[which isn't surprising, after the announcement the girls made around noon. for a moment, Akira looks pensive, before he gestures to a seat near the counter. suddenly, lunch seems oh-so unimportant]
I was actually allowed to pick two people, not just one. One from a monster, and one from the acts of a human being, like Chuuya or Nie Huaisang. If I were to get either of them right, then yes, I would swap places with them. I would be notified in advance so that I could defend myself if needed.
When Goro and Phoenix found that out, they were the ones who demanded a compromise from the staff. Theoretically, we could have planned an intervention.
...It never happened, though. None of my guesses were correct when they needed to be.
When Asch was sentenced as an innocent party, I... I went to the staff and begged them to let me use my abilities to take his place. They refused.
That's... why I was in such horrible shape when you came to find me later. I... I couldn't process it. It's the second time that I have had the ability to intervene to save human life, and I...
[She inhales, then exhales, her fingers tightening into her skirt. No. This was different from Rhizome-9. This was different than what Akane had asked her to do.
...]
I just wasn't lucky enough to be able to act. So I... I logically know that it's not my fault.
I just... still feel like I was ultimately useless in what Blue had asked of me. That's all.
[he knew what her answer was going to be long before he had asked the question, so his expression is soft, edged only by a gentle smile. he extends a hand across the counter, palm facing the ceiling, fingers slightly curled]
[because he also knows exactly what to say to this]
[he takes her hand in his own for the umpteenth time she's he's known her, carefully cradling it in one hand while the fingers of his other trace idle patterns against her knuckles]
[. . .]
[his hands are slightly calloused compared to hers, from months of wielding a weapon and fighting against the negative aspects of humanity's subconscious]
I've always like holding our hands. They're warm, you know? Warm and soft and solid and grounding.
[. . .]
Have you ever stopped to think about how many people you've been able to help with them?
[Her expression twists, a noticeable change as she struggles not to argue, her eyes never leaving where her hand meets his. No, no one dying where she could have easily died is every the right option. It should never be the right option. But, at the same time... she thinks back to what Phoenix had written, of what others had said. She thinks back to Asch, and to Nic, and to Toi, and even to the young man in from of her now, who would have easily passed on from their injuries without medical assistance. She thinks of how often she was woken up in the middle of the night to attend to a wound, or to check up on someone, or to watch over an unconscious body.
...
Maybe... maybe they really did have a point.
She can't form her conflict into words. She can barely form it into thoughts.
[he knows that his speech won't soothe all of her wounds, all of her guilt, but at the very least. . . he hopes he can help her see things in a different perspective. a perspective that helps her pull her chin up and move forward, to keep fighting, despite the pain]
[his smile widens, and he gives her hand a squeeze with both of his own]
Thank you for everything you have done for us, Luna.
[There's still that slight, uncertain edge to her smile, when it finally comes. But it's still a smile, still genuine enough to reach her eyes as she returns the grip on her hand, looking up at him with eyes that are so, so tired, but frank and grateful.]
You're welcome.
I... feel I should be telling you, that, though. You're part of the reason we've even come so far in the first place.
All of us that were in line with Blue... we all knew we could rely on you to trust us and try to lead people in the right path. The week that we decided to make sure you weren't a monster, I... I'm pretty sure we all nearly fainted out of relief when we found out you were going to be okay.
I don't know where we would be if you hadn't believed in our cause as thoroughly and passionately as you did.
It's okay. Even those of us that were technically working for him didn't know what to think for a long time.
[Mmm, but that mention of Akechi...]
Goro is... complicated. But I think his heart is in the right place. Just... hurting.
I hope someday he can find a way to something better, where he doesn't have to lash out or belittle others or torture himself. But that's... that's something that he has to work towards on his own. So I think if he's lucky enough to have a friend like you at his side... he might be okay someday.
[Her lips thin as she thinks through something else, leaning over to put her other hand on top of both of Akira's. Hand pile.]
If... if there's any way we can give him a second chance, Akira, I... I would really like to find it. I think he deserves it more than he would ever want to admit.
He didn't tell me. I... I found out on accident, unfortunately. But...
I know there's good in his heart. Despite everything that's happened to him, and everything he may have done to fill... whatever hole his life has left behind.
