[Akira likes to think he has changed. . . like to think that he has observed those changes first hand during their time in the mansion. but that is a horribly complex subject, isn't it? so. . .]
[when Luna moves on, he does as well]
Oh-- right. It was mostly curiosity, and because I thought you might have felt guilty over not choosing correctly.
[he shakes his head]
I don't need a list or anything. So long as you take what I said to heart. . . then it's okay.
[There's an odd sort of relief, in not having to share her choices. It's not that they mattered anymore, of course, but her sense of priorities is far different than a person's.
Well... she would like to think so, anyway.]
I... I do feel guilty, in a way, but... mostly because more than once, I chose the correct person, and the correct type of attack... but the timing was wrong. That... that was hard. It felt really, really unfair.
We don't have to talk about it anymore. [not if it still stirs in her feelings of guilt and helplessness] From here on out, we can focus on what we can both do to send everyone home alive.
[It's more an apology of habit than anything else, since she doesn't shrink away afterwards. Her hands curl against his, taking in the warmth they bring, fingertips resting against skin far more worn and real, hands that tell a story in a single touch.]
I think that might be the only thing specific to me, I'm afraid. Certain items I was able to negotiate from the staff due to my position, such as the epipen of sedative and the luminol. But that's about all I was able to do. Anything else, I think Akechi would probably have covered.
That's... one of the other things I wanted to talk about, actually. N-not Akechi, but, um... going home.
[Even if she were to go home in one piece... she's locked in a building forever. And if she wasn't lucky enough to be able to go home alive... well... then maybe this really was hell after all, albeit a much nicer one than she imagined in the end.]
[oh. . . that's right, isn't it? Luna's future at her own home was--]
[. . .]
My offer still stands, you know.
[he says that so simply, so easily, without an ounce of hesitation. he had offered for Luna to accompany him back to his world should she choose to do so. and he wasn't about to retract that offer now]
[There's a broken happiness to how his name falls from her lips, one of her hands moving to press over her mouth for a moment.]
I'm... I'm so scared to, but I... I-I want...
[A pause. She swallows hard, her feelings all swarming inside her like a live circuit, overwhelming but not entirely unpleasant.]
N-no. No, I... I talked to Galo about this. That... that sometimes you have to face your fear, and that if you push through it, whatever happens, a-at... at least you can be proud of yourself for giving it your all...
[Her eyes settle on his as best they can, fearful but wanting.]
I don't want to have regrets. I... don't want any more regrets... I don't want to die.
[Her jaw sets, eyes flashing with determination. Where the FUCK DID THIS COME FROM. Letting go of Akira's hands, she spins on her heel and whips around the island counter to stand face-to face with him, as though she has something extremely urgent that's come to mind. And yet she hesitates with a face blossoming an amusing shade of pink, blue eyes still fearful, wanting, trying--
No regrets. No regrets. Come on, Luna, what would Galo do....]
Akira! I-I...
I...
I-I'm going to kiss you, and it's Blue's fault, and I-I'm very, very, very sorry--!
[She doesn't wait for a response, taking two strides forward, cupping his face in his hands, and lifting herself up just enough to press her lips to his.]
[he waits patiently for her to puzzle out what she wants on her own, ready and willing to accept whatever conclusions she comes to. whatever choices she makes, by her own will, her own power, and her own freedom. he watches her quietly, fondly, fingers still playing with hers as much as she'll let him, growing used to and enjoying their weight against his hands]
[before he can do anything, she's on her feet, whipping around the table with speeds he has only seen from her one the scene of someone else's injury. his expression speaks his bewilderment plainly for him, features slack and eyes wide and mouth falling partially open until she's right into his personal space and there is no helping the rush of heat that blossoms onto his cheeks]
W-- wait, you're going to-- what--
[is. . . about all he has time to say, all he has time to comprehend (WHAT DOES BLUE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING????) before her hands are on his cheeks and she leans in so close he can see the deep blue depths of her eyes, wide and open like the sky, like something he could fall into and lose himself in oh-so happily, and--]
[and then his hand lifts up, fingers curling into the collar of her shirt to prevent her from pulling away, just. . . just so she doesn't misunderstand what he does next]
[because. . . half of his brain wants him to kiss her back]
[and the other half wants him to laugh]
[GUESS WHICH HALF IS WINNING]
[hint: it's the laughter]
Edited 2020-03-31 02:39 (UTC)
this is the stupidest thing we've ever done and im so happy
[I'M SO SORRY!1 but he is absolutely laughing, a breathless, extremely charmed noise as his grip on her collar tightens. and somewhere amidst the chortles, he manages to speak--]
[nothing but fondness in his tone as he lets go of her collar to hook his hands behind her head, to draw her forward so their foreheads are touching. his smile is bright and brilliant, stretched all the way across his features, lighting up the room with every curve of his lips]
[but he finds that he likes this. this kind of proximity, having her pressed so close, flushing furiously over his lighthearted teasing. he laughs again, though it's a short, breathless noise, and draws one hand from the back of her head across her cheek, down her chin, fingers curling underneath to tilt her head up ever so slightly]
[and in this moment. . . in this perfect, warm, and happy moment. . . he knows what his heart wants]
[he breathes her name, and there's almost an apologetic tone in his voice as his fingers dance across her chin, up her jaw so he can tuck a strand of bright red hair behind her ear]
I want to-- [kiss you back, he thinks. and in this moment, he has never wanted anything more in the entire world. but. . .]
