
I...
...
I wish I could explain in a way that made sense. I... everything. This place, the trials, everything that's happened with Asch, and now this, I...
[She doesn't know what to do. She's never, ever been so overwhelmed with choices that are impossible to make, and she feels parts of her just barely straining to hold themselves together.]
I-is this a punishment, Akira?
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[(because he doesn't)]
Punishment?
[the word is uttered equal parts bewildered and aghast, as though the idea of this entire experience being a punishment for some perceived sin is offensive in and of itself]
Punishment for what?
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[She can still hear the words echoing in the back of her head, like the striking of a gavel.
"Luna. I am giving you an order. I am in command, and you do as I say."]
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No.
[he practically hisses the word between clenched teeth, his gaze narrowing. that sure does hit on a bunch of his buttons about loss of agency and freedom]
Disobedience. . . from who? You're not being punished, Luna. You don't deserve this. . .!
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[She takes in another breath, fully expecting him to argue back. But there's a sudden stillness to her voice, as though something has internally switched to match his flare of temper.]
Do you remember what my profile said, out in the ballroom?
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Does it matter? Those profiles exist to make fun of us. To paint us in the worst light possible, without any regard for who we really are.
. . . I don't care who you disobeyed. I don't care what they might think about what you deserve. I don't-- [a shaky breath, and he just. . . comes out and says it, without even really knowing the full meaning of his words]
I don't care if you're not even human, Luna.
[that's what everything has been pointing to, right? the oddities with her mouth, the strange noises she makes, the way her voice skips and jumps and cracks. he doesn't know what she might be, but he thinks. . . he suspects. . . that she has never been human at all]
You don't deserve this.
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[There's an emotional break, a twisting inside her that hurts. But it's as she suspected. Either he doesn't understand... or he refuses to understand.
That stillness in her voice goes even further, a sharp and almost horrific contrast to how she had been minutes ago, almost a mockery of how her face is still stained with the wet trail of tears.]
I'm going to ask you this again.
Do you remember what my profile said?
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I do.
. . . it was a story. A story about a boy and a bird.
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What else did it say?
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I mentioned you were a medical professional. . . a caretaker, a participant, a guilty party.
[MAKES A FACE]
It said you were good with numbers, and that you told jokes that people didn't hear.
Why. . .?
[why is any of this important]
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There is a reason it said I was a guilty party, Akira.
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[but rather, a truth that is given out of context. but even so. . . he'll keep listening]
Why did it call you a guilty party?
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Do you remember when we spoke last week in writing, underneath the doors?
"This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this." That's what I had told you, correct?
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[despite the implications of that question, Akira doesn't draw back]
Yes. That's what you told me.
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[As she recites, verbatim:]
"This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this.
To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it."
...
Akira. The last time I was awake, before arriving here, ten participants had been trapped in a building together. They were forced to solve puzzles and then vote against one another in an attempt to escape their circumstances.
By the end... only two had escaped, and only one of them was conscious. One participant had been left behind.
The rest had all died.
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. . . you were one of the people who escaped, then. Right. . .?
[because if she had been one to die, there's no way she would have known the ultimate outcome]
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[She shakes her head before finishing that statement. That was getting a little off topic.]
When some of the participants started dying, a handful of people had done investigations on their own. By the end of the game, there was a large amount of evidence to conclude that six of the ten people had been murdered... not by the game, but by another person. The people who came to that conclusion were the conscious escapee and the one participant who was left behind.
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[well. now he looks confused. he's taking in what she's saying, of course, but if she wasn't an escapee, then. . .?]
If you didn't escape, then how do you know--?
[how many people were killed. murdered. how many managed to leave, and the conclusions they drew as they did so]
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[Time for math with Luna, because figuring things out for yourself is important.]
There were ten participants. By the end of the game, seven of them died, two escaped, and one was left behind.
Per evidence found before the escape, six of the dead participants were dead due to murder. The seventh participant was the unconscious escapee. The eighth was the conscious escapee. The ninth was the participant who was left behind.
What happened to the tenth participant, according to the information I have given you?
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[oh. he gets it now. he had been operating that the only two survivors were the ones who escaped, but. . .]
So you. . . were the one left behind?
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[Do your math again, Akira. Something is missing.]
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[something is missing. it takes him a while to figure it out, a few moments of silence where he goes over the numbers again. ten participants, seven dead, six murdered, two escaped, one left behind--]
[-- it comes to him in a flash of lightning, but even so, thinking it doesn't feel right. not when compared to the Luna he knows. he opens his mouth. . . shuts it again. takes a moment to search for his words]
[. . .]
Are. . . are you trying to tell me that you were responsible for the deaths of those six?
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Whether that was true or not wasn't debated. It was the only option they had, and I wasn't in a position where I could deny my guilt. So I was abandoned in the facility with the one remaining participant... and shortly afterwards, I was killed by the facilitator as a result of my decisions.
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"According to all of the evidence" doesn't mean it was true.
[he meets her gaze firmly]
Did you? Did you kill them?
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No.
But... I was an accomplice.
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[quietly, with no judgment in his tone]
How. . .?
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There's a ragged sigh, her eyes drifting to where Akira has a vicegrip on her arms.]
Do you truly want an answer to that, Akira?
Or are you determined to tell me that what I know is a lie?
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[he says, chin lifted firmly]
However ugly or awful it may be. I want to understand-- I want to know.
Because you're still my friend, no matter what.
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[There's a quiet tone, a touched but broken flutter in what had otherwise turned into a mechanical rambling.
...]
I knew about the game.
I wasn't the orchestrator, of course. But I worked alongside them. I was specific given orders to participate. I was to pretend to be one of the players, to help them choose the correct path of decison making, and to do or act a specific way, should... different circumstances arise.
I... I just sat and... watched all six people die. And the worst thing is... I could have stopped them. All of them. But I...
I didn't.
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Why. . .? Why didn't you?
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And I...
...
[She takes in another slow breath, placing her free hand on top of where Akira grips her as though she might vanish.]
Akira... are you familiar at all with the Three Laws of Robotics?
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I'm. . . not, no.
[he looks a bit confused and bewildered]
What are they?
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It's a set of fictional rules created by Isaac Asimov that he used in many of his science fiction stories through the mid 1900's and turn of the millenium. It's since become a foundation for reliable, safe forms of advanced artificial intelligence.
A robot without the Three Laws is just a bunch of metal and plastic. Like a toaster or an automobile. To behave erratically makes a machine more likely to be dangerous.
...
[She pauses, her look almost timid.]
...Am I making sense so far?
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You are.
[but the rules are fictional, he thinks. so why would you bring them up? these thoughts he doesn't yet say aloud, but depending on what she says next. . . he might]
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Second, a robot must listen to and obey the orders given to it by a human being, unless those orders conflict with the First Law.
Third, a robot must not allow any harm to come to itself, unless that action would conflict with either the First or Second Law.
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. . . are you saying that you have to follow those rules, Luna? Or that someone told you that you do?
[she doesn't even need to say the word "I am a robot." he has already figured it out. and it still doesn't change his opinion on her]
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...]
Both, I suppose. The former is the more thorough answer, though. It's an inherent part of modern AI programming, just like any other type of code of the past.
...Well, um... "modern" in my case, anyway. You said on our first day here that it was only within the first decade of the 21st century in your last memory, correct?
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2017. Yeah. That's right.
[presses his lips tightly together before he mutters]
. . . it isn't. . . fair.
[?? what isn't fair??]
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[Did... she say something upsetting?]
What isn't fair?
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[he clarifies. she'll notice his thumb is brushing against her knuckles now]
It shouldn't matter that you're not human. You should be able to make your own choices. Follow our own path, regardless of where it takes you.
[he sets his jaw tightly, expression firm]
You're not a tool, or a piece of equipment, or. . . someone to whom someone else can bark out orders like they own you.
You're yourself. And it's not. . . fair.
[she deserves freedom, too]
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[She's touched. She really, really is. But there's a sadness to the smile that she gives him, squeezing the grip of his hands.]
...Can I continue with my explaination?
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. . . yes. Sorry, I-- yes.
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You asked why it was that I could allow so many people to die, right? I was under orders not to intervene. On top of that, I was not the only AI in the facility. There were only a few of us active during the game, and we shared the same computer, but... how should I put this...
I had less authority over what I could do and see. Part of this was to make me seem, um, believable. But part of it was to make sure the most prominent AI could facilitate the entire project properly, without other prograns interfering. So... if he wanted to turn my body off, or shut down a part of my memory... well, I didn't really have a choice.
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. . . you make it sound like you were practically blackmailed. Forced into it, without any option to refuse.
[how else was he supposed to interpret her being an AI programmed to follow certain rules, with the threat of being shut down hanging over her head if she didn't cooperate?]
Is that true?
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[She's gettin there!!!]
Originally, my job called for me to be dead. Not, um... not actually dead, of course. But another player had attacked me in a way that any normal human could not survive. The main AI turned my body off completely at that point. All I was supposed to do was... watch whatever else might happen.
[There's an odd turn to her voice, breathy and hard to make out the emotion.]
...But I didn't do what I was supposed to.
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What did you do instead, then?
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I turned my body back on by myself and disabled Zero Junior's processes temporarily, just so I could try to save the only ones who were left. I... I knew I wasn't supposed to... and that disobedience would mean I... would be deactivated.
But... I was faulty.
...
The worst part is, that... if I had wanted to... I could have done that at any time. I could have said no from the very beginning... [She hasn't realized that she's started crying again, the tears flowing against her will.] I... I could have saved all of them. But I-I was so scared...
I-I didn-t want to die...!
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[there's a slight crack in his voice when he says her name this time. and maybe it's the tears, or the entire story itself, and the way it kills him to know that she went through so much only to be brought to this god-forsaken mansion, but he does feel something break inside]
[but he hugs her again, this embrace just as tight as the last. he doesn't know what to say about all of that. he told her before his thoughts on those who act to protect themselves-- that it was understandable and something that could not be punished. those thoughts remain true right now, even though he can already tell the guilt of her not acting sooner is something that weighs on her shoulders]
[. . .]
[what a shitty world this is, when good people like her are forced to make horrible, painful choices]
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I... I broke the First Law... Six innocent people died, and I did nothing...
I... I deserve this.
[To be stuck somewhere where all she can do is watch while more innocents die...
This truly is hell, isn't it?]
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[. . . despite everything, he believes that. he, who also believes in doing everything possible to help other people, regardless of the cost or consequences, finds that he's unable and unwilling to judge her for the actions she took. he can only imagine how complicated Luna's feelings had been at the time. how painful it had been to watch, to want to help, while all the while fearing death. maybe. . . maybe it would've been better overall for her to act earlier, but--]
[she still acted. right? in some capacity. . . she still acted]
[and here, she acts. she doesn't just sit around and watch. she rushes to the aid of others as soon as they call her. those aren't the actions of someone who deserves to live through this hell]
I still believe that. I really do. You don't deserve this-- no matter what happened back then, you just. . . you don't.
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Sigma...
[Except this time, she isn't fading into nothing. She's still here, still aware, still weeping into the arms of a young man she barely has started to know... and still completely, utterly powerless to stop her circumstances.
She'll lean into Akira's hold, silent outside her shuddering sobs. She doesn't know what else to do.]
no subject
[. . .]
[he wishes there was something he could do]
[he wishes he could take all of her pain and make it go away]
[he wishes he could stop Asch from dying tomorrow]
[he wishes he could stop people from turning into monsters and killing each othe]r
[he wishes. . .]
[he wishes he weren't so helpless]
Hey. . . it's okay.
[as he holds onto her, he makes sure to run his hand up and down her back, a gesture meant to be soothing]
It's okay. I'm still here. And I always will be.
[Akira may not be one to make friends so easily, to open up to others when his boundaries are usually so closed off, but he can't deny that how he feels for Luna is similar to how quickly he had bonded with his Phantom Thieves]
YOU BETTER NOT JINX THIS BC IF HE DIES NOW WOW BOY BAD BAD BAD BAD
For right now, it feels... nice. It's a feeling she wishes wouldn't go away, to be held by someone that cared.]
Thank you... T-thank you... [She wipes frantically at her eyes.]
I... hope there's a future that I can meet you again. I-I hope you still remember me, even... even if I don't remember you.
B)
I can't imagine a future where I wouldn't remember you, Luna.
[who is gonna steal his memories he will FIGHT THEM]
Regardless of what happens in this stupid mansion. And I want-- [he squeezes her hand again, expression determined]
And I want us both to have a bright future waiting for us. I'll fight for that, no matter what it takes.
w2, wednesday
[and the first thing he does when they get there? he turns around to face her, unwinds the cloth from around his arm, and shows her. . . nothing]
[his arm is fine. there's nothing visibly wrong with it??? no injures. . . nothing]
Have you been having weird emotional connections with people this week, Luna?
WEEK TWO - POST BODY (1/3)
A creeping dread grabs at your bones. You know what's coming. You fear it. You can feel the sparks on the edges of your mind, like the grinding of metal on stone. It doesn't hurt. But it doesn't belong. It's hard to think. It's hard to breathe.
And then the names are read.
And everything goes R̴̢̡̗̥̖͉͙͚͎̲̦̒̓͛̍͐́͗̒̄̉͠Ȩ̷̧̫̪͚͕͉̲͖̣͕͙͒̍ͅD̷̨̧̘͕̭̱̣̻̙̪̗̞̗̈́̅̈͑́͝
Ą̵͓̖͕̤̻͛͋G̴̢̪̲̮̘̘̱̎͑͋̔̇͊͗̀A̴̧̛͙͂̂͒̿̒̆̈I̵̛̠̫̗̘͛̈́̊͒͐̽̑̐̅́̐͝Ǹ̷̪͙̪̱͇͇̀̀̚ͅ
Y̸͚̻͔̩̱͉̖̒ͅÒ̴̧̻͉̩̯̱U̶̡̢͈̹̪̞̹̹̩̗̽̋͛̈́ ̷̗̼͖̟̯͈̠͛̇̽̇̆͐̀̚F̴̧̛̛̝̮͋̔̏͗͗̐̈͋̅̂͘͝Ầ̸̧͈̠̱̳͇͍͉̙̗̠̠̩̽̓͊̋͊̀͊I̷̥̯͙̲͌̐̎̐̄̌̀̌͛ͅL̴̗̗̟̺̙̭̱͊̔̍̒̽͐́͋̂Ę̴͔̳͛̍̎̇̿̐̾͒͛͘͘͝D̷̢̛͍̦̮͓̈̿͛̆̾́̚͝ͅ ̸̘̬̞̪̬̝̼̝̟͛͋̆̿͛̽͛̏̐̉̚͜͠A̷̢̡͙͎͔̙̾̅̆̏͛̀̽̋̃̽̇͝͝͝͝G̵̨̦̞̘̱̩̬͙̱̗̫͒́͗̂͒͋̾͆̈̍̂͘͝ͅͅA̶̧̧̲̳̱̱͚̾I̶̛̹͌̉̈́̑͆̏Ṇ̶̲̗̆̂̄̀̿͒͠
Ţ̷̨̢͖̞̺̱͖̤͙̭̣̘͙̖̘̩̝̺̖̥̖̗̙͔͔̜͎̇̚͜͜ͅH̶̯͎̖͙͙̪̦͖̥̱̰̲̀͂ͅÉ̷̢̖̥͙͉̠̭̞̗̫̬̭̜͚̙̹̦̏͛̀̃̉̋̂̅̃̆͑́̚͜Ẏ̵̧̧̛̛͉̱̩̥̺̰̙͙̘̫̳̤̥̫̤̖͎̭̣̞̹̠͔̄̐̆́̽͌̓͌͑̽͆̆͒̀͒̊̇̕͝͝ͅ'̸̼͂͌͂̄̚Ṟ̷͈͇̹̟̥̥̭̹͚͖̻͋̽̃ͅE̸͍̣̥̜̺̲̍̂̊̈́́͊̎̅̎͗̏̃͐͂̒̈́́͘͘̚͜͠͠͝ͅͅ ̴̢̧̛͔͙͕̦̹̞̠̫̳̙͎̟̯̪̝̗̠̱̯̣̜̿̽͆̾́̌̎̒̋̃̆͋͛́̍́̂͆̊̋͗̃̉̌̔̍͘̕̕ͅͅḐ̶̡̡̨̢̧͕̟͖͚̯̖̙̮̣͍̞͎̳̣̤̰̺̙̱͚̀̀̎ͅE̵̢̧̛̯̪̯͇̬̻̙͖͕̼̳̹̝͈͓̩͕͙̜͉̩̠̥̫̔́͂̈́̓̈̂̓̃̓̾͌̍͘͘̚͠ͅA̷̜͍̝̋̀̾̉Ḑ̴̢̻̞̟̹̬͇̤̪͚̫̼̬̮̤̜͙̞͙͕̣͎͓̱̹̣͈͈̔̎̿̒͒͌͂͐̓̋̔̎̃̌͂̇̔̈́̓̎͐̑̅͑͑͘͜
T̵̡̨̢̢̡̡̛̛̛̼̘͎̰̺̦̭̙̻̹͍̫͇̪̤̲̘̣̱̝̲̗̹͉̼̣̯̞̙͔̤̻̜̩̝̩̦̫͌̐͂̔̿͛͒͌̓͊̋̇́̓̈̽͋̃̌͗͂̈̋̀͘̚Ḧ̵̨̧̡̛͈͎̤̦̪̗͈̥̪̬̠̼̯͖̞͇̹̩͓̗̹͎̜̯͔͉̖̦͉͈͔͉̓́̊̐̈́͌̈́̓̿̋̔̐͒̊̂̈́͒͛͊́̓̋̈́̇̊̏͌͆̔̂͛̿̀̿͗̅̿̾̾̍̓͑̾̅́͋̿̈́̽̓̑̂̚̕̕̕͜͜͝͠Ȇ̷͍͎̬̜̪͔̯̗͉͉͈̰̩̠̞̦̝͉͓͓̫̈́͋̂͊̑̔̅̾̒̄̍̄̊͑͊͌̓̕͜͝Ý̷̢̡̡̡̡̨̛͉̯̭̬͖̘̙̭̬̺̭͙̼̰̟̼̤̥͔͎̺͎͖̞͕̪̩̰̣͎̫̟̖̬̣̼̣̣̬̞̰̓͊̽͗͊͆̃̌̂̊͐̈́͛̇̂̐̎̈́̓͛̉̎̎̓͋̅͋̈́̇̽̑́͊͊͑̌̈́́͠͝͝͝ͅ'̵̧̨̢̧̛̗͚̜̹̼̖͍̝̝̭̦͔̻͍̰̗̩͈̥̦̥̲̻̘̗͙̥͓͓̼̖̳̘̦̗͉̥͖̗͇͖̞̬͔͓̩̻͍̭̪̥̀͆̆̉͋́̀̅͆̌͋͂̉͊̇͋̀̋̃͐̿͑̄̓̊͛͘̚͘̚͝ͅͅR̵̛͕͔̀̈́͌̿̐͂̌͐̋͒͛́͘E̸̡̨̢̨̤̻̥͎̯͓̘͎̩̜̪͉͓̫̘̗͙͙̹̼͕̖̯͈̫̼̥͉͚̟͖̖̙̠̦̹̱̘͍̘̤̪̭͍͙͂̐́̄̾̈́̀̈́͛̈́̊̍̊̽̐̎̀̔͛͛͐͆̚̕͜͜͜ͅͅͅ ̶̡̳͙͐͗̍͒̏͑̂̂̽̈̂̏͂̓̾͝Ḋ̶̯͈͇̺̳͚̝̰͎̘̬̣̟͍͉̱͚̖̙̫͚̪̮̩̭̯̲̙̓̿̋̃͑̏̓̇̀̉̀̅̀̎̊̆͆̔̓̔͒͋͛̃̎̔́̾̚͘̚͝͝ͅE̷̛͕͉̯̬̲̦͎̭̜͖̙̺͇̖͍̝̥̭̠͊̆͐́̈̈́̈̄̑̄͒̈́̒͆͂͐́͑̐̿̑̀͐̓̒̑͒͂̑̌̄̈̄͑̾͆̌̿̊́̐̓̓̄̕̕͘͘̚͠͠͠͠͝Ằ̷̧̢̧̛̛̼̞̼̣̙̰͔̬̥͕̤͙̺̬̘̟̰̻̞̠͇̤̝̩̬͉̘͈̝̬̱̗͈̲͈̘̝̏̓̿̐̊̊̉̈́̓́͛̔̏̿̍̈́̑̉͒́̌͗́̍̒̿̋͊̐͂̿̑̐̆̒́͌̂̀̏̀̇͋͜͜͜͠͝͝͠͝ͅͅD̷̨̨̡̛̤̦̼̘̣̘̘̺̠̥̞̼̭͖̰̯͖̼͖͈̠͕͙͇̹̲͔̣͙͛̿̈̈͋̋̇̉͂͆̾̍̌̌́̈́̊̈̃͒̏́͒͒̇́̐́̓͑̈̅̊̋̀̑̅̂̇͑̈́̈́͛̕̚̕͠͝ͅͅ
