[meanwhile, Akira is ALSO assuming that Minato didn't even have the same dream. shared dreams sounds so silly, anyway!! it was all a product of Akira's own fantasies, wasn't it? he just. . . needs to take a deep breath, and maybe a cold shower to boot]
[. . .]
[just as quickly as Minato asks the question comes an answer]
[clears his throat lightly; don't read too far into Minato's request to stay, Akira! it's. . . fine. you're just still wound up from the night before. don't be awkward. don't think too hard about it]
[(don't look at his collarbone, at his lips, at the curve of his jaw, and wonder how they feel in real life)]
[. . .]
[slides Minato an empty mug and reaches for one of the pour-over coffee makers]
[ ... And something settles in his chest. This is right.
He breathes out a breath, straightens his shoulders, and closes his eyes. ]
... Sorry. I think I've been... unfair. I should've said something a long time ago.
But I guess I want to start with, um--I know you're not interested, and you shouldn't be. That's the best choice.
[ ... Another deep breath. ]
I think I have a crush on you. [ rueful: ] I'm sorry about that. Nothing needs to come of it. But I wanted to... clear the air so we can, um, hopefully move past it soon.
[because surely, certainly, Akira did not hear Minato correctly?? surely those were not the words that came out of Minato's voice?? surely. . . his heart didn't just skip a few beats in his chest, fluttering wildly against his ribs like a butterfly]
[okay, well. . . now the light fluttering in his chest is turning into something else, something tight and definitely hurt. his ears pin back against his head as his tail bristles, stilling at his back with the tip twitching]
. . .
You're. . . making a lot of unfair assumptions, Minato.
[it sure is not!! but that's only because Minato is putting himself down so much, and that understandably raises Akira's hackles like nothing else. because he doesn't care if Minato is dead. he doesn't care if Minato thinks he isn't interesting. he doesn't care if Minato thinks it's better for them to move past this]
[the rapid rhythm of his heart speaks for him. the dream the night before. the. . . the kiss they shared under the mistletoe, and the unmistakable desire to linger in same. the desire to laugh, to hold Minato's hand and lace their fingers together and take him to the pool hall and share a coffee with him and smile together as they swap jokes and stories and hold each other tightly when shit hits the fan--]
[Akira has never been the type to ignore the cries of his own heart. and he isn't about to start now.]
[his ears flick up again, tail swishing a little more as the fur flattens]
. . . try again?
[it's not a command; it's a request, and while it's gentle, his voice is firm]
Minato's quiet for a long moment, meeting Akira's eyes as if uncomprehendingly. Why... would Akira want him to say it again? He can only think of one reason.
... this is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea. Akira deserves better than this.
But he asked so firmly, so hopefully. And Minato finds the words slowly leaving him, carefully and uncertainly. ]
Akira...
I'm... really into you, to be honest.
[ He opens his mouth to say something about his death, about how they shouldn't do this--and slowly closes his mouth again, lips pressed together tightly.
He stares at it, and thinks about the night before and that dream, and thinks about the kiss under the mistletoe--but also about how sweet Akira can be, how kind and brave and how he's always doing what he can for the people here.
[Akira keeps his hand patiently extended, gaze locked on Minato's expression, on every crevice and curve of his features. he feels his heart hammering in his eras again, his breath practically captured in his throat. come on, he thinks, just. . . let me get through to you]
Only if it makes me greedy, too.
[but. . . aren't feelings like this always a little inherently selfish?]
And you were wrong about one other thing, too.
[jaw set, chin tilted up]
You do have a future ahead of you. I told you already-- I'll fight for it if I have to.
[Minato!!! god!!!! EVEN NOW, YOU'RE GIVING HIM ANEURYSMS]
Don't be.
[his tone is firm again, fingers curling tightly around Minato's. his hand. . . it's warm, and it's funny how Minato's feels so perfectly right pressed against his own. like. . . two interlocking pieces of a puzzle]
You made your choice. Let me make mine, too. Okay?
[with the tension finally seeping out of the room, Akira can focus on the thrumming in his ears, on the lightness that flutters in his chest. he ducks his head a bit, giving Minato's hand a gentle squeeze as his features curve into a genuine, but lopsided, smile]
I— yeah. Me too.
[a pause]
. . . I thought I had made you feel awkward, you know? Like I had taken things too far by getting swept up in the moment. I was just goofing around, but—
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
survivaltricks) wrote2021-09-17 11:25 pm
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[. . .]
[just as quickly as Minato asks the question comes an answer]
Of course you can. I wouldn't say no.
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Don't... read too far into it, Minato.
(But what Tsuruno told him is... lingering. He can't keep this to himself forever. He has to be honest with Akira.
... Ugh.) ]
Mm.... thanks.
[ He steps closer. You know, to make his own coffee. Not to be close. ]
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[(don't look at his collarbone, at his lips, at the curve of his jaw, and wonder how they feel in real life)]
[. . .]
[slides Minato an empty mug and reaches for one of the pour-over coffee makers]
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At the same time.