I want to, but I need. . . can you-- [oh god how does he explain this. the way he ducks his head ]
It's selfish, but can you wait for me? Just until this is all over. Because there's-- [. . . ] . . . there's someone else I need to resolve things with first.
The flush doesn't leave her face. But there's a horrible sting to the heat as she struggles to respond, her heart sinking straight into her stomach. She... she thought...
...
She doesn't answer. But her embarrassment is rapidly turning to shame, everything suddenly feeling very, very cold.
So she just nods, eyes dropping to the floor, backing away from the touch at her ear as her posture starts to deflate.]
[and just like that. . . the moment is gone, fragile enough to be blown away by a gust of sharp wind. Akira feels his heart wrench, and his back stiffens, because he doesn't--]
[he doesn't want her to go yet]
[she pulls away from his touch and he lets her, though not before dropping his hands to grab hers, grip tight]
No, no. It's not what you're thinking. It never could be. It never would be. I don't-- I don't have those kinds of feelings for them. I never did, and I never will. I couldn't.
And I never wanted from them what I want. . . [a pause, and a breath] From you.
[there's emphasis on the word you, a breathless quality to his voice that he doesn't bother to hide. but even so. . . he knows how hallow the excuse sounds to his own ears, and his grip on her hands becomes just a little more tight, fingers trembling]
I just need some time to clear the air between us, so you don't get hurt. That's. . . all.
[another pause, and he ducks his head]
. . . but if you don't want to wait, that's okay. But I-- [. . .] I really. . .
[In a better moment, she might listen to the words out of his mouth with a little more care. But her heart feelings like its slowly being peeled into pieces, and what little courage she had mustered up has only been replaced by the same fear that kept her silent at home, a choking, tight pain that locks up her throat.
She wants to believe him. She flinches every time something he says truly, truly hurts.
Her hands don't grip back, the shame on her face only deepening.]
...
Why didn't you... [Tell her? Say something? Ask her to stop???]
...
...
I'm... I'm sorry. I guess this wasn't what I...
...
I... I think it would be better if I just... go. [He'd have his space. His time. His people that he cared for. And she....
she would...
...
not.
With a weak grip, she pulls her hands back, immediately withdrawing from him.]
Excuse me.
LIES DOWN ON THE FLOOR............. I REGRET AKIRA'S STUPID MISTAKES
[. . . he's such an idiot, letting his impulsiveness get away from him like this, and before he can stop himself--]
[his fingers curl around her wrist, grip almost desperate, even though he realizes that it isn't his place to ask her to stay when he's the reason her heart is shattering]
[he blurts out the words quickly, sharply, a desperate quality to them]
-- I don't want you to go.
Please don't. . . go.
[does he really deserve to ask her to stay like this. . .]
You're the one I want-- I want-- to stay the most.
[The words hit just as hard as a physical blow, Luna bodily flinching.
It hurts. She tried, she tried for her happiness, she tried to be brave, and it just burns like an open wound, raw and horrible.
...
He reaches out, grips her wrist with a painful tightness, anchoring her in place. She stops, too tired to rip herself free again. But she doesn't bother to look up, or to answer, desperately wishing that she hadn't even bothered with what she had so foolishly decided to do mere minutes ago.
If he wanted anything, then why... why did he trick her like this?
It stirs up something sour and hurt, shamed and angered tears watering her eyes. But she doesn't cry. She doesn't do anything.
She just stands, stone still, either waiting for him to speak, or to let her go.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[when Luna moves on, he does as well]
Oh-- right. It was mostly curiosity, and because I thought you might have felt guilty over not choosing correctly.
