[ah. . . it's good enough, honestly. Akira can be content with this. he sits down next to the door and scrawls a response, before slipping the note back underneath the crack]
I think that's my question. Is there anything I can do for you?
One person has died, and another is going to die. From how things have been laid out, it sounds like this is going to continue. More people are going to be killed. And we will have to choose another life to emptily take in their place.
[he takes several long moments to read her message, to consider his reply, to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing he can say or do to make this better for her. all he can do is keep his chin up, keep his eyes facing forward, and wear his determination on his sleeve]
[if he keeps pushing-- if they keep pushing and fighting-- then perhaps. . .]
[. . . eventually, he slides his reply underneath the door]
If you can't bear it, then please understand there are people here you can lean on to help carry that weight with you.
This isn't the first time I've had to be in a situation like this.
To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it.
I don't know if this is anything close to the same situation. But I don't want to see you be hurt or killed for breaking the rules of this place. Even if it's the right thing to do, if it gets you killed, then what good does it do for everyone else left behind?
I want to hope there's another way. I think, maybe, in an ideal situation, we could all work together.
I wanted to hope that the last time, too. I tried so hard.
[luna. . . every word he reads on her notes tugs at his heartstrings and sends his blood boiling at the same time. he wants to tell her everything will be okay. he wants to make everything okay. for her, and for everyone else in this stupid house]
I won't do anything reckless. I can only help if I'm alive, after all. If I died rebelling for the sake of rebelling, then my death wouldn't mean anything.
But I'm also going to do what I think is right and just.
And I think if we keep trying-- keep FIGHTING-- then maybe we CAN overcome this. All of us. Together.
[he's trying to be optimistic-- both for her sake and his-- but it probably sounds pretty flat when said to someone who saw the worst end of her first murder game]
No. You have nothing to apologize for. I understand how you're feeling. It's OKAY to feel that way.
You've done so much for everyone here already in just the short week we've been here. So in the moments where you're caught up in yourself and your own fears, that's when the people you've befriended will be there to help you.
[yanks at his heartstrings. possibly because he understands how that feels all too well. not because he was shy, but because making friends quickly was not something he usually did when he had never really had a place to belong until recently]
[he knows she can't hear him, but he calls out her name anyway, pressing his forehead against her door like he could somehow faze right through it to give her a much-deserved hug :(]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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There's no response. But there is the sound of movement towards the door, and the sound of paper being picked up.
...
A few minutes later, the same note is slipped under the door, Luna's mechanically neat handwriting underneath his own.]
I'm here.
What can I do for you, Akira?
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I think that's my question. Is there anything I can do for you?
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Why are you asking that?
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I know there's nothing I can do to fix what happened, but if there is anything I can do to make it easier to bear. . . I want to help.
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One person has died, and another is going to die. From how things have been laid out, it sounds like this is going to continue. More people are going to be killed. And we will have to choose another life to emptily take in their place.
I can't. I can't bear it, Akira.
It makes me feel like I'm being ripped apart.
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[if he keeps pushing-- if they keep pushing and fighting-- then perhaps. . .]
[. . . eventually, he slides his reply underneath the door]
If you can't bear it, then please understand there are people here you can lean on to help carry that weight with you.
It's too early to give up.
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The pause is long enough that Akira might reasonably think she's gotten up somehow and left the doorway. But, eventually:]
This isn't the first time I've had to do this.
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What do you mean?
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To be put into a place where people were taken against their will, and forced to make decisions, either selfishly or otherwise, that could result in the death of one or more people.
This isn't the first time I've had to watch someone die, and do nothing about it.
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[Akira clenches his hand into a fist so tight that his knuckles turn white]
That's horrible. That's awful. You don't deserve to go through something like this once, let alone TWICE.
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It was my signature on the RSVP. I checked with Plum.
I can't say I expected to ever be in this kind of scenario again. But I suppose I deserve it. I wouldn't be here otherwise.
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Those signatures could be forgeries. Nobody here remembers signing the RSVP. There's no way any of us would have agreed to come here.
And you don't deserve this. You don't deserve THIS, or whatever happened to you last time. NOBODY deserves this.
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It's the only logical thing that makes sense to me, anyway. I don't have a choice. I just wish the rest of you didn't have to get involved.
I don't want any more of you to die.
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I don't want anyone else to die, either.
I want to do something to stop it before it happens again.
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I don't know if this is anything close to the same situation. But I don't want to see you be hurt or killed for breaking the rules of this place. Even if it's the right thing to do, if it gets you killed, then what good does it do for everyone else left behind?
I want to hope there's another way. I think, maybe, in an ideal situation, we could all work together.
I wanted to hope that the last time, too. I tried so hard.
But so many people died.
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I won't do anything reckless. I can only help if I'm alive, after all. If I died rebelling for the sake of rebelling, then my death wouldn't mean anything.
But I'm also going to do what I think is right and just.
And I think if we keep trying-- keep FIGHTING-- then maybe we CAN overcome this. All of us. Together.
[he's trying to be optimistic-- both for her sake and his-- but it probably sounds pretty flat when said to someone who saw the worst end of her first murder game]
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I'm sorry. You're out there trying to do your best despite everything, and I'm sitting in here wrapped up in my own errors.
I suppose that's a little hypocritical of me. To be so caught up in myself when I know others are hurt. I shouldn't.
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You've done so much for everyone here already in just the short week we've been here. So in the moments where you're caught up in yourself and your own fears, that's when the people you've befriended will be there to help you.
People like me.
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]
You consider me a friend?
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Is that a surprise?
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Maybe it's because I'm shy, but I don't really make acquaintances. So I'm just used to being alone.
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[yanks at his heartstrings. possibly because he understands how that feels all too well. not because he was shy, but because making friends quickly was not something he usually did when he had never really had a place to belong until recently]
[gosh]
[AKIRA WILL NOW DIE FOR LUNA]
Well. . .
I hope you don't mind having one now.
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From the other side of the door can be heard the very, very soft sounds of someone crying.]
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-- Luna?
[he knows she can't hear him, but he calls out her name anyway, pressing his forehead against her door like he could somehow faze right through it to give her a much-deserved hug :(]
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Anyway he, of course, gets no response! But the note will slip back out in a minute.]
Thank you.
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