[There's a heavy pause after that, because really, Goro Akechi is such a horrible, complex string bean of a human. But it hurts to think of him leaving this place completely unchanged. She hopes, at the very least, he doesn't feel so alone in the world.]
...A-anyway.
You wanted to know who it was that I chose. Could I ask why?
[Akira likes to think he has changed. . . like to think that he has observed those changes first hand during their time in the mansion. but that is a horribly complex subject, isn't it? so. . .]
[when Luna moves on, he does as well]
Oh-- right. It was mostly curiosity, and because I thought you might have felt guilty over not choosing correctly.
[he shakes his head]
I don't need a list or anything. So long as you take what I said to heart. . . then it's okay.
[There's an odd sort of relief, in not having to share her choices. It's not that they mattered anymore, of course, but her sense of priorities is far different than a person's.
Well... she would like to think so, anyway.]
I... I do feel guilty, in a way, but... mostly because more than once, I chose the correct person, and the correct type of attack... but the timing was wrong. That... that was hard. It felt really, really unfair.
We don't have to talk about it anymore. [not if it still stirs in her feelings of guilt and helplessness] From here on out, we can focus on what we can both do to send everyone home alive.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[which isn't surprising, after the announcement the girls made around noon. for a moment, Akira looks pensive, before he gestures to a seat near the counter. suddenly, lunch seems oh-so unimportant]
I don't have that many questions, but. . .
Can I ask who you chose to protect each week?
[out of curiosity more than anything]
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I can. I... will ask if Akechi explained what my role entailed first, though. [It's important.]
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He did.
He said you could take the place if one person targeted by a monster each week. [a pause]
He also said you negotiated with the sisters that should you properly shield someone, he would be allowed to intervene.
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I was actually allowed to pick two people, not just one. One from a monster, and one from the acts of a human being, like Chuuya or Nie Huaisang. If I were to get either of them right, then yes, I would swap places with them. I would be notified in advance so that I could defend myself if needed.
When Goro and Phoenix found that out, they were the ones who demanded a compromise from the staff. Theoretically, we could have planned an intervention.
...It never happened, though. None of my guesses were correct when they needed to be.
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. . . I hope you don't blame yourself, or think that you were completely unable to help, just because they weren't.
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It's... been difficult.
When Asch was sentenced as an innocent party, I... I went to the staff and begged them to let me use my abilities to take his place. They refused.
That's... why I was in such horrible shape when you came to find me later. I... I couldn't process it. It's the second time that I have had the ability to intervene to save human life, and I...
[She inhales, then exhales, her fingers tightening into her skirt. No. This was different from Rhizome-9. This was different than what Akane had asked her to do.
...]
I just wasn't lucky enough to be able to act. So I... I logically know that it's not my fault.
I just... still feel like I was ultimately useless in what Blue had asked of me. That's all.
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Luna.
[he knew what her answer was going to be long before he had asked the question, so his expression is soft, edged only by a gentle smile. he extends a hand across the counter, palm facing the ceiling, fingers slightly curled]
[because he also knows exactly what to say to this]
Can I see your hand?
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[que]
I... Y-Yes, but... [She gingerly reaches her own hand over to rest against his own, her own palm down, unsure of what in the world to do.]
I... I thought you wanted to know who I chose?
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[he takes her hand in his own for the umpteenth time she's he's known her, carefully cradling it in one hand while the fingers of his other trace idle patterns against her knuckles]
[. . .]
[his hands are slightly calloused compared to hers, from months of wielding a weapon and fighting against the negative aspects of humanity's subconscious]
I've always like holding our hands. They're warm, you know? Warm and soft and solid and grounding.
[. . .]
Have you ever stopped to think about how many people you've been able to help with them?
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...You sound a lot like Phoenix. [aka she's gotten this speech before, or so she thinks.]
Sometimes I do, I suppose. It makes me feel like I'm... I'm useful that way.
It's just... much, much harder to focus on what I'm doing right than what I'm doing wrong. But I guess a lot of people have that struggle, though.
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Nick and I are on the same page, then.
[he doesn't stop moving his fingers, the tips trialing up and down the lines of her palm]
And you might be right in that a lot of people do have that struggle. But what I wanted to say is. . .