Į̶̧̨̨̨̢̢͈̦̭̪͔̺̬͉̺͉͇̼̝̦̬̫̹̞̼̝̱̰̱͙̝̜̣͚̹̼͈̩͚͍͚̬̝̝̝̖̻̰̘̪̭̭̣͚̜͖͙͍̳͓̼̦̼̭̬͎̹͓̠̥̯̦̼̰̻̣͖̯͖͎̞͇̺͇͍̣͚̣͚̖̤̜̻̟͓͙͙̳̬̘̠̪̝͍͈͖̹̯̗̞̹̬̦̖̬̤̙̖̱̳͕͈̦͓̤͓̝̳̺̼̥̇̄̿͊̌̓̽̍̌͜͜ͅͅȚ̸̨̨̢̛̛̤̤̺̣̗̝̙̠̲̪̼̖̞̱̰̰͓̟͇̠͍̭͉̠͎͕̻̘̫̲̞̥͇̽̾̒̄̀̔̊͐̍̇͋̍́̎̎̓͗́̉̏̌̑̒̚͠͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅ ̷̧̡̨̨̧̢̧̧̢̡̨̮̼͎̞̱͇̯͈̲̼̯̤̠͙̝͔͔̼͈̟̩̩̦̼̗̦̞̳̪̭͕͙̫̥̝̼̥̠̺͇̭̹̫͖͍̭̣̙̮̻̥̙̻̦̭̮̻̹̗̣̪͉̦̹̞͓͇̥̻̣͔̞̝̮̝͉̩̼̮͓̥͕̺̞̪̟̣̜͇̳̭͖̺̞̥̮͙͎̺̽̑̍̌̄̎̀͒̓̅̇̈͑̎͋͆̓͛́̏́̄͒̒̐͌͑̑͒́̾͐̓͊̀̕̚̕͜͜͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅḦ̴̡̧̧̛̛̛̛͙̳͖̥͔͉̲̤͈̹͚̹̫̫̻̭͓͙̤̹̥͔̜̥̜̗̪̺̻̅̏̇͊͐͂̉̿̐̑͗̂̈́͒̍̈͒̈́̽̓͌͌̍͌́̄̊̆̊̈́͊̃͑̓̽̽̅̉̋̀͊͑̆͂̈̌͒̆͐̀͊̒͗̓́̑̍͌̑̋̊́̃̀͊̉̒̽͒̓͐̉̈́͒̉̿͋́́͌̄͌̇̿̄̊̀̈́̍̑̿̓̀̂̇̉͌̑̅͘͘̕͘͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅ ̴̨̧̢̡̨̧̨̧̢̡̨̨̧̢̧̢̛̠̗͉̖͚̠̟̜̪͍̳̲̝͚͇̠̗̙̬̫͈̦̙͕̥̯͔̙͖̮͙̰̞̖̮̜̫͓̲͓͎̝̩̠͙̲̩͙̝͖̻̯̱͓̥̺̭̭͕͎̬̳̭̯͓͔͎̠̻̯͔̩̱̹͖̬͇̼̠͓̙͈̗̙̞͎̫̳̝̜͓̻̖̯̫̤̹̻̳̘̱͙͍͈͕̠̞̜̻͍̬͈̜̆̊͊͊̏͆̽̒̆̿̎̂̓͋̀͗̄̈́̑̍̎̆̅̀̽͒̿́̔̉͒̇͒̾̓͒͐̾̋͗͗̅̈̄̋͑͒̔̋̑̂̈́́̓̐͑̑͒̑̚̕̚̕͘̕͘͜͜͜͝͠͝͝ͅͅỨ̸̢̡̨̡̨̛̛̛̪͖̣̘͈͎̬̜͚͉̤͇̠̤͎͇̗̯̖̣̹̙̠̻͍̘͈̱̠̘̺͓̞̥̮͉̥̜͚͔̝̪̥̠̫̰̠̟͔̙̫͖̎̎̈͐̑̾͊͌̍̽͒͛́̆̃̔͐͐̑̽͊͊̌̒̅̔̂̇̐̐͑̒̎̄̄̅̇̏̽͆̅́́̈́̿̆͌͋̑͑̔̾̋̏̍̓̇͂̔͋̎̏̈́̉͆̒̿̒̎̕͘̕͜͠͠ͅ ̴̨̢̡̛̛̛͙̦̪̳̭̺̫̫͓̭̱͉̜͇̞̤̮͈̜͈͈̗͚̫̬̟͍͚̣̖̺̻͉̮̝̮͚̱̱͈͔͙̤̲̯̳̼̦̅̈̋̏̎̿͒͊̈́̐͊́̅͗̅͌̑̉̅́̾͂̐́̊̋̐͗̈́̌͊̿̓̐̌͑̌̂̀̉̋̓̔̉͋͆̓͐̊̀̋̍̀̇́̄̓̄̇́̒͌͒̽̔́͑͛̅́̿̾̿͐̍͛̽̿̒̉̐̈́͘͘̚͘̚͘͘͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠ͅŖ̷̨̡̡̢̡̢̧̧̛̛͓̺̺͖͚̻͎͍̲̭̺͓̬͕͙͓̻̫̰͍͖͖̤̩̪͈̞͈̘̩̥͓̠͍̱͉͕̯͎̱̻̞̯̳̲͇̪̘͕͖̙͖̣̙̞̟͍͔͙̜̮̠͇͙̣͙̳͈͓͖̹͖͇͕̙͉͔̤̦̳͕̙͎̙̞̪̳͖͖̙̙̺̭̩̹̩̺̤̰̟̼̮͇̹͚̪̠̹͇͔̖̙̗̺͕̤̠̪̖̝͕͉̱͙͙̹͚͙̼̩͚̯̗̞̜̺̽̋̒̆̀̀͗̓̑͌̄̏̅̎̈́̑͑̍͐́̅̽̀̄̇͛̒̈́̓̊̈́͑̂͛̆̎̅́͌̑̐̓͛̈́̿̒͐͒̐̈̔̌͂̒̿̐̃̈́̑̀͛̽̔̈́̅̔͑̃́́͂̏͗̔̌͊̿̇̿̋̐̄͘̕̕͘̚̚͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅ ̴̧̡̨̧̛̛̛͖͓͕͙̣͈͎̹̹̖͉̲̟̳͚̙̘̰̰̦̯̹͎̦̥̫̯̩̻͍͓͚̙̻̠̣̳̬͇̘̯̗̮̯̫̦̖͎̦̩̻͓͎̪̣͈̙̙̲̻͎̰͉͍͇̙̜̓̈̌̊̏̂̋̈́͆̀̍̎̋͛̾̂͐̒̓̃̈́̿͗͊̓͐̾̆̓̈̓̏̑͐͗̂̌͌͌̉́͑̀̍͗̇̈́̊̈́̊̂̆̃̓̀͊̏͛̒̉͌̑̌̀͗̉͂̆̋̀̋̀̃̅̓̈̐̿̋̂̆̀͌̈͂̽̔̅̑̈̽͂̄̈́̏̚̚͘͘͘̕̚͘͝͠͠͝͠͝T̸̨̨̨̢̢̛͇̫̰̘͍̤̟̣̻̰͎͖̲̟̥̖͙̥͇͉̫̿͐̈̒̐͋͑̍͌͒̐̌͛͂͂̀͛̊̾̐̅̐̏͋̑̉̌͗̈́̋̉̄̒̏̏̀̌̉̽̓̇̅̾̎͛́̇̈́͂̀͘͘̕͝ ̷̢̡̨̫̜̩̲̙̭̠͕̫̠̤̮͙̼͓͙̺͙̖͍̯͔̰͎̏͒̈́̍̔̌̐̅͗͗͗͋̊̄̔̓͐̓̿͗̈́̐̎͒͐̒̎̈́̉̏͋͗̚͠ͅS̷̢̡̡̨̛̛͍͙͙̹̰̥̫̙̺̦̗̻̳̺̹͍͙̦̞̰̞͔͕͉̜̩̮͕̮̥̲̑̃̐̊͗̓̾̽̔́͋̽͂̽͛̿́̈́͐̿̅́̍̃̐͑̅̽̏̆͗̆̅̂̐͊̐̽͋͒̀̓̔͒̌͆̎̌̽̈̽͗̽̍̆͑̄̇̐̅͆̆̌̂̄͐͋̈̓́́̈́̌̂̀̉͆͑̆̋͛́̾͊̎͐͑̄͑̃̎̋̇̃͋̏̅̋͐͂̀̚̚̕̕̚͘̕͘̕̚̚͜͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝
]
2/3
3/3
and then, just as suddenly as it starts
it stops
with a cold, harsh snap
and you are alone.]
1/2
[MOTHERFUCKING]
[CHRIST]
no subject
[he gives it some time. but eventually? he makes his way to Luna's room. . . and gently knocks on the door]
no subject
It appears no one is there, no matter how hard he knocks.]
no subject
[he tries for a while!! but when it's clear no one is going to answer, he will just. . . wander the mansion until he can find her, probably. first place to check?]
[the infirmary]
no subject
As mucked up as the infirmary still is from who-knows-what yesterday, one would think Luna might be here! But alas.
She has to be inside somewhere, though. She was here when that entire mess went down to open this room, wasn't she?
Why does the guilt sit like a rock in your throat?]
no subject
you turn a corner...]
w2, sunday post-execution
[and by delicious I mean. . . it's filled with the scent of hot, simmering curry spice! and that's because someone has decided to calm himself down by making himself some afternoon comfort curry, the coffee isn't a surprise; he's been downing that all week, thanks to the no-sleep motive effects. but curry? this is the first time he's made it since coming to his mansion. he hopes Peach's supply of spices will suffice]
[and that's where Luna will find Akira, should she be searching for him! standing over the kitchen stove, stirring a stainless steel pot full of curry. a bit absentmindedly, but hey. can she blame him?]
no subject
She has a few people she needs to find... and Akira is one of them. She can't detect the smells, unfortunately, but she knows the feeling of a hot kitchen, enough to give her pause through the dining room. A detour, then.
...
Her voice stays soft as she approaches, not wanting to distract him.]
...There you are, Akira.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
no subject
Oh, Luna--
[right. . . he hadn't had the chance to speak with her since that incident with Akechi, had he? or the incident on Friday morning. and she had looked pretty rough at the trial, too]
[quickly, he taps his spoon against the side of the pot, before puling away to approach her, gaze flickering across her form]
. . . how are you doing?
no subject
[There's a pause, as though she's hesitant to add to her statement. But she shakes her head, instead letting her eyes look at the huge pot of whatever the world that is on the stove, then back to him, her brows slightly furrowed.]
...Is everything okay? I might have gotten the wrong idea, but... that the situation with Hunter was really hard for you, wasn't it?
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It-- [a breath, and he pulls up a lopsided, tired smile] -- I did what needed to be done.
. . . what Hunter would've wanted me to do.
[note: not an answer to that question]
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Her eyes soften, though her look of concern does not. A hand lifts to delicately rest against his arm, very aware of just how exhausted he looks.]
You're a very lucky person to have as a friend. I... I hope you know that.
...
I can leave you be, if you'd like. But... I'd be lying if I wasn't worried for you.
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[at that, Akira immediately shakes his head, sheepishly gesturing to a chair]
No. I'd appreciate the company, actually.
[a pause]
I'd offer you some curry too, but--
[r-robots don't eat?? probably???]
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I'm battery operated, so... it's not necessary, I'm afraid. I wouldn't really be able to taste or consume it, regardless.
... I like the way a busy kitchen gets so... warm, though. Like a cloud of sunlight blossoming in a room. I like to imagine that the smells and tastes are like that warm feeling. That it's something comforting.
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The curry I'm making. . . it's a family recipe.
[ah. . .?]
The man I lived with-- my guardian-- he taught it to me. It was something he cooked because it was his daughter's favorite recipe. Her mother was the one who created it.
[a breath]
Every time I smell it, or taste it, or make it myself, it reminds me of home.
[so. . . yeah. she's right. it is comforting]
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[Her hand instinctively moves to her collarbone, as though to touch something resting around her neck. But there's nothing there, as usual. Only skin.
...]
What was your guardian's name?
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[her question draws another smile from him]
Sakura Sojio. He ran a coffee and curry cafe. I lived in the attic.
[A PAUSE]
That sounds way more awful than it actually is. I like my attic bedroom; it's cozy.
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[yes this is her first thought]
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Bingo.
[SHE GOT IT. and she's the first one to make the connection!!]
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maybe don't tell her.]
Is... there a reason you're with Mr. Sakura right now? What about your parents?
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[. . .]
[his tone is even. nonchalant, almost. like it's not a big deal]
They're alive.
[that's not saying much, though]
They sent me to live with Sojiro for a year. I haven't heard from them since I moved to Tokyo, but--
[shrugs]
They're around.
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Whatever she thought he might say, that... wasn't exactly what she was picturing? This is the first time she's really seen his demeanour fall outside the topic of a death, oddly vulnerable and walled off at the same time.
...
She knows it's not a wise idea to press too hard. Not with that shift in his mood. But... wouldn't it be better than leaving something unspoken?]
...
Can I ask what happened?
It... sounds like you almost didn't have a choice. Why?
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[it's his turn, isn't it?]
That's because I didn't. A court of law made the choice for me.
[his back is still towards her as he speaks, gaze focused on the curry]
I was sent to live with Sojiro as part of my probation for my aggravated assault conviction.
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You're... considered a criminal, then? [A simple question, quiet if not a little confused. Akira, a criminal? Que??] What happened?
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[stares at this curry forever?? what if he never looks up???]
[also his profile says professional thief, plz]
I tried to stop a drunk man from harassing a woman on the streets at night. I touched his shoulder. . . he fell and injured himself.
He turned out to be a powerful politician, and he threatened the woman to lie to the police about what had happened. She said I had attacked him for no reason, and I was arrested on the spot.
After that. . . he used his connections to have me convicted of assault.
I didn't stand a chance.
[that last part is said very, very quietly]
WEEK THREE - TUESDAY
Whoever's doing Luna's wardrobe is being nice, at least.
As it is, she's probably going to walk straight into Akira, so. Oops.]
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[and so she bumps into him pretty solidly, sending him stumbling forward a few steps with a surprised yelp. he spins on his heel to face her, an apology ready on his tongue--]
[and he freezes]
[was he going to say something??? he's staring]
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Her breath catches with a startled little choke as she runs right into him. Her notebook hits the floor and slides who knows where goodbye her poor notebook]
Akira...! I-I'm so sorry, I... I wasn't paying enough attention... Are you okay--
...
[Um.
earth to akira, come in, akira]
...Akira?
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[. . .]
[he starts once, gaze flickering back up to her face (he was staring at her dress), very light color appearing on his cheeks. but it's gone in an instant as he catches himself, and he holds both hands up, palms forward in an apologetic gesture]
Sorry. . .! You startled me.
[sheepish]
I didn't see or hear you approaching.
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Her eyes fall to the floor with a shy and flustered exhale of breath, a little more self conscious than she'd like to be, a hand shakily brushing stray hair out of her face.]
N-no, I... it's okay. I was so caught up anyway, I... I don't have any room to argue.
...
You're usually so observant... what in the world are you looking at that took all your attention?
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This whole place sort of gives me the creeps. [he can't shake the feeling that the objects in this museum feel like trophies] But I was looking at this ouija board.
[by now he has figured out that it can contact dead people, so. of course he is standing near it, considering which dead people to attempt to reach out to]
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[bc i cant retcon wednesday stuff she is still oblivious to this unfortunately]
I think a ouija board is said to be used to bridge between the living and the afterlife. Um... in legend, anyway.
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[Akira nods, then turns towards Luna, opening his mouth to respond. but before he can, he feels a memory creeping its way to the front of his mind, dancing on the tip of his brain, suddenly appearing in his vision like a movie]
[Luna sees it, too. from 5:34 to 14:44. it begins with something exciting; a thief racing through a lavish casino to escape the authorities]
[and it ends with Akira's arrest and his mistreatment at the hands of the detectives who took him in]
[and when it ends, Akira jerks back quite suddenly, hand pressed against his temple and eyes wide as he tries to make sense of what just happened]
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It's like watching a car crash in slow motion. First it's confusing, almost fantastical in the shift rome reality to the view another, fleeing the authorities, mind racing with emotions that are not hers. He's caught. He's cuffed. He's beaten. Why doesn't he defend himself...? What... what did he DO? Why doesn't he know??
She stumbles against one of the artifact cases, a hand to her mouth as glassy eyes look right towards Akira, imagining him bruised and drugged and struggling for breath and doing nothing to stop it.]
...
...Why?
A... Akira...
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Shit--
[but his first thought isn't about himself, nevermind that the house has decided to share this memory with literally everyone he's spoken to. it's for her, because nobody should have to relive the hell he went through on November 20]
Sorry, I'm-- sorry, I didn't mean to. . . are you okay?
[he reaches out to her, hand extended towards her shoulder, as though trying to steady her or comfort her or something]
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There's a break in her expression, torn apart, reaching her hand out to brush against his face with shaking fingers, where she knew had once been bruises and blood, as though it might help her remember that he's whole and fine where he stands.]
Why... [She hurts... but it's clearly for him, in a fog of confusion that screams at how wrong that memory is, even as it burns into her mind, her voice choking quietly.] W-why didn't you say anything...
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[Akira freezes the moment her fingers touch his cheeks, as though such gentle care and affection was foreign to him. he neither leans into her nor pulls away, caught frozen in stasis, unsure of how he should react. his uncertainty is clear in his expression-- in the way he stares at her, wide-eyed and a bit bewildered, a bit confused. it's certainly not unwelcome, the way she frets over him, the way her fingers ghost over bruises that had long since healed, but it's not. . . typical]
[. . . it's a little warm, actually. warm in a way he can't describe. kind of like. . . the warmth he felt when he had found his home with the Phantom Thieves]
[when he speaks, his voice is weak and a little breathless]
. . . what would I have even said?
[like, really!!]
All that would've done is give them more of a reason to lash out at me.
[Akira doesn't like staying quiet, but even his defiant self knows better than to make things worse for himself in an already shitty situation]
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[Except she knows it's likely not that simple. It shows in the utter lack of bite in her tone, not a blame but an unspoken question, her fingers curling against his skin to loosly rest the knuckles against his jawline, face a flurry of conflicting emotions.]
All those things they blamed you for... they couldn't be what you... y-you...
...
Plesse tell me you had a reason. Anything.
[She had seen how he moved, how he ran through the window as though he never wanted to get caught. But... ]
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People like that don't care about the truth.
[it somehow comes out both bland and bitter all at once, a brief resurfacing of the feelings he tended to keep buried underneath layers of collected calm. of lighthearted teasing]
They only care about their own selfishness. About stepping on those who get in their way.
They already knew the truth. They just didn't give a shit about it.
[he'll answer her other question in a moment, he just. . . has to address that part, first]
when u see the bad typo the next day.... woe.....
Ah. That tone is a little familiar. Her touch warily lowers from his face, instead moving to take the hand that he had rested against her shoulder, coaxing the grip off enough to, instead, rest in her palm.]
You... really have been hurt deeply by that part of the world, haven't you?
...
I'm sorry. It seems so unlike you to simply let something like that go with someone else... so I... I'm surprised.
THE WORST. . .
I have.
[god, hasn't he. and it's the reason he tries so hard to make the world better, isn't it?]
And I wasn't letting it go. [even if it seemed like he was] . . . when I got arrested that time, it was on purpose. I needed to be arrested in order to draw out my enemies.
I needed to figure out who owned those cops so I could go after them directly.
Ill give akira another tag or so and then u can suffer
You played stubborn so that you could get to a point of possible escalation, for... the sake of a lead? For personal justice?
[There's a hint of something unpleasant in the implication. To pursue another with a just intent was one thing, but... how easily that could turn into a harmful or murderous intent, an antithesis of her entire being.]
...
Could I ask if it was worth it?
I AM ALREADY SUFFERING
It was.
[fortunately for Luna? Akira's ideals were so fixed that his desire for justice never dipped into something murderous, something unpleasant or opposed to his own entire being. but it isn't as though she would know that. . . after all, he still has yet to tell her about his exploits as a phantom thief]
[. . .]
[maybe it's about time he did]
I can tell you the whole story. It's-- long.
But it'll explain everything.
[including why Akechi had tried to kill him oh-so long ago]
Well here is some more
Your interrogator mentioned stealing hearts, correct? I imagine that isn't a, um, literal sense.
...
Could it be that you--
[She suddenly cuts off, an odd loss for words as her mind suddenly turns elsewhere of its own accord, taking Akira's internal view with it. A memory crawls up from 19:16 - 23:28, obedience fighting with an unignorable desire to help instead of harm... and feeling the horrible grip of shame, of helplessness, of fear, all while you do precisely as you are expected. As you are programmed.
...
Luna's gaze instantly falls to the floor, withdrawing her touch as though she thinks she might hurt him with the contact. At least, of all people to see this memory... it was someone that already knew her side of it. But Akane's words so fresh in her mind stings, and it shows on her face.]
wails
[. . .]
[this memory would be more shocking if Akira wasn't already aware of what Luna was, of what she had been doing before being dragged into the mansion. the struggle between Luna's true desires and the old woman's orders is so crisp and clear that Akira feels Luna's pain, her loss of agency, her inability to do what she wanted to do and help as though it were his own]
[. . .]
[she draws her hand back. . . and he reaches for it immediately, grip tight]
Shit.
[that curse is not at all directed at Luna. and the way his eyes flash underneath his glasses, fire dancing in his irises, says everything that needs to be said about his opinions on the elderly Akane]
Re: wails
She doesn't pull her hand back... but it shakes noticeably under Akira's fingers.]
...
Please don't.
This is just how things are.
[Her voice is distant and small. How she wishes it were not the case.]
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. . .
At one point in my life, I had said that, too.
[he says quietly, wrangling the anger in his gut to a more manageable level. he doesn't wish to startle her again]
[so long as she doesn't pull away, his grip on her hand remains]
It doesn't have to be that way, though.
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[She doesn't dare look at him, but it's obvious she has started to cry, even though her voice stays somewhat steady.]
I'm not a person, Akira. I... just pretend to be one. That's all it is. Pretend.
Why do you think my body shut down on Friday? Or with Akechi? I...
I can't just... decide to be different.
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[carefully (and with some hesitation), he reaches up to brush his thumb against her cheek to wipe away any tears. he doesn't guide her to look at him, though. . . not yet]
You are a person, Luna.
[he says that quietly, but with a sort of affirmation that makes it clear he believes what he's saying. that makes it clear he'd fight anyone who disagreed]
You think and feel and heart and mourn just like the rest of us. It doesn't matter what your body does, or what your programming says or tells you to do. You're a person.
And people who take advantage of your biological makeup to make you feel and treat you as otherwise-- [or non-biological, as it is] -- are nothing but scum.
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[Her face twists, a deep and wrenching hurt. But she doesn't shake his touch away, starting slightly when she feels his fingers against her face. What... what is he...
...
She can't help it. She leans hesitantly into the touch, the comfort needed even as her tears keep coming, an unravelling in her that's hard to contain. Had... had anyone ever treated her like a person? Sigma had tried. But the distance was always still there, vast and unignorable.]
I'm a machine... H-how could you think that about a machine? Why would you...
