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[survivaltricks]

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[messianic]

[It does a lot more than that--but Minato knows Akira feels it too.]

... Yeah. We've all been trying to come up with something to do--some way to keep people from being punished.

But the rules are pretty explicit.

[survivaltricks]

[slowly moving to the other side of the table, preparing another shot for himself. for a moment. . . his expression flickers into something more distasteful, more visibly frustrated, before he schools it back into neutrality. not today, Akira!!]

[. . .]

What is Cerberus going to do?

[messianic]

[......

Minato pauses for a long moment, and then his gaze shifts down to the pool table.]

I think we'll be able to come to a consensus on who to protect.

[survivaltricks]

[. . .]

[turns to face Minato, chin lifting a bit]

. . . that's not what I meant.

[messianic]

[...]

I don't... think Cerberus...

[... A faint frown.]

I think we'll be okay, no matter what happens. We're just trying to decide what we can live with, that's all.

how did i miss this notif

[survivaltricks]

[his expression softens]

It really sucks, when circumstances force you to operate within boxes you'd rather burst wide open. Doesn't it?

[he is fully sympathetic, here. speaking as a man of experience]

What is it that you think you can live with, Minato?

how dare you

[messianic]

[... He closes his eyes for a moment.]

... I don't think... I can handle hurting other people. Even... if it's just by omission, like this.

[survivaltricks]

[a deep inhale and exhale]

You know that no matter what happens, it won't be your fault. Right?

[messianic]

... Yeah.

[He huffs out a faint noise at that.]

It'd be pretty arrogant to think that, I know.

... But it still feels like I should be able to do something.

[survivaltricks]

[another exhale]

Yeah.

[he's leaning his hands and chin against his pool cue now, the butt of same propped up against the ground]

It's more. . . powerlessness.

[messianic]

Yeah. [he sighs out the word.]

Sorry. I know you must be feeling that way more than anyone, so...

[survivaltricks]

[Akira immediately shakes his head]

Echidna isn't playing. We're just. . . sideline observers.

[which definitely sucks in its own way, but???]

We're not being asked to make an impossible, unfair choice.

[messianic]

[He frowns.]

... What do you think the punishment is, Akira?

[survivaltricks]

[he shakes his head]

I don't know.

[and he doesn't. despite being the task's "administrator," he was given no direction in this department]

I wish I did, though. It'd make preparing a lot easier.

[messianic]

[...]

I think...

[It's said very, very slowly.]

... there's no punishment that would be so bad that I wouldn't... rather take it on myself, rather than expect someone else to take the fall for me.

[survivaltricks]

[and there it is. that which was unspoken, finally drawn out into the light]

[Akira feels his hands curl into fists, before he forces himself to relax again]

. . .

[he says nothing, but the way he stares at Minato with a hardened expression probably says it all for him]

[messianic]

[Minato winces at that, looking away.]

I know that's not fair. It'll just hurt the people around me too.

[...]

But I can't help it.

[survivaltricks]

[. . .]

[evenly, steadily, without his tone wavering in the slightest]

Do you think that way because you believe everyone else's wellbeing is more important than your own?

[it's a blunt, rude question, but-- he needs to know the answer. Minato's self-sacrificial tendencies have not escaped him, but. . . are they because Minato is just deeply empathetic-- something that Akira understands and agrees with, or. . .]

[. . . is it a lack of self-worth?]

[messianic]

[lil bit of both]

... That's... a complicated question.

[He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.]

I know that I... do matter. [to others, at least.] It'd not that I want to be punished, or that I don't care if I am.

It's just... I think I can handle it. And I don't want anyone else to be hurt.

[survivaltricks]

[it's sudden, the way Akira moves. the way he drops the cue stick, allowing it to clatter on the floor, as he snatches at the front of Minato's shirt and drags him closer. there's something fierce in his expression, eyes flashing. it isn't anger, but. . .]

Minato.

[he hisses that name, tone authoritative. more Joker than Akira]

You're not dispensable.

[which. . . is not what Minato said, but Akira isn't stupid]

[messianic]

[... Ah.

He stumbles when Akira grabs him and yanks, not expecting it at all.]

A-Akira--?

[... He bites his lip.]

... I don't think...

[Well, no, he... kind of is.]

You don't have to worry so much about that.

[survivaltricks]

[another sharp inhale, his grip on that shirt tightening]

You're not.

[because somehow, he feels like. . . the first time wasn't enough. the first statement didn't get through Minato's stupidly thick, loving, self-sacrificial soul]

You don't have to be the one who suffers just because you think you can take it. I understand empathizing with the pain of other people. . . and I understand wanting to protect those who are important to you.

But you aren't something that can be thrown away. Something that can be used as a scapegoat, or a punching bag.

You're just as deserving as literally anyone else here.

[messianic]

[Somehow... Minato feels like his breath is growing short, caught in his throat, and he doesn't know if it's the words Akira's saying or... how close to him Akira is, and how sharp and fierce his eyes are--

He swallows tightly, gaze flickering away.]

... I'm... sorry.

[A soft, rueful laugh, more pained than amused.]

I guess I've really... made you worry. But I--I'm...

[give him a tiny push more akira we're almost there]

[survivaltricks]

[there's a sudden lump in Akira's throat, and he quickly swallows it down. he's so close to something, and he doesn't want to let it slip between his fingers]

[. . . quietly, but just as firm]

You're what, Minato?

[almost as if he's daring Mintao to argue with him]

[messianic]

[... Minato swallows tightly, and then his shoulders slump, as if any lingering fight has gone out of him completely.

And, very softly:]

... I'm already dead, Akira.

If I can take on more punishment with this extra time I've been given... I should.