[he gives her hand another squeeze]
You haven't failed at what Blue asked of you. You weren't useless.
Because you were meant to save lives by being a doctor. By treating us when we're injured. By helping us recover from our mistakes.
Not by dying in someone else's place.
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...
Maybe... maybe they really did have a point.
She can't form her conflict into words. She can barely form it into thoughts.
But she will give a slow, conceding nod.]
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[his smile widens, and he gives her hand a squeeze with both of his own]
Thank you for everything you have done for us, Luna.
Everything.
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You're welcome.
I... feel I should be telling you, that, though. You're part of the reason we've even come so far in the first place.
All of us that were in line with Blue... we all knew we could rely on you to trust us and try to lead people in the right path. The week that we decided to make sure you weren't a monster, I... I'm pretty sure we all nearly fainted out of relief when we found out you were going to be okay.
I don't know where we would be if you hadn't believed in our cause as thoroughly and passionately as you did.
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[he ducks his head again, lifting one hand a bit sheepishly to tug at his bangs, fingers curling with his locks]
I didn't believe in Blue at first. It took me quite some time to get there.
But I always believed in you, and Nick, and-- [JUST. . . HUFFS, an amused noise escaping his lips] -- and even Akechi, in a weird way.
Despite him being aggressively himself.
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[Mmm, but that mention of Akechi...]
Goro is... complicated. But I think his heart is in the right place. Just... hurting.
I hope someday he can find a way to something better, where he doesn't have to lash out or belittle others or torture himself. But that's... that's something that he has to work towards on his own. So I think if he's lucky enough to have a friend like you at his side... he might be okay someday.
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I'll be there for him ever step that I can. I won't give him the answers, but if he stumbles or falls or needs a friend. . . then I'll be there.
[that's all he can do, isn't it. . .? the rest is up to Akechi himself]
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[Her lips thin as she thinks through something else, leaning over to put her other hand on top of both of Akira's. Hand pile.]
If... if there's any way we can give him a second chance, Akira, I... I would really like to find it. I think he deserves it more than he would ever want to admit.
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He already said he'd return home with me. He plans on turning himself in for the crimes he committed.
[. . . and his feelings on that are a bit. . . complicated. to say the least]
But since they were all committed inside of a world that isn't even supposed to exist, I don't think he'll remain in jail for long.
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I just hope that... whatever he chooses, that he can feel that he did the correct thing without any regrets for his future choices.
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[. . .]
[slowly, the surprise fades into understanding, and Akira nods]
Mmm. Those are the ones. Even his father wasn't convicted on those charges; only the crimes he had committed in the real world.
[his eyes slip shut]
I honestly think him turning himself in will be the start of Akechi finally walking his own path.
[instead of one already chosen for him, a la Masayoshi Shido]
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I know there's good in his heart. Despite everything that's happened to him, and everything he may have done to fill... whatever hole his life has left behind.
[There's a heavy pause after that, because really, Goro Akechi is such a horrible, complex string bean of a human. But it hurts to think of him leaving this place completely unchanged. She hopes, at the very least, he doesn't feel so alone in the world.]
...A-anyway.
You wanted to know who it was that I chose. Could I ask why?
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[when Luna moves on, he does as well]
Oh-- right. It was mostly curiosity, and because I thought you might have felt guilty over not choosing correctly.
[he shakes his head]
I don't need a list or anything. So long as you take what I said to heart. . . then it's okay.
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[There's an odd sort of relief, in not having to share her choices. It's not that they mattered anymore, of course, but her sense of priorities is far different than a person's.
Well... she would like to think so, anyway.]
I... I do feel guilty, in a way, but... mostly because more than once, I chose the correct person, and the correct type of attack... but the timing was wrong. That... that was hard. It felt really, really unfair.
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We don't have to talk about it anymore. [not if it still stirs in her feelings of guilt and helplessness] From here on out, we can focus on what we can both do to send everyone home alive.
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1/2
2/2
1/2
2/3 actually
3/4 IT KEEPS GETTING LONGER I'M SO SORRY
DONE
this is the stupidest thing we've ever done and im so happy
claps hands together in delight
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1/2
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well it was nice while it lasted
LIES DOWN ON THE FLOOR............. I REGRET AKIRA'S STUPID MISTAKES
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