[She lifts her head, her eyes filled with tears.]
W-why do you trust me so much??
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[stop stop, don't look at him like that, he doesn't know what to do or say or anything to make her understand that he doesn't care about what she's made of, about her origins, about how she came to be.]
[he just cares that she is, and the fact that she is means she deserves. isn't that enough. . .?]
You've worked harder than anyone else here to make sure that everyone is healthy and well-taken care of. And I could feel it in that memory-- your desire to protect, to follow your own path, to be yourself.
If I can't trust someone like that, then who can I trust?
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...
Her tears don't stop. But she's nodding, a hesitant motion at first, then repeated as she screws her eyes shut, pressing her free hand to her eyes.
She shudders for breath... but there's a smile on her face, fighting against the tears, even as she nods once more. He trusts her. He trusts her. Even if it should matter for her... for him, it doesn't. And her heart feels full to bursting trying to accept it.]
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[there isn't really much else he can say. Akira has never been great with words, although he always tries. and when he doesn't have the words, he has always been the type to allow his actions to speak for him]
[and so. . . with that, he drops his hand from her cheek, leans forward, and draws her into a warm, encompassing hug]
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T-that... that was such horrible timing during something so important... I... [She swallows, wiping her eyes once more.]
M-maybe I... I can hope you won't steal my heart for the oversight...
[It's weak, but still an attempt at a segue, the corners of her mouth tired but still lifted, an apology in its delicacy.]
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[. . . the timing was bad, yeah. and it was a heavy conversation, one that still leaves some lingering discontent in Akira's gut every time he thinks about that woman and how she had treated Luna as less than a person. but her commentary lightens his heart a bit, and he can't help but let out a breathless laugh, body shaking slightly with each chortle]
[his response is light, and he isn't yet pulling away from the hug]
No promises.
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...Could... you tell me more about what happened? About the hearts?
I... I would like to understand why you did what you did.
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[. . .]
I guess I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
[he doesn't stiffen or close himself off from her when she asks, but there is-- perhaps-- a touch of apprehension in his expression]
The "professional thief" thing on my plaque is the truth. I am a thief.
I steal the hearts of corrupt criminals to make them confess their crimes to the public.
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Could... you explain what that involves? It sounds very, um... metaphorical.
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It is metaphorical. Sort of.
[SORT OF]
Where I come from, there's a world that runs parallel to our own. We call that world the "Metaverse," and it's built from the cognitions and perceptions of society at large.
[he stops there to let her absorb that information, because it's the basis for everything he is about to say next]
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So... a world defined more by the consciousness of people, rather than their direct actions. Would that be close?
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Ah. . . yeah, that's exactly right.
[he's getting serious Makoto vibes here]
Let's say that someone in the real world had extremely distorted desires, like they believe they were the king of a castle, with the castle being the school at which they taught. They treated everyone within the school like their personal slaves and were all around an extremely shitty person.
["hypothetically speaking"]
In the Metaverse, the school building would instead appear as a castle because the entire location would be distorted by the real world person's perceptions.
Are you with me so far?
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That's right. He was a highly respected and well-known teacher at the school. And that was probably the source of his distorted desires in the first place.
[fame goes to people's heads. . . and all that jazz]
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I imagine another person wouldn't just be able to affect that unless they, in turn, had some sort of strong impact on the real-life influencer...
How would you even enter a place like that? You're... you're not an esper, are you?
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No, I'm not.
I used a phone app.
[yeah. that'st he answer. he uses a phone app]
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How... how does that work?
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Have no idea.
[I'M SORRY HE CAN'T ANSWER THAT AAAAH]
We enter a Palace's keywords and then it takes us to the Metaverse. The mechanics are something completely beyond me.
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I... I'll have to accept that for now, won't I? Anyway, um... I assume a Palace is a specific place?
And when you say "we"... who do you mean?
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[as for her second question. . .]
"We."
I mean myself and my team.
[his team of highly trained (lol) phantom thieves]
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I guess it makes sense. You're very kind and charismatic. I... I could see you leading others to a cause.
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It's true that they all voted me to be their leader, and I did my best to guide them towards victory after victory.
[his expression is a little distant now, like he's reminiscing, and the fondness and love in his eyes is unmistakable]
They stood by me when I needed people to the most. They are. . . my most important people.
WEEK THREE - THURSDAY
It's when she slides into the infirmary later in the day that she seems a little more... serious in tone. She's checking him as usual, but something obviously weighs on her mind.
She unloops the infirmary stethoscope from her neck as she finishes up her examination, lips pursed in thought.]
Akira... Could I ask you something?
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[. . .]
[tomorrow. . . when someone will likely still be killed, regardless of the progress they've been making on solving the mansion's mysteries]
[maybe he shouldn't think about that]
[for now. . . people are fussing, and Akira isn't going to stop them from fussing, even if a part of it makes him feel strange. he is so used to being on the other side of things]
Hn?
[when Luna finishes her examination, Akira draws a blanket loosely around his shoulders and gives her a curious look]
Of course. . . what is it?
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The emotion of her expression is hard to place - not quite the emotionless mask of a machine, but definitely closed off in thought.]
I have a request.
There are syringes available here. Would... um... would I be able to take a sample of your blood?
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What?
[that comes out a bit more bewildered than he intended— no. actually, it sounds just as incredulous as he intended for it to be. he's studying her expression carefully, noting how closed off it seems, and not in her usual doctor-patient kind of way]
Why? Do you need to test it for some reason—?
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She shakes her head, her smile calm but deeply apologetic.]
...I'm sorry. I... I can't tell you why right now.
It's related to the curfew tonight.
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[it isn't that he doesn't trust her; he does, and deeply so, and perhaps that's the reason why he doesn't immediately turn her down. but he opens his mouth to say something, features cut with a deep, concerned frown, before he shuts it again and furrows his brows even more]
[. . .]
[what is she planning. . .? and why can't she tell him what it is. . .?]
. . . is it safe?
[???]
I mean, I-- [his gaze flickers down to the missing portion of his leg, features twisting as he remembers the circumstances around its loss] I lost a lot of blood today. How much do you need?
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...Not very much. I... can ask someone else for more.
I just know I can trust you. So... I wanted to ask you first.
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[he trusts her. doesn't he? truly and deeply]
It's okay.
[he lifts his head up a bit, before nodding]
I trust you, too.
So take what you need.
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Thank you.
[She'll move to a side cabinet, where a small collection of syringes and glass vials have been set aside, apart from their regular storage.
BLOODWORK PREP AHOY i sure hope you liked tourniquet because you are getting another one.]
I promise, I'll explain when I can. Just...
...
Remember that anyone, including myself, might be something they're not right now. Even if they change... I want to believe their memories are still there. They're still themselves.
I... I would rather be suspicious of me than for this idea to go wasted due to my own foolishness.
no subject
[. . .]
Luna--
[okay. . . well. with that response in mind? he twists a bit to face her, reaching out to her with his free arm, hand resting on her shoulder. sorry for interrupting that bloodwork prepping but THIS IS IMPORTANT]
[and then, with one hand braced on her shoulder. . . he pushes himself up, arm sliding behind her neck to draw her towards him in the most awkward hug that still somehow manages to be extremely tender and gentle]
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[As caught up in her task as she is, him reaching out to touch her is an odd surprise, even more so when he pushes up and...
...
Oh. This is...
...]
...Akira? I...
[...
It's almost frightening, how comfortable his embrace already feels to her, and yet still carry an odd sort of fear, an uncertain emotion that knots her throat and makes processes run so fast that she can hardly think.
...
Her tension under his arm slowly unravels, the needle put aside so that she can slip her arms around him, forehead resting against his shoulder.]
I'm sorry.
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[he gives her a gentle squeeze, and doesn't yet pull away, even as he mumbles]
. . . I want to believe that they're still themselves, too.
That underneath everything, they're still the people we know and trust. [. . .] So whatever you're doing, whatever experiment you're trying-- I hope it works.
[because he does believe that whatever plan she's concocted that requires the usage of his blood will be for the good of everyone here. in some form or fashion]
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I don't doubt it at all. When Hunter was caught... I spoke with Beau for a little while. She said that she was still able to feel Hunter, the real Hunter, even after he turned... he was still scared and guilty and unable to fight.
They're still people. Just... not in control of themselves as a whole anymore.
...
I don't know if what I have planned will be anything like what happened with Hunter. I... I can't promise that. I'm sorry. I wish I could. But...
At... at the very least... it might keep one less innocent person from having to die.
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[. . .]
[Akira draws back from the hug, though he doesn't go far and his hand remains resting against her shoulder]
Maybe it isn't the same as what happened with Hunter.
[although Akira would kill for another antidote. well. . . not literally kill, but it would suck to have to properly execute someone for killing as a monster this week when they managed to save someone last week]
But every little thing helps. No matter how small.
WEEK 3, SATURDAY - POST TRIAL
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[and incidentally, Akira just so happens to be opening his bedroom door, ready to search for Luna himself, when she passes by]
-- oh, Luna? Hey, do you have a minute?
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Though... [She'll take a glance at the door, knowing very well who else was probably in there. She wants to ask if Chuuya's okay, but she knows that answer is probably going to be a no. So she swallows, folding her hands carefully in front of her.]
...Is there anything I can do?
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I think Chuuya needs a little bit of time. His relationship with Dazai-san was. . . complicated.
[but?]
Thank you, though. I'll tell him you asked.
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You're welcome.
How is your leg feeling? If you're not too tired... would you mind talking a walk to the garden for a little bit? I've been in the infirmary for most of the evening, so... I think the fresh air might feel nice.
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I'd like that. And don't worry; I'm not hurting right now.
[he clearly hasn't made use of the prosthesis Hunter has given him just yet, but that's only because he's giving himself some time to rest first]
And I promise I can wobble down the stairs on my own.
[LIFTS A CRUTCH AND WAVES IT AT HER FOR EMPHASIS]
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I'll go first, then. Watch your footing, okay?
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[he limps after her, crutches assisting in his movements. and when he reaches the stairwell, he leans his weight against his good leg and braces himself against the wall with one hand, caaaarefully guiding his injured leg and the crutch along each step]
[he is focused!! he doesn't want to fall!!]
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She'll stay a couple paces ahead, waiting patiently at the bottom of the stairwell and extending a hand when he runs out of wall for support.]
You're adapting so quickly... I'm so glad.
I'm really proud of you.
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Proud of me for figuring out how to manipulate a crutch?
[he seems a bit bewildered she'd say that over something that he feels is so mild]
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Well, no, not just that. Your energy, your attitude... the fact that you're still trying, even with something horrible happening to you...
Not many people have that kind of fortitude. It takes a lot of inner strength.
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Mm. . . well.
[he gives his head a small shake]
I can't let it keep me down. All I can do is stand up and learn how to live with it, you know. . .?
[another nod]
So that's what I'm doing. It happened, but life keeps going.
[and he keeps going with it]
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Ah... Here. I'll get the door.
[Chivalry schmivalry, only one of us has two working hands. Out we go, soldier.]
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I'll pace myself. I promise.
And. . . thanks.
[for more than just opening the door, but he doesn't have to get into that now. OUTSIDE THEY GO. . .!]
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It's always so nice and quiet out here. I keep meaning to thank Pumpkin for all her hard work... I don't think this place would be bearable at all without a part of the great outdoors.
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[his cabin fever was SO BAD that week. . . he needed the fresh air like a fish needed water]
[and even with one leg, Akira manages to crouch down to the flower's level, bracing himself upright with one hand clutching the crutch as he reaches out with the other]
The flowers are here are really beautiful. [. . .] Just looking at them brightens my mood.
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[She'll stay on her feet, perfectly fine with looking out over all of the colors in the light of oncoming twilight. There's something charming in looking down to see the soft expression on his face, simply enjoying the plant life in front of him...]
Is this something you're used to, Akira? I always imagined Tokyo as a more urban type of landscape.
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I'm not from Tokyo originally. I used to live in a smaller town surrounded by nature, so you could say I'm used to it.
[and, in addition to that?]
I also worked in a flower shop while I was living in Tokyo. I guess I got kind of used to being surrounded by them all day.
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I always thought it would be nice to work somewhere like a greenhouse. Helping people choose things to make their homes look nice, or to cheer up someone they care about... and you'd get to spend time taking care of a whole world of living things.
I think it would be so... so nice.
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[he doesn't seem offended, just! lightly amused as he stands up and gestures to a nearby bench. time to sit!!]
I think you're a really good doctor, Luna. [but] But if you want to do something like that instead?
Then I think you should try, once we leave this place.
[didn't Luna say she was dead. EH. DETAILS]
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[Hm. She falls quiet as she crosses over to take a seat.]
Akira, did I ever tell you what year it was on Earth, the last I remember?
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You didn't, though I could tell it was some time far in the future compared to my world.
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It was January of 2074.
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[closes it again]
[and then, his expression VERY SERIOUS]
I'm old enough to be your grandpa.
[AKIRA???]
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I-I... I don't think that's how it works...
How old do you think I am?
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Early twenties?
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But you have to remember that I'm not a human.
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How old do you think you are, then?
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I have logs going back all the way to the time of my initial construction. But the AI, particularly the, um.... part of my brain that controls how I think and act and process... that's much newer.
So... I suppose I wouldn't be able to give a firm answer.
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Sorry, sorry. . . I guess that is kind of a personal question, right?
You just made me curious about the answer.
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Hephaestus GAULEM GTF-DM-L-016 as a unit has existed since the year 2032 - that's when I was initially shipped to the person who would inevitably put me into service. But my AI wasn't complete in its full capacity of operations as "Luna" until 2057.
So... I guess you could say that my body, for all purposes of the word, is technically forty-two, but my mind is, um... seventeen, I think? Something like that.
[............]
I... don't know it that helps at all.
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[but he also lets out a breathless laugh despite himself]
Let's go with-- whatever you're most comfortable with.
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But...
I guess I would say the latter, if I had to. I can remember bits and pieces from further back then that, and I have plenty of logs of things like tests and troubleshooting, but... I... I feel like I wasn't really recognized as me until around then. That's when I think I was finally aware that I was no longer a work in progress, but a completed intelligence.
[Congrats, I guess???? She has no idea what's going on anymore but it's fine.]
Um... anyway... we got a little sidetracked. Can I continue?
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[oh, yeah. this is a big digression isn't it? Akira nods, amusement flickering onto his features briefly]
Yeah, of course. I'm interested in hearing the entire story.
DONT LOOK ANDIE
[So, uh. Strap in.]
In 2028, there was a pandemic. A virus called Radical-6. Many believed it to be biological warfare, but no one could prove it - only that it originated in Nevada in the United States and spread like wildfire. Over two million people died. Containing it became close to impossible, and society quickly started to collapse. People started to starve to death, or grow ill from the bodies that piled the streets.
In a desperate attempt to eradicate the pathogen and save what they could of humanity, in April of 2029, the remaining world leaders set off eighteen antimatter reactors across the world. I... can't really explain it right now, or we might be here forever, but... that's an equivalent explosive force over 180,000 times what was contained in the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima, Japan during World War 2.
The resulting radiation wiped out the virus... and many, many people. Between the initial pandemic, the collapse of society, and the explosions... 6 billion people were killed.
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[oh]
[Akira's interested expression quickly morphs into horror as Luna continues. as though a pandemic itself wasn't enough, learning that her world's leaders were okay with killing billions of people in an attempt to eradicate the virus is absolutely and utterly horrifying]
[his response is breathless, eyes wide]
Six. . . billion people. . .
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Do... you know what nuclear winter is, Akira? It's the ecological result of air pollution, either from manmade waste, fire, or extremely large explosions, like that of an atom bomb or a large volcano. Debris is knocked into the atmosphere, and can block out the effects of the sun.
In Earth's case... there was no direct sunlight for over seven years. I've heard there's been some regrowth, now that a few decades have passed, but... most plant and animal life went extinct.
While some survived, and there is some form of civilization still operating, the world has become a... a wasteland. There's so much ash that... the sky is no longer blue. Light can't reach that far anymore. So... it's red.
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[his expression twists. all of this is. . . very difficult to imagine. it's something that only happens in fictional books, right? not. . . in real life, right?]
[except it happened on Luna's world, and that's just. . . difficult to comprehend]
That's. . . horrible to think about.
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[To imagine an Earth with green continents, blue ocean, white clouds... it sounds ridiculous.]
Many people have established colonies on the moon for purposes of research. That was the case for the project that purchased me. That's all I've known.
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That memory we saw, then. . . did that take place on the moon?
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All of them did, yes. Though... I guess you might be thinking of something specific...?
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The one we saw during trial. The one involving the older man-- [to whom she felt feelings of warmth, even while her body moved on automatic, forced to do so by an unseen hand. he tries not to frown]
I kind of wanted to ask you about it, anyway.
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I... I figured that you might. [She looks almost....bashful about it? HOW MANY PEOPLE SAW THAT....]
What... um... what would you like to know?
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Who was that man?
[the one for whom she had those warm, soft, gentle and kind feelings? Akira is no idiot; he could tell what they were, too]
ANDIE DON'T LOOK FOR A WHILE
That's Doctor Sigma Klim.
He's the man who built me.
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[his mouth twitches a little]
Did he just build you? Or. . . is he the one who programmed you, too?
[or was that Akane. . .? Akane, who he can't stand, so like. . . is he going to have to metaphorically fight Dr. Sigma Klim too???]
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[A pause. Her hand drifts to that empty spot near her collarbone, one where a necklace had fit so perfectly once before.]
He... he's very important to me.
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[okay. so he doesn't have to fight Sigma. good. still just Akane]
Are you two close, then. . .?
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[Her eyes flicker, a hurt that barely registers at the surface, but aches deep down.]
He's... um... a very busy man. We don't talk much, outside what he requires of me. But I understand. I just... really know what a kind person he is. He's done so much for everyone and for his work, and he's intelligent... I can't help but admire him.
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["admire" is one way to put it. . . and it gives those warm feelings he felt from her in that memory just a little more of a shape]
Is he the one who gave you that necklace you're always reaching for?
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The old woman and Doctor Klim both kept very, very busy. I was tasked to help as needed, of course, and I helped take care of Kyle when he would allow it, but... most of the time, I was just... alone. Due to the limited range of my body, I wasn't allowed outside the facility.
...It was really hard. To be lonely... I feel it must be what it feels like to slowly suffocate... like I would fall apart.
That's when the Doctor gave me that. It's... actully a music box. He said it belonged to someone he once deeply cared for. I thought about it for a while, and I took it as a way of him saying... "Luna, happiness is closer than you think."
It was so... kind.
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[he hates thinking about her trapped in that facility, though. hates thinking that people used her as nothing but a tool for their own convenience. it shows in his features, in the way he frowns, brows furrowed]
[. . .]
Happiness is closer than you think. . . [. . .] Was it?
[did she ever find it. . .?]
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[That's not really an answer, of course... but she would feel a little empty if she didn't try to explain herself.]
Do you know about Maeterlink's "The Blue Bird? It's a famous play about two children who covet for the items of the rich. They catch sight of a bluebird, and go on an adventure through a mysterious land. When it is all over, they arrive at home to realize the bluebird had been there the entire time, and they come to be grateful for what they have.
That was what I had thought of, when the doctor gave me this. That maybe... maybe he'd meant sonething like that. But one day, I realized... the original story ends a little differently.
The children do come home to find the bluebird. But when they open the cage to feed the bird, it escapes and flies away. And then the story ends.
That changes the lesson, doesn't it?
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Yes. . . it does.
[guess what he's thinking about now? her plaque]
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I... struggled with that for a little while, I think. The idea that just when you find happiness, you might very well lose it again.... it was hard.
But it the end, it didn't really change how I felt. I... decided how I was going to look at it. Not that it would always be there, or that you would always be destined to lose it... though I don't know if that's what the Doctor had ever meant, but...
I... I think that happiness is something you should always be looking out for, because it's the act of pursuing that happiness that will make you truly happy.
That's what I believe, anyway.
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. . .
That's such an optimistic take on it, Luna.
[and he can't help but feel the slightest warmth of admiration when she says this]
You're. . . a very strong person.
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I wouldn't really say that. I just... know what it is that's important to me, I suppose. Even if there's things I would rather have different... I think it's better for me to look at what I have, and find what I can there, than... than ache for something else.
I guess it's why I've been so torn about being in this place. It's... it's horrible. Part of me still thinks that it has to be a punishment. But...
I remember looking out the window, and seeing a blue sky... and thinking about how wonderful it might be to see a blue sky the next day, and the day after that... to feel a breeze or sit in a field of grass or listen to birds sing.
It's... almost cruel, in how nice it all is. I don't really know how I feel.
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Knowing what's important to you is a type of strength, in my opinion.
[. . .]
When all of this is over and done with, you should come visit my world.
[oh??]
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It catches her by surprise, enough that she can't even seem to form words.]
You... you mean to Tokyo?
...
I... I don't think I really could...
[She's... she'd dead, Akira.]
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Why not? I bet there is a way for you to visit me if we asked the sisters to provide one.
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[mmmm this feels like it might be an argument she can't win. Besides... it's not as though the idea is unappealing.]
It... it would have to involve some time travel, but...
I've always wanted to see what the world looked like... [Y'know before it all went to shit.]
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[they don't need time travel!! she's alive right here!! she can just hop back to his world directly from the mansion, right??]
[but it's the second part of what she says that draws a smile from him]
It's beautiful. You'd. . . really like it.
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But... [The thought of waking up to that blue sky, to fresh air, to a world where billions of people still lived...]
I... I think if I could, I... I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.
w4, thursday
Hey, Luna-- [and then he sees that she's wrapping her arm, and he quickly hobbles into the room]
Here, can I help you with that?
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[She starts, like a child who was just about to be caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Um. Mmm.]
It's... It's okay. I, um... needed to take a look anyway.
Is everything okay?
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[despite her protests, he is fetching a fresh roll of bandages as he approaches. let!! him!!! fuss!!!]
I wanted to see how you were doing, and also update you on some stuff I found out recently.
[as he speaks, his gaze flickers towards the necklace she is now wearing. the one he recalls from her memory]
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[Her free hand moves to fidget with the birdcage pendant at her collarbone, a motion of comfort.]