[he shakes his head]
I don't need a list or anything. So long as you take what I said to heart. . . then it's okay.
no subject
[There's an odd sort of relief, in not having to share her choices. It's not that they mattered anymore, of course, but her sense of priorities is far different than a person's.
Well... she would like to think so, anyway.]
I... I do feel guilty, in a way, but... mostly because more than once, I chose the correct person, and the correct type of attack... but the timing was wrong. That... that was hard. It felt really, really unfair.
no subject
We don't have to talk about it anymore. [not if it still stirs in her feelings of guilt and helplessness] From here on out, we can focus on what we can both do to send everyone home alive.
no subject
[It's more an apology of habit than anything else, since she doesn't shrink away afterwards. Her hands curl against his, taking in the warmth they bring, fingertips resting against skin far more worn and real, hands that tell a story in a single touch.]
I think that might be the only thing specific to me, I'm afraid. Certain items I was able to negotiate from the staff due to my position, such as the epipen of sedative and the luminol. But that's about all I was able to do. Anything else, I think Akechi would probably have covered.
That's... one of the other things I wanted to talk about, actually. N-not Akechi, but, um... going home.
[Even if she were to go home in one piece... she's locked in a building forever. And if she wasn't lucky enough to be able to go home alive... well... then maybe this really was hell after all, albeit a much nicer one than she imagined in the end.]
no subject
[. . .]
My offer still stands, you know.
[he says that so simply, so easily, without an ounce of hesitation. he had offered for Luna to accompany him back to his world should she choose to do so. and he wasn't about to retract that offer now]
no subject
She didn't even have to ask?
...]
I... I know it's selfish of me. I need to be home, even... even if home means I don't get to exist. My programming says I need to be home. But I...
...
I... want to be able to live.
[Said gingerly, as though she feels it's something horrible that she's admitting.]
To... to go back with you to Tokyo...
Would you really be okay with that?
no subject
[and if he stiffens slightly when she mentions her programming. . . well. that might just be a trick of the light, right?]
What you need is whatever makes you happiest, Luna. That's all there is to it.
[he says that as firmly as he can, as though he'd argue with anyone who dared suggest otherwise]
If you want to live, if you want to come back to Tokyo with Akechi and I-- then you'd be more than welcome.
1/2
[There's a broken happiness to how his name falls from her lips, one of her hands moving to press over her mouth for a moment.]
I'm... I'm so scared to, but I... I-I want...
[A pause. She swallows hard, her feelings all swarming inside her like a live circuit, overwhelming but not entirely unpleasant.]
N-no. No, I... I talked to Galo about this. That... that sometimes you have to face your fear, and that if you push through it, whatever happens, a-at... at least you can be proud of yourself for giving it your all...
[Her eyes settle on his as best they can, fearful but wanting.]
I don't want to have regrets. I... don't want any more regrets... I don't want to die.
And I...
...
2/2
No regrets. No regrets. Come on, Luna, what would Galo do....]
Akira! I-I...
I...
I-I'm going to kiss you, and it's Blue's fault, and I-I'm very, very, very sorry--!
[She doesn't wait for a response, taking two strides forward, cupping his face in his hands, and lifting herself up just enough to press her lips to his.]
1/2
[and then]
[her expression flashes]
2/3 actually
[and for some inexplicable reason, he feels a small shiver of fear course through his spine]
3/4 IT KEEPS GETTING LONGER I'M SO SORRY
W-- wait, you're going to-- what--
[is. . . about all he has time to say, all he has time to comprehend (WHAT DOES BLUE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING????) before her hands are on his cheeks and she leans in so close he can see the deep blue depths of her eyes, wide and open like the sky, like something he could fall into and lose himself in oh-so happily, and--]
[then she's kissing him]
[and he sort of. . . freezes]
DONE
[and then his hand lifts up, fingers curling into the collar of her shirt to prevent her from pulling away, just. . . just so she doesn't misunderstand what he does next]
[because. . . half of his brain wants him to kiss her back]
[and the other half wants him to laugh]
[GUESS WHICH HALF IS WINNING]
[hint: it's the laughter]
this is the stupidest thing we've ever done and im so happy
oh
:(
Her fingers loosen against his face, stopping what she's doing as her face starts to go even hotter, blue eyes now unwilling to meet his.]
I...
I-I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wasn't--- I-I---
[WHY IS HE LAUGHING???
abort :( :(]
claps hands together in delight
N-- no, no! Don't misunderstand, it's fine-- it's fine, I'm happy, I'm just--
W. . . where does Blue come into play in all of this?
[WHY IS THIS BLUE'S FAULT]
no subject
I... don't know...
