[okay, well. . . now the light fluttering in his chest is turning into something else, something tight and definitely hurt. his ears pin back against his head as his tail bristles, stilling at his back with the tip twitching]
. . .
You're. . . making a lot of unfair assumptions, Minato.
[it sure is not!! but that's only because Minato is putting himself down so much, and that understandably raises Akira's hackles like nothing else. because he doesn't care if Minato is dead. he doesn't care if Minato thinks he isn't interesting. he doesn't care if Minato thinks it's better for them to move past this]
[the rapid rhythm of his heart speaks for him. the dream the night before. the. . . the kiss they shared under the mistletoe, and the unmistakable desire to linger in same. the desire to laugh, to hold Minato's hand and lace their fingers together and take him to the pool hall and share a coffee with him and smile together as they swap jokes and stories and hold each other tightly when shit hits the fan--]
[Akira has never been the type to ignore the cries of his own heart. and he isn't about to start now.]
[his ears flick up again, tail swishing a little more as the fur flattens]
. . . try again?
[it's not a command; it's a request, and while it's gentle, his voice is firm]
Minato's quiet for a long moment, meeting Akira's eyes as if uncomprehendingly. Why... would Akira want him to say it again? He can only think of one reason.
... this is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea. Akira deserves better than this.
But he asked so firmly, so hopefully. And Minato finds the words slowly leaving him, carefully and uncertainly. ]
Akira...
I'm... really into you, to be honest.
[ He opens his mouth to say something about his death, about how they shouldn't do this--and slowly closes his mouth again, lips pressed together tightly.
He stares at it, and thinks about the night before and that dream, and thinks about the kiss under the mistletoe--but also about how sweet Akira can be, how kind and brave and how he's always doing what he can for the people here.
[Akira keeps his hand patiently extended, gaze locked on Minato's expression, on every crevice and curve of his features. he feels his heart hammering in his eras again, his breath practically captured in his throat. come on, he thinks, just. . . let me get through to you]
Only if it makes me greedy, too.
[but. . . aren't feelings like this always a little inherently selfish?]
And you were wrong about one other thing, too.
[jaw set, chin tilted up]
You do have a future ahead of you. I told you already-- I'll fight for it if I have to.
[Minato!!! god!!!! EVEN NOW, YOU'RE GIVING HIM ANEURYSMS]
Don't be.
[his tone is firm again, fingers curling tightly around Minato's. his hand. . . it's warm, and it's funny how Minato's feels so perfectly right pressed against his own. like. . . two interlocking pieces of a puzzle]
You made your choice. Let me make mine, too. Okay?
[with the tension finally seeping out of the room, Akira can focus on the thrumming in his ears, on the lightness that flutters in his chest. he ducks his head a bit, giving Minato's hand a gentle squeeze as his features curve into a genuine, but lopsided, smile]
I— yeah. Me too.
[a pause]
. . . I thought I had made you feel awkward, you know? Like I had taken things too far by getting swept up in the moment. I was just goofing around, but—
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
survivaltricks) wrote2021-09-17 11:25 pm
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It matters to me. I'd just be hurting anyone who I... got together with. It isn't fair for me to put this sort of thing on your shoulders.
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. . .
You're. . . making a lot of unfair assumptions, Minato.
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His ears pinned back, his tail bristling... the signs are sinking in, and Minato drags in a shaky breath.
... He's already hurting Akira. ]
... I'm sorry. I didn't...
[ ... His shoulders slump. ]
... This isn't going very well.
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[the rapid rhythm of his heart speaks for him. the dream the night before. the. . . the kiss they shared under the mistletoe, and the unmistakable desire to linger in same. the desire to laugh, to hold Minato's hand and lace their fingers together and take him to the pool hall and share a coffee with him and smile together as they swap jokes and stories and hold each other tightly when shit hits the fan--]
[Akira has never been the type to ignore the cries of his own heart. and he isn't about to start now.]
[his ears flick up again, tail swishing a little more as the fur flattens]
. . . try again?