...What sort of things did you find out?
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Some things about Master Blue, and the nature of this "game" we're playing. But. . .
[he watches her fiddle with the necklace, fingers toying with the birdcage almost idly]
Did you remember what happened?
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In a manner of speaking, yes.
I don't think it's quite as important as Blue, though. So... please. Go ahead.
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I want to hear your side of the story when I'm done talking about Master Blue, if you don't mind telling me.
[but. . . for now? he is gonna try to bandage her arm while he speaks]
Akechi met with Master Blue yesterday. In person.
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W...what?
I thought Blue only communicated through the letters... Is... is he in his room upstairs??
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They are.
[he keeps his gaze focused on his work, but he does look up to her from time to time as he speaks]
Akechi had a crystal ball that allowed him to see the future. When he used it, he received a date and a time. And at that date and time, he received a letter from Master Blue telling him to ring the second bell.
Akechi obliged, and was granted an audience with Blue themselves.
[an exhale]
I managed to meet with Blue face-to-face this morning, too.
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Are... are they a person? The ghosts have all been so vague, and... and I've been assuming this whole time...
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[god. how does he describe Master Blue. . .?]
They're definitely person-shaped. Akechi said they were a god, and I'd believe it, too.
[a pause]
And if they're a god, then this house is a god as well. Because the entire crux of this dispute is a battle between Master Blue-- who is on our side-- and the house.
The house that keeps trying to sabotage us.
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[hm.... HM.....]
B-but why is Blue here, then? By choice?
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[he fastens the bandage around her wrist, running his fingers across the length of her arm one last time to make sure they're firmly affixed, before he pulls back]
Someone received one of Blue's memories, you know? The memory of when they first arrived at the house.
The house invited them here first. And I think. . . Master Blue is as much of a captive here as we are.
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But... why involve all of us? If Blue is the one it lured, then why keep them alive? Why bring others in to play these... these horrible games,
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Beau believes the house is feeding upon our misery, and. . . I think she might be right. And as long as Blue keeps inviting guests to the house, then the house won't invade our worlds. So these "games," these "dinner parties," those invitations we received. . .
It's to keep the house satisfied so it doesn't completely destroy the universe.
[well, that may be a bit of a jump, but if Blue inviting guests here keeps their home worlds from being invaded it seems like a logical one to Akira!]
Blue told me the house is trying to prove a point, but is doing so badly. I don't know what that point is, but what I do know is. . .
Blue wants all of this to stop. They want this vicious cycle to end.
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She falls remarkably quiet, as though something in Akira's string of words has troubled her deeply.]
I... assume they have had many attempts at this before with varied success. It must be where the antidote and all of the ghosts came from...
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[Akira's voice softens when Luna says that]
We're at least the tenth round of people Blue has invited to the mansion. The antidote. . . I know that was created by Blue, too. Peach has been trying to replicate it, but it's-- difficult.
Because the house keeps sabotaging Blue's attempts to help.
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I'll see if I can talk to Peach. And... Blue, but... I don't know if they will let me.
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I think you should try. I made sure to ask first, before I rang the bell on the fifth floor.
[another pause]
Blue told me how to stop the house. Not directly, but. . . they said if we can find the "source" for the house and everything that it does, then we can put an end to this.
[he closes his eyes and echoes what Blue told him]
"Access to the source is available for those who seek it out."
"The source is much closer than you may think."
"The heart of the matter is what's most important."
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I... I wonder if they aren't allowed to say any more than that. If saying too much is why Peach got hurt...
I hope there's something we can do, and soon.
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[for a moment. . . he looks sympathetic and thoughtful]
I guess even gods have "rules" they need to follow.
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[...]
Um... Akira... can I ask you something...?
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Mmm. Of course. What is it?
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In Room 3, with Ken and Ayabe and Chuuya. [hhhhesitation, because-- Ayabe. but. . .] Would you like to join us?
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I...
I shouldn't. I'm sorry.
I... really, really don't think Reito will react well to me being around.
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[oh Luna]
[the flinch yanks at something in his chest painfully, and on instinct, Akira reaches out to her]
. . . will you tell me what happened?
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There's a significant pause. But she'll eventually nod, glancing towards the door as though she needs to make sure no one else is around.]
...
Reito didn't find me like that on Tuesday.
I intentionally went looking for him after lunch. I... I had wanted to see if I could speak with him, to convince him that his thinking wouldn't save anyone.
But he was, um... very set on what he thought he had to do. So I...
I gave him an option. I brought a scalpel with me, and I... I asked him to turn it on me.
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[Akira feels something inside his chest tighten, ice suddenly coursing through his veins. his fingers still against her hand, eyes growing wide, expression slack and mouth falling open]
What?
[he had surmised that Ayabe had attacked her, but. . .]
Luna-- what?! Why would you. . .
[he had no idea that Luna had asked him to do so in the first place]
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But... he refused. He said that he wouldn't take the life of someone he cared about. That, even if I had to suffer.... he had to keep me alive, so I could be here for the ones he didn't take.
And I...
...
Akira... do you remember when you knocked over the machine in the theatre? You... you said something about anger.
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I-- I do.
[boy he does not like where this is going. the rage he felt when he upended the popcorn machine had been so strong, so overwhelming. he thinks back to Luna shattering that glass back during their second week here, and his jaw tightens]
What happened. . .?
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...
A robot must protect its own existence... except when such action would conflict with the First or Second Law. To bear witness to someone willing to take a life, openly so, and to do nothing to sucessfully intervene... that is a conflict of the First Law.
I had brought the scalpel specifically in hopes that, if he would attack me, he would be able to... to get it out of his system without doing any real damage. I... just turned it on myself.
He said I mattered too much. So I...
I mutilated myself to force him to change his mind.
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[so he had been. . . completely wrong about what had happened. he had made some assumptions, and not followed up with Ayabe on them at all, hoping that Ayabe would try to work things out with Luna after the fact. but now that Luna remembered--]
[. . .]
[his grip on her hand tightens, and he feels it beginning to bubble to the surface of his own stomach. something heated and unpleasant and angry, and he isn't-- he isn't sure where to direct it. at her, for doing something so stupid? . . . at the woman who programmed her to follow those stupid directives in the first place?]
[at this mansion, for making their anger worse. . .?]
[he swallows thickly, and doesn't let go of her hand]
. . . how much of it was you, and how much of it was the laws you were programmed with?
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...
I don't know why I did it. Yes, I was upset, but I...
...
Reito was so scared afterwards, and I... All I did was forget and leave him with the burden... So I...
I would rather you be angry at me than for anyone to take it out on him. He was distressed... but he did nothing wrong. I did.
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[he still doesn't let go of her hand]
I--
[he cuts himself off, struggling to find his next words. and throughout it all, he still doesn't let go of her hand]
I. . . don't. . .
[mrrrrrgh]
[the whole situation is unfair. Luna hurting herself in front of Ayabe, scarring him and traumatizing him to prevent him from hurting others. the laws with which she was programmed and the way the house amplified her anger, causing her to lash out in such an extreme manner in the first place]
[. . .]
[his voice is very, very quiet when he next speaks]
. . . I don't want anything to happen to you, either.
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She'll reach out with her good hand, hesitantly placing it on top of his own desperate grasp.]
I know. I'm sorry. I... I don't want anything to happen to me, either.
But, if I have no option other than to choose between myself and a human... there is nothing more important to me, more important than me, than a human life.
I...
I hope you don't come to resent me for that.
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[it's tough to say what he's so emphatically denying. that someone else's human life is more important than hers, or that he would ever come to resent her for any reason at all. even now, what he's feeling isn't resentment. it's. . .]
[. . .]
[is he. . . afraid?]
[his gaze snaps up, eyes flashing. not with anger, but with-- something else]
Don't say that. That's not true. It's never been true!
[his voice is rising slightly, strained with desperation]
Your life is just as important as anyone else's here! And if it's selfish of me to want you to choose yourself so nothing bad happens to you, then--
[then. . .?]
Then I'm just as selfish as Ayabe, and I'm not ashamed of it!
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There's something painfully familiar in his insistence, in the anger and fear, the way his eyes burn with an emotion she can't quite place, the way he clutches her hand like he expects her to vanish.
She knows, knows without a doubt, that she has to follow her convictions. That she would gladly give herself to save anyone and everyone left who walked and breathed, no matter how much the fear of death might make her hesitate.
But now, it's like she's back in the garden. Back with Sigma, holding her tight on the bench as she waited for death, pleading with her that it wasn't her fault, that she deserved to be alive... There's a tightness in her chest, a strange warmth in her throat, one that she'd only felt with one other person. She's... touched? No, no, this is... different.
She opens her mouth, closes, her breathing suddenly shallow as though something heavy had been placed on her chest. While her words fail her, the colors against her mask betray the sudden chaos in her mind; of dark blue, of green, of so much yellow... and, slowly, of a soft shade of pink.
She's frozen, her eyes softening, torn by the agony on his face but almost unsure of what to do, what to say. Her words sit in her throat, thick and heavy.]
A...Akira, I...
[Her eyes flicker down. The shade of pink brightens.]
You... really mean that...
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[without thinking, he finally releases her hand, but that's only so he can frame her cheeks with his palms. so he can surge forward to press his forehead against hers, ignoring the way both of their masks get in the way, two cumbersome blockades that prevent him from really being able to show her what he means]
[. . . for the first time since the week began, he wishes his mask would disappear]
Of course I mean it.
[he isn't the type of person to say things so strongly without meaning them]
I know you want to help people, and that's. . . that's admirable. You're admirable. But I don't--
[and here he stops, a hitch in his words, because he can't think of a better way to say it then. . .]
I don't. . . want anything to happen to you.
[he's quiet again, and although he doesn't say it, the subtext of his words is clear: if anything did happen to you, I don't know what I'd do]
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Her head feels hot, like she could simultaneously float through the celing and sink through the floor. Though the color behind her face is subtle, there's a noticeable rush of heat as she strains to process. No one, not even Sigma, has ever been this close to her, touched her like this, said things like this to her... not until the very end... and even then...
...what... what was this? Why did she both feel so overwhelmed, and yet... somehow, couldn't bear to have the moment stop?
Her eyes screw shut, if only to give herself a moment to lean into the warm touch of his hands, to lift her own fingers with a trembling touch against his wrist. What... what does she do? What is she supposed to say?]
I...
I don't want to see you suffer. You're...
You're one of the kindest people I've ever met... and even now, when you should be upset, you... you still...
...
[Her fingers curl against Akira's palm, her expression tightening, voice wavering.]
...Your touch feels so... nice...
I... don't want to lose it...
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[seems to strike. . . something within him. something without a name. . . something that he's never really touched before this very moment. it's warm, though. it's warm, it's soothing, it's comforting, and his heart flutters against his ribs like a butterfly, each beat loud enough for him to hear in his ears. she reaches up to touch his wrist, her fingers against his skin suddenly burning hot, and he--]
[he doesn't flinch, but a part of him feels a jolt course through his wrist, through his arm, something that makes his breath suddenly catch in his throat]
[and he--]
[and he is suddenly acutely aware of how close she's standing, of how pressed into her personal space he is]
[he pulls back rather suddenly, fingers lifting from her cheeks, though he doesn't yet pull his hands away from her face. not because of her, but because of the heat that's suddenly rushing to his head and coloring what little skin can be seen from under his mask]
Sorry. . .! I-- sorry.
[what is he doing?]
Sorry, sorry, I don't. . . I just--
[does he even have an explanation?]
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There's a flighty, breathless sound of confusion as his touch retreats, Luna blinking. Her hand hovers uselessly, unsure of whether he meant to back away entirely, watching him fluster and fumble for an apology...
...
The heat doesn't ease up in the slightest. But there's a fondness that settles over her eyes, slipping her hand away to instead lift to brush his bangs away from where the mask frames his eyes, tracing her touch to the side of his face, cautious and careful with the barest of gestures with curled fingers.
Her voice is nervous and quiet, but that fondness leaks through like warmth on a winter day.]
...I-It's okay... it's okay...
I... u-um...
...
[Ah. Trying to keep eye contact only makes her head swim. She bites at her lip, unsure of where to let her gaze rest, flustering herself even further before she just shuts her eyes again like that's going to somehow help, her face now noticeably warm to the touch.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]
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[a h]
[and once again, he feels his lungs arrest in his chest as she brushes his bangs aside, as her fingers curl against the edges of his face. he's frozen in place, feet (. . . foot?) glued to the ground, limbs completely and utterly petrified. he doesn't look away from her, as though doing so will break the moment. the. . . whatever this moment is. something that makes his stomach curl and his heart race at the same time, like he both wants to flee and lean into her all at once]
[. . .]
[and then she closes her eyes, and he lets out the breath he had been holding]
[what's wrong with him. . .?]
I-- a. . . anyway.
[he lifts a hand, pressing his knuckles against his mouth as he clears his throat, as the tries to regain the thread of their conversation. as he tries to remember what point he was attempting to drive home before he got. . . distracted]
. . . please take care of yourself. Okay? Don't. . . don't do anything to hurt yourself. Even if it is to save someone else.
[it's a quiet, gentle request, made even though he knows her programming had something to do with the latest incident]
Please.
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There's something subtle, something guilty that slips into how she looks at him. She looks like she wants to say something so desperately, something that weighs at her like nothing else...
...but she swallows it back.
She's reminded painfully of Ayabe, as if she were in his position, as if Akira were herself, pleading. It... it aches. Is this how Ayabe felt? Like... maybe, no matter how much he could promise, there were some things that... that just couldn't...
...
There's a quiet resolve that settles over her, as though she's finally made a decision that's been on her mind for ages. Her head still swims, but her posture slowly starts to relax.]
...Okay.
I'll... I'll try.
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Okay.
[his hands feel idle when they're not holding hers, and he isn't really sure what else he should be doing with them. but instead of reaching out again, he slips his fingers into his pockets, even though they feel a bit awkward tucked away like this]
. . . okay.
I-- . . . I'm glad.
[he knows that it would be too selfish to ask her not to help others. he knows that if he were her, he'd likely make the decision to sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else's life, too. but so long as she looks after herself, takes care of herself, even if it's for his sake and not her own--]
[then. . . then he'll try not to worry so much]
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..I'm sorry. I never meant to worry you so badly.
I... I still think I shouldn't be around Reito right now. I don't think he'll be very stable until he has some sort of proof that his family is okay. But... I promise I'll stay with someone tonight. Even if it's just Horikawa.
Could... could you take care of them for me? All those boys have had such a horrible time... so I...
I'm glad you're willing to be there.
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I will.
I'll watch over them and make sure no one does anything stupid.
["no one," he means Ayabe only]
Are you sure you'll be okay, though?
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I... don't want to think I would do that to myself again without a very, very good reason. Otherwise... I think I know who I can ask to keep watch over me.
WEEK FOUR - FRIDAY - IMMEDIATELY AFTER INVES
Akira! Akira, w-where's Akechi?????
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[bright side: Luna is absolutely keeping Akira's mind off of Phoenix's death]
[down side? NOW HE'S WORRIED ABOUT AKECHI]
-- what?
What do you mean, "where's Akechi?" Wasn't he with you?
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[She swallows dryly, her voice urgent.]
Akira, we have to find him. Please, before he does something he's going to regret...!
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. . . it's Nick, isn't it?
[not that he doesn't share that pain. . . he absolutely does. it's sharp and makes it difficult to breathe, difficult to even think. Phoenix was an important person, and Akira is going to mourn his loss]
[but later]
Stay here; I'll go find him. Just. . . give me a bit, okay?
[and with that!! he backpedals away from Luna, limping on his prosthetic leg, and begins the search]
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live your best life, Akira
She will be in the infirmary whenever he comes back.]
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[he seems. . . tired, but he's doing his best to keep his chin upright as he tracks her down in the infirmary]
Luna?
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[W...why is she cleaning tools? WHO KNOWS????? WHAT HAPPENED???? But she puts aside what she's doing, hesitating a moment before nodding towards the entryway.]
Ah... close the door, please.
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I found him. He was in the lounge. He's. . . okay.
[for a definition of "okay"]
Are you?
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...
Her eyes drift shut as she takes in a steady breath, the sorrow on her face leveling out to something serious in its grieving.]
I... I think the house might have killed Phoenix on purpose, Akira.
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[. . .]
[and at her statement. . .]
. . . what makes you think that?
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...
I... I really think Phoenix knew more than he let on. And I think Akechi was aware. Whether he figured it out on his own or Phoenix told him, I don't know. I don't have any proof, of course. It could be horrible coincidence. But...
If Phoenix found out something important - really, really important - then I'm worried he might have been targeted by the house's monsters to... to hold his tongue.
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[Akira lets out a small exhale, his gaze growing distant and pensive]
I always kind of got the feeling Nick knew more than he was letting on. [. . .] He just. . . acted like he did, you know?
[. . .]
Do remember the notes we keep getting, about whether people have "rabies" or not?
The authors of those notes have been working for Blue since day one. I asked about it, and they confirmed it.
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It makes sense, I suppose. If Blue's intent is to help us find a way out of this place, then having someone to act in their stead is... um... sneaky, but understandable. I imagine Blue can only do so much.
That might put them under the same rules as the rest of the staff, as well. The house might allow it to an extent, but... perhaps if the notetaker crossed a line with their attempts, they were punished.
I don't know. I... I feel horrible speculating when he's... [Gone. He's gone. A knot forms in Luna's throat, one she has to forcefully swallow down, a hand raised to try and guard the change in her expression as she wrestles with her composure.]
...
Maybe the staff would have a better idea.
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[a deep breath, and he composes himself again]
They probably do. We can't ask them privately until Sunday, though.
. . . unless you think we should ask at trial?
[and out Phoenix if he was, in fact, the mysterious note sender? though. . . he supposes there is no harm in in doing that now]
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So if they don't answer, I... I don't think we should be upset at them for it.
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If he really was one of Blue's helpers and the author of those notes, then it really was imperative of him to keep it a secret. Telling even one person could've been his downfall.
[ah? he hates to put it like that, but. . .]
Because if he really was targeted by the house directly, then the house could have turned someone who knew Nick was Blue's helper into a monster. And. . .
[he trails off. he thinks the rest is self-explanatory]
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[She pauses again. There's a seriousness to her expression that she's never held before, an urgent whirring of the mind underneath the sorrow and fatigue.]
...
Akira... have you been able to look through the stone that Ash has?
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[. . .]
Yeah; I have. We found it together.
[though Ash is the one who was entrusted with its care, so Akira hasn't been able to use it nearly as often]
Why?
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The portraits were the first thing Ash and I looked at. After that, it was the new rooms that people broke into on the third floor-- the morgue and the infirmary.
Ash has looked at everything else-- the room we broke into on the fourth floor, the fake "Blue" we saw in that room, the entire room itself-- among other things.
Some things, like the portraits, don't light up at all. Some things light up blue, like the morgue and the infirmary.
The room we broke into? That lit up red.
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[but. . .]
You'll need to ask Ash if he's seen anything else red in the house.
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Phoenix told me something this week. I don't know how he knew - maybe Ash spoke to him at some point - but he said that the only real colors that ever show up, regardless of location, are blue and red. Locked doors, I believe, are red, but turn blue once they are opened.
He... he mentioned a conversation with Blue himself, like the one you told me about. I don't know the details, and I... I wish I would have asked. But from what Phoenix had figured out... the house and Blue might be so interwoven now that they're hard to distinguish from one another. We... we might have to find a way to separate them before we can do anything else.
[She definitely looks like she wants to say more, but she holds her tongue, waiting for him to digest what she's already said.]
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They aren't red when they're locked. The morgue, the infirmary, and the two new doors on the fifth floor were all blue before they were unlocked.
[so it's something strange about the Room of Requ-- itself, he thinks]
. . . Nick mentions the possibility of separating them to me, too. And he wondered if maybe that had something to do with the "source" Blue mentioned, when Blue was telling me how to stop the house.
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Blue has a center location, so... the house having one would make sense, especially if they are that interwoven. We've found Blue's, correct? And... I think we've found that of the house.
Akira... The Red Room allows for all sorts of things, as far as I've heard. All sorts of things. I doubt it would be as easy as asking for an exit, or wishing for the source or the heart or whatever it is to be there, but...
Blue could only be summoned in a specific way. So... I would like to try that in the Red Room.
I'd like to wish for a Red Bell, so that I can speak to the house itself.
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[Akira is quiet for a moment as he mulls this over. truthfully, it's not too terribly far from what he was thinking, especially knowing that the room he and Ash and Ken and Missile broke into is one of the only ones flashing red, while the others are flashing blue. perhaps it's not exactly the same-- he wanted to send a calling card and seek out the source itself first-- but. close enough]
[quietly, he mutters something under his breath, audible but only barely so]
"Access to the source is available for those who seek it out."
[another pause]
. . . what do you think we'd gain from talking to the house directly, instead of wishing for the source itself?
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I feel once we go that route... there won't be any turning back. The house will know what we're after, and I... I doubt it will let us walk in without interference.
[...
Her expression falls a little, hurt and more than a little lost. It's... it's a lot to think about, and she's never had to be the one trying to come to a decision like this.]
Akechi would probably call me an idiot for saying as much, but I... I'd rather take the chance to learn why... rather than put everyone, everything at a possibly unnecessary risk.
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Screw what Akechi thinks. To him, the most direct and violent method is always the right answer, even when it's unnecessary.
[and he says that firmly, because as much as he and Akechi have been able to (sort of) mend bridges since arriving here. . . Akira still knows how Akechi works. still knows that Akechi's solutions are not always the best solutions]
[but even so. . .?]
I don't necessarily know if I agree, though. Asking for the red bell to talk to the house might just put it on notice of what we're planning even more than asking for the source directly will.
[if they ask for the source, at least they'd get it, right. . .? even if the house would attempt to sabotage their efforts]
But--
[a breath out]
. . . I can't blame you for wanting to know "why." I do, too.
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I know. It's just a guessing game, so I... I guess it comes down to differences in approach, but...
It's why I originally intended to go alone. Before... before all of this happened, anyway, I thought it might not consider a single person as a threat. Now, though, I... I think that would be horribly unwise.
[There's a withdrawal in her body language, an expectation, like a child waiting to be slapped across the face.]