[practically a gurgle out her throat
GOD PLEASE IF YOU'RE THERE CAN YOU SMITE HER]
no subject
[there is]
[nothing but fondness in his tone as he lets go of her collar to hook his hands behind her head, to draw her forward so their foreheads are touching. his smile is bright and brilliant, stretched all the way across his features, lighting up the room with every curve of his lips]
. . . you're really cute.
[Akira]
no subject
sorry your robot has shut down in favor of all the blood rushing straight to her head
UM????
FSKDFJSHDJF]
1/2
[but he finds that he likes this. this kind of proximity, having her pressed so close, flushing furiously over his lighthearted teasing. he laughs again, though it's a short, breathless noise, and draws one hand from the back of her head across her cheek, down her chin, fingers curling underneath to tilt her head up ever so slightly]
[and in this moment. . . in this perfect, warm, and happy moment. . . he knows what his heart wants]
[. . .]
no subject
Luna. . .
[he breathes her name, and there's almost an apologetic tone in his voice as his fingers dance across her chin, up her jaw so he can tuck a strand of bright red hair behind her ear]
I want to-- [kiss you back, he thinks. and in this moment, he has never wanted anything more in the entire world. but. . .]
I want to, but I need. . . can you-- [oh god how does he explain this. the way he ducks his head ]
It's selfish, but can you wait for me? Just until this is all over. Because there's-- [. . . ] . . . there's someone else I need to resolve things with first.
[oh]
no subject
Oh.
...
Oh.
He had someone else.
...
The flush doesn't leave her face. But there's a horrible sting to the heat as she struggles to respond, her heart sinking straight into her stomach. She... she thought...
...
She doesn't answer. But her embarrassment is rapidly turning to shame, everything suddenly feeling very, very cold.
So she just nods, eyes dropping to the floor, backing away from the touch at her ear as her posture starts to deflate.]
no subject
[he doesn't want her to go yet]
[she pulls away from his touch and he lets her, though not before dropping his hands to grab hers, grip tight]
No, no. It's not what you're thinking. It never could be. It never would be. I don't-- I don't have those kinds of feelings for them. I never did, and I never will. I couldn't.
And I never wanted from them what I want. . . [a pause, and a breath] From you.
[there's emphasis on the word you, a breathless quality to his voice that he doesn't bother to hide. but even so. . . he knows how hallow the excuse sounds to his own ears, and his grip on her hands becomes just a little more tight, fingers trembling]
I just need some time to clear the air between us, so you don't get hurt. That's. . . all.
[another pause, and he ducks his head]
. . . but if you don't want to wait, that's okay. But I-- [. . .] I really. . .
[and he trails off]
well it was nice while it lasted
She wants to believe him. She flinches every time something he says truly, truly hurts.
Her hands don't grip back, the shame on her face only deepening.]
...
Why didn't you... [Tell her? Say something? Ask her to stop???]
...
...
I'm... I'm sorry. I guess this wasn't what I...
...
I... I think it would be better if I just... go. [He'd have his space. His time. His people that he cared for. And she....
she would...
...
not.
With a weak grip, she pulls her hands back, immediately withdrawing from him.]
Excuse me.
LIES DOWN ON THE FLOOR............. I REGRET AKIRA'S STUPID MISTAKES
Wait, Luna--
[-- not at all what he--]
Don't go yet, it isn't--
[. . . he's such an idiot, letting his impulsiveness get away from him like this, and before he can stop himself--]
[his fingers curl around her wrist, grip almost desperate, even though he realizes that it isn't his place to ask her to stay when he's the reason her heart is shattering]
[he blurts out the words quickly, sharply, a desperate quality to them]
-- I don't want you to go.
Please don't. . . go.
[does he really deserve to ask her to stay like this. . .]
You're the one I want-- I want-- to stay the most.
no subject
It hurts. She tried, she tried for her happiness, she tried to be brave, and it just burns like an open wound, raw and horrible.
...
He reaches out, grips her wrist with a painful tightness, anchoring her in place. She stops, too tired to rip herself free again. But she doesn't bother to look up, or to answer, desperately wishing that she hadn't even bothered with what she had so foolishly decided to do mere minutes ago.
If he wanted anything, then why... why did he trick her like this?
It stirs up something sour and hurt, shamed and angered tears watering her eyes. But she doesn't cry. She doesn't do anything.
She just stands, stone still, either waiting for him to speak, or to let her go.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)