[catch all for luna!]

[survivaltricks]

Comments

[brokethefirst]

[It's the smile that makes her more nervous than anything. But she'll nod, her hands clasped together in front of her to keep herself from fidgeting.]

There were actually a couple things I needed to speak to you about, when you have a moment.

If you're busy, I... I can come back another time, though.

[survivaltricks]

[she looks nice, he thinks to himself, because after a week of her being nothing but a metal skeleton with bright, red eyes, it's. . . very nice, to see her looking like her old self. very nice to be able to see her smile, and her gentle expression, again]

Oh, no. I'm just making lunch.

[gestures to the ingredients he's grabbed so far]

You can stick around if you'd like; you won't bother me at all.

. . . how are you feeling?

[brokethefirst]

[There's a happiness in the permission to stay, letting herself rest her weight against the opposite countertop so he can work.]

Okay. Not... not very good, but... okay enough.

I owe Brilith quite a lot.

[survivaltricks]

Mmm. She was up all night.

[his own expression turns a bit wistful at that, and maybe slightly apologetic? like he wishes that he could've done more to help]

But even if you tried to thank her. . . I doubt she'd accept it.

[is he speaking from experience YES MAYBE]

[brokethefirst]

I know. Still... I don't think I would be alive without her quick action. At the very least, I have to say something.

[...]

I saw she was using the tools you had used on my arm, and the manual. Did... Did you give those to her?

[survivaltricks]

[at that, his expression flickers, but it's in the same moment that he ducks his head. despite his display of vulnerability and honesty the day before, it seems like some habits are just. . . to difficult to break]

. . . of course I did. What else was she going to use?

[brokethefirst]

I... I'm sure she would have likely forced an option, if she had to, but...

[Her voice goes quiet.]

...Thank you.

[survivaltricks]

[it's a bit hypocritical, he thinks, to say what he's about to say next. especially considering what he told Brilith after she attempted to deflect his gratitude]

You don't have to thank me.

[his voice is quiet, and he lifts his gaze towards her again]

It was the least I could have done.

[and he still wishes he could've done more]

[brokethefirst]

I don't have to, no. But... I think it's important that you still hear it. I... I was very frightened the entire time, even with Brilith's confidence. But when I saw what she was using for guidance, it... it made me feel as though you had in a hand in everything as well, even if she wouldn't let anyone else inside while she was working.

[Guess who doesn't know Akira was ever in the room until the end, there. Hahah. Funny.]

Anyway. I... actually wanted to find you to properly apologize for our conversation on Saturday.

[survivaltricks]

[he actually opens his mouth to correct that, but. . . then a flicker of surprise appears on his expression]

Huh? Why?

[in his mind, she has nothing to apologize for]

[brokethefirst]

I think you understood the basics of what I wanted to say, even if I couldn't say it at the time. It just... hurt not to be able to be honest with you, even though I wanted to.

I... wanted you to know that our services are no longer required by the staff, as of this morning.

[survivaltricks]

[ha. . . he offers her what is supposed to be a reassuring smile, slightly lopsided but genuine]

It's okay. You told me what you could, and that. . . that means a lot to me. Akechi was able to fill in some of the blanks.

[he knows who u are, doctor]

What does "no longer required" mean? Does that mean you can talk about what you've been doing now?

[brokethefirst]

It was a message sent by Blue to those of us who were asked to help. I believe that the roles we played will no longer be necessary.

But... yes, I'm able to speak about it freely now. If Akechi was able to tell you things, then I don't know if I can be more thorough than him. He was a backbone for us after Phoenix left. But... I can talk about it, if there was anything that didn't make much sense.

[survivaltricks]

. . . which means the game really is over.

[which isn't surprising, after the announcement the girls made around noon. for a moment, Akira looks pensive, before he gestures to a seat near the counter. suddenly, lunch seems oh-so unimportant]

I don't have that many questions, but. . .

Can I ask who you chose to protect each week?

[out of curiosity more than anything]

[brokethefirst]

[She'll nod, her hands resting together against her legs, idle.]

I can. I... will ask if Akechi explained what my role entailed first, though. [It's important.]

