[for the brief moment she goes limp in his arms, Akira feels his heart rate spike with panic. but she's moving again seconds later, and he exhales a deep breath of relief as his grip on her tightens]
What? No, no. Luna, it's okay.
If you need to let it out. . . then you need to let it out.
Don't hold back because you think yourself a burden.
N-no... no, it's not that. Please don't misunderstand.
I...
...
I wish I could explain in a way that made sense. I... everything. This place, the trials, everything that's happened with Asch, and now this, I...
[She doesn't know what to do. She's never, ever been so overwhelmed with choices that are impossible to make, and she feels parts of her just barely straining to hold themselves together.]
[a few blinks, and Akira pulls away, hands still resting on Luna's shoulders as he stares at her like he has no idea what she means]
[(because he doesn't)]
Punishment?
[the word is uttered equal parts bewildered and aghast, as though the idea of this entire experience being a punishment for some perceived sin is offensive in and of itself]
[he practically hisses the word between clenched teeth, his gaze narrowing. that sure does hit on a bunch of his buttons about loss of agency and freedom]
Disobedience. . . from who? You're not being punished, Luna. You don't deserve this. . .!
[She takes in another breath, fully expecting him to argue back. But there's a sudden stillness to her voice, as though something has internally switched to match his flare of temper.]
Do you remember what my profile said, out in the ballroom?
[he feels his gut boiling, anger running through his veins like fire. he wants to scream and yell and shake her until she understands-- you don't deserve this. he wants to yank out the heart of whoever made her believe that she does. . . tear them down into pieces, and step on each shard with his heel as he grinds them into the ground]
Does it matter? Those profiles exist to make fun of us. To paint us in the worst light possible, without any regard for who we really are.
. . . I don't care who you disobeyed. I don't care what they might think about what you deserve. I don't-- [a shaky breath, and he just. . . comes out and says it, without even really knowing the full meaning of his words]
I don't care if you're not even human, Luna.
[that's what everything has been pointing to, right? the oddities with her mouth, the strange noises she makes, the way her voice skips and jumps and cracks. he doesn't know what she might be, but he thinks. . . he suspects. . . that she has never been human at all]
[There's an emotional break, a twisting inside her that hurts. But it's as she suspected. Either he doesn't understand... or he refuses to understand.
That stillness in her voice goes even further, a sharp and almost horrific contrast to how she had been minutes ago, almost a mockery of how her face is still stained with the wet trail of tears.]
"This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this.
To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it."
...
Akira. The last time I was awake, before arriving here, ten participants had been trapped in a building together. They were forced to solve puzzles and then vote against one another in an attempt to escape their circumstances.
By the end... only two had escaped, and only one of them was conscious. One participant had been left behind.
No. I wasn't. I suppose I could have been, if things had been different, but...
[She shakes her head before finishing that statement. That was getting a little off topic.]
When some of the participants started dying, a handful of people had done investigations on their own. By the end of the game, there was a large amount of evidence to conclude that six of the ten people had been murdered... not by the game, but by another person. The people who came to that conclusion were the conscious escapee and the one participant who was left behind.
[Time for math with Luna, because figuring things out for yourself is important.]
There were ten participants. By the end of the game, seven of them died, two escaped, and one was left behind.
Per evidence found before the escape, six of the dead participants were dead due to murder. The seventh participant was the unconscious escapee. The eighth was the conscious escapee. The ninth was the participant who was left behind.
What happened to the tenth participant, according to the information I have given you?
[something is missing. it takes him a while to figure it out, a few moments of silence where he goes over the numbers again. ten participants, seven dead, six murdered, two escaped, one left behind--]
[-- it comes to him in a flash of lightning, but even so, thinking it doesn't feel right. not when compared to the Luna he knows. he opens his mouth. . . shuts it again. takes a moment to search for his words]
[. . .]
Are. . . are you trying to tell me that you were responsible for the deaths of those six?
According to all of the evidence... I was the guilty party, yes.
Whether that was true or not wasn't debated. It was the only option they had, and I wasn't in a position where I could deny my guilt. So I was abandoned in the facility with the one remaining participant... and shortly afterwards, I was killed by the facilitator as a result of my decisions.
[. . . he still doesn't pull away from her, his fingers tightening around her shoulders. not painfully so, but it's absolutely a slightly uncomfortable grip]
"According to all of the evidence" doesn't mean it was true.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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What? No, no. Luna, it's okay.
If you need to let it out. . . then you need to let it out.
Don't hold back because you think yourself a burden.
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N-no... no, it's not that. Please don't misunderstand.
I...
...
I wish I could explain in a way that made sense. I... everything. This place, the trials, everything that's happened with Asch, and now this, I...
[She doesn't know what to do. She's never, ever been so overwhelmed with choices that are impossible to make, and she feels parts of her just barely straining to hold themselves together.]