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[Akira's brows raise when her expression goes blank, but she moves on quickly enough that he can't ask about it right away. he files it away, reminding himself to ask about it as soon as they're done talking about the house]
I'd like to go with you.
[she isn't asking him, but. . . Akira is making the request anyway]
Will you take me with you when you try?
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...
It takes her a good long moment to unravel, looking at him with genuine surprise.]
I... [He would? She hadn't even asked, and...
...
Give her a minute as she fumbles through a few different expressions, her fingers nervously fidgeting as she tries to sort her words back out.]
I... um...
...
Only... only if I knew we could be safe. As safe as we could manage. I won't pretend doing this isn't just as dangerous as anything else, and I...
[Her words falter for a moment, finally looking back up at him with eyes that are soft, pooling with warmth but still oddly, brokenly uncertain.]
...I gave you a promise, didn't I?
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[. . . he offers her a smile, chin tilted up, eyes bright]
Yeah.
[she did promise, didn't she? and it warms him from head to toe to hear her remembering it]
It'll be dangerous, but it's danger we have to face. It'll just be easier if we face it together.
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A shy sort of delight takes over from underneath, a contentment that tries to lift the corners of her mouth, subtle and delicate. There's an awkwardness to it, as though she doesn't quite know what to do with whatever she's feeling, instead choosing to let her gaze fall back to her hands even as her smile only strengthens.]
I...
I'd like that, then.
If I had to put my trust in someone, and know that... I would be okay as long as they were by my side, then I... [There's a twist to her smile, an emotion that feels odd and new and out of place, that crinkles her eyes and makes that rush of pink flicker against her mask.]
...I-I'm glad it could be you, Akira.
[A beat. She considers, then sheepishly adds:]
Don't... don't forget your skull this time, okay?
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I won't.
[he made that mistake once! he won't do it again, if they intend to try and speak with the house]
One lost leg is more than enough for me.
[he keeps his tone light as he says that, too]
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...Blue said that this will have consequences. The house will be deceptive. They... didn't think it was entirely wise to do this.
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[that's something Akira had assumed from the beginning. of course there will be consequences. of course the house is deceptive. of course it wouldn't be easy or smart.]
But if it helps us even the littlest bit, then. . . isn't it worth it?
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I do want to speak to Akechi about this as well. I... I know he will be frank about flaws, even if he's not necessarily kind about it. But I... I would really like his opinion.
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[despite everything, Akira trusts Akechi's opinion. that blunt honesty is often correct, because Akechi is unsurprisingly sharp and perceptive]
It might be better for us to go in a group of three anyway, rather than just two of us. The more people we have to lean on if the house tries anything funny, the better.
WEEK FOUR - SATURDAY - POST TRIAL
It's as she's slipping something into her pocket and turning around that she sees Akira on the stairwell. She perks up, just for a moment, before letting her body language settle back with a fatigued exhale, her gaze tired and soft and more than a little worried.
If he's too tired to talk, she doesn't want to bother him. But she will try to give him a forlorn smile if he ever looks her way.]
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[actually. . . Luna is just the person Akira wanted to see right now, and he finds himself instinctively perking up, his expression softening when he catches her in the hallway. the blood on her dress doesn't go unnoticed, but. . . he saw what happened to Nic after the trial. he doesn't need to ask]
Luna?
[he's been so busy, reading Nick's notes and copying them down, ever since the trial ended]
[he needs. . . some time to relax. and Luna. . . she's good at that, isn't she?]
Are you busy?
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No. Nic is stable for now, so I just came back to get a couple of things.
What did you need?
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Some peace and quiet.
[is what he responds with instead, and to him, those two things are almost identical]
Is it too late to take a walk?
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N-no, not at all. Though... um...
Do you mind if I take a minute to change, if that's the case? I... I haven't really had a moment to myself for a while, and... um...
[Just. Shamefully looks down at what she's wearing, yet another dress lost to the medical war. Walking around with a hazmat risk is not Great.]
I hope Plum isn't upset that this keeps happening...
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[he seems a bit sheepish, but like. yeah, she should change. with one hand lifted to scratch at his cheek, Akira nods]
Yeah, go ahead. I'll wait until you're done.
[though in his opinion, she looks lovely even when covered with blood]
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[It will take her a hot second to slip into the room and change with her uno hand but it's fine! She'll step back out with something simple, her hair untied and still a little wild with how the waves sit around her shoulders.]
T-thank you. Um... is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go? I know it's a little late, but...
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My answer to that is always going to be the garden. I guess I'm predictable.
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I don't think I'd ever say no, even if that wasn't the case.
[Ah. She... wants to reach out for his hand, but he still has the crutch, and they're going to have to climb stairs. So she refrains, her hand instead habitually fussing with her necklace for a moment.]
You must be exhausted after today.
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[his response. . . is wry]
Yeah. That's an understatement.
But somehow, I don't feel like I'm going to be able to sleep anytime soon.
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[aaand her eyes drift straight to that discoloration. Her brows furrow, carefully taking another step forward and reaching up to gently touch his face because UHHHH
Her voice stays calm, even if her eyes betray her fussing.]
What happened...? Someone didn't... hit you, did they...?
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. . . Akechi and I got into another fight.
[BECAUSE. OF COURSE. THEY DID]
It's fine. It'll heal. [. . .] I don't really want to think about it right now.
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Her eyes narrow a bit as she lets out a frustrated breath through the nose. GUESS WHO'S LOOKING VERY CROSSLY AT YOU AKIRA. Not in a bad way, just... Akechi.......... sure is a topic........
But after a moment, the mothering tension to her expression settles, instead reaching up to brush the bangs away from his mask and take a better look at his forehead. Her voice stays quiet.]
...He didn't do anything else to you, did he?
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[. . .]
[he tilts his head a little into her fingertips, though]
Nah. Just punched and then headbutted me. As he does.
[W. WRY]
It's not the first time we've fought. Probably won't be the last.
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Satisfied with what she sees there, she'll take a moment to stroke his bangs back into place. Does his jaw look any better, worse?]
...I wish there was more we could do for him without him pushing people away.
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Nobody really knows him. Not even me.
[and he means that truthfully, his gaze growing a bit distant as he says it. but Luna's fingers are warm and soft on his forehead, smoothing away his curly and tousled bangs as they are, and. . .]
[he really doesn't want to think about Akechi right now. he really doesn't]
[so as they reach the stairwell, he reaches up to take her hand in his own, to gently move it away from his forehead and down between him, his fingers tight around hers]
But anyway-- [time to change the subject!!] Help me down the stairs? I'm getting pretty good at it, but it's still a bit clunky.
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Of course. I'll do what I can. [It's a little harder, now that she's down to one hand. But she'll still carefully move to the railing side of the stairs, a repeat of the previous week in how she advances just enough to reach out if needed, to catch him if he stumbles. This means she will have to let go of his hand for a moment, but she wants him to have the wall to balance.]
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Is there any way for us to fix your arm?
[because it has to be hard carrying it around with the complete inability to use it, right?]
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I can tell my arm is still there, at least, so it's not beyond saving, but... from the errors I still see, I would probably need some circuitry repairs, cable replacements, and a reintegration of the ABT I've lost.
[A beat. She makes a nervous flutter of a sound off her exhale, almost a laugh, catching a strand of her hair between her thumb and forefinger and twisting it gently.]
S-sorry. I suppose some of that might not have made sense.
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Actually, I understood some of it. I managed to fix my laptop back home with nothing but Google and a few tools I bought in a secondhand shop, so. . .
[. . . gestures!! a little!!]
I-- could try?
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She looks a little taken aback at the request. She's had several people wish condolences, say they wish they could help, but...
...]
I... I could see if there's something in the library for Hephaestus system repair, just to make sure... I wouldn't want you getting hurt, b-but...
Are you sure?
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[he'd like to pay her back. somehow, some way]
I'm sure
So long as you are.
[it all really depends on if she trusts him to try]
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[The gears are turning in her mind, trying to think over what little she knows and how much of a risk it would be if he did something wrong... not to her, but to him. She's a high-voltage machine, after all...
...
Slowly, her hand raises to tighten against her chest, as though a feeling sits under her fingers that she can't quite reach, can't quite understand. A breathy gratitude that takes over her tone.]
Thank you.
You're... you're the only one who has offered...
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[. . .]
[but. . . if she's willing to take the risk, then. . . he's just happy she trusts him enough to try]
Ah-- I am?
[he seems genuinely surprised to hear that]
I guess. . . nobody here really trusts themselves to tinker around with electronics.
[which is fair, he thinks. Luna is a complicated machine (but still a person, deep down on the inside) and it's likely nobody feels confident enough to try without fucking up royally]
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I don't blame them, though. Maybe I'm overthinking a little, but I feel that most around here still don't really know what to do with me, once they know the truth.
[She pauses for a moment, considering something.]
I'm not sure if 45 is in a similar situation or not in regards to self-diagnosis and repair capabilities, but... we're very, very different pieces of machinery. So I deferred on the side of caution.
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I'd rather try and fail then not try at all. So.
[his lips quirk upwards, a confident smile meant to soothe any worries she might have]
I'll do my best, Luna. For you.
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[It definitely soothes her worries, but now she has no idea how to respond to that???? The confident flare, the reassuring smile...
There's a blossom of bright pink once more on her mask as she turns her eyes right back to the ground, stuttering for a moment and unable to look at him without feeling like some part of her might just instantly stop working, like the smile on her face might be out of place at what he had just said.
Her hand presses to her mouth for a moment.]
Y-you... you don't need to say it like that, really. I...
I trust you.
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[. . .]
[ah. . . well. they're just masks created by the mansion, aren't they? it's probably not important]
Mmm.
[he makes a content, affirming noise in response to what she says. he'd say I trust you, too in return, but. . . she knows that already, doesn't she? so instead, as he hobbles away from the bottom of the stairwell, he extends his hand towards her once again. no more stairs!! now all they have to do is slip outside]
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For now, Luna is content to keep at a slow stroll, letting Akira set the pace and musing to herself quietly. She doesn't let go of his hand.]
...I hope Babo Kim was telling the truth about what he was going to do with the notes left behind from the trial. I haven't had the chance to look, but... I imagine they were extensive.
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[this time? Akira doesn't seek out a bench to sit upon. he seems content to walk, albeit at an extremely slow pace, taking in the view of the flowers and the sky above]
He was. I read through them after the trial. Ah. . . that actually reminds me.
[he stops, and digs through his jacket to produce the notebook they were all given]
I copied them, too. And. . . I think there's something in here you should see.
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You... copied all of them? [HOW LONG DID THAT TAKE YOU?????
She'll patiently wait for him, though, looking at the notebook with an odd mix of curiosity and concern.]
Why do you think I needed to see it? Is... there something addressed to me?
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[he doesn't answer verbally. what he does do is flip through the pages of Phoenix's notes (all of them were copied in his aegean blue crayon) until he reaches the entry Nick wrote about her]
[quietly, he turns the notebook around so she can read it]
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AGE: 25?
Basically the only reason all of us are alive now. She works so hard and isn’t well-rewarded for her efforts. I worry about her… a lot. I don’t think she trusts me…. I understand.
She reminds me ofBut I hope she leans on someone. She’s so kind, she deserves some of that back. Peach said she could be saved…. I’ll fight for that, too. She deserves it. Even if she doesn’t think so....
Luna's composure slowly, gingerly begins to crumple as she starts to read, like a flower wilting under far too much rain. She doesn't say anything. She just looks horribly, sorrowfully pained, very close to tears.
After a long moment, her eyes drift to the ground, her good arm now wrapped against herself. All she can do is nod, a shallow motion.]
... Okay.
Thank you.
[The words are empty.]
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[yeah. he expected a reaction kind of like that. his own had been similar, when he had read his entry. he closes the notebook with a quick snap, before he reaches out to rest his hand against her upper arm]
If you need to cry, it's okay.
I'm here. And it's only me.
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The simple reassurance cracks what fine walls she had been trying to put up, all of the tight, horrible feelings in her throat and chest bubbling up all at once. She'll give another shallow nod as her face twists up, before covering the unmasked portion with her hand, barely stifling a sob under her fingers.
It's not fair. It's not fair.]
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[he strides forward, closing the distance between them, sliding his arms around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. with one hand pressed at the back of her head. . . he tries to guide her face into his shoulder, so she can use it as support as she lets out whatever feelings she had been holding in all weekend]
I had to RETYPE THIS ALL ON MY PHONE....
It's not the horrible, uncontrolled weeping that he had seen from her when Asch had been sentenced, where she could barely keep a hold of herself and her processes out of sheer shock. No, this is hollow, exhausted, weeks and weeks of hard work and confusion and existential dread and what feels like barely anything to show for it, all crumpling into a horrific crescendo with one man's valiant efforts for everyone, for HER.... wiped away in an evening.
It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, worse than the constant screaming pain from her arm. And how badly, how strongly she wishes again that it should have been her in his place. Why wasn't it her?
...
There aren't many tears, only a dry shuddering for breath against Akira's shoulder. It's only when she feels she has any control of her voice that she speaks up, quiet and trembling.]
I... I hate this.
TERRIBLE. . .
[something more immediate, more potent, more tangible than just. . . poking around and hoping he stumbles across the answer]
[his reply is quiet, void barely above a whisper. his words are almost raw with feeling]
. . . I hate it, too.
I'm so. . . tired.
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Phoenix... h-he cared about all of you so much, and he was trying so hard... and he still--
[Her shoulders draw up, throat catching and voice so very, very small.]
...I don't know what else to do. He... he says I'm keeping everyone alive, but... almost half of us are dead... he's still dead... and I... I-I'm...
[She's still here. She doesn't voice it. She knows how Akira feels about the subject. But it doesn't change that this is utter agony.
Would the house just drag this on and keep her alive out of some sort of demented mercy? Could it even be called that, when every death felt like a nail to her heart?]
All I want is to keep the people here working together... to keep them safe... [Her fingers tighten against his clothing.] ...To keep you safe.
But I'm... I'm so scared. I've never, ever had dreams before. But I.... all I can see when I'm asleep, all I can worry about, is that when I wake up... this house is going to have taken everything.
I... even with everything he said... I feel so useless...
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[. . .]
[will they even be able to bring them back in the end. . .? he's heard hints of its possibility, but he has no guidance on how to achieve it. he knows he has to keep trying, no matter what, but even someone as strong and determined and ferocious as him has moments of doubt]
[moments where everything seems like so much. where the weight of his mansion bears down upon him like the pressure of the deep ocean. where everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. where he's holding someone he has come to care for very deeply in his arms while she cries and cries and cries over something neither of them had been able to prevent]
[. . .]
[he doesn't crumble. but he does bury his face against the top of her head, his eyes slipping shut as his grip on her tightens and her hair tickles his nose]
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This compassionate, stubborn, tenacious spark of a human being in front of her... how exhausted must he really be right now? Even of his own admission?
Slowly, her arm moves once more, around his waist and up to grip at his shoulder, as though pressing herself to him might keep them whole for a little longer, speaking her words against his neck and not caring for anything, other than to escape the desperation that eats at her.]
I... don't want to burn out before I can see this all through.
I don't want to see it happen to you, either... I... I only hope I can give you anywhere near what you've given me...
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You won't.
[he says that firmly, words slightly hoarse, like he's holding himself back from cracking]
You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Luna.
You'll see this through until the very end.
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...Please... please let me take care of you until then.
I...
Just thinking about you not being here, not doing everything you do... it makes it feel like the whole world might become so horribly cold without you.
[Her head shakes back and forth, the feel of that messy black hair just barely brushing her skin, feeling the beat of his pulse hammering under her grip on his back. He was here, still so wonderully alive, and...]
I don't want to be here at the end without you there as well. I don't.
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[it'd be awfully cold without you, too. wouldn't it?]
[. . . he knows what his feelings are doing. he isn't so stupid as to miss the signs, he isn't so stupid as to misinterpret his rapid heartbeat, or the way his stomach drops with the thrill of the moment, like he's plunging down a roller coaster's incline]
[. . .]
[can he. . .? is it fair? in a place like this? especially considering how earlier in the evening he--]
[. . .]
[he pulls back from the hug, albeit only slightly, and he thinks-- you make everything so much warmer, so much brighter, so much more worth it]
[he thinks that as he presses his hands to her cheeks and meets her gaze steadily, not an ounce of apprehension on his features despite the way nerves are fluttering]
I'm not going anywhere. Okay? I'll be here until the very end.
That's a promise.
[. . .]
[and he seals that with an affectionate smooch against the top of her head]
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Ah.
What...
...
It happens so quickly, and yet seems to slow time completely, him touching her face with the same dark eyes filled with fire that she has seen earlier this week, promising to her that he'll be there... Her mask quickly washed over with pink, an unfamiliar rush in her chest that feels so frightening and new, all of her extremities suddenly tingling.
And then he leans in, pressing his lips against her hairline... and it's like her heart completely stops. What... was this...?
What WAS this?
She stays almost completely frozen as he backs away from the affectionate gesture, her mask a deep, deep pink as her entire face starts to flush, eyes staring at an unfocused part of his shirt near his collarbone.]
...I... I-I...
[It's new. It swells her throat, clenches her stomach, making processes she didn't even know she possessed start lighting up like fireworks. To feel such intense fondness, admiration, a need to be close and connected, a need to protect and defend, a need to trust and to comfort... to be comforted... to be... affectionate...
To be...]
...A...Akira...
[It's breathy and distant, her body stone still and mask not showing any signs of turning blue again for how much pink dominates, different shades now blossoming like a fire.
Her voice is barely above a whisper.]
You... I-I... I don't... [Her blush only deepens, mind screaming in a way that isn't entirely unpleasant.
She swallows, her grip on his back trembling.]
I don't... want this to go away. [This, this, whatever this was, familiar but not, bubbling over, frightening and warm...] I...
Is... is that wrong of me?
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No.
. . . it isn't.
[because the truth was. . . he didn't want it to go away, either]
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There's a slow, pained exhale at that, her eyes drifting shut. She lets her hands be guided into his own, the palm of her left still completely limp, still bandaged up to the knuckles, the wrist, the forearm. It aches, how she can't feel the warmth of his touch, how she can't lift her own fingers to gestures as she wants due to her own foolish, foolish mistake.
Her mind fights, the process against the emotion, unable to define it and drowning her in an unfamiliar sea. What... what should she be feeling right now? The girl in the Chinese room, flinging books off of shelves, seeing those unfamiliar words on a page - his feelings in a voice, in a look, in the way he holds her hands, in the way her own chest feels so full that it hurts - it's just familiar enough that she believes she MUST know it, somewhere, but no part of her extensive database can put a definition to it.
Her good hand trembles in his hold, mouth opening, then closing, then opening again, struggling to even form the words she wants to say. In the end, she nearly says nothing, leaning in to rest her forehead against his chest with her shoulders hunched tight, feeling as though, if she were to look at him right now, her mind might crash entirely.]
I... [A shaking exhale. A swallow. The weight of his hands and the strength of his grip is so comforting...]
I'm... I-I-I'm so sorry. I... don't really know what's happening to me.
[There's an odd bashfulness to the words she stutters out, but it isn't unhappy.]
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[he knows this is something that she has to grapple with on her own, just as he has to grapple with--]
[. . .]
[he lets out a small huff, giving both of her hands a squeeze, gentle pressure applied even to the one that is loose and lifeless in his grasp]
That's okay.
[even people who are purely human don't know what they're feeling half of the time. and as long as she isn't unhappy, then. . . it's fine]
You don't have to.
[she can approach this however she wants, and regardless of how she comes out at the end of it all. . . he'll be there. and the fact that he can't give her an answer is, perhaps, why he mildly changes the subject]
. . . are you feeling better now?
[for a definition of "better"]
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I... don't think it's bad that I don't know. It doesn't feel bad. But...
[She hums a bit under her breath, lifting her head a bit, her attention drifting to their hands with a soft, painfully fond look blanketing her eyes.]
Sorry. It's... hard to explain.
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[LIKE THAT, because he doesn't know how else to explain it]
Don't worry about explaining it, either. Just focus on recovering, okay?
[getting a good night's rest so she can be awake and. . . well, maybe not better, but a little more willing to move forward despite the pain of Phoenix's death]
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Maybe whatever she was feeling... wasn't entirely shared...? Even though...
...
That, somberly, settles her into something far more familiar. Unrequited affection was an old friend, even if it ached a little, even if she had no proof one way or another. It... felt easier this way.
...]
I'm... I'm not the one who has to worry about that. Really, I... as long as I can make sure people like you and Nic and Toi are all still... still okay...
That's what matters more to me.
Um... [She'll gently nod towards the garden, adjusting her grip of her good hand to try and lace her fingers with his.] I... I'm okay with... with just this. Just some quiet. [With him.]
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[something to soothe the anxieties he keeps shoved so far down. the worries and fears he pretends don't exist, so he isn't bogged down by them]
I think I'd like that.
Just. . . some quiet.
[and with that. . . he tugs against her hand and begins to walk again]
w4, sunday
[he seeks her out, a bag of tools from Peach clutched in his good hand. because a promise is a promise, and he intends to keep his, even if his attempts end in failure]
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[instead of speaking to announce his presence, he reaches out to place his hand on her shoulder]
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Akira... [There's a pleased hum, almost a giggle under her breath.] I-I can't believe you climbed all those stairs again... You're going to wear yourself out.
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Let's just say it's been a great source of exercise.
[also, present: tools for fixing robot arms!!]
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You... you really...
[WWWWWW T_T]
I... a-are we doing this right now, or...??
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That depends on you, actually. Is now a good time? Were you able to find a manual in the library?
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Um... we might want to move it to one of the laboratories first, but... y-yes, I found something. It's very, very technical, but I... I could try to explain it to you as best as possible...?
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[he will, of course, do his best, but. . . he will need to rely on her guidance at certain points in the process. after all, he's a normal, average teenager. with maxed out proficiency and knowledge, sure, but he's no Futaba]
If now works, then let's head downstairs, okay?
[m-more steps]
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Could I meet you in the lab? That will give you some time to look through what Peach gave you. We might cover more ground that way. [And she is NOT making you walk up and down all those stairs, thank you.]