[it's not a command; it's a request, and while it's gentle, his voice is firm]
But don't put yourself down while you do.
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Minato's quiet for a long moment, meeting Akira's eyes as if uncomprehendingly. Why... would Akira want him to say it again? He can only think of one reason.
... this is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea. Akira deserves better than this.
But he asked so firmly, so hopefully. And Minato finds the words slowly leaving him, carefully and uncertainly. ]
Akira...
I'm... really into you, to be honest.
[ He opens his mouth to say something about his death, about how they shouldn't do this--and slowly closes his mouth again, lips pressed together tightly.
For now. ]
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[a deep breath in. . . a deep exhale out. . .]
You were wrong, when you said you knew I wasn't interested.
[. . . tentatively, he extends his hands, fingers loosely open and inviting]
. . . because I'm pretty into you, too.
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He stares at it, and thinks about the night before and that dream, and thinks about the kiss under the mistletoe--but also about how sweet Akira can be, how kind and brave and how he's always doing what he can for the people here.
But--
It's not fair for him to want this. ]
Isn't this... greedy of me to want...?
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Only if it makes me greedy, too.
[but. . . aren't feelings like this always a little inherently selfish?]
And you were wrong about one other thing, too.
[jaw set, chin tilted up]
You do have a future ahead of you. I told you already-- I'll fight for it if I have to.
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... But... sometimes... Akira makes him feel like maybe it's not okay--in a good way. That maybe it's okay to want more.
He breathes out a shaky breath... and reaches out to gently rest his hand in Akira's. ]
... I'm still sorry.
[ It's barely whispered. ]
I'm sorry that you have to fight for that.
[ But he wants this too. ]
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Don't be.
[his tone is firm again, fingers curling tightly around Minato's. his hand. . . it's warm, and it's funny how Minato's feels so perfectly right pressed against his own. like. . . two interlocking pieces of a puzzle]
You made your choice. Let me make mine, too. Okay?
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He still thinks this is a bad idea, but...
... Akira said yes. ]
... Okay. I don't want to take that away from you. And... even though I'm worried, I'm... happy, too.
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I— yeah. Me too.
[a pause]
. . . I thought I had made you feel awkward, you know? Like I had taken things too far by getting swept up in the moment. I was just goofing around, but—
[a helpless, sheepish shrug]
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The hand in Akira's remains there, and he squeezes it back gently. ]
... I enjoyed it.
But... we didn't talk about it, so I thought, um...
[ ... He doesn't want to bring down the mood again, so he just shrugs helplessly. Akira knows what he thought. ]
And then there was last night--
[ oh he does remember the dream ]
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]
[SWEATS]
What. . . about last night?
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closes mouth. ]
Never mind. If you didn't, um-- well.
It doesn't matter.
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[IS HE TALKING ABOUT THE DREAM???]
. . . are you talking about. . .
[. . .]
Things that happen while you're asleep?
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... Have you been punished so you can't say the word "dream", or something...?
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No—!
[it's just if he says the word "dream" he doesn't trust himself not to say "sex" first]
It's just— ah. A strange thing to bring up??
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... Well. If it's strange and you don't remember anything, then it must've just been a strange thing here and we don't have to talk about it.
[ IN FACT, HE IS RELIEVED BY THIS CONFIRMATION. ]
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[looks away, free hand coming up to tug bashfully at his bangs]
Right. Exactly. I remember nothing. There's nothing to remember.
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... ]
Oh no.
[ OH NO. ]
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How would you even know about it. . .!
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WOW RUDE.
And with a cheek smooshed up against Akira's hand-- ]
I don't know...! It just, um--happened...?
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Are you some kind of dream seer?
[he does not mean this seriously he's trying to cover up his embarrassment that APPARENTLY MINATO KNOWS ABOUT THE SEX DREAM??? OH MY GOD]
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[ GOD AKIRA. ]
I, um--for a minute I thought maybe--
[ that it was his dream. ]
--but I heard people say that they were, like... ending up in other peoples' dreams a bit...?
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