I-is this a punishment, Akira?
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[(because he doesn't)]
Punishment?
[the word is uttered equal parts bewildered and aghast, as though the idea of this entire experience being a punishment for some perceived sin is offensive in and of itself]
Punishment for what?
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[She can still hear the words echoing in the back of her head, like the striking of a gavel.
"Luna. I am giving you an order. I am in command, and you do as I say."]
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No.
[he practically hisses the word between clenched teeth, his gaze narrowing. that sure does hit on a bunch of his buttons about loss of agency and freedom]
Disobedience. . . from who? You're not being punished, Luna. You don't deserve this. . .!
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[She takes in another breath, fully expecting him to argue back. But there's a sudden stillness to her voice, as though something has internally switched to match his flare of temper.]
Do you remember what my profile said, out in the ballroom?
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Does it matter? Those profiles exist to make fun of us. To paint us in the worst light possible, without any regard for who we really are.
. . . I don't care who you disobeyed. I don't care what they might think about what you deserve. I don't-- [a shaky breath, and he just. . . comes out and says it, without even really knowing the full meaning of his words]
I don't care if you're not even human, Luna.
[that's what everything has been pointing to, right? the oddities with her mouth, the strange noises she makes, the way her voice skips and jumps and cracks. he doesn't know what she might be, but he thinks. . . he suspects. . . that she has never been human at all]
You don't deserve this.
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[There's an emotional break, a twisting inside her that hurts. But it's as she suspected. Either he doesn't understand... or he refuses to understand.
That stillness in her voice goes even further, a sharp and almost horrific contrast to how she had been minutes ago, almost a mockery of how her face is still stained with the wet trail of tears.]
I'm going to ask you this again.
Do you remember what my profile said?
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I do.
. . . it was a story. A story about a boy and a bird.
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What else did it say?
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I mentioned you were a medical professional. . . a caretaker, a participant, a guilty party.
[MAKES A FACE]
It said you were good with numbers, and that you told jokes that people didn't hear.
Why. . .?
[why is any of this important]
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There is a reason it said I was a guilty party, Akira.
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[but rather, a truth that is given out of context. but even so. . . he'll keep listening]
Why did it call you a guilty party?
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Do you remember when we spoke last week in writing, underneath the doors?
"This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this." That's what I had told you, correct?
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[despite the implications of that question, Akira doesn't draw back]
Yes. That's what you told me.
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[As she recites, verbatim:]
"This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this.
To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it."
...
Akira. The last time I was awake, before arriving here, ten participants had been trapped in a building together. They were forced to solve puzzles and then vote against one another in an attempt to escape their circumstances.
By the end... only two had escaped, and only one of them was conscious. One participant had been left behind.
The rest had all died.
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. . . you were one of the people who escaped, then. Right. . .?
[because if she had been one to die, there's no way she would have known the ultimate outcome]
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[She shakes her head before finishing that statement. That was getting a little off topic.]
When some of the participants started dying, a handful of people had done investigations on their own. By the end of the game, there was a large amount of evidence to conclude that six of the ten people had been murdered... not by the game, but by another person. The people who came to that conclusion were the conscious escapee and the one participant who was left behind.
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[well. now he looks confused. he's taking in what she's saying, of course, but if she wasn't an escapee, then. . .?]
If you didn't escape, then how do you know--?
[how many people were killed. murdered. how many managed to leave, and the conclusions they drew as they did so]
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[Time for math with Luna, because figuring things out for yourself is important.]
There were ten participants. By the end of the game, seven of them died, two escaped, and one was left behind.
Per evidence found before the escape, six of the dead participants were dead due to murder. The seventh participant was the unconscious escapee. The eighth was the conscious escapee. The ninth was the participant who was left behind.
What happened to the tenth participant, according to the information I have given you?
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[oh. he gets it now. he had been operating that the only two survivors were the ones who escaped, but. . .]
So you. . . were the one left behind?
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[Do your math again, Akira. Something is missing.]
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[something is missing. it takes him a while to figure it out, a few moments of silence where he goes over the numbers again. ten participants, seven dead, six murdered, two escaped, one left behind--]
[-- it comes to him in a flash of lightning, but even so, thinking it doesn't feel right. not when compared to the Luna he knows. he opens his mouth. . . shuts it again. takes a moment to search for his words]
[. . .]
Are. . . are you trying to tell me that you were responsible for the deaths of those six?
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Whether that was true or not wasn't debated. It was the only option they had, and I wasn't in a position where I could deny my guilt. So I was abandoned in the facility with the one remaining participant... and shortly afterwards, I was killed by the facilitator as a result of my decisions.
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"According to all of the evidence" doesn't mean it was true.
[he meets her gaze firmly]
Did you? Did you kill them?
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YOU BETTER NOT JINX THIS BC IF HE DIES NOW WOW BOY BAD BAD BAD BAD
B)