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Sure thing. And hopefully by the end of tonight, we'll have your arm up and running, good as new.
[maybe not. . . perfectly good as new, but close enough]
w5, friday
[he finds her in the graveyard, the evidence of his and Hunter's efforts from earlier in the day still visible. there are various mounds of freshly disturbed dirt scattered across the graveyard, like someone was digging there, looking for something else! haha. it's fine. it's totally fine]
[anyway--]
Luna?
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She'll turn her head slightly when she hears him.]
...Akira... [Mmm. She turns to look back at her lap, wings shifting.] Sorry. I... I needed a place to think...
What are you doing out here...?
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I was looking for you.
[his smile is lopsided and apologetic]
I'm sorry if I interrupted anything.
im just using this icon cause god knows i will be spamming the robot enough tomorrow
Were you, um... able to talk to Chuuya at all...?
robot week sees extra robot activity!1
Mmm. I was.
. . . he's-- well. He's taking this about as well as you'd expect.
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I'm... I'm just glad someone found him...
I feel so horrible... he was so close to Dazai, and he went out of his way to kill for Ayabe, and now...
[She trails off, the birdcage necklace in her hands slowly turning to a halt.]
Beau as well... I-I wasn't able to find her all day, and I know she was so close to Isaac...
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Mm. I know.
She asked me to look after Isaac if she ever died. I guess. . . she never thought someone would target a kid like him.
[he never called Isaac a kid to his face. he knew the younger boy would have hated that. but to Luna. . . ? he isn't about to beat around the bush of Isaac's age]
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...The house is tricking all of us, and... and it worked this time.
He was so young... both of them...
Someone took advantage of that... didn't they...
[It hurts, just like it always hurts. But the feelings can't go anywhere, trapped in her chest like an angry storm.
Rather than trying to finish her sentence, she just leans into the touch of his shoulder.]
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[it's hard to say, when they don't know the circumstances around either Ayabe or Isaac's deaths. he leans into her as well, sinking a little bit into the contact, even if it isn't entirely comfortable to press up against a metal robot skeleton i'm so sorry luna]
But we'll find out who is responsible tomorrow. Just like we do every week.
[except during Asch week, but. . . you know]
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We know what's responsible. I...
I'm so tired of having to find a culprit when that's not the case at all. I... I hate that we're becoming... accustomed to this...
We can only lose three more. If someone is convicted, and they are killed... that brings us to two. And if someone is murdered and, likewise, their murderer convicted next week...
[Well. Y'know. That's three.]
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[. . .]
[he can't let himself be held down by them, can he?]
I know.
. . . but what else is there for us to do at this point but keep going?
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I... I hope people are willing to speak towards Akechi's ideas, if they're able. I know emotions will be raw, but... if we really do have everything we need to make a decision about this place, we... we need to figure it out.
[It's hard to think about right this second, if only for how badly the loss of Ayabe and Isaac hurts her deep inside. But there's nothing she can do about those feelings right now, except stow them away.]
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[or. well. he hopes they are. they need to be]
I'm going to make the announcement about his meeting first thing at trial tomorrow morning. Just to make sure everyone knows, and that no one gets too distracted from--
[well. . .]
[Ayabe and Isaac's deaths]
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That might be for the best. It would make sure that everyone was together, so that we wouldn't miss anyone on accident.
[...]
Um... I... I know this is a bad time to ask this, but...
Do you know if anyone figured out what... what the telephone was for that Phoenix had? It's... been on my mind lately.
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No. As far as I know, that cell phone is still a mystery.
But maybe that's a question we could ask Lio.
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[...]
Akira... I... I know the most important thing right now is to be honest with each other. It's... it's what I want more than anything else. But... I... [The words falter, as though she can't finish the thought.]
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[he draws away, turning to face her with a slightly confused, slack expression]
. . . but you-- what?
[there's nothing chiding about his words, at least. but he is trying to gentle coax her into finishing that thought]
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She, instead, wordlessly holds out her clenched grip - the one not holding the necklace. There's a flicker of color, but it's small enough that he won't be able to see without accepting whatever the hell she's holding.]
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[but. Akira extends both of his hands, palms cupped together, to accept whatever it is Luna is giving him. he doesn't ask, because whatever it is will become clear in a few seconds, he's sure]
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Luna doesn't look at him.]
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[but then it sinks in]
[and he lets out a laugh, breathless but not at all upset or offended or anything. he understands]
Ah.
. . . I get it, now.
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She doesn't look at him. Instead, she repeats herself, nearly verbatim, some of the warmth lost from her tone.]
Akira... I really hope people are able to share and be honest tomorrow.
If... if they're able.
[If.]
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[. . .]
[he hands the phone back to her, voice still gentle, because all of a sudden so many things make sense]
Can you tell me why they might not be able to. . .?
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...]
Have you ever asked Peach why the staff can tell us some things, but not others?
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No.
But I do know there are consequences for helping us too much.
[because Peach pushed them too far one week, and that's how she got her MOUTH SEWN SHUT]
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...
They... they all have orders.
[There's a horrible, grating familiarity in how the word leaves her throat.]
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[because when she says that, all he can think about is that memory with Akane, and how that had stoked the flames of anger all the way down to his core]
. . .
From Master Blue? Or the house?
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...
And from the length of her silence, it might be obvious that she can't answer.
Sorry, Akira.]
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[. . .]
You worked with Nick.
And Akechi too, right?
[BOTH OF YOU DUMPED THIS ON ME AT THE SAME TIME I HATE IT]
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Akira, you are going to have an easier time talking to a brick wall.]
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[it's fine, based on all of the information he knows now, the answer to that is a resounding "yes."]
[he isn't going to try to pry any more information from her if she can't give it, but. . .]
[. . .]
Luna. . . can you look at me?
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Compliant, she turns her head, a horribly mechanical motion, the red lights now focused on him.]
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[. . .]
I don't know what you can or can't say. I have a lot of questions, but if it hurts too much, then. . . I won't ask.
But don't be ashamed. Okay? Don't be.
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...
There are so many things she wants to say. So many thoughts that form, and then crash and burn. But an order was an order.
She can only look at him, and mutter:]
I... I can't help you.
I'm sorry.
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[his voice is firm, unwavering. the same confidence and determination she's come to know of him these past six weeks]
If this is the limit of what you can do due to some stupid rule imposed upon you for your special privileges, then. . .
I'll take it from here.
I'll help you.
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The only way to help is to not say what you know about what's in your hand.
Please.
Please trust that Peach wasn't lying when she said they did what they did for Phoenix's safety.
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[he thinks back to Luna theorizing that Nick had been killed for his special privileges, and he thinks. . . maybe, way back then, she had been trying to give him a hint]
If you mean not telling anyone what I found out here, of course I'd keep that to myself. Of course I would.
[but. . .?]
But the rest. . . we need to collaborate to some effect. Peach said so herself.
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[Her empty hand lifts to touch the one resting against her face, his skin warm under the metal and plastic of her fingertips.]
There's just some things that might have to be left unsaid.
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[he doesn't know if he agrees with that, but. . . well. they'll have to see come the meeting, right? and he can ask]
Like what?
[other than her and Akechi's identities]
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I can't say anything else. But... you had the right idea a minute ago.
...
I... I will need the phone back, though. I'm sorry.
You can look through it if you want. It's empty.
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[he draws his hand away, but the movement is reluctant, and he aborts it after pulling back a few centimeters. and then he reaches for her hand, drawing it forward so he can place the phone against her palm]
One thing I learned from Peach's punishment the week she went too far in helping us is. . .
. . . we can't rely on the sisters, on Blue, on you guys to do everything for us. At some point. . . we have to stand on our own two feet.
[he curls her fingers around the phone gently, holding her hand now enveloped in both of his]
Thank you, Luna. For everything you've done.
god these tags are hard to write when i have no facial expressions to work with
His words are still so warm, and yet she still visually crumples again at what he says, her voice trembling.]
...Please don't thank me.
8(((
No. I'm going to. You may not feel like you've done enough, but trust me.
You have.
[and he won't let her take that away from herself]
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But she can't.
She just lifts her hand with both of his, lowering her forehead to it, just shaking her head back and forth insistently, repeatedly declining that what he says is true.
It's the closest thing to shedding tears that she can manage.]
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[he doesn't know what secrets she's holding back. doesn't know the things she isn't allowed to say. but he ducks his head forward, presses his forehead against the top of hers, and stays like this until she feels as though she can pull herself back together again]
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...If three more people die... I think we're going to be in horrible, horrible danger. More than we are now.
What people have or haven't done... it won't matter if we can't finish what we've started.
We have to stop this. We... we're going to stop this.
Okay, Akira?
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I know.
[she says nothing that he doesn't already know deep down, but he also understands that in a way. . . this is her placing her trust in him, isn't it?]
We will stop this. We will.
We won't fail, no matter what.
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She sets the phone aside, only to reach her own hand to take up his touch again, a little awkward with the lack of skin.]
It's why I came out here, you know. Whenever I come here and think of why this place is here, and what these tombstones might mean, especially given the stories we receive... I can't help but think of the people we're going to leave behind. Fifteen of our own... and nine other parties worth of those who failed to know what we've had time to learn about.
It's... a lot. I don't like the feeling of it at all. But...
I made a promise to Reito, that I would always be here to take care of him. That he would be able to see his family, and that he wouldn't have to feel alone. Even after everything that happened between us, I... I didn't ever want him to feel like he might be in danger.
[And now he's a statistic. A soul waiting to be eaten alive by the house in an arena they cannot touch, his life taken from him. Just like all the other spirits.]
I'll... I'll do what I can. Whatever I can.
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Luna. . . what makes you think that we can't save them?
[what makes him think they can?]
Because I refuse to leave anyone behind. Our own, or those who were here before us.
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I... I'm more worried about the lack of time, and the implications of even a partial failure. That's what I meant.
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[he says that so confidently. . . with everything coming to a head as it is, it's amazing how he still manages to sound so firm. how he manages to keep a hold of his courage and faith and determination, even when things could go oh-so horribly wrong with just one slight mistake]
[but hey. . . that's how he had always been, right? even when there is doubt churning in the pits of his stomach, crawling up his spine and sending shivers through his body. he shoves it aside to believe in himself, because he has to]
[because if he didn't, then he would fail. at least. . . that's what he believes]
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[...]
Your bravery is admirable. Has... anyone told you that before?
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[that takes him off guard, and his expression slackens just a bit, brows shooting upwards]
What? I--
[just. more slow blinking]
I don't. . . know if it's bravery. [a huff] Excessive stubbornness, maybe.
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I think they go hand-in-hand sometimes. To hold onto an idea that's important, regardless of fears, regardless of what other people might say... it can be reckless, yes, but... I think it's still brave.
w5, early sunday morning
[. . .]
[he is asleep when Luna finally returns to full consciousness, whenever that might be. but he's a light sleeper, so he'll be able to hear it]
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It's near the end, when Brilith has finally, finally stabilized her enough to leave the lab and take a goddamn nap, that they now find themselves alone, both Akira and Luna essentially asleep. It's very, very, VERY early in the morning when Luna finally, carefully allows herself to come back online.
It's nothing, at first. Just the soft whir of her mechanisms as her body tries to sort itself out. She keeps herself perfectly still as the flooding of errors starts to pile up, acknowledging which ones were minor, which ones might be major, and which ones were impossible to ignore at all. She attempts to move an arm. Ten more errors fly up. It hurts.
Brilith isn't around... and Luna can't hear anyone else, nor has she turned her eyes back on to take a look around. She carefully puts her arm back down... and lets out a long, pained exhale.]
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[his groggy, drowsy mind immediately snaps awake, gaze flickering up, expression slack as he blinks away the excess sleep in his eyes. Brilith isn't around, and he and Luna are the only ones in the room, so that means. . .]
Lu-- Luna?
[brb time to scramble to his feet (sans crutch) to stumble towards her side]
i'm so done with the robot icon it can fucking jump off a cliff
Along with those errors comes a flood of emotion, of surprise, of confusion, of fear, on hearing such a familiar voice off in the background. How... how long had he been there? What time was it? She hears his stumbling steps, carefully turning her head towards the sound.]
...Akira...? [Most of the tinny quality has been repaired, leaving her voice, instead, raw and exhausted.]
TOMORROW YOU WILL BE FREE
Luna? Luna. . .
[his voice is a mixture of emotion, but the most obvious one is relief]
You're-- you're okay. . .
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...Yes. Thanks to Brilith.
[She'll take in a shaking breath, turning on her eyes on her exhale. The light flickers more than it should, her body shuddering slightly. The feed still warps at first, colors and light not coming through correctly. But she gives it a moment, not looking at anything in particular. All she can do is tiredly lifting her shaking fingers under his grasp, letting him know she's awake, she's aware.]
...I'm so sorry. I... I broke my promise...
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[his fingers curl around hers as tightly as he can manage, although still not tightly enough to hurt her should her touch and pain receptors be sensitive. he dips his head down, resting his forehead against their conjoined hands, and just. . .]
[breathes]
[because it's true. she did break that promise, didn't she? but somehow, he can't bring himself to be angry with her at all. he's just. . . so relieved, so happy, that she's okay]
I'm-- [there's a choked note in his voice, but he swallows it quickly]
I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so glad you're alive.
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She lets her own fingers grip against his own, though there isn't much strength behind the action. She wants to lift her arm and place it in his hair, to touch his face, to see those dark eyes full of fire and let him know that she's still here. But she's drained, emotionally and physically, and the mere sight of him curled up next to where she's been sitting for hours is enough to wrench at her spirits. He's... worried for her.
...
It hurts. But she slowly lets some of her more human processes turn on, lets her chest rise and fall with the inhale and exhale of breath. The pain colors her voice noticeably, to be doing this... but she has no other way to subtly let him know that she's okay, awake, alive...]
I... I know you tried to help. I didn't want you to get hurt.
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[the sight and feel of her shaking off his hand as she bolted towards Nic, towards Zenitsu, is still enough to make his entire chest clench with fear. is breath hitches in his throat, but he actively tries to smooth those feelings out. it's okay, he thinks. Brilith saved her.s he's okay]
[so why does he still feel like he's about to crumble into a thousand pieces. . .?]
I know. . . I couldn't have stopped you. No matter what I tried.
[. . .]
And that part of you is still good.
[even if, deep down, it hurts]
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I... I won't ask you to forgive me. But I...
Even though I thought I was making the best decision... the decision I had to make to keep someone else from being harmed... I...
[Her voice cracks, the sound of her next breath flooded with emotion.]
I-I still... I still hurt a lot of people... didn't I...
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There's nothing to forgive.
[because it hurts, but it was still her choice. her agency. her decision. something she wanted, and considering how much this house has taken from her and everyone within it. . . that means something]
[and in the end--]
If it had been me. . . I would've done the same.
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Wordlessly, Luna shifts her body, just enough to bring her other arm over and place her free hand against Akira's hair.]
I... would have been so scared, if our positions had been switched. I don't... I don't know if I would know what to do. Even if I could try to help, I... I would still be horrified. Not just for what had happened, but...
The thought of truly losing someone I... I-I care so much about... I think it would paralyze me.
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[he isn't crying, per se, but there is a certain glassy look in his eyes as he meets her gaze (or what passes for a gaze while she is like this) as firmly as he can. his grip on her fingers tightens, and he ignores the way the metal of her bones digs into the soft skin of his palm]
Yeah. It's terrifying.
[god is it terrifying. and they've both gone through it so many more times than what is fair during their time in this house]
And it's not. . . fair. That either of us are being put in that position. Is it. . .?
[and when he says that, it's clear he's referring to the house, to this game, to the circumstances surrounding their capture. not Luna's decision itself]
We should be. . . I don't know. Drinking coffee, or going out to see a movie, or shopping, or hanging out and playing video games, or-- or something. [a slight note of frustration seeps into his words] Something-- anything-- but this.
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[She doesn't have the energy to fully sit up, to embrace him the way she wants when she sees that look in his eyes, a strong and stubborn and unfortunately overworked personality finally cracking at the seams.
She carefully brushes the bangs from his face, knuckles against his skin, her voice quiet as she repeats to him what he'd told her the week prior.]
...It's okay to cry.
It's... it's just me. I'm still here.
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[almost surreal, hearing those words echoed back to him nearly a week later, spoken from Luna like they're her own. he finds himself forgetting how to breath, even as his own eyes screw shut, even as he tilts his head into that touch which is somehow laden with warmth despite her current appearance]
[something snaps. something familiar and yet not, all in one]
Why. . .
[he breathes out that word, his features twisted and pinched together, and presses their joined hands against his face to try and hide his expression. he is trembling]
W-- why would I? There's nothing to c-cry about. . . you're okay, right? So it's. . . f-fine.
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...You and I both know that nothing about this is fine, or fair, or normal. It's cruel. It's... it's exhausting. It's exhausting to... to be the one everyone else relies on.
If you could let someone like me, who doesn't even think of my emotions as completely real, still have a moment to mourn... then please. Please. Don't let this place convince you of anything else, other than its horror.
This place only takes, Akira. Even if all it takes in the moment is normalcy, or stability, or the comfort of knowing someone might be alive the next morning... it's okay to mourn what is being lost.
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[he doesn't know what does it. he doesn't know, at what point, the part of him that was holding back finally decides to burst. all he knows is that the cracking grows louder, the tightness in his chest increases, his entire face feels hot and gross and--]
[and. . .]
[he pitches forward to bury his face against the table on which Luna rests, her hand still resting underneath him. he doesn't make any sounds-- each and every one is stifled before it can tumble from his lips-- but. . . the trembling increases]
[and it's so strange, so weirdly cathartic, to finally let go after six weeks of holding himself back]
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It's okay. She's here.]
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[. . .]
[he tilts his head into it, lifting his face slightly so she can see the red of his eyes, even though he almost instantly lifts a hand to cover them, to wipe away whatever moisture was accumulating at the edges. he had his moment. he needs to focus now. . . doesn't he?]
[he is only allowed so long to break and crack and crumble. he needs to pull himself back together]
Sorry.
[he shouldn't be apologizing. Luna invited this, after all]
. . . I'm sorry.
[but he is not used to being this open, to being this vulnerable in front of others]
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[She'll see that look in his eyes, noting it, but carefully turning her view from it, giving him the privacy he wants, instead resting her temple against his head as she speaks.]
I worry about you. You take on so much... and you try so hard to help everyone cooperate. But... I never see anyone do the same for you. And I... I worry. Even for the strongest people, or those with the bravest types of generosity... there's only so much hurt a heart can hold without collapsing.
[Her own hand stays steady in the grip of his trembling fingers, her thumb tracing a gentle circle against the flesh.]
I'm glad to see you let yourself be perfectly human. It... it lets me know that you're going to be okay.
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I've been relying on other people. . . don't worry.
[leaning on others, allowing himself to be pep-talked when needed. but it's true he hasn't crumbled so thoroughly on any of them except for her, and he knows that says a lot about how much he trusts her]
It's easier to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. It's easier to remind myself to keep fighting, rather than to let myself mourn.
[. . .]
. . . that makes me a big hypocrite, doesn't it?
no subject
[There's a hint of amusement in her voice, though it's very, very gentle.]
The people who care about you want to listen, regardless of whether things are good or bad. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to save it for a private moment, but... you have to be able to talk about things that weigh on you at some point, or it will damage how you can help others.
I don't think anyone wants that.
no subject
[it's strange, to be reminded that people are relying on him. because as flawlessly as he had fallen into the role of Leader back home, with his Phantom Thieves, he had never been the most popular guy among his peers. he had never expected anyone else beyond his thieves to care about him so much]
[. . .]
[it's strange, but it's. . . nice. and it's nice to finally let some of this out to someone he knows will hold his hand until the moment passes]
[he shifts to pull away from her, though he doesn't go far, his forehead still close enough to be pressed against her cool, metallic one. his eyes are closed again, and his smile is wry and lopsided]
. . . thanks.
[for reminding him that he can break, too. for reminding him that breaking isn't the end, but rather the start of a new beginning]
no subject
...You're welcome.
[It's genuine, warm and pleasant, even with the pained tone in every other syllable. She trusts him deeply, after all. To be trusted in return, and by someone she cares so much for... it makes her heart feel so full.
Her eyes flicker to the side as she catches sight of his crutch on the floor, abandoned.]
You... haven't been on the floor this whole time, have you? D-Did you get any sleep at all?
no subject
[he huffs a little, a small expression of amusement]
I slept.
[IIIIISH. . .]
Enough, anyway.
no subject
I'm okay. I'll be okay. Please... please, go get some rest. Even if it's just on the couches in the lounge.
no subject
Are you sure. . .?
[she probably needs the rest too, now that he's thinking about it]
no subject
[A pause. She lifts her hand to carefully rest against his jawline.]
Please. Knowing that you'll be okay will ease my mind of a lot of things.
no subject
[. . .]
[he dips forward to press his lips against the cool dome of her skull, eyes slipping shut as he lingers far longer than he did the first time he kissed her forehead. and while there, he mutters]
. . . okay.
[and then draws back]
I'll come see you again later today, then.
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I will be at Akechi's meeting, as best I can be. Right after... right after whatever happens outside.
I promise.
no subject
[for now, that will have to suffice. he isn't exactly ready to pull away when he does, but he forces himself to stand up anyway, fingers trailing from hers]
You get some rest too, then. I promise I'll sleep as much as I can.
[and maybe now that he knows she's okay, he'll be able to sleep just fine]
no subject
...]
...Goodnight, Akira.
no subject
Goodnight, Luna.
[and once he has it, he is out!! though not without one last glance. just to make sure]
WEEK SIX - MONDAY
So once the day has had some time to move along, she goes looking for Akira. If she finds him in the company of another, she politely leaves them be. But eventually, she'll find him alone, rummaging around the kitchen.]
Ah, t-there you are. I've been looking for you.
no subject
[Luna will find Akira blessedly alone as he rummages through the kitchen for some curry ingredients! looks like he's about to start cooking, though he stops when Luna approaches]
Oh-- Luna.
[a small smile, fond and happy to see her]
Did you need something?
no subject
There were actually a couple things I needed to speak to you about, when you have a moment.
If you're busy, I... I can come back another time, though.
no subject
Oh, no. I'm just making lunch.