[survivaltricks]

[Akira takes a seat as well, the curry ingredients now sitting forgotten on the counter]

He did.

He said you could take the place if one person targeted by a monster each week. [a pause]

He also said you negotiated with the sisters that should you properly shield someone, he would be allowed to intervene.

[brokethefirst]

Mmm. That was part of it.

I was actually allowed to pick two people, not just one. One from a monster, and one from the acts of a human being, like Chuuya or Nie Huaisang. If I were to get either of them right, then yes, I would swap places with them. I would be notified in advance so that I could defend myself if needed.

When Goro and Phoenix found that out, they were the ones who demanded a compromise from the staff. Theoretically, we could have planned an intervention.

...It never happened, though. None of my guesses were correct when they needed to be.

[survivaltricks]

[yeah. . . that's what he figured, considering that she herself was never targeted. and that's why he asked, because. . .]

. . . I hope you don't blame yourself, or think that you were completely unable to help, just because they weren't.

[brokethefirst]

...I wish I could say I didn't, but...

It's... been difficult.

When Asch was sentenced as an innocent party, I... I went to the staff and begged them to let me use my abilities to take his place. They refused.

That's... why I was in such horrible shape when you came to find me later. I... I couldn't process it. It's the second time that I have had the ability to intervene to save human life, and I...

[She inhales, then exhales, her fingers tightening into her skirt. No. This was different from Rhizome-9. This was different than what Akane had asked her to do.

...]

I just wasn't lucky enough to be able to act. So I... I logically know that it's not my fault.

I just... still feel like I was ultimately useless in what Blue had asked of me. That's all.

[survivaltricks]

[. . .]

Luna.

[he knew what her answer was going to be long before he had asked the question, so his expression is soft, edged only by a gentle smile. he extends a hand across the counter, palm facing the ceiling, fingers slightly curled]

[because he also knows exactly what to say to this]

Can I see your hand?

[brokethefirst]

...What?

[que]

I... Y-Yes, but... [She gingerly reaches her own hand over to rest against his own, her own palm down, unsure of what in the world to do.]

I... I thought you wanted to know who I chose?

[survivaltricks]

I do. But before we get to that--

[he takes her hand in his own for the umpteenth time she's he's known her, carefully cradling it in one hand while the fingers of his other trace idle patterns against her knuckles]

[. . .]

[his hands are slightly calloused compared to hers, from months of wielding a weapon and fighting against the negative aspects of humanity's subconscious]

I've always like holding our hands. They're warm, you know? Warm and soft and solid and grounding.

[. . .]

Have you ever stopped to think about how many people you've been able to help with them?

[brokethefirst]

[Her hand trembles in his touch, but doesn't move, her eyes softening as she lets her gaze follow the trace of his fingers.]

...You sound a lot like Phoenix. [aka she's gotten this speech before, or so she thinks.]

Sometimes I do, I suppose. It makes me feel like I'm... I'm useful that way.

It's just... much, much harder to focus on what I'm doing right than what I'm doing wrong. But I guess a lot of people have that struggle, though.

[survivaltricks]

[he huffs a laugh a that, lips twitching]

Nick and I are on the same page, then.

[he doesn't stop moving his fingers, the tips trialing up and down the lines of her palm]

And you might be right in that a lot of people do have that struggle. But what I wanted to say is. . .

[he gives her hand another squeeze]

You haven't failed at what Blue asked of you. You weren't useless.

Because you were meant to save lives by being a doctor. By treating us when we're injured. By helping us recover from our mistakes.

Not by dying in someone else's place.

[brokethefirst]

[Her expression twists, a noticeable change as she struggles not to argue, her eyes never leaving where her hand meets his. No, no one dying where she could have easily died is every the right option. It should never be the right option. But, at the same time... she thinks back to what Phoenix had written, of what others had said. She thinks back to Asch, and to Nic, and to Toi, and even to the young man in from of her now, who would have easily passed on from their injuries without medical assistance. She thinks of how often she was woken up in the middle of the night to attend to a wound, or to check up on someone, or to watch over an unconscious body.

...

Maybe... maybe they really did have a point.

She can't form her conflict into words. She can barely form it into thoughts.

But she will give a slow, conceding nod.]