Their fingers brush and Minato yanks his hand back hastily. ]
Oh--sorry.
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[Akira. . . pauses, but Minato is gone before he can do anything else]
Ah--
[his gaze flickers up, gray meeting gray]
[. . .]
No, it's-- it's okay.
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Okay.
Okay, this is silly. He needs to get over himself. ]
Hey... Akira.
Do you mind if we talk about something real quick?
1/2
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[. . .]
[that. . . which Akira has been avoiding]
[quietly, Akira draws his hand back, flexing his fingers and staring at the spot where Minato touched them before he takes hold of his mug again]
Hn? What is it?
1/2
Come on Minato.
You can do this. It's only fair to tell Akira what he's thinking. And it's only fair to... let Akira know that it's okay.
It's totally understandable that he's protecting himself from heartache. Minato feels the same way, after all. He can't do that to Akira. ]
2/2
He breathes out a breath, straightens his shoulders, and closes his eyes. ]
... Sorry. I think I've been... unfair. I should've said something a long time ago.
But I guess I want to start with, um--I know you're not interested, and you shouldn't be. That's the best choice.
[ ... Another deep breath. ]
I think I have a crush on you. [ rueful: ] I'm sorry about that. Nothing needs to come of it. But I wanted to... clear the air so we can, um, hopefully move past it soon.
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]
What?
[because surely, certainly, Akira did not hear Minato correctly?? surely those were not the words that came out of Minato's voice?? surely. . . his heart didn't just skip a few beats in his chest, fluttering wildly against his ribs like a butterfly]
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I know. I'm sorry. I'm--we talked about this.
I'm already dead. There isn't really anything for me in the future, so I shouldn't really--
Anyway, um. Point is... you can ignore it now. I just needed to clear the air.
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— what? What does. . .
[his fingers curl tightly around his mug]
Do you really think that matters to me?
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It matters to me. I'd just be hurting anyone who I... got together with. It isn't fair for me to put this sort of thing on your shoulders.
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. . .
You're. . . making a lot of unfair assumptions, Minato.
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His ears pinned back, his tail bristling... the signs are sinking in, and Minato drags in a shaky breath.
... He's already hurting Akira. ]
... I'm sorry. I didn't...
[ ... His shoulders slump. ]
... This isn't going very well.
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[the rapid rhythm of his heart speaks for him. the dream the night before. the. . . the kiss they shared under the mistletoe, and the unmistakable desire to linger in same. the desire to laugh, to hold Minato's hand and lace their fingers together and take him to the pool hall and share a coffee with him and smile together as they swap jokes and stories and hold each other tightly when shit hits the fan--]
[Akira has never been the type to ignore the cries of his own heart. and he isn't about to start now.]
[his ears flick up again, tail swishing a little more as the fur flattens]
. . . try again?
[it's not a command; it's a request, and while it's gentle, his voice is firm]
But don't put yourself down while you do.
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Minato's quiet for a long moment, meeting Akira's eyes as if uncomprehendingly. Why... would Akira want him to say it again? He can only think of one reason.
... this is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea. Akira deserves better than this.
But he asked so firmly, so hopefully. And Minato finds the words slowly leaving him, carefully and uncertainly. ]
Akira...
I'm... really into you, to be honest.
[ He opens his mouth to say something about his death, about how they shouldn't do this--and slowly closes his mouth again, lips pressed together tightly.
For now. ]
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[a deep breath in. . . a deep exhale out. . .]
You were wrong, when you said you knew I wasn't interested.
[. . . tentatively, he extends his hands, fingers loosely open and inviting]
. . . because I'm pretty into you, too.
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He stares at it, and thinks about the night before and that dream, and thinks about the kiss under the mistletoe--but also about how sweet Akira can be, how kind and brave and how he's always doing what he can for the people here.
But--
It's not fair for him to want this. ]
Isn't this... greedy of me to want...?
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Only if it makes me greedy, too.
[but. . . aren't feelings like this always a little inherently selfish?]
And you were wrong about one other thing, too.
[jaw set, chin tilted up]
You do have a future ahead of you. I told you already-- I'll fight for it if I have to.
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... But... sometimes... Akira makes him feel like maybe it's not okay--in a good way. That maybe it's okay to want more.
He breathes out a shaky breath... and reaches out to gently rest his hand in Akira's. ]
... I'm still sorry.
[ It's barely whispered. ]
I'm sorry that you have to fight for that.
[ But he wants this too. ]
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Don't be.
[his tone is firm again, fingers curling tightly around Minato's. his hand. . . it's warm, and it's funny how Minato's feels so perfectly right pressed against his own. like. . . two interlocking pieces of a puzzle]
You made your choice. Let me make mine, too. Okay?
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He still thinks this is a bad idea, but...
... Akira said yes. ]
... Okay. I don't want to take that away from you. And... even though I'm worried, I'm... happy, too.
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I— yeah. Me too.
[a pause]
. . . I thought I had made you feel awkward, you know? Like I had taken things too far by getting swept up in the moment. I was just goofing around, but—
[a helpless, sheepish shrug]
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