[gestures to the ingredients he's grabbed so far]
You can stick around if you'd like; you won't bother me at all.
. . . how are you feeling?
no subject
Okay. Not... not very good, but... okay enough.
I owe Brilith quite a lot.
no subject
[his own expression turns a bit wistful at that, and maybe slightly apologetic? like he wishes that he could've done more to help]
But even if you tried to thank her. . . I doubt she'd accept it.
[is he speaking from experience YES MAYBE]
no subject
[...]
I saw she was using the tools you had used on my arm, and the manual. Did... Did you give those to her?
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. . . of course I did. What else was she going to use?
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[Her voice goes quiet.]
...Thank you.
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You don't have to thank me.
[his voice is quiet, and he lifts his gaze towards her again]
It was the least I could have done.
[and he still wishes he could've done more]
no subject
[Guess who doesn't know Akira was ever in the room until the end, there. Hahah. Funny.]
Anyway. I... actually wanted to find you to properly apologize for our conversation on Saturday.
no subject
Huh? Why?
[in his mind, she has nothing to apologize for]
no subject
I... wanted you to know that our services are no longer required by the staff, as of this morning.
no subject
It's okay. You told me what you could, and that. . . that means a lot to me. Akechi was able to fill in some of the blanks.
[he knows who u are, doctor]
What does "no longer required" mean? Does that mean you can talk about what you've been doing now?
no subject
But... yes, I'm able to speak about it freely now. If Akechi was able to tell you things, then I don't know if I can be more thorough than him. He was a backbone for us after Phoenix left. But... I can talk about it, if there was anything that didn't make much sense.
no subject
[which isn't surprising, after the announcement the girls made around noon. for a moment, Akira looks pensive, before he gestures to a seat near the counter. suddenly, lunch seems oh-so unimportant]
I don't have that many questions, but. . .
Can I ask who you chose to protect each week?
[out of curiosity more than anything]
no subject
I can. I... will ask if Akechi explained what my role entailed first, though. [It's important.]
no subject
He did.
He said you could take the place if one person targeted by a monster each week. [a pause]
He also said you negotiated with the sisters that should you properly shield someone, he would be allowed to intervene.
no subject
I was actually allowed to pick two people, not just one. One from a monster, and one from the acts of a human being, like Chuuya or Nie Huaisang. If I were to get either of them right, then yes, I would swap places with them. I would be notified in advance so that I could defend myself if needed.
When Goro and Phoenix found that out, they were the ones who demanded a compromise from the staff. Theoretically, we could have planned an intervention.
...It never happened, though. None of my guesses were correct when they needed to be.
no subject
. . . I hope you don't blame yourself, or think that you were completely unable to help, just because they weren't.
no subject
It's... been difficult.
When Asch was sentenced as an innocent party, I... I went to the staff and begged them to let me use my abilities to take his place. They refused.
That's... why I was in such horrible shape when you came to find me later. I... I couldn't process it. It's the second time that I have had the ability to intervene to save human life, and I...
[She inhales, then exhales, her fingers tightening into her skirt. No. This was different from Rhizome-9. This was different than what Akane had asked her to do.
...]
I just wasn't lucky enough to be able to act. So I... I logically know that it's not my fault.
I just... still feel like I was ultimately useless in what Blue had asked of me. That's all.
no subject
Luna.
[he knew what her answer was going to be long before he had asked the question, so his expression is soft, edged only by a gentle smile. he extends a hand across the counter, palm facing the ceiling, fingers slightly curled]
[because he also knows exactly what to say to this]
Can I see your hand?
no subject
[que]
I... Y-Yes, but... [She gingerly reaches her own hand over to rest against his own, her own palm down, unsure of what in the world to do.]
I... I thought you wanted to know who I chose?
no subject
[he takes her hand in his own for the umpteenth time she's he's known her, carefully cradling it in one hand while the fingers of his other trace idle patterns against her knuckles]
[. . .]
[his hands are slightly calloused compared to hers, from months of wielding a weapon and fighting against the negative aspects of humanity's subconscious]
I've always like holding our hands. They're warm, you know? Warm and soft and solid and grounding.
[. . .]
Have you ever stopped to think about how many people you've been able to help with them?
no subject
...You sound a lot like Phoenix. [aka she's gotten this speech before, or so she thinks.]
Sometimes I do, I suppose. It makes me feel like I'm... I'm useful that way.
It's just... much, much harder to focus on what I'm doing right than what I'm doing wrong. But I guess a lot of people have that struggle, though.
no subject
Nick and I are on the same page, then.
[he doesn't stop moving his fingers, the tips trialing up and down the lines of her palm]
And you might be right in that a lot of people do have that struggle. But what I wanted to say is. . .
[he gives her hand another squeeze]
You haven't failed at what Blue asked of you. You weren't useless.
Because you were meant to save lives by being a doctor. By treating us when we're injured. By helping us recover from our mistakes.
Not by dying in someone else's place.
no subject
...
Maybe... maybe they really did have a point.
She can't form her conflict into words. She can barely form it into thoughts.
But she will give a slow, conceding nod.]
no subject
[his smile widens, and he gives her hand a squeeze with both of his own]
Thank you for everything you have done for us, Luna.
Everything.
no subject
You're welcome.
I... feel I should be telling you, that, though. You're part of the reason we've even come so far in the first place.
All of us that were in line with Blue... we all knew we could rely on you to trust us and try to lead people in the right path. The week that we decided to make sure you weren't a monster, I... I'm pretty sure we all nearly fainted out of relief when we found out you were going to be okay.
I don't know where we would be if you hadn't believed in our cause as thoroughly and passionately as you did.
no subject
[he ducks his head again, lifting one hand a bit sheepishly to tug at his bangs, fingers curling with his locks]
I didn't believe in Blue at first. It took me quite some time to get there.
But I always believed in you, and Nick, and-- [JUST. . . HUFFS, an amused noise escaping his lips] -- and even Akechi, in a weird way.
Despite him being aggressively himself.
no subject
[Mmm, but that mention of Akechi...]
Goro is... complicated. But I think his heart is in the right place. Just... hurting.
I hope someday he can find a way to something better, where he doesn't have to lash out or belittle others or torture himself. But that's... that's something that he has to work towards on his own. So I think if he's lucky enough to have a friend like you at his side... he might be okay someday.
no subject
I'll be there for him ever step that I can. I won't give him the answers, but if he stumbles or falls or needs a friend. . . then I'll be there.
[that's all he can do, isn't it. . .? the rest is up to Akechi himself]
no subject
[Her lips thin as she thinks through something else, leaning over to put her other hand on top of both of Akira's. Hand pile.]
If... if there's any way we can give him a second chance, Akira, I... I would really like to find it. I think he deserves it more than he would ever want to admit.
no subject
He already said he'd return home with me. He plans on turning himself in for the crimes he committed.
[. . . and his feelings on that are a bit. . . complicated. to say the least]
But since they were all committed inside of a world that isn't even supposed to exist, I don't think he'll remain in jail for long.
no subject
I just hope that... whatever he chooses, that he can feel that he did the correct thing without any regrets for his future choices.
no subject
[. . .]
[slowly, the surprise fades into understanding, and Akira nods]
Mmm. Those are the ones. Even his father wasn't convicted on those charges; only the crimes he had committed in the real world.
[his eyes slip shut]
I honestly think him turning himself in will be the start of Akechi finally walking his own path.
[instead of one already chosen for him, a la Masayoshi Shido]
no subject
I know there's good in his heart. Despite everything that's happened to him, and everything he may have done to fill... whatever hole his life has left behind.
[There's a heavy pause after that, because really, Goro Akechi is such a horrible, complex string bean of a human. But it hurts to think of him leaving this place completely unchanged. She hopes, at the very least, he doesn't feel so alone in the world.]
...A-anyway.
You wanted to know who it was that I chose. Could I ask why?
no subject
[when Luna moves on, he does as well]
Oh-- right. It was mostly curiosity, and because I thought you might have felt guilty over not choosing correctly.
[he shakes his head]
I don't need a list or anything. So long as you take what I said to heart. . . then it's okay.
no subject
[There's an odd sort of relief, in not having to share her choices. It's not that they mattered anymore, of course, but her sense of priorities is far different than a person's.
Well... she would like to think so, anyway.]
I... I do feel guilty, in a way, but... mostly because more than once, I chose the correct person, and the correct type of attack... but the timing was wrong. That... that was hard. It felt really, really unfair.
no subject
We don't have to talk about it anymore. [not if it still stirs in her feelings of guilt and helplessness] From here on out, we can focus on what we can both do to send everyone home alive.
no subject
[It's more an apology of habit than anything else, since she doesn't shrink away afterwards. Her hands curl against his, taking in the warmth they bring, fingertips resting against skin far more worn and real, hands that tell a story in a single touch.]
I think that might be the only thing specific to me, I'm afraid. Certain items I was able to negotiate from the staff due to my position, such as the epipen of sedative and the luminol. But that's about all I was able to do. Anything else, I think Akechi would probably have covered.
That's... one of the other things I wanted to talk about, actually. N-not Akechi, but, um... going home.
[Even if she were to go home in one piece... she's locked in a building forever. And if she wasn't lucky enough to be able to go home alive... well... then maybe this really was hell after all, albeit a much nicer one than she imagined in the end.]
no subject
[. . .]
My offer still stands, you know.
[he says that so simply, so easily, without an ounce of hesitation. he had offered for Luna to accompany him back to his world should she choose to do so. and he wasn't about to retract that offer now]
no subject
She didn't even have to ask?
...]
I... I know it's selfish of me. I need to be home, even... even if home means I don't get to exist. My programming says I need to be home. But I...
...
I... want to be able to live.
[Said gingerly, as though she feels it's something horrible that she's admitting.]
To... to go back with you to Tokyo...
Would you really be okay with that?
no subject
[and if he stiffens slightly when she mentions her programming. . . well. that might just be a trick of the light, right?]
What you need is whatever makes you happiest, Luna. That's all there is to it.
[he says that as firmly as he can, as though he'd argue with anyone who dared suggest otherwise]
If you want to live, if you want to come back to Tokyo with Akechi and I-- then you'd be more than welcome.
1/2
[There's a broken happiness to how his name falls from her lips, one of her hands moving to press over her mouth for a moment.]
I'm... I'm so scared to, but I... I-I want...
[A pause. She swallows hard, her feelings all swarming inside her like a live circuit, overwhelming but not entirely unpleasant.]
N-no. No, I... I talked to Galo about this. That... that sometimes you have to face your fear, and that if you push through it, whatever happens, a-at... at least you can be proud of yourself for giving it your all...
[Her eyes settle on his as best they can, fearful but wanting.]
I don't want to have regrets. I... don't want any more regrets... I don't want to die.
And I...
...
2/2
No regrets. No regrets. Come on, Luna, what would Galo do....]
Akira! I-I...
I...
I-I'm going to kiss you, and it's Blue's fault, and I-I'm very, very, very sorry--!
[She doesn't wait for a response, taking two strides forward, cupping his face in his hands, and lifting herself up just enough to press her lips to his.]
1/2
[and then]
[her expression flashes]
2/3 actually
[and for some inexplicable reason, he feels a small shiver of fear course through his spine]
3/4 IT KEEPS GETTING LONGER I'M SO SORRY
W-- wait, you're going to-- what--
[is. . . about all he has time to say, all he has time to comprehend (WHAT DOES BLUE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING????) before her hands are on his cheeks and she leans in so close he can see the deep blue depths of her eyes, wide and open like the sky, like something he could fall into and lose himself in oh-so happily, and--]
[then she's kissing him]
[and he sort of. . . freezes]
DONE
[and then his hand lifts up, fingers curling into the collar of her shirt to prevent her from pulling away, just. . . just so she doesn't misunderstand what he does next]
[because. . . half of his brain wants him to kiss her back]
[and the other half wants him to laugh]
[GUESS WHICH HALF IS WINNING]
[hint: it's the laughter]
this is the stupidest thing we've ever done and im so happy
oh
:(
Her fingers loosen against his face, stopping what she's doing as her face starts to go even hotter, blue eyes now unwilling to meet his.]
I...
I-I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wasn't--- I-I---
[WHY IS HE LAUGHING???
abort :( :(]
claps hands together in delight
N-- no, no! Don't misunderstand, it's fine-- it's fine, I'm happy, I'm just--
W. . . where does Blue come into play in all of this?
[WHY IS THIS BLUE'S FAULT]
no subject
I... don't know...
[practically a gurgle out her throat
GOD PLEASE IF YOU'RE THERE CAN YOU SMITE HER]
no subject
[there is]
[nothing but fondness in his tone as he lets go of her collar to hook his hands behind her head, to draw her forward so their foreheads are touching. his smile is bright and brilliant, stretched all the way across his features, lighting up the room with every curve of his lips]
. . . you're really cute.
[Akira]
no subject
sorry your robot has shut down in favor of all the blood rushing straight to her head
UM????
FSKDFJSHDJF]
1/2
[but he finds that he likes this. this kind of proximity, having her pressed so close, flushing furiously over his lighthearted teasing. he laughs again, though it's a short, breathless noise, and draws one hand from the back of her head across her cheek, down her chin, fingers curling underneath to tilt her head up ever so slightly]
[and in this moment. . . in this perfect, warm, and happy moment. . . he knows what his heart wants]
[. . .]
no subject
Luna. . .
[he breathes her name, and there's almost an apologetic tone in his voice as his fingers dance across her chin, up her jaw so he can tuck a strand of bright red hair behind her ear]
I want to-- [kiss you back, he thinks. and in this moment, he has never wanted anything more in the entire world. but. . .]
I want to, but I need. . . can you-- [oh god how does he explain this. the way he ducks his head ]
It's selfish, but can you wait for me? Just until this is all over. Because there's-- [. . . ] . . . there's someone else I need to resolve things with first.
[oh]
no subject
Oh.
...
Oh.
He had someone else.
...
The flush doesn't leave her face. But there's a horrible sting to the heat as she struggles to respond, her heart sinking straight into her stomach. She... she thought...
...
She doesn't answer. But her embarrassment is rapidly turning to shame, everything suddenly feeling very, very cold.
So she just nods, eyes dropping to the floor, backing away from the touch at her ear as her posture starts to deflate.]
no subject
[he doesn't want her to go yet]
[she pulls away from his touch and he lets her, though not before dropping his hands to grab hers, grip tight]
No, no. It's not what you're thinking. It never could be. It never would be. I don't-- I don't have those kinds of feelings for them. I never did, and I never will. I couldn't.
And I never wanted from them what I want. . . [a pause, and a breath] From you.
[there's emphasis on the word you, a breathless quality to his voice that he doesn't bother to hide. but even so. . . he knows how hallow the excuse sounds to his own ears, and his grip on her hands becomes just a little more tight, fingers trembling]
I just need some time to clear the air between us, so you don't get hurt. That's. . . all.
[another pause, and he ducks his head]
. . . but if you don't want to wait, that's okay. But I-- [. . .] I really. . .
[and he trails off]
well it was nice while it lasted
She wants to believe him. She flinches every time something he says truly, truly hurts.
Her hands don't grip back, the shame on her face only deepening.]
...
Why didn't you... [Tell her? Say something? Ask her to stop???]
...
...
I'm... I'm sorry. I guess this wasn't what I...
...
I... I think it would be better if I just... go. [He'd have his space. His time. His people that he cared for. And she....
she would...
...
not.
With a weak grip, she pulls her hands back, immediately withdrawing from him.]
Excuse me.
LIES DOWN ON THE FLOOR............. I REGRET AKIRA'S STUPID MISTAKES
Wait, Luna--
[-- not at all what he--]
Don't go yet, it isn't--
[. . . he's such an idiot, letting his impulsiveness get away from him like this, and before he can stop himself--]
[his fingers curl around her wrist, grip almost desperate, even though he realizes that it isn't his place to ask her to stay when he's the reason her heart is shattering]
[he blurts out the words quickly, sharply, a desperate quality to them]
-- I don't want you to go.
Please don't. . . go.
[does he really deserve to ask her to stay like this. . .]
You're the one I want-- I want-- to stay the most.
no subject
It hurts. She tried, she tried for her happiness, she tried to be brave, and it just burns like an open wound, raw and horrible.
...
He reaches out, grips her wrist with a painful tightness, anchoring her in place. She stops, too tired to rip herself free again. But she doesn't bother to look up, or to answer, desperately wishing that she hadn't even bothered with what she had so foolishly decided to do mere minutes ago.
If he wanted anything, then why... why did he trick her like this?
It stirs up something sour and hurt, shamed and angered tears watering her eyes. But she doesn't cry. She doesn't do anything.
She just stands, stone still, either waiting for him to speak, or to let her go.]
no subject
[that means he has to explain. it hurts to see her like this, so despondent, so ready to flee and give up, like all of this is her fault when Akira is really the one to blame]
. . . you've dealt with Akechi. You know what he's like. And our relationship is. . . complicated.
[putting it mildly]
After Nick died, he was so-- so angry. He almost destroyed his page in Nick's notebook, and I thought. . . that was just an insult to everything Nick had tried to do, you know?
We got into a fight. He punched me, and I punched him. I kept trying to make him understand that people like Nick-- like me-- cared about him, but it's hard to get anything through that thick skull of his.
[. . .]
So I kissed him. To calm him down, and to make him understand that people do care about him. Me included.
[a sharp exhale. a small, helpless shrug. his body goes limp, fingers on her wrist loosening even more. but still. . . he doesn't let go]
. . . I don't think it was the right way to convey what I was trying to convey, though.
no subject
...
...
Was it just the same thing, then? Was all of this, just...
...
Miscommunication has her wires crossed and her emotions completely upended, bubbling up inside her. How badly she just wants to scream.
But she doesn't. He... was just trying. Like he tried with her. Maybe like he tried with... who knows what else in this place. Maybe this was just... how he was.
...
Her voice is quiet, almost dull, though it leaks the hurt that bleeds from her chest into every crack of her body.]
...You're really important to him, you know.
I... think that might be a more... a more worthwhile thing to focus on than...
[Her.]
...
[Slowly, with her free hand, she lifts her hand up to slip her necklace over her head. She can't quite meet his eyes. But she does hold it out to him.]
...
Just... promise me you'll come out of this alive. That's... that's all I...
[That's a lie, it's a lie, she wants happiness she wants freedom she wants--
she wants her heart to stop hurting]
...That's all I will ask of you.
no subject
[but she pulls off her necklace and holds it out to him, the pendant resting in her palm, the chain dangling from the edge of her hand. and he wants--]
[-- he wants her to ask more of him. he wants to give her more, and he doesn't. . . know how to make her understand]
[. . .]
. . . I don't want that. I don't want to focus on. . . that.
[he doesn't. he knew that even when he did kiss Akechi, despite the well of messy and complicated feelings the action drew forth. he reaches up with his free hand to take the pendant from her, fingers brushing against her palm, curling around the item tightly. he allows his hand to linger there, resting against her own]
. . .
I want--
[I want what we had earlier]
I want. . .
[. . . I want more of that in the future]
[he draws his hand back, but only so he can pluck off his glasses, folding the ears across the lenses as he places them back into the palm of her hand, curling her fingers around same tightly]
. . . I want you to come back alive, too. I want you to do what makes you happy. I want you to keep chasing a life that's worth living.
[all he has ever wanted for her was her own happiness and agency]
And selfishly. . . [as though he hasn't been selfish enough] I want you to give me a chance.
no subject
...
[She slips her hands away fully, although she does not give him back the glasses. Instead, she wordlessly moves to the other side of the kitchen, pulling out some cooking twine and ripping off a piece just large enough to tie around her neck, knotting the glasses to it as well before slipping them to rest under her shirt.]
...
I... I really don't think you do know what you want, Akira. This... wouldn't be an issue if you did.
I'm... sorry if I just made it worse with everything I've done. But...
If... if you do figure out your answer, I... I hope it's one you feel confident in. I just... want it to be yours.
no subject
[there's a lot he wants to say, but there's one thing that stands out amidst it all--]
You didn't make anything worse, Luna. If anything. . . you made it better.
[and that. . . is firm. because none of this is her fault, and he refuses to let her take the blame for his own misdeeds]
[. . .]
Can I. . . give it to you tomorrow?
no subject
She doesn't give him a nod or shake, a yes or no. She just looks up at him, her eyes heavy and glassy and extremely difficult to read.]
It's not something for me. I... I would prefer you take the time you need to sort it out, rather than someone else's emotions cloud your judgement.
...
Please... Don't rush an answer just because I chose a poor time to make a... a silly mistake. I... I trust you. I know you can consider all possibilities, even if they are the hard ones. So I would rather you do that. Whether I can hear it or not... that isn't important.
I just want to believe you can find it someday.
...
[She lets out an exhale, pressing the back of one hand against her eyes for a moment. The chance that this could be their last conversation makes her want to vomit up every part of her, machine or otherwise. But he had more important things in life than a robot with a crush. Much, much more important things.]
I... think I've taken enough of your time. I need to speak to Brilith, regardless.
You really should eat something, okay? I'll leave you to it.
[And just like that, she's headed towards the kitchen entryway.]
no subject
[and for the first time, she'll see a flicker of pain, of hurt, in his expression. but what else can he do. . .? what else can he say? is it a matter of her just not believing him, or. . .]
[. . .]
Lu--
[he wants to stop her again, but perhaps. . . she needs some time alone to sort out how she feels. and perhaps all he says now is just making things worse]
[. . .]
[maybe he. . . really does need some time to figure out his own answer. . . to figure out a way to give it to her so that she believes him]
. . . okay.
[he lifts a hand, scrubbing a bit as his features]
O-- okay.
w6, tuesday afternoon an hour before she leaves
[. . .]
[so he spends Monday night doing something else. he spends Tuesday morning gathering up his thoughts and trying to put them together in a coherent, understandable way]
[and he finds her in the infirmary about an hour before she leaves. he leans his shoulder against the door frame and knocks gently to announce his presence before her name falls from his lips, tentative and somewhat uncertain]
. . . Luna?
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At the sound of her name, the sound of his voice - HIS voice, both the one thing she wanted to hear and the very last thing she wanted to deal with - Luna freezes. Just for a moment, letting out a rough, pained exhale through the nose... before quietly continuing what she was doing.]
Is there something you needed?
[It's quiet, numb, like stone.]
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I--
[in his hand he holds a small, letter-sized envelope, flat except for a tiny bulge in the middle that ruins its shape. he doesn't stop walking until he has crossed the room to where she is, standing a few feet away to give her space]
. . .
[and then, with the envelope clutched in both hands, fingers digging into the paper so tightly it crinkles. . . he dips forward in a very, very formal and deep bow, entire body bent at his waist]
Luna, I am so, so, so sorry. For your courage, for your bravery, you deserved a much better response from me than-- that.
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She doesn't move to turn around, though her motions slow, hands lowering to settle on the bag in front of her.]
There's no need to apologize. You said what you felt you had to.
I was the one who pushed something like that on you without properly asking, anyway.
[Her tone doesn't budge.]
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[he doesn't budge from where he stands bent over apologetically, either. he doesn't lift his head-- won't lift it-- until he is finished]
Every time I held your hand, or kissed your forehead, or laughed with you or smiled at you or spent time with you or cried with you. I was. . . asking.
[even if not verbally. but to Akira, actions had always spoken so much more loudly than words, anyway. his grip on the envelope tightens so much that he fears he may tear it]
. . . so I'm sorry. For asking, and then having the gall to react the way that I did, even knowing what it is I've wanted all along.
I messed up. And you deserved so much better.
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She shudders despite herself, needing to press a hand to her face until she can pull herself back together. Once she has, Luna sighs tiredly, her voice a little weaker.]
Didn't I ask you not to rush through your answer for this?
You've only known me for six weeks, Akira. Just six weeks. After today, that... [It might be over, though she can't bear to say it.]
You've been kind, compassionate, friendly, but... you're like that with everyone. I...
I... don't think I know what it is you've been asking at all.
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[. . . he allows himself to straighten, but only slightly, only so he can lift his head to watch her movements, to read what little body language she allows to seep through]
This isn't rushed at all. I've known my answer. If I asked for time yesterday, it wasn't because I didn't. It was just because I wanted to make sure I wasn't. . . hurting anyone's feelings.
[hers, or Akechi's. but that plan backfired a whole lot]
. . . but I wound up hurting them, anyway. And that's why I'm apologizing, because. . .
[a shaky breath]
There are so many things I should've done different. And I want. . . to try again.
[but that, of course, depends on her. on her and what she has the strength to do when her heart is still reeling. he's prepared for her to say no, at the very least. but it doesn't hurt to ask]
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Slowly, she turns, her expression flat as her eyes follow the line of his body, bent over in solemn apology. He's saying words without explaining, leaving her to guess at his intention, his meaning, what in the world his answer even was.... which stings her heart.]
Why do you want that, Akira?
1/2
Because I like you.
[the words come out with an exhale of breath, a confirmation of something he had danced around but never fully. . . said]
Or. . . maybe that's not a strong enough of a word for it. But I like you. So much that it hurts, but not in a bad way.
[ah--]
[he swallows thickly, and holds the envelope out to her]
I want. . . you to come home to Tokyo with me. I want to take you to Leblanc and have coffee together, even if you can't drink it. I want to show you around my home city, and introduce you to my friends and my family, and take you to the top of the Sky Tower so you can see what the whole city looks like illuminated at night. It's-- it's beautiful, you know? I want six weeks to be more than six weeks. So much more.
[. . .]
I want to take you to an amusement park, and go on a roller coaster together, and laugh at the stupid picture they take of us as we're dropping down the incline. I want to wear one of those stupid animal-ear headbands together and watch people roll their eyes at us when we're sappy on the subway ride home. I want all of that, and--
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A. . . anyway. [with the envelope still held out, he ducks his head again] . . . you don't have to do anything now, if you don't want to.
[. . .]
I want you to have this. You don't have to open it yet, but if you ever feel like you can forgive me for being a jerk, or that you still want all of that too, then--
Then open it then. Okay?
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Her mouth twists with effort as blue eyes trace down to the envelope, crinkled and torn from his nervous grip. She can't tell what is, and she doesn't feel like she can commit to what he'd asked right now by opening it. Her chest still hurts to listen to him, to see him...
...
She'll extend a hand, delicately taking the envelope, before silently slipping it into the pockets of her dress. Her eyes fill with pain.]
I'm.... I'm sorry. That's not...
I can't answer this. Right now of all times is... bad.
But.....
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[. . . ]
I know.
[he knows his timing isn't great. but he couldn't just let her go without saying something. without doing something. he knows he'll see her again on the other side-- has to believe that he will, lest his heart ache all the more with the thought that their separation is like this-- but it's still. . . terrifying]
[but he won't rush her. he won't]
.. . but?
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No. Forget it, it's nothing.
[Her hands wring together, gaze to the side. She chews over her words for a long moment looking extremely uncomfortable.]
Having things hidden away... it... it really, really hurts to find those things, Akira. But...
It hurts even worse to... to just have to guess.
[She doesn't know what to think. She's still so upset, the feeling that he's just apologizing to calm her down prominent on her mind. Was he just leading her along for fun up until now? Would he end up treating her, talking about her, viewing her in the same way? She... she doesn't know anymore. She doesn't know if she wants to find out.]
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[. . . what had she been about to say?]
[. . .]
Yeah. I should've said it all a lot sooner.
[last night, maybe. . .? the only reason he didn't back then was because he wasn't sure she'd believe him. does she believe him now?]
[. . .]
[a tiny huff, and his eyes finally flicker to the side]
But everything I just told you. . . that's how I really feel.
[. . .]
And whatever you decide to do with that. . . I'll respect your choice.
[because in the end, it is hers to make]
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She doesn't believe him. She wants to, desperately. But she can't.
...]
...
I should go. Brilith and the others will be wondering w-where I am. [She hoists the bag of supplies up and over head, though she doesn't move to leave just yet, hands buried against the strap of the bag she carries.]
...
Akira...
If... if you really kissed Akechi that night to try and calm him down when he was upset...
Then I... I don't want to know why you tried to do the same with me.
[The same night, over the same issue, when she was also upset. It haunts her, a shuddering weight in her stomach even voicing it out loud.]
I'm sorry. I...
...
Goodbye.
[If he responds, she will not listen. She'll simply take her supplies and immediately beeline for the door, before her words betray her any further.]
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W-- wait, you think that I--
[a bit breathless as it all suddenly clicks into one horrible and painful place]
You think it was the same? Luna-- it wasn't--
[he takes a step towards her, trying to stop her from leaving, but considering his delayed response. . . she is probably out and gone before he can]
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but even as the group steps through the room of req
even as she forces everything down to try and think of saving humanity, of saving those trapped in this place
even now
she thinks of him
and wants to cry for the unfairness of it all.]
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[. . .]
[. . . he slumps against the wall, furiously scrubbing at his face, a string of barely audible curses whispered upon his lips. and before he pulls himself upright. . .]
[he lowers his hand, curls his fingers into a fist, and brings same down against the wall as hard as he can]
week 6 - sunday
Instead, she opens the door... and finds Akira.
...
Her gaze drifts to the floor as she closes the door behind her.]
...I'm not disturbing you, am I?
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[but he only maintains the quiet, sprawled out on one of the couches in deep exhaustion, for a few minutes before Luna enters]
[. . . not that he minds her presence, of course. not that he ever has. as she shuts the door behind her, Akira pushes himself upright, drawing his limbs in on himself to instinctively make more room on the couch for her. should she choose to sit]
Hn? No, of course not.
. . . did you need something?
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[She wants to cross the room, to sit and rest and enjoy his presence. But... something halts her, souring her spirit, exhausting her further.
...
She stays on her feet, approaching enough that the conversation can stay quiet.]
I... wanted to ask what happened. In the red room.
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Mmm. . . you mean when I went in with Akechi, Nick and Ken?
[and not when he broke in with Ken, Ash and Missile. he assumes the answer to that is "yes," and his expression twists into an annoyed scowl]
Stupid things happened. But I can start from the beginning, if you'd like.
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She shakes her head.]
You don't have to if you don't want to. What the house resorted to was... cruel. But...
I... I saw Goro and Phoenix. I can imagine whatever happened was not easy for any of you. I just... wanted to make sure you were okay.
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[god he'll never get used to that]
[. . .]
[idly. . . he lifts a hand to touch his chest, right above his heart. to reach for the charm that rests underneath his shirt, safe and sound, something that has become a symbol of him asking for strength ever since he was given it. his expression falls a bit more]
. . . it was-- [. . .] It wasn't easy. But. . . we persevered. We pushed through.
[. . .]
I'm. . . [a breath out, and his hand drops away to his lap] I'm okay. In the end, we were able to work things out.
[and he steels his expression, lifting his gaze to look up at her next]
Are you okay?
[he was so distracted earlier he never got to ask her what horrors she went through]
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...
It takes her... much longer than it should to give him an answer, which in itself should answer his question much more than the words that do slip out of her mouth.]
I'm unharmed, yes. Our team was... very lucky, all things considered.
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[carefully, he pushes himself up on his one good foot, using the arm of the couch to keep himself upright]
Hey. . .
[his voice is soft and gentle]
. . . why don't you sit down? You look exhausted, Luna.
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"...how much of his actions were nothing but... intentionally placating..."
...]
No, thank you. I'll be okay for a little while.
I need to find my teammates, anyway. I... owe then all an apology.
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[he doesn't approach, but neither does he move to sit down again, hip resting against the arm of the couch]
[. . .]
. . . can you tell me what happened?
[because something clearly did. he didn't know what it was, but. . . whatever she went through in the red room had been just as bad as what Akira and his group had experienced]
[if not worse]
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She moves to sit herself against the arm of a nearby chair, her expression pinched tight.]
...Stupid things happened.
[Congrats, that's all you get. That's all you gave her, after all.
She might be a little salty.]
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[a few blinks]
[. . . a small huff, not quite amused, but not quite annoyed, either]
Luna. . .
[. . .]
[he shifts so he's sitting against the arm of the couch as well, hands linked in front of him now]
If it makes it easier, I can go first.
[he would've gone into detail-- he wasn't trying to avoid the question-- but then he got distracted by focusing on her!1]
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You said you worked things out, but...
I'm... I'm not stupid, Akira. I wouldn't ask things if all I wanted was to be patted on the head about it.
[She isn't angry. But she is hurt, concerned, morphing into her fatigue like they always belonged together.]
I... want to hear what happened. I don't need details. This... this isn't an interrogation.
But telling me you're okay when none of you are... that doesn't make me feel any better.
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[. . .]
[he thinks back to the final conversation they had before she left on her journey through the red door-- Then I. . . I don't want to know why you tried to do the same with me]
[. . .]
[he links his fingers together, gripping his hands tightly, knuckles white]
Then I'll tell you what happened. But first--
[. . .]
Do you really think everything I've ever said to you-- everything I've ever done-- was just. . . me trying to "pat your head," or placate you?
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Her voice stays quiet, hesitant, as though she expects him to interrupt at any second.]
I thought a lot of things, until recently.
You... never really say anything. You ask without understanding sometimes. You just... act. And I wanted to take your actions at face value for the longest time. But after you said what happened with Goro, I... I realized that that was a foolish mistake, to think that way.
Now I just... [Her hands tremble in her lap as her eyes start to gloss over with moisture, her face hot.]
I feel your heart told me I was a person. I don't think that was ever meant as a lie. But your actions, your decisions, the... the way you chose to speak... all you were showing me was that I was just something to be... shielded. A child. A... A thing.
You... you cared. But you still just used me to... to make yourself feel better. Just like you did to Goro.
[That cold rush of shame returns, making her want to leave the room immediately. She cares so much for him. But...
If she can't trust him, then what was the point?]
1/2
[cuts so much more deeply than literally anything she has said up until now, and that is saying something. any warmth or happiness that might've lingered from when she asked him to kiss her earlier suddenly feels cold, like ice in his veins]
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[it comes out in a defensive rush, his voice pleading, begging her not to misinterpret everything he had done within the past few weeks]
I never thought or felt that way. I wasn't. . . [he doesn't know how to fix this. he doesn't know how much of this is her own insecurities peeking through, purposefully coloring all of his actions in a negative light in the wake of his mistakes. . . or how much of it was really him completely fucking up. maybe it was both? his stomach twists in his gut, chest tightening, something prickling the corners of his eyes as he lifts a hand to scrub at them furiously] I wasn't using you, Luna. I wouldn't-- I wouldn't.
You are a person. You're a strong person, someone who has done so. . . so much for everyone here-- including me. You're not a child to be shielded, or a thing to be used by anyone.
[he says all of that as emphatically as he can]
Nothing I ever said or did was me trying to. . . coddle you, or calm you down, or shield you, or use you to make myself feel better. I was just. . .
[he looks down, hands curling into fists at his thighs, fingers wrapping against the fabric]
. . . trying to show you I cared.
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It hurts to hear, only because she knows it isn't a lie. But...
...]
How much do you know about what I think, Akira? Do you know what makes me different and why it's impossible for me to accept the things you sometimes say? Do you know why it's so hard not to go home to my fate? Do you know who or what I care about? How do I feel about the old woman? How about Doctor Klim? Or Blue, or Akechi, or...
...Or you?
...
Have... you ever bothered to ask? Or are your assumptions and your need to act greater than your need to... to actually know what it is that you care about...?
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[. . . a deep breath. another one. then a third. it's. . . shaky, his hands trembling at his thighs, like he's trying to fight something back. it hurts, it stings, it cuts so so deep to have everything he's done called into question. for her doubt him so openly, or accuse him of not really knowing her, not really asking when he tried oh-so hard to understand. he thinks. . . it's probably deserved]
[but it being deserved doesn't mean it doesn't. . .]
[. . .]
[it takes him a moment to be able to look up at her again. a long moment to steel his expression, because no. he doesn't deserve to fall to pieces here]
. . . what assumptions do you think I'm making, Luna?
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Your... your apology to me on Tuesday is a good example.
Why was I upset, Akira?
[Because while his apology for her shame was touching, it felt like a bandage plastered over a gaping wound.]
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. . . I thought there were a lot of reasons for it. Because I didn't tell you what happened between Akechi and I earlier. Because my timing was shitty, and I told you right after you had mustered up the courage to do something so brave, to. . . to selfishly chase that happiness you told me about before.
[. . .]
But after that conversation, I thought it might've been a little deeper than that. I thought. . . maybe you were upset because I did something that cast doubt on everything I've said or done with you the past six weeks. That's. . . kind of what I'm getting from this conversation. [. . .] It hurts a little bit, actually.
[but. . .]
. . . but how I feel about it doesn't matter.
Was I wrong. . .?
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There's a softness to her response at that, guilt crawling up from her stomach to latch on to her throat.]
When you first came to apologize? Yes. You were.
Right now, though? I... think you do understand.
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. . . I thought asking you why you were upset would've just made things worse. It seems kind of shitty to ask someone you really hurt "hey, can you tell me exactly why you're upset with me," you know?
[he looks down again, then up, fingers fidgeting against his thighs]
I'm sorry.
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...I've never had anyone try to understand me to the extent you do. I... know you're only human. I try not to let that cloud my judgement.
If I didn't care so much about you... I don't think I could bear to say that I was hurting. Because I want you to understand. And it... it was hard to think that maybe, after all that time, it had been my fault for seeing things that just weren't true.
Maybe what was my fault was that I was expecting the world from you, though, when I... I just wanted Kurusu Akira.
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[. . .]
[gently. . . he curls his fingers against hers, grip loose but still somehow a little needy]
I'd steal the entire world for you if I could. [AKIRA. . .] The moon, the stars, and the entire universe along with it. I'd steal it all for you.
[THOUGH. . . THAT'S PROBABLY NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS AT THE MOMENT, IS IT? he lets out a small huff, lips twitching]
Though. . . at the very least, I can give you. . . me.
[that part. . . is so much more doable]
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Her mouth quirks up into that same sad smile she had worn in the morning, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to his forehead, letting her words echo in his skin.]
You... already stole my heart. You even warned me.
I... just want you to ask me more. Ask me, even if it hurts, until you can build something that you recognize around the heart you've taken.
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[it's affection he's been craving, warmth that he's wanted-- no, needed-- ever since he fucked things up earlier this week. he leans into that kiss, breath hitching in his throat, grip on her hands tightening]
The foundation is already there. . . you know?
[his words are extremely shaky, but he fights against that unsteadiness, trying his hardest to even out his tone]
Love and relationships aren't built in a day, or even in six weeks. They take time and effort and hard work. . . I know that. I know that there's still a long way to go.
[more questions to ask, more to learn more to discover]
. . . if you'll let me, then I want to keep going. I want to keep trying to understand. I want to keep building. [. . .] I already recognize what's there, but. . .
It'd be nice to be able to make it even stronger.
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[her words stay calm against the timbre of his own, thumbs tracing against the warmth of his skin]
I can't pretend that the mistakes you've made haven't hurt. I'm sorry. I... I would be lying if I said my perception hasn't been altered.
But... I forgive you.
[One of her hands releases, only to press against his face with a gentle curl of her knuckles, guiding him to look at her, at blue eyes that hold warmth even with the hurt and fatigue and distress that she still has yet to address.]
May I have permission to kiss you, phantom thief of hearts?
no subject
[he's smiling. it's gentle and and contrite and, perhaps, a little relieved]
[. . . he lifts the hand she released, resting it against her shoulder, fingers curling into the collar of her shirt]
Y-- yeah.
[he stumbles over that response, not because he's hesitating, but because he might be trying his best not to cry]
Of course. From now on, you don't-- you don't even need to ask.
[. . . but he'll let her ultimately close the distance between them, even though his chin is tilted up and ready]
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...It's okay, Akira.
It's only me.
["It's okay to cry."
She will give him a moment, squeezing at his hand, before leaning into to carefully press her lips to his.]
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[he shakes his head, screwing his eyes shut just in time to allow a small trickle of moisture to cascade down his cheek. he always feels so stupid when he cries. . . even though he knows, logically, that it's okay to do so]
[even though he encourages others-- has encouraged her-- to let it out]
[he doesn't have time to argue the point though, because a moment later she leans in to catch his mouth with hers. she'll taste the slightest bit of salt from where the tear gathered at the corners of his lips (if she can taste???), but there isn't any hesitation or uncertainty in the way he kisses her back]
[just as gentle as the first. . . well. the second time]
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[his hand slips from the collar of her shirt, fingers brushing up against her neck, before it comes to rest at her cheek]
i can't believe this was supposed to be serious but now they're making out
After a moment, her free hand moves to his shoulder, breaking off the kiss just long enough to try and urge him down to the couch, only staying a breath's distance away.]
P-please... I don't want you to fall over... [This way, this way, please :(]
IT'S SERIOUS MAKING OUT!!!
. . . hn?
[it. . . has not occurred to him that they could fall over]
Oh-- right. . . I should--
[he pushes against the couch arm so he can just kind of. . . slide across it until it ends. and when it does, he is just going to flop uselessly backwards onto the couch cushions, landing on his back with a small oof]
[nerd]
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Sorry, I... I would feel bad if you ended up on the floor again because of me...
[She will gently lean back over him, though, slightly embarrassed at her own eagerness.]
...Just a little longer. Is... is that okay?
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O-- of course it is.
[he cradles both of her cheeks in his palms, thumb brushing across the lines of her features, his touch affectionate and gentle]
As long as you want, Luna.
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She'll take up his lips again, a hand resting against the nape of his neck while the other plays against his hair, her touch gentle. This time, the kiss is far slower, trying to enjoy every second of it, etching the memory of his touch and warmth into her mind, feeling his heartbeat drumming under her fingertips and wishing she could stay like this forever.
...
She can't, though. Not just yet. It's why she is far more hesitant to lean away from this kiss, her eyes clouded with an apologetic warmth.]
...I... I think I've gotten my point across. [She forgives him. She wants... something, though she isn't sure what. But to ask for it now, when she's still hurting and still... still wondering so much about what had just happened to her...
...]
...Akira... Could you tell me what happened?
Please?
w6 - SATURDAY bc that last one was friday and i just have no concept of time
Because when it starts to get late, Luna is going to come find Akira, take him by the hand, and wordlessly lead him to one of the bedrooms. Which one? Take your pick.]
WHAT IS TIME
[THAT WAS A LOT]
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Luna what the fuck.]
1/2
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Luna. . .?
[he is going to politely remain seated on the edge JUST IN CASE. he is a respectful teenager he promises!!]
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[simply, as though nothing in particular seems to be wrong]
WHEN U HIT ENTER TOO EARLY. . .
[again, it's not like he minds, but!! she had him sit on the same bed!!]
Rip
... Is...something wrong? [que]
no subject
[it's just]
You want me to sleep here, too?
1/2
...
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oh no
Her hands instantly go flying up as the implication slowly dawns on her face]
Ah... N-no, I-I-I didn't mean it like---!!!
I-I didn't want you to be alone, and I-I didn't want to o-occupy space on the floor, a-and... um...
[OH NO.....]
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[for once, Akira Kurusu-- who is not so easily flustered-- turns deep red from his cheeks right down to his collarbone. he lifts up both hands, palms facing forward, and waves them a bit frantically]
N-no, it's okay, I wasn't thinking about it like--!
I just wasn't--
Uh. . .
[hELP]
I-if you're okay with it, I'll stay. . .! I don't mind!
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[/INTERNAL SCREAMING/]
...
Please?
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Yes.
[. . .]
[. . . scoots a little closer towards her. . .]
. . . I mean, yeah. Of course. [. . .] I'll stay.
I want to stay.
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I... o-okay. [A shallow nod, her voice falling quiet.] Okay.
After everything that happened, I... I just wanted to make sure you could finally get some rest.
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You deserve some rest too, you know.
. . . are you feeling okay?
[because that final battle was, in fact, so much to deal with]
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She leans her hand into his touch, shifting her weight to be a little closer to him.]
I... don't know if "okay" is the right word. Relieved, yes. Immensely so. But...
[haha everyone yelling at her during the trial....... it worked out in the end, but...]
...I've just had a lot on my mind, I suppose. I'm tired, but... in a way that's hard to describe. [Can your heart be tired?]